


RED

by TheRegalist



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anya & Lexa (The 100) Are Siblings, F/F, F/M, Friendship/Love, M/M, Protective Clarke, Sad Lexa, Slow Burn, nerd/popular girl trope!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-29 21:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 120,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8505847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRegalist/pseuds/TheRegalist
Summary: Clarke's been making Valentines' for Lexa since the fifth grade. It's the only time the two ever talk for years until one Valentine's Day that changes everything.





	1. Hearts & Sharks

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Happy Election Day! If you're American GO VOTE! If not, pray for us. 
> 
> So this fic is very near and dear to my heart. It is very different from the stuff that I usually write. It is much more collapsed and emotional and not so much comedy. BUT it is something I have worked hard on and have been challening myself with. If you like it please let me know! I do have more chapters written. Otherwise I feel the need to explain that this is scary for me to release, but since I'm scared in general about this election I thought it was fitting to do this today. 
> 
> For those of you who care and are reading my other fic it is still happening!! I am writing two at once because I love pain apparently! 
> 
> Also TRIGGER WARNING! There is mentioning of abuse and neglect through this storyline. Also Lexa is in the system and it's not that great. She is bullied and there is a rather bad scene in here about that! That's all I can think of right now, but yeah guys just a warning.

_5th Grade_

It’s Valentine’s Day in Mr. Kane’s fifth grade class. Boys and girls are decked out in an array of reds, pinks, and purples. Last week the children had spent most of art class making decorations for the holiday. As a result the room is covered in dozens of paper heart cutouts, and strings of love-colored construction paper. 

Kane had spent nearly two hours putting them all up. 

There are boxes covered in red tissue paper on all the desks, the students’ names are written out in sloppy cursive with hearts and arrows decorating them. There are slits so that Valentine’s can easily be pushed into them. Small red paper bags are placed on the right-hand corner of the desks, balloons tied to the straps, the candy inside weighing them down. That had been his personal touch. 

Anxious children with bags of candy and cards to dole out wait impatiently for the school day to begin. When the bell finally does ring and the morning announcements commence there is a sort of calm before the storm that lulls the teacher into a false sense of security. And then there’s absolute chaos the minute class starts. 

“Alright lets just all calm down,” Kane tries. The children have sprung for their seats wreaking havoc as they scream out absurd heart felt declarations and begin to root through their own candy bags. His efforts to sooth them are useless. “Okay,” he caves. “Lets do our Valentine exchange now.” 

It takes a split second for every single child in his class to begin buzzing around the room. There’s squealing, and yelling, the occasional forceful hug, and lots and lots of candy. Cards are being shoved into the red boxes at a rapid rate and he does his best to go around the room and manage their overly excited states. It’s an absurd attempt but this is what they pay him for. 

There is a group of children in his class that the entire teaching staff refers to as “The Delightful Delinquents”. A nickname bestowed upon them in Kindergarten, where they all met. The gang had been best friends ever since. Of course while they are some of the brightest and most well mannered students he’s ever had, they are also mischievous and cunning the like. He’s always sure to keep a close eye on them. 

He finds Bellamy Blake, one of the ringleaders, biting Raven Reyes shoulder. 

“It’s a love bite!” he proclaims. 

“It’s gross,” Raven says. 

Once he separates them, he makes sure to get a visual on Monty and Jasper who seem to be shoving something way too big into Clarke’s box. Clarke is too busy running around placing kiss-shaped stickers on everyone who wants one to notice. Octavia, Bellamy’s twin, is following behind her with red lollypops that she’s passing out. They are seemingly well behaved at the moment. 

He circles back to the front of the room, his eyes traipsing over his class that is nothing more than a blur of red. His vision quickly stills as he spots the only black dot in the room and his lips turn down at the sight. 

Alexandria Woods. 

She is wearing all black, sitting in her seat with her nose in a book. Not the most chipper of his students, but it’s understandable. Kane had noticed the girl’s lack of energy and enthusiasm early on in the year. He also noticed that some days she came in hungry with no lunch, and others it seemed she hadn’t bathed in awhile. 

Of course he had called a parent-teacher meeting, twice. Both times they didn’t show up. It was only then that he learned Lexa was in foster care, and that her parents were not concerned with the child. 

Lexa was a good kid. She was a fairly brilliant student, so much so that he had given her advanced materials to do after school in effort to get her put into more challenging classes when she went on to middle school. Lexa followed all the rules and never once got in trouble, but she hardly ever spoke to do so. She was quiet and reserved, the black sheep of his classroom. And oh the children were cruel. 

It wasn’t necessarily outspoken. Often times they merely whispered about her on the playground. He had come to know that most of the children feared her, and fear usually led to hatred. Kane had never once seen any of the children approach her at recess or in the cafeteria. No one wanted to be her reading partner, and she said she was fine working alone (she was well above her peers reading level anyway). It seemed that even the holiday hadn’t brought out the kindness in his students. Lexa’s box remained untouched, and she had no candy herself to give out. 

It was as if his thoughts were being heard when Clarke approaches the girl tentatively with her kiss-shaped stickers in hand. Octavia stays back with a worrisome look in her eyes. 

“Would you like a kiss?” Clarke asks. A smile on her lips as she holds up the stickers. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to give me one,” Lexa says, voice defeated and nose still in her book. 

Clarke reaches out and places a pink lip-shaped sticker on the girl’s hand. “I know, but I want to,” she says smiling brightly at Lexa. 

The girl looks down at the sticker, and then back up at Clarke. She wants to smile, she does, but she can’t bring herself to do it. Lexa doesn’t say anything, but Clarke stands there waiting for her to anyway. When the silence has gone on too long for the ten-year old she breaks it. 

“How come you don’t have any Valentines?” she asks. 

Lexa shrugs her shoulders. “No one gave me any.” 

It seems to satisfy the blonde. 

“I’m going to go back to my seat now,” Clarke says. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

Lexa nods and watches the girl leave. 

Kane wishes there were more kids like Clarke Griffin in the school. 

\--- 

The next day Lexa Woods gets off the bus and makes her way to Mr. Kane’s room. It’s Wednesday, which means they’re going to be having a quiz. She unpacks all of her stuff and goes to put it inside her desk. Her hands scrape over something at the top that she doesn’t recognize. 

She pulls it out, and her mouth drops open a little. 

It’s probably one of the most beautiful things Lexa has ever seen. It’s a card that has three cutout hearts of different sizes stacked on top of one another. There’s lace trim around the edges and lip stickers all over it. She opens it up and sees a detailed drawing of cupid above their classroom, his arrow aimed directly at a shape that is supposed to be Lexa (there names are displayed above their heads). There is also an image of Clarke standing across the room pointing at her. 

Scratched in some rather bad handwriting at the bottom is a note: _Will you be my late Valentine? Love, Clarke._

Lexa smiles. She can’t help it. It’s small, and hidden by her hair, but it’s there. Her lips are turning up at the corners and her eyes crinkle. 

When she looks up in search of the blonde, she finds her looking right back, smiling. Lexa’s simple grin stays put for a brief few seconds. 

It’s the most beautiful thing Clarke thinks she’s ever seen. 

\---

_6th Grade_

Valentine’s Day isn’t as big a deal as it was in elementary school, and it is at the same time. Because now people are “dating” and the school is littered with boyfriends and girlfriends showering each other with love. 

It’s enough to make Lexa sick. 

Dating in middle school is a joke. It’s superficial and just about pretty popular people flaunting how much they are desired. All of those are things she is not. 

Lexa manages to make it through the day without dry heaving. She nearly lost it when Bellamy Blake brought a dozen roses into math class for Clarke. When Clarke had smiled at the surprise she told herself it didn’t hurt. After that the school day seemed to seep by slowly in the most agonizing way. 

So when the dismissal bell rings Lexa is the first one out the door and to her locker, wanting to miss the crowd and get straight on her bus. She’s in such a rush that she flings her locker door open and the force causes something to drift to floor. 

It’s an envelope with her name on it, written in red. 

She glances around and sees that no one is paying attention to her. The envelope isn’t sealed, and her fingers glide under the paper to retrieve the card inside easily. 

The front of it is simple. Happy Valentine’s Day is written neatly. There are hearts stickers that make up one giant heart. When she opens it Lexa has to stop herself from gasping. It’s a drawing of a bouquet of roses. Except it’s special, because it’s an exceptionally well done detailed drawing. It’s almost lifelike. There is red pencil outlining some of the petals, and red script at the bottom that reads: _Be Mine? Love, Clarke._

Lexa can feel her cheeks burn. She quickly sticks the card back inside the envelope and buries it deep in her jacket pocket so that no one will see. She grabs the rest of her stuff from her locker, and slams it shut. 

And suddenly Clarke is standing there. 

“So?” she says, expectantly. It makes Lexa gulp. 

“So what?” 

“What’s your answer?” 

Lexa wishes she could pretend like she doesn’t know what Clarke is talking about. She wishes she could ignore her like she does all the other idiots in the school. But Clarke is…different. 

“I thought Blake was your Valentine,” Lexa says. She hates herself for it. It sounds petty and mean, and she has no idea why she felt the need to snap like that when Clarke is making a nice gesture. A really nice, sweet gesture. 

Her rudeness doesn’t seem to deter Clarke. “He asked, but I already told him I had one.” She shrugs her shoulders like it’s just that simple. Like there wasn’t really a choice to be made. When everyone knows that Bellamy and Clarke have been dating since the start of the school year. 

This, this makes Lexa’s head jerk up to look at the blonde. Clarke is smiling, and it’s a bit infuriating, and gorgeous at the same time. Lexa likes the way she smiles. 

Lexa bites her lips and twists her fingers looking down at the ground because she doesn’t think she’ll survive if she keeps eye contact any longer with the blonde. 

Clarke’s hand comes out to wrap around Lexa’s nervous fingers. “I’ll take that as a yes,” she whispers, her voice low. It makes Lexa shiver. She smiles warmly at the brunette. Somehow Clarke gets her. Gets her even when she doesn’t say anything.

Lexa grins and nods her head. 

Their moment is shattered when Octavia and Raven yell, “Clarke! You comin’?” at the end of the hall. It startles Lexa and she would have jump if it were not for Clarke’s hand on her own keeping her steady. 

“Yeah,” she says over her shoulder to her best friends. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Clarke whispers, giving Lexa one last smile. She backs away slowly, still looking at her as she goes. 

“Clarke!” Raven shouts so loud that everyone in the hallway glares at her. It doesn’t seem to bother her in the slightest. 

Clarke winks at her, and Lexa tries not to smile. The blonde turns around and scurries off to meet her friends. 

Lexa tries not to smile like one of those idiots the whole bus ride home. 

\---

_7th Grade_

Middle school is getting easier. Lexa can find her way around the building without getting lost, and she’s finally gotten use to having multiple classes instead of just one. She still thinks that most of the people in the school suck, and even some of the teachers too. 

Her favorite subject is history. She had gotten placed into the eighth grade class this year because she did so well last year. But even now she’s already completed the work for the entire school year and her teacher has her on a separate lesson plan that she does quietly in the back of the room during class. 

Otherwise her day is spent with the rest of the 7th graders. Not much has changed since elementary school. They’re still loud and obnoxious and immature as far as Lexa is concerned. She knows they make fun of her, but she can’t find it within herself to care. It’s easier to ignore it and pretend like it’s not happening. She tells herself she’s better than them, but it doesn’t always help. 

She had gone to the eye doctor for the first time in a long time, and they’d told her she needed glasses. Her state insurance wouldn’t cover much so she’d ended up with a thick wide-rimmed brown pair that she only puts on when she needs to see the board because the first time she wore them everyone had made fun of how old and weird they looked. 

Valentine’s Day is stupid. It’s the stupidest holiday ever thought up, and she wants to smack whoever came up with it. It’s only an excuse for the entire school to act crazy and eat candy for the day. It also seems to be the day that every boy in the school choses to ask out the girl he likes. Most of them say yes, except for Clarke. Three guys had asked her out in the span of the day. One during math, one during lunch, and the other during gym. She turned them all down. 

Needless to say Lexa doesn’t get any Valentines in homeroom. It doesn’t bother her anymore, not really. 

Except it does when at the end of the day there isn’t a card from Clarke in her locker. Disappointment floods her system, and she tells herself she is stupid for that. She kind of got use to Clarke’s cards, and was looking forward to what the blonde would draw this year. 

It shouldn’t bother her. It really shouldn’t. They’re getting older and Clarke is one of the ‘cool’ kids. She’s not dating Bellamy anymore, but she’s still in that friend group. She is in art club, and plays lacrosse now with Octavia. Lexa is in most of her classes with her, but she sits in the back, and Clarke sits up front with all her friends. She’d probably forgotten about her. And that’s okay because she’s not anything to Clarke Griffin. How could she be? 

That thought sticks in her until she makes her way on the bus sitting in the front seat. All the cool kids sit in the back so they can goof off. Lexa always sits up front behind the bus driver so that no one will bother her, and so she won’t bother any one else. 

When the bus starts to pull away from the school she stops her daydreaming and undoes her backpack to get her book out. She’s the last stop on the route, and often she busies herself by reading on the long ride home. 

Her fingers snag on something that is loose inside her bag. That’s strange for her, because Lexa is very organized and precise about where all of her things are kept. There’s a baggie of candy and an envelop in the bottom of her bag. She knows immediately that it’s from Clarke because of the red handwriting on the front that spells out her name. She’d know it anywhere. 

There are a ton of snickers and butterfingers covered in hearts and pinks stuffed into a plastic bag that also has her name scribbled on it in sharpie. She takes one out and pops it in her mouth before she opens the envelope. The card is thick, made from some fancy paper that’s a light shade of pink. There are dozens of buttons, all shapes and sizes and shades of red glued to the front to create a heart. 

On the inside there is a cartoon dinosaur drawn with a great amount of detail. It’s colored in red with puprle stripes and there’s a speech bubble drawn beside its head. “Rawwrrr” is written inside. 

The card reads: _Rawr means I love you in dinosaur. Will you be mine this year? Rawr, Clarke._

Lexa’s smile is so wide in nearly hurts her face. She stifles a laugh, making sure the candy doesn’t fall out of her mouth. Her bus driver gives her a curious look in the rear-view mirror. It’s the first time he’s seen the girl smile all year. 

\---

_8th Grade_

A new kid named Finn Collins transfers to their school. He has wavy hair and a nice smile, and it’s like every single girl in the school goes through puberty at once. Finn has eyes for one girl, and one girl only, Clarke Griffin. Lexa immediately decides that she hates Finn Collins. 

He flirts with her in English, and steals her pencils in Math. He annoys her every chance he gets, and Clarke never seems to mind it. If anything she gives it right back to him. Lexa knows these are not good signs. 

When Finn asks Clarke to the Valentine’s Day dance in front of everyone at gym Lexa asks to go to the nurse’s to lie down. She must have really scared her gym teacher cause he wanted to walk her down himself, but she assured him she was okay. Lexa spent the next two periods on a cot curled up in her jacket. The nurse had wanted to call her parents, and that had terrified Lexa. She begged her not to, and the nurse just told her lie down and relax for a while. 

When she returns to class she finds that her peers are abuzz with the latest news; Clarke had turned down Finn. Lexa pretends not to smile when she takes her seat and gets out her stuff. She also pretends like she doesn’t notice when Clarke turns around halfway during lecture to look at her. 

Her French teacher had asked that she stopped by after school to pick up some new lessons. Lexa had tested out of the highest level of French the school had last year, so her teacher had been supplementing her with work to do at home so that she can move straight into advanced French next year. Her teachers had a meeting about her and some of them were proposing that she skipped ninth and tenth grade, but she asked not to. She doesn’t want to be even more of a freak than she already is. 

Lexa misses her bus, which means she’s going to have to walk the three miles home. It doesn’t really matter to anyone but her feet because her foster parents aren’t home. They never are. Lexa prefers that to when they are. 

When she comes out of the French room, and makes her way up to the third floor where her locker is the school is completely empty. So when she turns the corner and spots Clarke Griffin leaning against her locker, mouth in a frown, and a serious look in her eyes it scares her. That’s why her heart is beating so fast, she tells herself. 

Clarke doesn’t say anything. She just moves out of Lexa’s way as the brunette opens her locker. Lexa places her bookbag on the ground and starts to put some of her things in. 

“Raven likes Finn. A lot,” Clarke says. 

Lexa has to fight back the urge to scream. She swallows down the feeling burning in her stomach and pretends to feign indifference. She finishes getting the things she needs and shuts her locker. Clarke’s head tilts to look at her, and the breath in Lexa’s lungs gets sucked away because Clarke is sad. She’s trying her best not to show it but she is. And Lexa wants nothing more than to fix that. 

“So do you,” she says. 

Clarke stares into her eyes for what feels like forever. They’re bluer than usual because there are tears she’s holding back. Lexa does her best to keep her breathing even, and tries not to fidget because it seems like the blonde is looking for something deep inside her. Eventually Clarke looks away and nods her head. 

“I do,” she confirms. 

Lexa swings her bookbag onto her shoulder. It doesn’t hurt, she tells herself. It doesn’t. Clarke reaches into her purse and pulls out an envelope, it’s red. Lexa’s name is scribbled on the front in white marker. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she says, and a small smile takes over Clarke’s lips. It’s genuine and Lexa feels weirdly satisfied that in some way she helps put it there. She takes the card from Clarke and smirks. She remembered. “Go ahead, open it,” Clarke urges. 

Lexa self-consciously flips the flap back and pulls out the card. There are a million hearts drawn on the front and they spell out Happy Valentine’s Day in various reds and pinks. It must have taken Clarke awhile to do it, and that makes her feel warm and tingly all over. 

The inside is filled with drawings of flowers. All kinds of flowers, individually drawn with such care. It’s beautiful and amazing, like some magical garden, and Lexa has to suppress the noise that makes its way up the back of her throat at the sight. In the center of all the flowers it says: _All of these and I’d still pick you. Be my Valentine? Love, Clarke._

Lexa is smiling when she looks up to see that Clarke is grinning right back. That is much less sad. Mission accomplished. 

“See you at the dance,” Clarke says. 

Clarke knows that Lexa isn’t going to be there. Lexa doesn’t have a date, and even if she did she doubts that her foster parents would be willing to get her a dress and drive her to the school. She loves Clarke for acting like she’s normal. Like she’s someone who goes to school dances and has friends. 

Lexa hears later on that Clarke and Finn slow danced together. Clarke looks happy when she bounces into class holding Finn’s hand. Lexa is just happy that she’s happy. 

\---

_9th Grade_

Arkadia High. 

Lexa finds high school to be severely overrated and easy. Really fucking easy. She probably should have let her middle school teachers bump her up a few grades because she is so fucking bored most days. But the attention she would get from that would cripple her and she doesn’t want that to happen. 

Her teachers catch on quicker than she would have liked them to. She had hoped that by pretending she had no idea what the answers were in class, and acting like she hadn’t done most of her work would help. Turns out she is a terrible actor. Her English teacher corners her after class one day and holds up her essay. 105% is written at the top. The worse part was she tried to dumb it down. 

“Care to explain why you couldn’t tell me what the Scarlet Letter was about in class?” Lexa recognizes it as an accusation. Her teacher thinks she’s cheating. That would be a far worse fate than admitting the truth. 

When Lexa explains that she read the book in sixth grade and recites most of the well-known quotes and identifies the main themes in a span of two minutes her teacher is quite simply baffled. 

“You shouldn’t be in this class,” she says. 

“I know,” Lexa responds. “Please don’t say anything.” 

Her teacher’s eyes are sympathetic and Lexa is grateful when she says she won’t unless she wants her to. 

“You’re an excellent writer,” her teacher tells her. “You’re gifted Alexandria and you’re not helping yourself by holding back.” 

She doesn’t understand. Lexa doesn’t need her to. She just needs her to keep quiet. She’s pretty sure she does, but nonetheless Lexa is still called to the guidance counselor’s office before the end of the second quarter. It’s a room she has actively tried to avoid her entire school career. Kids in the system always do. 

Terror is busy making its way up her spine until she actually walks through the threshold and finds a familiar face sitting behind the desk. 

“Mr. Kane?” 

“Nice to see you Alexandria,” he says, smile wide and welcoming. 

“What are you doing here?” she asks. 

He chuckles. “I moved on to a different calling,” he says. “Please have a seat.” 

It’s a little bit easier. Kane knows her background and he doesn’t ask intrusive questions like most people do. He jokes with her, and she pretends to smile because the kindness is endearing to her. He cares. He has always cared. 

He explains to Lexa that all of her teachers have expressed concern about her. They worry because she is so reserved and quiet, and alone. They have all realized that she is much smarter than she is letting on, and think it would be best for her if she is bumped up a grade. 

“This is completely up to you Lexa,” he says. “You don’t have to unless you want to.” 

“I really don’t want to,” she says. 

He nods his head. It’s just that simple to him. And Lexa is so thankful that he doesn’t make her argue. 

“Okay. But lets talk about some of the things we can do to help you. Have you started thinking about your college options?” 

Lexa has never thought about college before. It seems like something unattainable to a kid with no home and no one to turn to. She hadn’t thought much about her future beyond high school. The thought had always been scary. The great unknown. 

Kane explains a lot of things to her. He explains that with her intelligence she has a good chance of getting a scholarship. He tells her that it would be best if she starts joining some groups and participating in extracurricular actives. He even sets her up with a job tutoring kids after school. It’s not a ton of money but it’s the first that she has ever been able to earn on her own. 

By the time February rolls around Lexa is less bored. She belongs to so many clubs it’s hard for her to be. She’s in Astronomy club, Writing club, French club, Chess club, Young Democrats of America, National Honors Society, and she writes for the school paper under a different name. There’s one club in particular that she isn’t a part of that she wants to be, but she hasn’t found the courage to go to the meetings yet. 

It’s harder to be unknown when she is involved in so many things. She is not flying under the radar anymore. People know she exists now. No one tries to talk to her though. She’s just talked about more. There are nicknames. She hears robot and commander whispered behind her back the most. Sometimes they make fun of her clothes. They’re out of date and out of style and often too big on her.

There are rumors. So many of them Lexa can hardly keep track. Some think she’s a mute. Others think she is some sort of devil worshiper. Each one is more ridiculous than the next. She wonders why they don’t just ask her. After a while her ears grow numb to it. She just keeps her head down and does her work. It’s easier not to say anything. 

Valentine’s Day isn’t celebrated in high school like it is in junior high. No one brings valentines to school and there aren’t decorations everywhere. Couples still act obnoxious though. Whose dating who seems to be the only thing people talk about anymore. 

It’s not a great day for Lexa. It’s not a great day because it starts with a rather abrupt and sudden fight with her foster father. She hadn’t seen him in two days and when he came home last night he wasn’t sober. Lexa is sore all over because of that. 

It’s not a great day because her English teacher is out on a romantic getaway with her husband and the substitute wouldn’t let her eat lunch in the classroom like she usually does. She’s forced to go to the cafeteria. A place she has not set foot in since the beginning of the school year. 

She can feel people staring at her as she gets her food. They are whispering, and some are just plain talking, clearly not caring if she can hear. Lexa wishes at times like these she had a phone so she could put earphones in and not hear them instead of just pretending like she can’t. 

Every single table is filled. Kids who have been coming to lunch all year already have their designated areas. Lexa finds a table where the middle section is relatively empty and sits down. She pulls out a book and begins to read, doing her best to dull out the noise made by all the students. 

It doesn’t last long. 

She’s feels the cold first. It bursts all over her skin as the open milk carton smacks right into her face. It goes everywhere, splattering all over her clothes, and milk goes up her nose. It’s painful and she sputters as she tries to catch her breath, the shock of it having knocked it from her. There’s a whole lot of laughing, but she is too busy trying not to drown in the milk to hear it. 

She reaches down to try and swipe the liquid from her nose and something warm spreads over her fingers. She looks down and sees blood. Her nose is bleeding. 

When she looks back up her eyes lock with Clarke Griffin’s. The girl is at the table over from her and she looks completely and totally devastated. She is standing and her mouth is hanging open and her eyes are boring into Lexa like she can feel what she feels. Lexa’s cheeks burn and she wills herself not to cry. 

Clarke’s face turns to rage. She starts screaming so loud that everyone stops laughing. More eyes are on Clarke than Lexa now because she is storming across the cafeteria and yelling in John Murphy’s face. Finn, her boyfriend, and Bellamy are standing next to him trying not to laugh. Lexa makes her escape while everyone is distracted. She grabs her bag and darts out of the cafeteria covering her nose and reminding herself to breathe. 

She doesn’t see Clarke Griffin punch Murphy square in the face. 

She runs. She runs as far away as she can and gets as far as the girl’s bathroom on the second floor. No one uses it because everyone is convinced it’s haunted. Lexa knows she’ll be safe there. She knows no one will come and look for her. 

Her sweater is practically soaked through and she peels it off before any more blood can drip onto it. She doesn’t have that many sweaters. Her nose is still bleeding and she tries her best to stop it with some tissue paper. The sensation makes her eyes water and the unshed tears from earlier start to drip down her face. She hates crying. 

This is how Clarke finds her. 

Standing in front of the sink, in her bra with tissue shoved up her nose, crying. 

At first Clarke gives her a pitiful look that makes her angry. She doesn’t need anyone’s pity. It makes the tears stop. But then those blue eyes are traveling down her body and they are growing wider by the second. 

Lexa forgot. Lexa forgot about the bruises. She is usually good about covering them up. But then again she’s not usually half naked in school bathrooms. 

Today is not a good day. 

“Lexa,” Clarke gasps. She takes two steps forward and then she’s there. Her hands ghosting over Lexa’s torso and up to her nose where the bloodstained tissue paper is. “Who did this to you?” she asks. 

“Leave me alone,” she snaps. 

Clarke is visibly hurt by her words. And it breaks her heart. Clarke’s kindness, however infrequent it is, has been the only she has received in the entirety of her time at Polis. She doesn’t want to be mean to her. She doesn’t, but she can’t let her in either. And she doesn’t know another way. 

“Lexa this is not okay,” Clarke says, and her voice is stern and unwavering. She is not afraid of Lexa. “Who did this to you? Was it Murphy? I swear to God I’m going to beat that kid’s a-“

“Don’t!” Lexa shouts. And this startles Clarke. She’s never heard her raise her voice before. “Don’t do this Clarke,” she says, gentler, her voice almost a whisper. 

Something seems to snap into place in Clarke’s mind. She doesn’t look as furious. Instead of saying anything she goes and gets more toilet paper. She reaches up and takes Lexa’s hands that are holding the wad in place. It’s abrupt and Lexa is not ready for the way it feels to have Clarke touch her. Her breath hitches in her chest uncontrollably. 

If Clarke notices her reaction she doesn’t say anything. She moves Lexa’s hands out of the way and pulls her face down by tugging gently on the brunette’s chin. Her blue eyes trace over her nose diligently. In a sort of mothering way Lexa thinks. This must be how Mother’s look at their children. 

“It’s not broken,” Clarke says, throwing the old wad of bloodstained tissue away and replacing it with the new one. “But it’s still bleeding. Tilt your head back,” she instructs. Lexa does as she is told. 

Clarke wordlessly strips out of her sweatshirt and Lexa’s eyes blow wide. She has a t-shirt on underneath, but still the sight of Clarke taking clothes off is not one that Lexa thinks she can handle. 

“What are you doing?” she asks, her voice raspy. 

“Your sweater is soaked. You need something to wear.” 

Clarke tosses her sweatshirt on the sink next to Lexa’s sweater. It’s such a selfless gesture and Clarke says it like it’s nothing. 

“Let me see,” Clarke says, and she means Lexa’s nose. The brunette tilts her head down and removes the tissue paper. Clarke’s fingers touch her nose lightly. “All better,” she says, nodding her head. 

Clarke reaches over and picks her sweatshirt up. “We need to talk about those bruises,” Clarke says when she hands the sweatshirt over to Lexa. The brunette just holds it in her hand, conflicted. It feels like it means something. Something she’s not sure she’s ready for. 

“I’m fine Clarke. Really,” Lexa bites out. She needs her to drop this. 

“No you’re not,” Clarke says. “Lexa if someone is bullying you, you need to report it. There’s a chance that you’re not the only one wh-“

Lexa cuts her off. She cuts her off because she really can’t bear to have Clarke give her this lecture. “It was my foster Dad,” she says. “So you don’t have to say anything. No one is getting bullied.” She wonders why she doesn’t lie. Why she doesn’t make up some story to cover her ass. When she looks into Clarke’s blue, blue eyes she thinks that maybe she is tired of pretending. 

Clarke isn’t shocked. She isn’t anything really. Her face remains calm. It’s like a lot of things have been explained to her suddenly and it all makes sense. She gestures for Lexa to put the sweatshirt on and she does. The brunette pulls it over top of her head without an argument. 

“You don’t deserve this,” Clarke says. The statement catches Lexa completely off guard. “You don’t. You need to say something or I’m going to.” 

It’s a warning. Lexa reads it loud and clear. 

“Will you go with me?” 

Lexa does not even register that she says that out loud. Her voice is weak and faint. She cannot believe she even thought it. She doesn’t want to go alone. She does everything alone. Clarke’s head lifts up to stare her in the eyes and a relieved sigh leaves Clarke’s lips. 

“Of course,” she says, her lips quirking up in a half smile. Clarke hugs her. Lexa is a little thrown when the blonde just wraps her arms around her and pulls her in. It’s not something she’s used to. But she lets her body sink into the warm feeling of Clarke Griffin. She rests her head on Clarke’s shoulder and wraps her arms around her neck and wills herself not to sob. She’s just so tired, and she can’t fight the need she has for someone to be there. 

“Come on,” Clarke says, breaking the contact. “They’ll be looking for you.” 

Clarke walks her down to guidance and into Kane’s office. They spend the rest of the day there. Lexa explains what happened in the cafeteria and with Clarke’s hand in hers she tells him about her foster father. Kane looks equally as upset as Clarke. When Lexa pulls her shirt up a bit to show him the bruises Kane looks sick and Clarke looks pissed. 

Things happen quickly then. 

Social services is called and so are the police. Lexa has to have pictures taken with her shirt off. The nurse has to give her a full examination to make sure nothing is broken. A doctor named Abby Griffin comes, and Lexa learns that it’s Clarke’s Mom. It explains how she knew about her nose. Dr. Griffin gives Lexa an exam of her own. She talks quietly with the police and with social services about Lexa’s bruises. Her caseworker, who she hasn’t seen in a while, asks her a lot of questions about her foster father and her home life. Clarke’s encouraging eyes are the only thing that makes her talk. She explains everything until she just can’t anymore. Clarke’s still there when she gets out of the interview, and so is her Mom. Clarke lunges toward her but stops herself from hugging Lexa. It’s like she remembers suddenly that she is not supposed to do that. 

“You okay?” she asks.

Lexa nods. 

It’s nearly dark by the time she is actually let out of the school. Except she is not being taken home. She is being taken to a nearby group home for the night until they can find another foster family for her. 

Clarke walks outside with her. There’s a car waiting for them that she doesn’t want to get in. She doesn’t because it’s going to take her away to a new place with new faces and she is not sure she can handle that after the day she has had. She’s just too tired. 

“I’ll make sure you get your sweatshirt back,” Lexa says, not knowing what else to say to Clarke. 

“I’m not worried about it,” Clarke says with a smile. “Besides it looks good on you.” Lexa grins a little. 

A look of realization comes over Clarke’s face. “Oh! I almost forgot.” She swings her backpack around and fumbles through it until she pulls out a red envelope. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” She beams as she holds out the card. 

Lexa starts to cry. She can’t help it. She is an emotional wreck and that stupid card that is actually not stupid at all is making her cry. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke says instantly. She looks like she wants to hug her, to touch her, something, but she doesn’t. “I was going to slip it into your locker, but I never got the chance to.” Clarke’s eyes are desperately looking over Lexa like she is the most fragile thing in the world that has just broken in front of her and she wants to put it back together. 

When she feels like she might actually be able to speak again Lexa rasps, “Don’t be sorry. I can’t believe you didn’t forget.” 

Clarke’s smile is shy and self-conscious. “How could I? You’ve been my Valentine for the past four years.” 

It’s Lexa who hugs her this time. Lexa just kind of jumps at Clarke and the girl catches her. Clarke wraps her arms around her and Lexa tries not to cry. 

“Thank you Clarke,” she whispers in her ear. It’s not much but it’s all she can manage right now. There are so many things she wants to say to Clarke Griffin. So many things and she can’t say a single one. “Thank you.” 

Clarke doesn’t say anything. She just nods into Lexa’s hair. She understands. Somehow she always has. Lexa lets go of her and Clarke sticks her hands in her back pockets, afraid she’ll reach out for the girl again if she doesn’t. 

“You know we can talk more than once a year if you want,” Clarke says, her voice tepid. “We can be friends.” Things won’t be the same after this. Lexa knows that. 

“I would like that very much.” 

Lexa doesn’t open the card until she is in the car and riding along with her social worker. The card is made out of white paper and the front has a bunch of heart balloons drawn on it. There is gold lettering that definitely took Clarke some time to write out and it says ‘It’s Valentine’s Day!”. She opens the card to see that there’s a giant stuffed teddy bear that Clarke sketched. It’s holding a heart shaped pillow that reads: _BE MINE?_

It makes Lexa laugh. She lets out a strangled breath and looks up and out the window. The streetlamps whip by her, a blur of yellow. It dawns on her that sometimes even in the darkest of moments there are little bits of light. 

Maybe it’s not such a bad day. 

\---

Clarke sits next to her in math class now. She has been since Lexa got back to school three days after the situation was resolved. She doesn’t say anything. She just sits and takes notes, and does her work. Lexa tries not to smile. And absolutely everyone whispers about it. 

John Murphy is expelled. He doesn’t go willingly. His parents threaten a lawsuit against Clarke and the school, but Lexa tells them everything he had done to her over the years, and that shuts everyone up. 

Lexa is placed with a new family. Her foster parents are both lawyers and very sweet people. Indra and Gustus are their names. They have a daughter named Anya who had been a kid they fostered and then adopted. She’s a senior at Arkadia High and plays lacrosse with Clarke. She is scary looking, but her bark is louder than her bite. The day she moves in she tells Lexa to never step foot in her room if she wants to live. She also says that she’ll happily beat the shit out of anyone who messes with her at school. 

“Cheer up kid,” she says, tossing a snickers bar to Lexa from across the hall. Lexa catches it and gives Anya a confused look before the girl disappears without a word behind her bedroom door. 

Hot and cold is an understatement. Lexa is not really sure what to make of her but she thinks anyone who shares their candy with her is nice enough. 

Things kind of fall back into place. It’s weird but nice to be living with a family that is kind. Lexa remembers what Clarke had said to her in the bathroom on Valentine’s Day, “You deserve better.” Perhaps she did. At least she knows what better can be now. 

Indra buys her some new clothes. Well a lot actually. They look expensive and new, and there are still tags on them. Lexa doesn’t know what to make of it. 

“Anything you don’t like I can take back,” Indra says from her doorway. She and Gus have been giving her space since she moved in. They’re friendly but they don’t force themselves on Lexa and she is grateful. They respect that she is adjusting. 

“I like it all,” Lexa says with a half-smile. Indra nods and leaves her be. 

Lexa has her own room. She has her own room and her own bed with a gray comforter that is very soft. She gets to eat whenever she wants and there is always food in the fridge. It’s all a bit overwhelming. 

Clarke starts appearing more and more. One day she is waiting at Lexa’s locker after third period and walks her to biology. They don’t say much, but Clarke smiles before she leaves and it makes Lexa grin. She does it every day from then on. 

Somehow Clarke finds her way to Lexa’s hiding spot during lunch. It startles Lexa, who had been sitting there quietly reading. 

“So this is where you hide out?” Clarke says with a giant grin on her face like she’s just discovered the lost city of Atlantis. She plops down in the desk next to Lexa. Clarke looks down at the book Lexa is reading and rolls her eyes. “Ulysses? Really? Pretentious much,” she scoffs. 

Lexa smirks. “Just because you are not smart enough to understand it doesn’t mean it’s not good.” 

Clarke gasps and clutches her chest dramatically. “Did Lexa Woods just make a sarcastic comment? Could it be that you have a sense of humor?” 

“Shut up,” Lexa grumbles, sinking further into her chair. 

Clarke snickers and shakes her head. 

She finds her way into room 301 almost every lunch period after that. Some days Clarke has to go to lacrosse meetings or GSA and on those days she is always waiting for Lexa outside her last period. She walks with her to the front of the building and then goes off to practice while Lexa gets on the bus. 

No one makes fun of her when she’s with Clarke. 

The teasing has eased up. People still whisper things about her. She knows the rumor mill is still churning especially after the whole thing with Murphy in the cafeteria. But it doesn’t effect her nearly as much anymore. She has new clothes and new glasses that Gus had taken her to get. She wears them more often now. Clarke smirks at her and affectionately calls her “nerd” when she does. Sometimes people smile at her in the hallway. It’s weird, and she tries not to grimace when they do. 

She’s “a real people person” as Clarke had called her with a smile and wink. Lexa had rolled her eyes. 

It’s weird being friends with Clarke. It’s weird because Clarke is…nothing like Lexa. Clarke is popular. She plays lacrosse and she is really good, like really good. People know her and they say hi to her in the hallway. She’s smart and has loads of friends and is on student council. She’s dating Finn Collins who is considered the school’s hottest misunderstood bad boy. She’s like the golden girl of freshmen. And she walks Lexa to her classes and skips out on lunch with everyone so she can eat in a boring classroom with Lexa and talk about math problems and books. 

It’s all quite puzzling to Lexa. 

Things kind of come to a head one day when Lexa wears Clarke’s sweatshirt to school. It was an accident, really. She had woken up late and Anya had screamed for her to get her butt downstairs or she was leaving her in the dust. Lexa had scrambled to put on clothes and pull her hair back into some sort of managed state and had thrown Clarke’s sweatshirt on. She kind of forgot she had it. She has a lot of clothes now and she is not entirely familiar with all of them yet. She had been meaning to give it back. She doesn’t even realize she has it on until she is at school and people are staring at her. 

It’s Clarke’s lacrosse hoddie and it has her name and number on the back. It’s quite obvious it’s hers and Lexa has no idea how she managed this. She feels so stupid. Lexa bolts to her locker and tugs the sweatshirt off, throwing it in. As if sensing her distress the blonde appears next to her, smiling a lazy smile with sleepy eyes and messy hair. She holds out a cup of coffee that she brought for Lexa. It’s her latest appearance. One day Clarke asked how Lexa took her coffee. The next morning she was at her locker with a black coffee, grimace and smart comment about the lining of her stomach dissolving to go along with it. She is definitely her mother’s daughter. 

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asks, tilting her head to the side when she notices Lexa’s face. 

“I’m sorry Clarke. I forgot I even had it,” Lexa starts. Clarke can see the girl is panicking.

“What are you talking about?” Clarke asks, a confused pout on her features. She so clearly is concerned and wants to help. And Lexa feels so damn guilty. Clarke has always been kind to her and now she has gone and dragged the girl down to her freak status by doing this. 

“Your sweatshirt,” Lexa says, tugging it out of the locker. “I put it on this morning not even realizing and I walked through school with it on.” 

Clarke instantly laughs. She laughs so hard that she even throws her head back. A low chuckle is still bubbling up her throat when she says, “So what? I already told you it looks good on you.” 

Lexa doesn’t look at her. She can’t look at this angel that has been sent to her. The only person in the entire school who isn’t embarrassed to be seen with her and she already messed it up. 

“People saw and they were talking about it. I’m sorry Clarke. They’re going to think I’m obsessed with you or something. People are going to say things about this now.” The blond must sense her despair. She must because she sets her coffee down and takes Lexa’s out of her hand. 

Clarke unzips the windbreaker she is wearing to reveal a pink Katy Perry concert t-shirt. The jacket falls from her shoulders and she swings it around onto Lexa’s. It’s Clarke’s team jacket. It has her name and number on the front with a picture of the school mascot on the back. It’s the jacket that all the players wear to the games and it’s a pretty big deal for a freshman to have one. But Clarke was one of the only two freshmen to make varsity so she got one. 

The jacket sits on Lexa’s shoulders and Clarke reaches into the locker and gets the hoodie out. She tugs it over her head and onto her torso. 

“There,” she says, picking her coffee back up. “Now they can really talk.” 

Lexa smiles so damn wide that she has to close her eyes and will herself to stop so she won’t break her face. 

“Come on. Lets get you to class nerd,” Clarke says, taking a sip of her coffee. She’s already fucking over it because there was nothing to even begin with in Clarke’s mind. Lexa pulls her arms through the jacket and zips it up. 

Clarke walks her to her first period. She goes on aimlessly about something that happened at practice the other day. Lexa does her best to listen but she can’t help but notice the way people are staring at them or hear the hushed whispers. It never even seems to faze Clarke. 

Her stomach sinks when Clarke doesn’t show up during lunch. She had been waiting for her with a smile after third and taken her to bio. She thinks maybe it got to her. Maybe she finally realized that it’s not worth it to be her friend. Clarke is not in math. And she isn’t waiting for her at her locker at the end of the day. Lexa is really starting to fucking worry. She hangs around and waits and waits. She misses her bus and is going to have to walk home. The hallway is completely deserted and the teachers are starting to leave.

She is about to give up and start her journey home when a sweaty Clarke Griffin rounds the corner at a steady jog. Her hair is swept back and she’s changed into some athletic tights and a tight blue top. 

“Lexa,” she says, all breathless from running. She bends at her waist to catch her breath once she’s reached the brunette. “Good. You’re still here.” Clarke takes a few deep breaths and stands back up. She is literally drenched in sweat. 

“You weren’t in math,” Lexa says because she is fucking dumb. 

Clarke’s face drops. She shakes her head. “No. Me and Finn got in a fight and I just needed…a break.” She shrugs her shoulders and twists her lips into a grimace. 

“What was the fight about?” 

This is new. This is new for Lexa. Clarke and her have this strange nonverbal agreement where they don’t talk about Finn. It’s the one thing they don’t. So for Lexa to be asking her that question point blank is bold. 

Clarke looks mad now. She looks upset and she bites her lip and turns her head away. She shakes her head from side to side and closes her eyes in frustration. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Lexa says, because she’s a fucking coward too apparently. 

“No. It’s fine,” Clarke says. “I should probably talk to someone about it instead of beating up my body over it.” Clarke lets out a long breath. “Lexa, I’m bisexual.” 

Lexa tries her best not to react. She doesn’t move a single facial muscle. She just looks at Clarke and when blue eyes are pouring into hers begging for some kind of response she just says, “Okay.” 

Clarke laughs a humorless laugh. “It really doesn’t matter to you, does it?”

Lexa shakes her head. Nothing would change the way she thinks about Clarke. If anything it just makes her even greater in Lexa’s eyes. 

“At least you’re accepting. Finn is…not. I told him last summer and he just didn’t get it. He doesn’t because we’re together so he doesn’t understand how I can be into girls too. He thinks I’m confused.” 

“And today I wore your jacket,” Lexa says, filling in the gap for Clarke. The blonde’s jaw tightens and she nods. Lexa always knew she was going to be a burden. She has no idea why Clarke does this. 

“Yeah. And he just went ballistic. He said it made him look bad and that the whole school was talking about it. I told him that we were together and he should know me well enough by now to know that I would never cheat on him. Not with a guy or a girl. But he just started screaming about my sexuality being a joke and me wanting attention.” 

“What an asshole,” Lexa mutters uncontrollably because she has always hated Finn. Clarke’s head jerks up at that. She looks disbelievingly at Lexa with her eyebrows raised. And for a moment the brunette thinks she has said something very, very wrong. 

“Did you just swear?” she asks, forgetting everything else for a minute. Lexa’s cheeks burn red. 

“Maybe,” she says. “But what he said is wrong Clarke. You’re sexuality isn’t a joke and it’s not for attention. What he said is disrespectful and just plain unacceptable.” 

“Yeah,” Clarke says. “It is.” 

A silence falls over them and Lexa can see that Clarke is thinking a lot of different things at once. She goes to unzip the jacket and the blonde snaps out of it. 

“Lexa no,” she says, shaking her head. “Keep it. I gave it to you for a reason. And you can’t give it back now because that means he wins.” 

Lexa gives the blonde a half-smile. Leave it to Clarke Griffin. 

“I have to go because my Mom is here,” she says glancing back to where she came from. Then realization comes over her face. “Wait did you miss the bus?” Clarke asks. 

Lexa looks down at the ground because it’s too mortifying. She nods her head and shrugs her shoulders. “You didn’t show up and I was worried,” she whispers. “I am just going to walk home.” 

Clarke tugs her head back up by her chin and she is smiling when Lexa is forced to look at her. “What am I going to do with you?” she says. “Give me a minute and I’ll be back.” 

Clarke runs off down the hall and Lexa is left to wait for her. She doesn’t wait very long though. Clarke comes running back and has her backpack on. “Come on,” she says, tugging on the brunette’s hand. 

A shiny BMW SUV is sitting outside the front of the school. Lexa sees that Dr. Griffin is behind the wheel. She smiles and waves and Lexa gives her small smile back. Clarke opens the back door for her and gestures for Lexa to get in. 

“You really don’t need to do this Clarke,” Lexa says. 

Clarke shakes her head. “Get in the car Woods.” 

Lexa doesn’t argue. Anyone else and she might have. Lexa slides into the back seat and Dr. Griffin is smiling at her. “Hello Lexa,” she says. “Clarke says you missed the bus?” Lexa nods her head in shame. Clarke slides in beside her and shuts the door. Lexa gulps. This is the closest that Clarke has ever physically been to her. 

“Hey Mom,” Clarke greets. “You remember where Anya lives, right?” She is clearly unaffected by it. 

Abby nods and pulls out of the school lot and onto the road. Lexa had forgotten that her foster sister and Clarke were on the same team. Clarke must have gone to some kind of get together there earlier on in the year. 

It doesn’t take long before they’re pulling in the driveway. Lexa thanks Clarke’s Mom about fourteen times until she finally just says, “Get out of the car girl.” There’s a smile on her face and she’s joking, and Lexa realizes she was being a bit silly. 

Clarke gets out and walks with her to the front door. They hover outside of it for a minute. “Thanks for today,” Clarke says. She puts her hands in her back pockets and bounces on her heels. 

Lexa lets out a laugh. Clarke has been there for her so many times and Lexa has never done anything for her. And yet here she is thanking her for doing nothing. The least she can do is listen to her. Clarke looks at her funny, and cocks her head to the side. 

In a moment of complete blind courage Lexa leans in and plants a kiss on Clarke’s cheek. “You deserve better Clarke,” she whispers next to her ear. 

Clarke’s mouth is hanging open a little and she looks stunned. Lexa smiles at her and goes inside the house. 

Finn and Clarke breakup. It’s the only thing that everyone can talk about for a while. Clarke doesn’t say anything to Lexa about it. In fact she talks about everything else but it. Lexa wears Clarke’s jacket to school most days. The blonde doesn’t say anything, but she knows it’s Lexa’s way of saying she supports her. Clarke always gives it back to her when she has to take it for games. It’s this wordless exchange they have going. 

Lexa brings Clarke chocolate a few times, and gives her a couple copies of her favorite books to read. Clarke complains about all the scribbling in the margins, but always asks her about what she wrote. 

Lexa even bakes Clarke brownies one day. Indra had found her in the kitchen utterly in despair over cocoa powder and she had asked if she wanted help. Lexa had agreed and they’d spent an hour together baking. It gave them time to bond. She thinks Indra is a good person and that she really does care about her well-being. It’s a strange feeling to Lexa but one she thinks she can get use to. 

“Did you make me break up brownies?” Clarke asks when Lexa gives them to her before first period. 

Lexa purses her lips and narrows her eyes. “No. I just made you brownies,” she says. Clarke smiles at her like she doesn’t believe her, but she doesn’t say anything. Instead she just eats one. 

“Clarke it’s seven in the morning,” Lexa says. 

Clarke shrugs her shoulders. “Then this is my seven in the morning brownie break. By the way, these are really good.” 

There are no more brownies when Clarke finds her at lunch.

Time passes and the school year is almost over. Kane calls Lexa into his office to check in on her. She tells him that she is doing well, and he tells her that she is first in her class. Lexa tries not to be proud of that. 

The school has settled down about Finn and Clarke’s break up. He’s already moved on from what she hears about parties and girls whispered in the hallway. Clarke has plenty of suitors but she really doesn’t pay them any attention. She says she’s not ready for all of that again. Her and Finn had been together for over a year. Lexa can tell it still hurts her, but she never says. Lexa just gives her more chocolate. 

Gus buys her a phone. Well he more or less tosses one at her when she’s sitting on the couch watching a movie with Anya. Lexa flinches but lets it fall to her side in confusion. 

“This is yours. Use it,” he grunts, and disappears into the kitchen. Lexa likes Gus. He’s a man of few words. 

It’s a brand new phone. Lexa has never had a cell phone before. She stares at it like its some sort of space object and Anya snorts. 

“It’s an iPhone not a death ray,” she says, shoving popcorn into her mouth. 

Lexa has no idea how to work the damn thing. Anya helps her set it up and then she leaves her to go do her homework. 

Lexa still doesn’t have it figured out the next day. And Clarke gasps when she sees Lexa holding a cell phone. 

“Did you finally get with the 21st century Woods?” she teases. 

“Shut up and help me,” Lexa says, trying to get it to shut off. They’re not supposed to have them on during school.

Clarke takes the phone from her and begins typing. “What are you doing?” Lexa asks. 

“Putting my number in here. Duh,” Clarke says, and rolls her eyes. She then presses the button at the top of the phone and holds it for a second. The screen goes dark. “Here,” she says, handing the phone back to her. 

“Okay now you’re just going to have to tell me how to turn the damn thing back on at the end of the day.” 

Clarke laughs hard and calls her a grandma. 

Lexa aces all her finals. She probably could have at the beginning of the school year if she had wanted to. They have to choose what classes they want to take next year, and all of her teachers recommend her for AP courses. She will only be a sophomore though. 

She is debating her options when Clarke finds her and demands to know what she is planning on taking. She insists that they have to at least have one class together. Lexa tries not to show her the paper but this makes Clarke suspicious. So Lexa whips it out and hands it to her and looks away from Clarke. 

“You’re such a nerd,” Clarke says, a playful smile on her lips. It honestly makes Lexa feel a thousand times better. 

“I don’t know if I want to do it yet,” Lexa says. 

“What’s there to know? You’re too good for this place Woods,” she says. “And I’ll be with you in AP US History.” 

“They want me to do Pre-Calc over the summer so I can take Calculus next year,” Lexa says. 

“Damn.” 

Lexa shakes her head. “People already make fun of me enough. They all think I think I’m better than them.” 

“You are,” Clarke says, like its just fact and she has nothing to apologize for. 

Indra asks her about her class choices when she gets home. She has the sinking feeling that Kane called her. She talks about it openly with her foster Mom. Indra is a lawyer and smart, and Lexa trusts her to analyze facts and make calculated decisions. Indra tells her that she should do what she thinks is best, but she shouldn’t hold herself back because of what other people may think. 

Lexa decides to take the classes. 

The last day of school is uneventful. A lot of people don’t even show up. Lexa’s amazed that Clarke does and they spend most of their classes and time together talking about what they’re going to do this summer. Lexa has a job tutoring younger kids who are in summer school. Clarke has summer sports and is getting shipped off to California to spend some time with her Grandmother. 

At the end of the day Clarke waits for Lexa outside of her last class. Her locker is empty and there is no reason for them to hang around and talk. Clarke walks Lexa to the front of the school so she can get to her bus. 

“Don’t be a stranger,” Clarke says. She pulls Lexa in for a hug. It’s the first time they’ve hugged since February and Lexa can’t help but feel safe in Clarke’s arms. She rests her head on the girl’s shoulder and squeezes tightly around Clarke’s neck. “You’ve got my number now and you’d better use it. No excuses.” 

Lexa smirks at her. She wishes she could run back inside and hug Clarke one more time on the entire walk to the bus.


	2. 10th Grade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these chapter are really long, just a fair warning. I can't really think of any triggers that may be in here, but this is a story that involves someone who has been physically abused and bullied so there are things that might upset people? But nothing too graphic. I do not have a beta so I apologize for the mistakes. 
> 
> It's sophomore year guys! What's going to happen?

_10th Grade…_

The first day of school is always hectic. Lexa has never understood why. She never understood why people lost their minds over new classes and seeing their friends. She never understood until Clarke Griffin texts her early in the morning before the day is about to begin. 

_Art Room._

And suddenly she understands so much at once. She’s a buzzing ball of nerves when she gets off the bus and steps through the front doors of Arkadia High. She can barely contain herself, and she tells herself she is being ridiculous, as she navigates her way to the back of the school where the art room is. 

She tries not to seem too eager. She tries to repress her emotions. She is good at that, usually. But her heart is beating so fast when she opens the door and she can’t get her breathing to even out. 

As soon as Lexa steps in and shuts the door behind her she is tackled. Clarke Griffin just runs right into her and throws her arms around her middle. She picks Lexa up and it makes her squeal in surprise as the blonde spins her around. After Lexa gets over the shock of it she is able to throw her arms around Clarke’s neck and hug her back. 

“Well, hello,” Lexa says, her voice playful. She has never been so happy to see someone in all her life. She has never had such a joyful greeting either. 

“Been too long Woods,” Clarke says, and it sends vibrations across Lexa’s collarbone where the blonde’s face is buried. It makes Lexa’s chest swell and feel heavy. 

They have not seen each other since the last day of school. Lexa agrees with Clarke; it’s been too long.

Lexa had done as Clarke asked and not been a stranger. She had texted Clarke three weeks after school ended to see how her summer was going. She hoped she didn’t sound as lame as she felt. Clarke sent her a picture of her sweat covered face, eyes rolled up to the top of her head, her entire face a bright shade of red from exertion. 

The message underneath of it said: _So good._ Sarcasm, clearly. 

It had made Lexa laugh. They started talking and they just never really stopped. Clarke texted Lexa every day. Sometimes they had long conversations and sometimes she just got good morning and good night messages. But every single day she heard from Clarke Griffin. 

After a few weeks of the constant texts Clarke had called Lexa one night. It was late and her voice was kind of groggy when she answered because Lexa had been asleep. 

“Clarke, are you okay?” she had asked, heart in her throat. 

“I’m sorry. You were sleeping. I can go,” Clarke said. 

“No. Clarke what’s wrong?”

The blonde sighed over the line and Lexa could tell that she was upset. She could tell that something was really bothering her and that she didn’t want to talk about it because she didn’t know how to. The line was silent for a long time and Lexa had lied back down in her bed, heart rate slightly normal again. 

“I miss you,” Clarke whispered. It’s not what was upsetting her. But it made Lexa’s insides do weird things. 

“I miss you too,” Lexa said without having to think about it. 

Clarke sighed again. “Can you tell me about your day?” she had asked. 

“Where do I start?” Lexa sighed, sounding unentertained by the idea. Her life has always been rather boring. 

“At the beginning,” Clarke teased. Lexa had rolled her eyes despite the fact that the blonde couldn’t see her. 

Lexa told Clarke all about her day. She told her how she had yogurt and black coffee for breakfast before Indra took her to work. Lexa had spent the entire morning/afternoon trying to explain basic algebra to a sixth-grade kid who was more concerned with his twelve twitter followers. She doesn’t have the patience for it, and Clarke had laughed because she knows Lexa doesn’t. After work she had come home and helped Gus make dinner. Anya had told her it was the best spaghetti she had ever had. They had all watched a movie together after that. Lexa talked and talked and added little details in that weren’t important to keep it going. 

With each breath, she could feel Clarke’s anxiety dropping. She could hear the softness return to her voice when she responded to certain things Lexa said. She was actively being there for Clarke and that made her feel useful for once. 

Lexa was falling asleep, trying to mumble something about mint ice cream being a sin, but it was unintelligible, and Clarke whispered, “Go to sleep nerd.” 

“No. I’m not going to fall asleep,” she had argued. Her eyelids were heavy and she could feel herself slipping but she didn’t want to get off the phone. She didn’t want to stop being there for Clarke. 

“Why are you so stubborn?” Clarke had asked, chuckling. “Fine, fall asleep on the phone.” 

That was the last concrete thing Lexa heard because she did fall asleep on the phone. She woke up and it was still pressed against her head, scorching hot. And she looked at the screen and saw that their call was still connected. Clarke was making sleep noises and Lexa felt like she was intruding on something private so she hung up. 

Clarke called her a lot more after that. Sometimes Lexa called her too. Clarke sent her lots of pictures of sunsets in California and of her reading some of Lexa’s books on the beach. Each one is saved in Lexa’s phone. 

“You got bigger,” Clarke says, dropping Lexa on her feet. Lexa had grown, and so had her boobs and she really hopes that’s not what Clarke is referring to. She had gone up two cup sizes over the summer and Indra had wordlessly taken her bra shopping. Lexa has decided that she likes Indra a lot. 

Clarke doesn’t let go of Lexa. She just lets her arms slide around the brunette’s hips and holds her there. She is smiling from ear to ear and the sight makes Lexa feel light and airless. 

“So did you,” Lexa says, noting that Clarke is at least two inches taller. They’re still the same height. It makes it easier for Lexa to rest her arms on Clarke’s shoulders. 

“I may have grown a little but I’m still a ten-year old at heart,” she teases, giving Lexa a cheesy grin.

“You certainly are,” Lexa says. 

“You ready for sophomore year?” Clarke asks, with excitement in her tone. 

Lexa nods. With Clarke Griffin holding onto her she is ready for anything. 

“Why are we in the art room?” Lexa finally asks, looking around the empty classroom. 

“Because it’s always empty before school starts,” Clarke says. “And I wanted to say hello to you without all those horrible teenagers bothering us.” Clarke scrunches up her nose and makes a disgusted face and that makes Lexa laugh. 

She likes the answer but she can’t help but feel like Clarke is deflecting. “How do you know that?” she asks. 

Clarke’s head dips down. “I may or may not have signed up for a class this year and they’re only offered in the afternoon,” she says, sheepish. 

“Clarke!” Lexa says, jumping. “That’s great! That’s exactly what you wanted. How did you convince your Mom to let you?” 

“I lied,” Clarke says, shrugging her shoulders and looking up at the blonde. “She thinks I’m taking introduction to engineering. Raven is even going along with it. She won’t suspect anything.” 

Raven Reyes is one of Clarke’s best friends and is also a little gifted. She is a mechanical genius and had caused mayhem in the Polis Public School System since the first day she set foot in it. She had made a robot in middle school that could breathe fire for robotics club and set it loose during a fire drill that quickly became an actual one. By high school she was on to bigger and better things that included the school’s science labs and the A/V club. She had almost been expelled a couple of times for hacking into the announcement system to broadcast fart sounds. 

“Well it’s understandable,” she says. She doesn’t understand Clarke’s Mom. Dr. Griffin was always so nice but she guessed sometimes she wasn’t to her daughter. She wouldn’t let Clarke take art even though she loved to draw, and was talented. It didn’t make any sense to Lexa. “And I think it’s great.” 

Clarke gives her a shy smile and Lexa gives her one back. They’re so wrapped up in one another that when the bell rings they spring apart like they’ve been burned. Lexa’s cheeks are red, and she is beyond embarrassed. Clarke recovers quickly and wipes her sweaty palms over her pants. 

“We better go or we’re going to be late,” Clarke says. Lexa nods and follows the blonde out of the room. 

They don’t have any classes together during the first half of the day and Lexa gets a text during lunch that says: _where are you???_

Clarke shows up to the library ten minutes later and finds Lexa hidden in the back row of shelves. “This is our spot this year, huh?” she says, dropping down to sit on the floor next to Lexa. The brunette has to fight her smile. 

“For now,” Lexa says with a smirk. 

They have their last period together and its AP US History. Clarke’s friends are in it too. Lexa gets there first and sits at the front of the class. People aimlessly herd into the room. Clarke enters right before the bell rings with Octavia and Raven trailing after her. 

Clarke beams when she sees her and Lexa’s stomach flips. She takes the seat right next to her that no one had sat in. Raven and Octavia just sort of look at each other and then at Clarke but the blonde is too busy demanding to see Lexa’s schedule to notice. 

“Okay my math class is right by your Chemistry class I can totally walk you,” Clarke says. She’s holding her schedule directly next to her own and mentally planning out when and where they can see each other during the day. It’s incredibly heart-warming and Lexa has no idea what to say. She only feels self-conscious because Raven and Octavia are looking at Clarke like she’s crazy. 

The two brunettes’ take the seats directly behind them and don’t say anything, but Lexa can tell they want to. The teacher starts talking and Clarke is still looking at their schedules.

Lexa taps her pen on Clarke’s desk and motions for her to pay attention. The blonde rolls her eyes but smiles and focuses on the teacher. She can hear Raven make a weird noise behind her because Clarke listens to her. 

They spend most of the period going over the work they were assigned over the summer. When Lexa opens her book and reveals that more than half of it is filled out Clarke says, “nerd” under her breath. Lexa glares at her, because she is distracting her, and Clarke just smirks. 

“Jock,” Lexa murmurs back and the blonde’s head snaps up in delightful shock. 

“Clarke!” the teacher snaps, noting that the blonde isn’t paying attention because she’s in the front row. “What did you get for number seven?” 

Lexa is so fucking smug as she smiles into her book and makes sure her eyes don’t flitter over to the blonde as she rattles off the correct answer. Then Clarke is the one to look smug. 

Class ends and Clarke waits for Lexa to pack up her things. Raven and Octavia stand there waiting to see what Clarke is going to do. 

“Are you coming?” they ask Clarke, looking at her expectantly. 

“I’m going to walk Lexa to the bus. I’ll catch up with you guys later,” Clarke says, shooting a smile at her friends. 

They leave and Lexa can hear them whisper as they go. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Lexa says zipping up her bookbag. “You could have gone with them. It’s fine.” 

Clarke rolls her eyes. “I spend all day with them. Besides I always walk you.” 

Lexa goes to her locker and Clarke follows. She talks aimlessly about how her coach recommended her doing track in the off-season but she doesn’t want to stress herself out. Lexa nods her understanding as she places all of the books in her locker into her bag. 

“Uh, you gonna read all of those tonight?” Clarke asks, because it is the first day. No one gives homework on the first day. 

Lexa nods. “Yes,” she answers quietly. 

“Of course you are,” Clarke says, smiling at how fucking Lexa that is. 

Clarke walks Lexa out to the front of the building and they stand on the sidewalk looking at each other for a minute. Neither of them wants to separate because it’s been so long since they have been together.

“You want to come over this weekend and hang out?” Clarke blurts. 

It’s the first social invitation Lexa has ever received. She is kind of stunned by it at first. She just stands there with wide eyes and a dry mouth. 

“Or study? We can always study. I mean you don’t get much work the first week of school but I am sure you can find something for us to do.” Clarke is rambling full speed ahead and Lexa knows this is something she does when she’s nervous. She is nervous about asking her to hang out and Lexa has no idea how she feels about that. 

“Yes.” 

“Yes?” Clarke says, looking up with hopeful eyes. 

“Yes. I mean I have to ask Indra, but yes.” 

Clarke smiles. “Okay.” 

Lexa nods and gives her a grin. “Okay.” 

“Saturday?” 

“I’ll let you know.” 

Lexa waits until after dinner to ask Indra. She’s helping wash the dishes and she just sort of discretely mentions it. She has never had to ask a parental figure for permission to go to a friend’s house and she doesn’t know how she is supposed to go about it. Indra smiles knowingly. “You and Clarke are good friends, aren’t you?” 

Lexa’s ears burn as she blushes and she tries to hide her face. “Sort of,” she says. 

“She’s a good kid,” Indra says. “And I trust her Mother. You can go.” 

Lexa tries not to scream her excitement. She helps Indra finish cleaning up the kitchen and scrambles up to her room to text Clarke that she can come. 

//

Saturday can’t come fast enough. Clarke spends Thursday night cleaning her room in anticipation of Lexa’s visit. Her Mom stands in the doorway and just stares in disbelief. 

“You’re cleaning your room without me asking? Do you want money? A car?” Abby asks. 

“No,” Clarke huffs, tossing a pile of dirty clothes into her hamper that Abby is pretty sure has been on Clarke’s floor since last May. “I just want you to be cool when Lexa is here Mom,” Clarke says. 

Abby raises a pointed eyebrow. “Cool? I’m always cool Clarke.” 

“No. No you’re not. And Lexa has…been through a lot and she gets nervous around new people and new places. So just be chill, please?” Clarke asks, sounding like the teenager that she is. 

Abby can’t be mad. She can’t be mad because she raised her daughter right, somehow, despite her own issues. Clarke is a smart girl with so much kindness erupting from her heart that it makes her want to cry. She can remember the first time Clarke ever came home from school and said something about Alexandria Woods. 

She had told Abby that Lexa was this weird girl in their class who smelled funny and had strange hair. When she asked her daughter a little bit more about her she recognized the signs of neglect, and of abuse. She was an emergency room doctor and had come across enough cases in her life to know one when she heard it. 

“Clarke sometimes people are different than us, and that’s okay. Sometimes people don’t have the things that we have, but that doesn’t mean we should treat them any different,” she had said, heart aching for the poor child. 

Her daughter’s blue eyes had looked up at her, wide as tea saucers. “Does Lexa not have bubble bath and apple shampoo?” she had asked. 

Abby pursed her lips and shook her head. “Probably not. And she probably doesn’t have somebody to help keep her clean and brush her hair like I do for you,” Abby said, bopping her index finger on the tip of her daughter’s nose. 

Clarke had nodded like she understood more things than Abby had been trying to explain. “I am going to take extra stickers to class tomorrow and see if she wants one,” Clarke had said. Abby had smiled. 

Flash forward four years and Abby had received a frantic call from her daughter about a girl in school being abused and she had told her that she needed to get there, now! Clarke wasn’t panicked when she got to the school though. She was steady and strong and Abby had watched her daughter comfort the girl who had probably been abused for years judging from her scars. Clarke was gentle and tried so hard to help. And at the end of the day Lexa went to a new family that had taken care of her. Abby was never more grateful that Indra had picked up her phone in all her life. Her old college roommate had a bad habit of ignoring calls. 

Flash forward another year and Lexa is about to come over to their house for the first time and Abby still thinks of that day in the fifth grade. Clarke is not exactly the same little girl with blonde pigtails and scrapped knees. She is turning into a woman before her Mother’s eyes and she is a good person. And Abby has never been more proud. 

“I’ll be cool,” Abby says, fighting back a few tears. 

“Thanks Mom,” Clarke says, turning and giving her a slight smile as she shoves the mess on her desk into a drawer. 

This makes Abby rolls her eyes because she can only expect so much from a teenager. And while Clarke isn’t exactly the tidiest, there are other parts of her that are perfect, and those are the ones that matter the most to a Mom. 

//

“You want to go bowling tomorrow?” Raven asks, looking up at Octavia and Clarke. They are in gym and they have been pretending to play foursquare for about ten minutes. “Some of the guys are going and thought we could crash.” 

“I’m down,” Octavia says, bumping the ball with her fist. 

“Can’t,” Clarke says, smacking it back over to the brunette. 

“Why not?” Raven asks, because she is fucking Raven and will forever push things. 

“I have plans,” Clarke says nonchalantly and shrugs. 

“With who?” Raven asks, snatching the ball up into her arms when Clarke bumps it back to her. “Not with us.” 

“Does it matter Rae?” Clarke asks, getting defensive. 

“It does if you feel the need to hide it,” Raven says, eyes narrowing at her friend. Clarke has been kind of on edge all week and something is up. 

“Are you dating someone again? Is it a girl you don’t want us to know about or something?” Octavia asks. Clarke had told them she was bisexual over the summer and her two best friends had hugged her and said she could fuck a cactus and they would still have her back. 

“No,” Clarke says. “I’m hanging out with Lexa.” 

“Clarke,” Raven says, because she can’t believe it. 

“Since when are you all buddy-buddy with her anyway?” Octavia asks. 

“Why does it matter?” Clarke asks, exasperated. This is why she hadn’t mentioned it. 

“Because that girl is weird,” Octavia says. And Clarke’s head snaps up and she shoots daggers at Octavia with her eyes. 

“Don’t say shit like that,” Clarke says through gritted teeth. 

“She is! She is fucking weird Clarke and she always has been. I have never heard her speak until this week and I have been in school with her since Kindergarten.” 

Clarke’s jaw clenches and she bites her tongue to stop herself from snapping at them. 

“You don’t even know her,” Clarke says, her voice strangled at the emotion building up in her. 

“Look it was sweet of you to give her your jacket and walk her to class so that people would stop messing with her. She’s weird but didn’t deserve what Murphy did or what those other assholes say. But this is too much Clarke. You don’t have to pretend to be her friend.” 

The ball is snatched from Raven’s grasp in an angry and violent motion. It startles her and she jumps back away from Clarke who is pissed. She has known Clarke most of her life and she is not sure she has ever seen her this angry. 

“I’m not pretending to be anything. She is my friend. She is actually one of my best friends. And she isn’t weird! She’s quiet because no one at this fucking school has ever given her a chance to talk. Stop being one of those judgmental assholes.” 

Clarke chucks the ball at the ground so hard that it bounces clear to the roof of the gym. She storms off and heads for the door disappearing with a loud bang. Octavia and Raven are left speechless. 

Clarke ignores Raven and Octavia during APUSH. Lexa looks a bit worried and even writes a note and passes it to her. 

_Are you okay?_

It’s scribbled in Lexa’s tiny handwriting that Clarke has seen so many times in the margins of books. Clarke looks over at her and tries her best to give her a smile and nods. It seems to satisfy Lexa for the time being because she turns back to the teacher who is lecturing. She must look really bad if Lexa is willing to pass her a note in class. That’s like the ultimate no-no for a goody goody like her. 

When class ends Clarke grabs Lexa’s books and tugs her out of the room before Raven and Octavia can even get up. 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, her voice worried. “What is going on?” 

“Nothing,” she lies. She stops at Lexa’s locker and subconsciously puts the combination in and opens it for the brunette, throwing the books she has been carrying in. She has watched Lexa do it before and knows it by heart. She just needed to be doing something so she didn’t lose her cool. When she turns back around Lexa is standing there with her hip cocked and a ‘oh no you don’t’ look on her face. 

“Bullshit,” she says. “What is going on?” she demands. And Clarke knowing her locker combination seems to be the least of Lexa Wood’s concerns. 

“Nothing. It’s stupid.”

“I will decide if it’s stupid,” Lexa says. And Clarke can tell she is not going to let this one go. It’s endearing to see her care, and Clarke caves. 

“I got in a fight with Raven and Octavia. They really pissed me off and I just didn’t want to deal with them yet.” 

The stern glare morphs into a sympathetic face. “Are you alright? Can I help?” Lexa asks, placing a hand lightly on Clarke’s arm. 

“You already do,” Clarke says giving her a half-hearted smile. “You help me by existing.” 

Those words scare her. Clarke can tell by the way Lexa looks disoriented after she says them. It’s a Lexa face she has grown familiar with. A lot of things throw Lexa off guard, especially things that involve Clarke. She doesn’t know how to have a friend, and it’s been a bumpy journey for them both to get here. Clarke is always so careful about what she says to her, and about expressing how she feels about Lexa. This is one of the times she didn’t think before she spoke. 

She is waiting for Lexa to run. Or to tell her it’s too much. She is waiting and instead Lexa just hugs her. She reaches around Clarke’s middle and settles her head on her chest. And Clarke is surprised but she wraps her arms around her and sinks into the feeling of having Lexa pressed against her. Her hugs are so different from everyone else’s. Lexa hugs like it’s the last time she is ever going to see you. Clarke can always feel everything inside of her tiny body when she hugs her. She feels the pain and the suffering, but mostly she feels the love and warmth that is buried deep inside the girl. Sometimes she even thinks she can feel Lexa’s soul, but that is silly. 

“What am I going to do with you Clarke Griffin?” she whispers against her chest. 

“I have no idea,” Clarke says into Lexa’s hair with a chuckle. 

Saturday rolls around and Clarke is up at the crack of dawn just bouncing around the house. Abby nearly screams when she walks downstairs thinking there is an intruder in her house. Her daughter hasn’t been up before noon willingly on a Saturday since…since ever. 

“What are you doing?” she asks Clarke as she makes her way over to the coffee machine and tries to restart her heart. 

“I already made a pot. Well I made two actually because I already drank the first one,” Clarke says way too fast. Abby instantly recognizes a dangerous caffeine high when she sees one. She regards her daughter with watchful eyes as she pours herself a cup of coffee and sips from it. 

“Clarke maybe you should go for a run,” Abby suggests. 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

Clarke runs for about an hour and when she gets back she is sweaty and she stinks. Abby would normally be worried but she is at least not shaking from all the coffee anymore. Clarke disappears upstairs hopefully to take six showers and Abby busies herself with some paperwork and charting she needs to catch up on. 

Hours tick by and the doorbell rings. She answers it and finds Lexa standing on their doorstep. She is surprised Clarke hasn’t tackled her to answer the door.

“Hey Honey,” she greets. Abby waves at Indra who is sitting in her car in the driveway. She nods and backs out. “Come on in. Clarke is in here somewhere,” Abby says wondering where her daughter is hiding. Lexa gives her a shy smile and hesitates as she steps across the threshold. 

“Thank you for letting me come over today,” Lexa says. 

Abby chuckles. “It’s no trouble Sweetie. You can come over here any time you want,” she says, and she means it. 

Lexa stares at her shoes but she is at least smiling and Abby guesses that is a good thing. 

“Let’s see where Clarke is?” Abby says. “Clarke!” she yells. There is no response. “Clarke!” Abby tries again. “Huh,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “She is probably in her room with her headphones in. You can go upstairs if you want. Her room is the second door on the right.” 

Abby understands immediately what Clarke meant about Lexa being special because the prospect of going upstairs on her own seems to scare the girl. “Or I can?” Abby offers, with a smile trying not to make it weird for her. 

Lexa shakes her head. “No. It’s okay. I can go up there,” she says, her voice a bit strained. The brunette shuffles her shoes off and places them neatly by the front door before she scurries up the stairs. 

Abby stares at the gray converses. “Huh,” she says. “I need her to train Clarke to do that.” 

Lexa knocks about twelve times and there is no answer. She checks to make sure she has the correct door. It’s the second on the right. Lexa debates on what to do. Clarke is not answering her messages and she had told her to be at her house any time after twelve. She gives it another thirty seconds before she just opens the door. 

Clarke is passed out on her bed. Her mouth is open and she is snoring a little bit and Lexa has to cover her face so the laugh doesn’t escape her mouth. 

Her blonde hair is damp and curling at the ends, sprawled across her pillow. Clarke is lying above her covers with her headphones in. Clearly she hadn’t intended on falling asleep. She is wearing dark athletic tights and an oversized Arkadia t-shirt. She is sleeping so soundly that Lexa does not have the heart to wake her up. 

Instead she sits in the armchair that is positioned by Clarke’s window and pulls out her book. Her eyes wander from the pages a few times, taking in Clarke’s room. It’s painted a gray color. There is an entire wall of pictures above her desk. Most of them are of Clarke and her friends dating as far back as preschool. There are pictures of her and her Mom and of people that look like her. 

There is a framed photo on Clarke’s nightstand next to a stack of books that Lexa recognizes as her own. The picture looks special – it must be Clarke’s Dad because she looks just like him. Lexa doesn’t know much about Clarke’s Dad. It hurts for her to talk about him. He died when Clarke was in middle school in a car crash. She remembers because Clarke was absent for an entire month. 

Three lacrosse sticks of various sizes are leaning in one corner of the room. The bathroom door is open and the scent of Clarke’s shampoo is wafting in. Clarke has a lot more bookshelves than Lexa expected and they are filled to the brim. Clarke always acts like reading is a chore, but she still takes Lexa’s books, and it looks like she reads a lot of her own. There are paintings on the wall. Just two, but they are so incredible. Lexa immediately recognizes Clarke’s work. 

Clarke wakes up after thirty minutes pass. Her eyelids flutter open and she looks around the room clearly disoriented. She stares openly when her eyes come across Lexa curled up in the chair. Lexa might have anticipated fear or even her presence freaking Clarke out, but it doesn’t. 

“How long have you been here?” Clarke asks voice still filled with sleep. She stretches out her entire body throwing her hands above her head. 

“Not long,” Lexa says, with a smile, trying not to watch Clark squirm around. 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Clarke asks, sitting up in bed looking refreshed. 

“You needed to sleep,” Lexa says. “You looked tired.” 

Clarke rolls her eyes. “I invited you over here cause I wanted to spend time with you,” Clarke says. “Next time wake me up.” 

Lexa tries not to dwell on the “next time”. 

“What do you want to do?” Clarke asks. 

“I brought my books,” Lexa says. She had. Clarke had said something about studying and she brought them just in case. 

“Of course you did,” Clarke says with a smile. “Do you want to study?” she asks. And Lexa knows that Clarke will. She knows that she will spend her Saturday studying if it makes Lexa comfortable. 

“No,” Lexa says, voice timid. 

Clarke grins. “We can go outside? It’s a nice day,” Clarke says, getting up from her bed. “Wait, are you hungry? Did you eat lunch?” 

Lexa nods even though she didn’t. She’s not sure she can handle eating anything right now. “Outside sounds nice.” 

They make their way downstairs and out the back door. Clarke’s house has a deck with patio furniture and a grill and a big back yard that is fenced in. A tree with a swing sits at the corner of it and Lexa can see a tiny Clarke being pushed by the man in the picture on her bedside clear as day. 

Lexa soaks in the sunshine as they stroll across the yard to the tree. She loves when it’s warm out. She loves being able to wear shorts and a tank top and go barefoot so the grass tickles her feet. It will be gone soon because summer is ending and she is going to miss it.

“You look in your element,” Clarke says, observing Lexa’s carefree spirit. It’s not something she has seen before. 

“I love the outdoors,” Lexa admits. 

“Who could have guessed that?” Clarke says, with a hint of teasing and a dash of seriousness. She regards Lexa with a sense of wonder, but she doesn’t ask any questions. 

Lexa picks up one of the lacrosse sticks that are thrown on the ground next to them. She holds it with one hand and gazes at it curiously. Clarke snorts. 

“How does this work?” she asks, examining the net at the top and the long metal pole. 

“It’s not hard,” Clarke says. She takes the stick from Lexa’s hand and holds it properly. Lexa watches as Clarke rotates it back and forth in her palms like its second nature to her. 

“What’s the net for?” 

“To catch the ball,” Clarke says. There is a white ball over by the tree and Clarke uses the stick to scoop it up with a quick motion and begins to do the rotating thing again with the ball in the net. “Then you throw it like this,” she says, pulling the stick back and flicking it so that the ball soars out of the head and across the yard smacking into the goal that is against the fence. Clarke holds up her stick triumphant. “And that’s how you win.” 

“That seems simple enough,” Lexa says. 

“You try,” Clarke says holding the stick out to Lexa. She takes it unwillingly and Clarke jogs across the yard to get the ball. She comes back and places it inside the net. Lexa attempts the whole jerking back and forth motion but the ball falls out. Clarke bites her lip so she doesn’t laugh. 

“Try again,” she says, placing the ball in the net. “This time just try and throw it at the goal,” she says. 

Lexa winds her arm back and does her best to chuck the stick. The motion makes her jump forward and she trips and almost falls. The ball lands a whopping few feet away from them. Clarke smirks and crosses her arms. 

“We are going to have to work on your form,” she teases. Clarke picks up the ball and places it back in the stick’s net. “Here,” she says closing her hand over Lexa’s on the shaft. Clarke presses her front into Lexa’s back as she aligns their bodies so that she is standing parallel behind her. Her other hand reaches across Lexa’s waist and she tangles their fingers together and guides her hand to grip the end of the pole. “Okay,” Clarke whispers in her ear and Lexa’s body uncontrollably shudders. 

“So you’re going to push forward with this hand,” Clarke says squeezing Lexa’s hand that is halfway down the stick. “And pull with this one,” she says gripping the edge.

“Your body should be sideways. You’re going to step with your left foot,” she instructs making Lexa’s body sway as she mimics the motion. It makes Clarke press even closer into her and Lexa legs feel wobbly. “Go from right to left on your feet and make sure your big toe is pointing at the net when you let it release.” Clarke’s breath is warm against her neck and Lexa is lightheaded. If Clarke weren’t behind her holding her up she would be on the ground. If Clarke weren’t behind her at all she wouldn’t be in this situation. 

“Sound good?” she asks. Lexa realizes she wants her to say something, and she just nods afraid of what her voice will sound like. “Let her rip,” she says releasing Lexa and leaving the girl cold and bewildered. In a daze Lexa tries to follow Clarke’s instructions and the ball makes it much farther but doesn’t hit the net. Clarke beams at her and shakes her head. “Better!” 

Lexa doesn’t feel better. She feels worse. But Clarke is smiling as she runs and grabs another stick and picks the ball up with a flick, tossing it into the air as she runs to Lexa. They spend most of the afternoon outside. Lexa attempts to throw the ball several times and manages to make it in the net once. Clarke had picked her up and spun her around. Lexa is really starting to like when she does that. 

After their impromptu lacrosse lesson they sit under the tree in the backyard and lean against the trunk. They daydream together about what life would be like if they were free to just spend all of their time outdoors. To climb mountains and swim in streams. They wonder what it would be like to live in the woods and sleep under the stars every night. 

They take turns pushing each other on the swing. Clarke is surprisingly gentle and doesn’t try and make Lexa fly off of it like she suspected she might. They talk about their favorite things as children. How Clarke loved warheads and baby penguins and how Lexa was obsessed with dogs and the boxcar children book series. They talk about a lot of things as they push each other on the swing and it doesn’t even feel like any time has passed at all when the sun dips down in the sky. 

“We should probably eat something,” Clarke says. 

“Yeah,” Lexa says. 

They go inside and find Abby waiting for them in the kitchen. She has take-out menus in front of her and the cordless phone in her hand. 

“What’ll it be girls?” 

Lexa has only had Chinese food a total of two times in her life. They sit at the kitchen counter and Clarke explains what all the things are to Lexa while Abby tries to demonstrate how chopsticks work. She tries but fails and they all laugh when Lexa just stabs some of her chicken with one. 

Ms. Griffin asks them about school and Clarke brags about how smart Lexa is and it makes her blush. Abby asks Lexa what she plans on doing with her brain and Clarke looks at her eagerly wanting to know the same thing. 

“I have no idea,” she says. “But I think I want to try and go to college,” Lexa says. 

“I think that’s a really good idea,” Abby says. “Clarke can join you,” she teases winking at her daughter. 

Lexa clears their plates and puts them in the sink without being asked. Abby looks pointedly at Clarke and raises her eyebrows. “Learn from her,” she says, throwing an arm around Lexa’s shoulders and brining her into her side. 

Clarke’s face freezes momentarily because she asked her Mom to be cool, and that is not cool. Not for Lexa. Touch makes the girl uncomfortable, Clarke has learned that. Lexa is very sensitive to it and she has flinched away from Clarke more times than she can count, even when she touches her back. But Lexa smiles and doesn’t pull away from Abby. “I’ll help her Dr. Griffin,” she says. 

“Lexa,” she says. “You can call me Abby.” 

“No, I can’t,” Lexa replies with an embarrassed smile. 

“Fine. Make me feel old,” Abby teases letting out an exaggerated huff. 

“You are old Mom,” Clarke says with a playful smile. 

They excuse themselves and Clarke takes Lexa downstairs to the basement. It’s sort of a rec room with a fireplace but there is a big screen TV and a couch that stretches around in a big U-shape. 

“Lets watch a movie,” Clarke says, plopping down on the sofa. She pats the spot next to her for Lexa and the brunette sits and pulls her knees up to her chest. 

Clarke puts on some action movie that Lexa has never even heard of. She’s never heard of a lot of movies though. She hasn’t exactly been able to watch them. “You can spread out,” Clarke says looking over at Lexa’s compacted body. She looks nervous and uncomfortable and Clarke wants her to feel at home here. She reaches over top of Lexa and it catches the girl off-guard and she flinches as Clarke’s hand ghosts overtop her thighs. 

“Sorry,” Clarke says, with fearful eyes. “Do you mind if I reach over you?” she asks, retracting her hand. 

Lexa swallows and then nods. She hates that she does that. She hates that she flinches when people touch her. With Clarke she has gotten pretty use to touching, but sometimes her body isn’t aware of that. 

Clarke reaches over and presses a button that releases the leg rest of the seat she is in. She smiles politely at Lexa and the brunette lets her legs stretch out. There is tension between them. It’s awkward now because Clarke is sitting stark still next to her clearly thinking about what had just happened. Lexa really just wants to be normal. She wants to be a girl who goes to a friend’s house and watches a movie without making it weird. 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, feeling bad for causing this. Clarke’s reaches out and her thumb and index finger tug on Lexa’s pinky finger just barely. Lexa doesn’t flinch this time. 

“It’s okay,” she says, squeezing the tip of her finger. It’s gentle and kind and Clarke doesn’t look angry or upset with her. She looks like she understands. 

Lexa loves Clarke. She does. She has no idea how to say it or what it means, but she knows that she loves Clarke Griffin. She is sure of that. 

“It wasn’t all the time,” Lexa says. 

“Lexa you don’t ha-“

“I know. I know I don’t,” she says reaching down and lacing her fingers with Clarke’s completely. She squeezes her hand to let Clarke know that it is okay. That she is stronger like this. “You never asked and I don’t talk about it. But my foster father didn’t do that all the time. It was only every once in a while, and only when he was drunk.” 

Clarke is stiff and still next to her, back straight as a rod. Her eyes are closed and she is breathing in deep breathes that sound pained. She hasn’t let go of Lexa’s hand though. 

“It wasn’t so bad Clarke,” she says. “I had been in worse places and I thought it was easier to deal with than to move again. I was so tired of that. I was afraid they would make me move out of the county and change schools. I know that probably doesn’t seem like much in your eyes, but to me it was.” 

Clarke’s eyes snap open. They’re dark and heavy and she looks at Lexa with so much sorrow. 

“Can I touch you,” Clarke asks. “Is that ok?” 

Lexa nods even though it scares her. She tends to fall apart when Clarke touches her. 

Clarke untangles their hands and slips her arm behind Lexa’s back pulling on her side as she inches closer. Her other arm reaches out and tugs on Lexa’s legs, and she obliges, swinging them around until they’re across Clarke’s lap. Clarke tucks her into her side and holds her there. Her face presses into the side of Lexa’s and the brunette is willing herself not cry because she just feels so much. Clarke is hugging her in a more intimate way than she ever has and it doesn’t feel bad. It doesn’t make Lexa scared. It’s…nice, actually. 

“In my eyes,” Clarke says pulling her closer and closer. She is whispering right next to Lexa’s ear and her hands are wrapped tightly around Lexa’s waist. “You are so incredibly strong. You are so selfless and so deserving and you have no idea how much I care about you Alexandria Woods. I can’t imagine why someone would ever hurt you. I wish you didn’t feel like you had to live like that in the first place. I wish you didn’t have to live in fear of anything, ever.” 

Tears are falling from Lexa’s eyes. She can’t help it. Clarke is holding her and telling her she cares and it’s all too fucking much but she never wants it to end. She lets her body rest in Clarke’s arms and buries herself deeper into the girl, her head tucked into Clarke’s neck. Her own arms wrap around Clarke’s torso. 

“I’m going to kill that man if I see him,” Clarke grits out into Lexa’s hair. The brunette smiles into Clarke’s collarbone and shakes her head. 

“No, don’t,” Lexa says. “He’s not worth me losing you over.” She looks up and sees that Clarke is nearly crying now. Her jaw is clenched and her bottom lip is trembling. 

“Okay,” Clarke says, nudging through Lexa’s hair with her nose, tugging her tighter against her. “You’re never going to lose me Lexa,” Clarke whispers. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Lexa says, her voice faint. She knows that one day she will lose Clarke. She knows that because one day you lose everybody. Life has taught her that lesson so many times. 

Clarke pulls back and looks deep into Lexa’s forest green eyes. “I don’t,” she says, firmly. 

Lexa lets Clarke hold her for a while. She lets herself feel things. She lets go in Clarke’s arms as the blonde’s fingers trace along her back lightly. She takes in deep, calm breathes and lets the tears fall as she snuggles in closer to Clarke Griffin’s embrace. 

“Stay,” Clarke says eventually and Lexa has no idea what she means. She looks up the blonde and blue eyes are gazing intently into her own. “Stay the night.” 

Lexa bites her lip and nods her head. She has no idea how to ask Indra for permission to sleep over. And she doesn’t have to because Abby is the one who calls her and offers to drive Lexa home in the morning on her way to work. 

“I have clothes you can wear to bed,” Clarke says. She pulls out an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt handing them to Lexa. She excuses herself to the bathroom and changes. The sweatpants are too big on her hips and the shirt is baggy but they are comfortable and smell like Clarke. 

Clarke has slipped into a very similar outfit when she walks out of the bathroom. Lexa is trying to fix the tie on the pants because there is a good amount of distance between them and her shirt revealing most of her navel. Clarke’s eyes are wide and focused on Lexa’s exposed skin. 

“They’re a bit big,” Lexa says, securing a proper knot. They still slide down and Lexa lets out a sigh. “It’ll do.” 

“Where do I sleep?” she asks. Clarke is sitting on her bed still staring at her, eyes glossed over and dazed look on her face. 

“Huh?” she says, jumping up a bit like she’s just snapped out a trance. “With me. Unless you don’t want to of course! I can sleep downstairs and you can sleep in my bed if you want.” 

It’s not really much of a choice to Lexa. 

Lexa falls asleep in Clarke’s arms. She hadn’t planned to, but the minute she climbed into bed the blonde had whispered, “come here” and pulled her into her side, holding onto her like she was the most precious thing and she was gone. Clarke stayed awake for a little while after watching Lexa sleep soundly and wondering how the world could be so cruel to someone so beautiful. 

//

Clarke makes up with Octavia and Raven. They show up at her house the day after Lexa leaves with food. 

“Sorry we were jerks,” Octavia says. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Raven says. 

“Don’t do it again,” Clarke says, taking the pizza from them and heading toward the kitchen. It’s her version of accepting their apology. Her friends are relieved as they follow her inside. 

“So you and Lexa are good friends,” Raven says and Clarke knows it’s a question. She is not sure they deserve an answer. She is not sure they even deserve this conversation.

Clarke nods her head and goes and gets some paper plates for them to eat the pizza on. Her Mother is at the hospital, and won’t be home till later. Clarke has no intention of doing dishes. She hands them out and they all start to eat. It’s awkward and Clarke can’t take it. 

“Lexa and I are close,” Clarke says. “And I know what you guys think of her, but you both don’t even know her.” 

Her friends seem to hear this. Their faces are ashamed and they nod along with Clarke’s words. 

“She is different, but that isn’t bad. She is really fucking smart, and funny in the weirdest of ways, and she is kind. She is not who you think.” 

Octavia and Raven pretend not to hear what they definitely do in Clarke’s voice. They have known her for a long time and they can tell when the blonde is falling for someone. Clarke is oblivious as always, and they are not going to rock the boat. But there is no denying the way her face lights up when she talks about Alexandria Woods. 

“I’m not asking you guys to be her friend. I’m just asking that you respect that I am.” 

Octavia looks over at Raven who appears sorry. “We can do that,” O says. 

“Yeah, Clarke. If she’s alright by you than she is alright by us too,” Raven says, wondering how long it’s going to take Clarke to figure out what is really going on. 

“You don’t question one of the musketeers,” Octavia says. This breaks the ice and they all smile at one and other. 

“One for all,” Clarke says, remembering how they use to recite this all the time when Raven had declared them the three musketeers in Kindergarten. 

“And all for one,” Raven finishes. 

They laugh at how dorky they are. They eat pizza and drink soda and argue over what the best toppings are. Once they finish off the entire pie they retreat to the basement where they marathon Harry Potter and debate over what houses all their teachers would be in. And everything is right in Clarke Griffin’s world again. She doesn’t see the way Raven glances at her with worried eyes every now and then. Clarke doesn’t know what’s coming and Raven is afraid for her friend. 

Homecoming week descends faster than Lexa can blink. It’s nearly November and the air is starting to get chilly. She starts wearing Clarke’s jacket to school again.

Lexa has spent the night at Clarke’s house a few more times. Pretty much every weekend except for three. It’s becoming a regular thing for them and it’s changing their friendship. Every single time Clarke holds her until she falls asleep. Lexa pretends not to know that Clarke is watching her in the moonlight, and Clarke acts like she is asleep in the morning when Lexa stares at her in the sunlight. They hold each other close until they are forced to get up, every time neither of them speak of it. But it keeps happening and Lexa is starting to wonder if she should make anything of it. 

Clarke is of course an avid participator of spirit week, being that she was recently elected the secretary of student council. 

Lexa pretends like she has no idea what she’s talking about when Clarke scolds her for not taking advantage of pajama day on Monday like everyone else. 

“I mean jeans,” Clarke says. “You could have at least worn leggings or something more comfortable than denim.” She is wearing a pair of blue flannel pajama pants that Lexa has seen many times at their sleep overs. 

“I like jeans,” Lexa says, knowing full well it’s only getting more of a rise out of Clarke. “They are comfortable,” she says, relishing in how the blonde’s mouth drops open in horror. Sometimes she likes to do that for fun. Clarke’s cute when she gets all frustrated. 

Tuesday is twin day, and Clarke, Raven, and Octavia dress up as triplets earning them the win for their class that day. Lexa had rolled her eyes and laughed when she saw all three of them together in APUSH wearing matching panda onesies. 

“Maybe she is human,” Raven whispers to Octavia as Clarke argues with her about onesies being in fashion. Octavia rolls her eyes too and the brunette smirks at her friend. 

On Wednesday Clarke looks like she just got off the bus from the 1970s with all the tie dye she is wearing. Lexa had no idea it was even possible to do that to pants, but somehow Clarke did. 

“You belong at Woodstock,” Lexa says with a smirk when Clarke greets her at her locker first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee. 

“Are you going to the dance on Saturday?” Clarke asks. It shocks Lexa momentarily. She had forgotten there even was a dance. Last year she had skipped it all together, and she was going to do the same thing this year. Homecoming was not exactly her thing. 

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Lexa says. “Why?” she asks, giving Clarke a curious look. 

“Cause I thought we would go together,” she says and Lexa feels like she has been transported to another planet. “And then I realized I just assumed and you didn’t go to homecoming last year so I thought I’d ask before I made pla-“

“Clarke,” Lexa says, ceasing her ramblings. It’s the best method she has found when it comes to handling Clarke when she gets on a roll. Lexa can’t wrap her head around the fact that Clarke just said she assumed they would go to homecoming together and she cannot take the rambling. “Are you trying to ask me to homecoming?” 

Her cheeks turn pink, and she digs her hands into her back pockets, sinking back on her heels. “Yeah,” Clarke says. At Lexa’s extremely frightened face she panics. “I mean, lots of people go with their best friend when they don’t have dates.” 

“Clarke Griffin there are at least a dozen guys and girls in this school who would die at the chance to go to homecoming with you. Why would you want to take me?” she asks. It’s a legitimate question in Lexa’s mind and a dumb one in Clarke’s. 

“Because you’re my favorite person in this school,” Clarke says giving Lexa a grin. “And I want to go with you,” she says, taking Lexa’s hands in hers. “My best friend.” 

That’s the first and second time Clarke has ever referred to her as that. The title is heavy in her heart. She is Clarke Griffin’s best friend. By some miraculous miracle she managed that. 

“I don’t have a dress,” Lexa says, blinking rapidly as she comes back to Earth and acknowledges that Clarke is standing in front of her really asking her this. 

“I’m sure we can find something,” Clarke says with a shrug. “Wait!” she yelps, excited. “Does this mean you’re saying yes.” 

Lexa stares at her stupefied. “I guess,” she says, nodding. Even she wasn’t sure of her own answer. But she knows that she will always say yes to Clarke Griffin. 

“Great!” Clarke says jumping. She grabs Lexa and pulls her in for a fierce hug. “I already got our tickets so you don’t even have to worry about that,” Clarke says pulling away from her. “And my Mom is going to pick us up and drop us off. The Delinquents are having an after party, but I figured you might not want to go so I told my Mom that you’d probably just be staying over. Is that okay?” 

Lexa nods. It’s the only thing she can manage. 

“Awesome! Okay!” Clarke says way too happy about all this. “We’re going to go to homecoming, and you’re going to love it.” 

Lexa gives Clarke a forced grin. 

The minute Lexa gets off the bus she dials one of the five numbers in her phone. She prays for them to answer as the ringing continues. 

“What’s going on Kid?” Anya ask, sounding board. 

“Clarke asked me to homecoming, as friends, and I do not have a dress, and I have never even put on make-up Anya. And I have no idea how to curl my hair or even straighten it and I am going to have a fucking panic attack!” 

Anya chuckles over the line. “Take a deep breath,” she says. “I’ll be out front in an hour to take you shopping. I’ll call Mom and tell her what’s going on.” 

Lexa does not have the chance to answer before Anya hangs up. She thought she was bad at social interactions, but Anya takes the cake when it comes to ignoring pleasantries like hello and goodbye. 

Anya had gone to play D1 lacrosse at the University of Maryland with a full scholarship. The college was local to their little town just outside of the District, and Anya was never more than a short car ride away. She had called to check up on Lexa every once in a while, and she was the only person Lexa had thought she could ask for help that would _understand_ why this gets her so worked up. 

Anya is out front true to her word in less than one hour. She honks the horn obnoxiously until Lexa bounds down the stairs and out of the house. 

“Where are we going?” she asks, when she gets into the passenger seat. 

“Shopping,” Anya says, backing out the driveway. “Mom’s meeting us at the mall.” 

Lexa hates malls. They’re loud and crowded and way too much is going on at once. She is like a mole seeing light for the first time when Anya drags her into one of the department stores where there are tons of homecoming dresses. Indra is already there with two dresses draped over her arm. 

She holds them up to Lexa the minute the two approach her. “Green matches your eyes,” she says. 

“Yeah, but black is classic,” Anya says, searching through the rack herself. 

Lexa stands there at a loss for what to do as the two women discuss her frame, size, and what color her dress should be. Lexa lets them go because she has no idea where to even begin. She is clueless when it comes to dresses. She had worn nothing but hand-me-downs and stuff from good will up until the end of last year. Fashion is not her strength. 

They make her try on what feels like a hundred dresses. Lexa is a good sport, but she really hates parading around on display while Anya and Indra dismiss her outfits one by one. It’s grueling and discouraging, and maybe homecoming is not worth it. And then she remembers the smile on Clarke’s lips when she said she would go and decides it is. She puts on the last dress that’s hanging on the hook in her dressing room and steps out. 

“That’s the one!” Indra declares, getting more excited than Lexa’s ever seen her foster mother. 

“Hot damn Woods,” Anya says, whistling. 

Lexa turns and looks at herself in the mirror. It’s not so bad. 

“On to makeup,” Anya says, and Indra stands up and follows her. Lexa groans. Being a girl is hard. 

//

Thursday is superhero day and Clarke is dressed like Wonder Woman. Lexa can’t laugh at that costume, but she does smirk at the girl when she meets her at her locker before school starts. 

“You are seriously no fun,” Clarke says, noting Lexa’s usual jeans and sweater outfit. “What’s it going to take to get you to dress up?” she asks. 

“I already bought a dress and heels, what more do you want from me?” Lexa says, way more friendly than she means to. It comes out flirtatious. 

Clarke visibly blanks. “You got a dress?” she stutters. 

“Yeah. Was I supposed to wear something else to the dance?” Lexa asks. She doesn’t like that she just made this weird. She seriously hates herself sometimes. 

“No, no,” Clarke says quickly. A hand comes up to rub at the back of her neck. “You should wear a dress. I am too. Unless of course you don’t want to wear a dress, but you do so that’s great!” 

“Okay then,” Lexa says, closing her locker. She is a bit uncomfortable with the direction she took this conversation. “I have to get to class,” she says, practically running away from Clarke. 

She hides in the auditorium during lunch and ignores Clarke’s texts. She even tries to avoid her when school gets out by leaving class early and being the first one on her bus. Except Clarke is sitting in her seat when she gets on. 

“Any particular reason you’re avoiding me?” she asks, with a raised eyebrow from Lexa’s usual seat. 

Lexa looks up at her bus driver who is busy acting like he is reading the newspaper. 

“Joe and I go way back,” Clarke says, explaining the question her best friend did not ask. Lexa sighs and takes a seat next to the blonde. 

“No,” she says and Clarke just looks at her. “I mean yes. I just…this whole thing is making me nervous,” Lexa says, and it isn’t a complete lie. 

Clarke nods. “I can understand that. But you should talk to me about it instead of running from me,” she says. 

“I know,” Lexa grumbles. “Just you were so excited, and that made me excited. And then I went and got a dress, and I’m just not use to all this,” Lexa says. 

“You don’t have to go,” Clarke says turning so her whole body is facing Lexa’s. She picks up her hand and plays with Lexa’s fingers in the space between them. “You can say no and I will totally respect that.” Lexa knows she will. She knows she will because Clarke Griffin is a saint. 

“I want to go,” she says, and leaves out the last part her brain keeps whispering. For you. She snags the hand Clarke has been using to play with hers and squeezes. “I do. I just got scared.” 

“If it happens again just tell me,” Clarke says, leaning her head back against the seat so she can look into Lexa’s eyes. “I won’t be mad.” 

Lexa nods. “Okay.” 

Clarke kisses her cheek and springs up from the bench. “See you tomorrow,” she says bouncing off the bus. She winks at Lexa just before she descends the stairs. Lexa makes eye contact with Joe in the rearview mirror and scowls. 

Friday is spirit day and each grade has been assigned an obnoxious color. For sophomores, it’s neon green. Clarke resembles a human grasshopper what with every inch of her being covered in the color from her headband to her green tights and matching spray-painted sneakers. 

“Woah,” Lexa says at the sight. 

“You wish you were this cool,” Clarke says, posing like a complete goofball. Lexa bursts out laughing. 

“Totally,” she says. 

“You’re not going to the game, right?” Clarke asks, as Lexa unloads her books from her backpack into her locker. She shakes her head. “No I promised Indra I would help with yard work after school.” 

It’s true, she had. Except Indra had never asked her to. Lexa had volunteered her services because she wanted an excuse not to go to the football game. A couple of Clarke’s close friends are on the team and she knows the Delinquents are all going together to support them. She doesn’t want to intrude on that and she knows damn well that Clarke would leave her friends to stand in the corner with her. She just has absolutely no idea why. 

“Cool, cool,” Clarke says nodding. “We’re still on for Saturday though, right?” 

“Yeah,” Lexa says, closing her locker. “We are.” She smiles at Clarke and the blonde grins back at her. 

“And,” Lexa says, unzipping Clarke’s jacket to reveal the bright neon green top she had swiped out of Anya’s old stuff. “You finally wore me down.” 

“Fuck yeah I did,” Clarke says, throwing her fist up in the air. 

“Stop you idiot,” Lexa says, tugging Clarke’s arm down as they both laugh at how silly the situation is. “It’s a shirt not a declaration of allegiance.” 

“Hey, whatever you have to tell yourself,” Clarke teases. 

Lexa rolls her eyes. “Come on, I’m going to be late for first period and I’m not about to let you mess up my perfect record, jock.” 

Clarke acts offended the entire walk to her classroom. 

Lexa pretends like everything is normal and she is not going to a dance with Clarke all of Friday evening. She is awoken Saturday morning by Anya sitting on her bed throwing raisins at her head. 

“Hey Kid,” she says, eating some of said raisins when Lexa’s eyes open. 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asks, confused.

“Helping you get ready for your dance tonight,” she says. “Time to get up, we have work to do.” 

Anya makes her go on a run with her. Lexa does not run. By the time they make it around the block once she is gasping for air and wants to pass out. 

“Why the fuck am I running?” she asks, when Anya lets them stop. She jogs in place while Lexa slowly dies. 

“Because you need to burn off some of your energy so you’re not so nervous,” Anya says. “Now move.” 

Lexa whispers curse words as she limps after Anya. Maybe she really should start working out more if she’s this out of shape at fifteen. After their morning exercise she showers and eats breakfast with Anya. It’s a protein shake that tastes like dirt but she has drunk worse in her life. 

“Are you drinking tonight?” Anya asks. Her question is not invasive in any way. It’s just a curious one. 

“No,” Lexa says shaking her head. “I mean, I’m not. I don’t think Clarke is. We are just going to her house after the dance.” 

Anya has always liked Clarke. She liked her as a teammate and she respected her choices as a person. 

“Good,” Anya says nodding. “If that changes you can always call me for a ride.” 

That sentiment touches Lexa. It’s a really nice one. She nods and Anya nods back. This is about as deep as their conversations go. 

Indra arrives home early from work and sets to doing Lexa’s hair. She braids two separate pieces from the sides of her head to the back and down the center of her hair. She spends a good amount of time with a curling iron fussing over the back of Lexa’s head as Lexa sits patiently in her and Gus’ bathroom. 

“Your hair is a jungle,” Indra says, marveling at the thickness of it. “I need a machete not a brush.” 

Lexa does not know if it’s a compliment or an insult. A lot of what Indra says is confusing like that. 

Anya does her make-up. She sets up a ton of stuff in the bathroom, tells Lexa to shut her eyes, and goes to town. When Lexa opens her eyes back up so that Anya can apply mascara to her eyelashes she gasps at her reflection. 

“I know,” Anya says smugly. “I do good work.” 

“My face doesn’t look the same,” Lexa says, widening her eyes to make sure she is in fact looking at herself in the mirror and not another person who has slipped into the room. 

“That’s what makeup does,” Anya says. 

She makes Lexa put her dress on before she helps her apply a bright red lipstick after lining her lips with a pencil. She shows her how to blot and then stands back to look at her masterpiece. 

“I have to say Woods you look pretty fucking good.” 

Lexa stares at herself in the full-length mirror in her bedroom. “I do not recognize this person,” she says. 

“Maybe because she’s been hiding,” Anya says, placing a hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “Let her out for a change.” Anya’s brown eyes meet Lexa’s in the mirror and there is a moment of complete understanding between them. 

Indra knocks on the door and they both tell her to come in, looking away from one another at the same time. “Very beautiful,” she says when she sees Lexa. Indra smiles and brushes Lexa’s hair back from her shoulders. 

Lexa is still self-conscious about how she looks, but it’s nice that they like it. Assuring at the very least that she is not a total train wreck. 

“Alright kid,” Anya says. “I’m out.” She stands in front of her foster sister and smirks. “Go knock their socks off.” Lexa nods and Anya does the same. 

Indra drives her to Clarke’s. She goes with her to the door and rings the bell. Abby answers and smiles so brightly at Lexa she thinks she has to be faking it. 

“Oh my goodness Honey,” Abby says, reaching out to grab Lexa by the shoulders. “You look so pretty.”

“Thanks Dr. Griffin,” she says, bashful. Abby ushers them into the house and calls up the stairs for Clarke. 

“Your date is here,” she teases, smiling over at Lexa. Indra’s eyes catch with Abby’s momentarily and a wordless exchange passes between them. 

“I’m coming,” Clarke says, carefully walking down the stairs with her heels. She is watching her feet and not looking up so she doesn’t see Lexa waiting for her. 

When she reaches the bottom of the steps she finally does. “Hey Lexx-holy shit.” Clarke comes to an abrupt halt and nearly topples over because of her heels. She stills and her eyes widen and she feels every sense of reality leave her. 

Lexa is beautiful. She is always beautiful. Clarke knows a pretty girl when she sees one even if they wear baggy clothes. She has never not known that about Lexa. Except the girl standing in her living room doesn’t even look like her best friend. 

She is wearing a gray dress that is a sleeveless halter-top. The top half is made out of lace with a strand of rhinestones running along the waist. From there it flounces out into a skirt made of tool that ends just before her knees. She is has on a pair of matching heels. And her hair is done up, and she is wearing make-up, and holy shit Clarke needs to fucking breathe. She is reminded by Abby smacking her on the back saying, “Clarke, breathe!” 

Clarke takes in a deep breath and blinks. “Sorry,” she says. “This dress is tight,” she lies because this is beyond embarrassing. 

Lexa looks nervous and she is fiddling with her fingers that are linked in front of her. 

“Wow,” Clarke says, looking over Lexa with disbelief. 

“Wow good or wow bad?” Lexa asks, still self-conscious as ever. She is not sure what to make of Clarke’s reaction. 

“Wow really good. Like whoa, wow. Like you are kind of beyond gorgeous at the moment. Not that you aren’t the rest of the time, but this is just…different.” she says, rambling. That makes Lexa grin. Clarke only rambles when she is nervous and if Lexa is making her nervous than that must be a good sign because she is a bundle of anxiety.

“You look beautiful too Clarke,” Lexa says. And she does. She is completely lovely in her navy dress. It’s got straps that lead down into an elongated V-shape that reveal a good amount of cleavage. The skirt flounces out like Lexa’s but it’s made out of a silky fabric that moves with Clarke. Her hair is down in loose waves around her face, and her make-up makes her eyes pop with the same blue as her dress. 

“Thanks,” Clarke says, feeling her cheeks burn. 

“Alright, pictures you two!” Abby says, clapping her hands together. She makes them go out to the back of the house to take pictures by the tree in the backyard. They hold on to each other’s sides in a pose with smiles plastered on their faces as Abby goes nuts with a camera. Indra snaps a few of her own with her phone and rolls her eyes at Abby. 

“Stop with the pictures already,” Indra says. “You are going to make the children blind with that flash.” 

Abby scowls at her and Lexa laughs. “You totally look like that when you’re mad,” she says to Clarke. 

Clarke looks like she is actually offended. “I do not. Take that back.” 

“I can’t take back what is true Clarke,” she says. Clarke shivers at the way Lexa’s name rolls off her tongue. That’s new. 

“Are we still going over to the Blake’s?” Abby asks, innocently. 

Clarke’s face drops and she glances at Lexa, worried. “I sent you a text to ask but you never answered. The gang is taking pictures and they want me to be there,” Clarke explains. 

Lexa nods. “You should go. They are your best friends. I can just meet you at the school.” 

“Well,” Clarke says. “I was kind of hoping you would come with me. You are my date after all and they are all going to be there with their dates, so you’re invited. And I don’t really want to go have my pictures taken without you.” 

Lexa is floored. She has no idea what to say to that. The idea is horrifying to her, but it’s Clarke. 

“That’s fine,” Lexa says. “As long as they won’t mind.” 

“No,” Clarke says. “They won’t.” 

And they don’t mind. No one says anything about Lexa showing up with Clarke to the Blake’s mansion. Instead they just kind of gawk at Lexa not realizing it’s her at first. 

“Uh, who is the hottie?” Raven asks everyone when Clarke gets out of the car and holds her hand out to help a brunette do the same. 

“No fucking way,” Octavia says at the sight of the girl getting out of Abby’s beamer. 

“Who is that?” Bellamy asks, and his date smacks him hard against the chest because of the dreamy look on his face. 

“Is that the Commander?” Monty asks. 

“She can command me any time,” Jasper says, and Monty smacks his best friend on the arm. 

“Dude, no,” Monty says shaking his head. “She’s Clarke’s.” 

“Hey guys,” Clarke says when she walks up to them. She is holding Lexa’s hand and the brunette is staring at the gravel as she stands next to Clarke. They had been all been standing around the front yard posing for various pictures in the garden. “Happy Homecoming.” 

Lexa looks scared. 

“Whose the babe?” Jasper shouts. 

Lexa’s head snaps up and her face is saying it all. “This is Lexa,” Clarke says squeezing her hand. “You know, the girl we’ve gone to school with since Kindergarten?” 

“No shit,” Jasper says, realization dawning on his features. Monty lets out a sigh and rolls his eyes. 

“Ignore him,” he says, looking at Lexa. “He’s an idiot. I’m Monty and it’s nice to meet you.” Clarke is very thankful for her friend then. 

The scandal of it seems to evaporate as they are interrupted by a herd of Moms wanting to take pictures. Lexa is forced to pose with the group on Clarke’s arm. She is standing next to Monty and is appreciative that he seems to be the one least effected by her presence. 

Lexa’s eyes hurt from all the flashes, and she is left blinking up at the sky wondering if her vision will ever return. Clarke goes to take a few pictures with Raven and Octavia at Lexa’s insistence that she can leave her alone for a few minutes. 

“Hey,” Bellamy says, approaching her with a smile. “I’m Bellamy Blake,” he says. 

“I know who you are,” Lexa says, focusing in on his face. “I have been in history class with you since the fourth grade. Remember you use to throw erasers at my head?” 

Bellamy’s charming smile is wiped from his features. “I guess I did use to do that, didn’t I?” he says, clearly embarrassed. 

“Yeah, and you use to copy off of me. You also put fake snakes in my backpack in middle school.” 

“Okay,” Bellamy says. “I’m an asshole.” 

Lexa does not look amused by his remark. “Just save it. I’m here for Clarke, not you.” 

Lexa turns back around so that she can continue to try and blink her vision back. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Bellamy says feeling guilty. “I know the whole being an idiot kid excuse isn’t a good one, but I was a jerk and I’m sorry.” 

Lexa doesn’t answer him and she breathes a sigh of relief when she hears him walk away. Clarke returns with a wide smile and a flushed face. 

“Hey,” she says. “Still doing okay?” 

“Just peachy,” Lexa answers. 

“Ready to go to the dance?” Clarke asks. 

Lexa nods. “Ready as I’m ever going to be.” 

Homecoming is not what Lexa expected. When she pictured a school dance she did not picture a giant rave going on in the gym with a bunch of sweaty, hormonal teenagers grinding on each other. 

“I know,” Clarke says once they enter the gym hand in hand. “It’s kind of gross.” 

Lexa is stunned speechless. She lets Clarke guide her to a table where the delinquents have set up home base. She sits next to Clarke as her ears adjust to the volume and her eyes follow the roaming, colorful lights. It smells like sweat and sex. 

“We’re going to hit the dance floor,” Bellamy says, taking his date and heading for the center of the gym that looks like one big orgy. “Us too,” Raven says, tugging up her date by his tie. His name is Kyle and he goes to a different school. Lexa kind of got a douchey vibe from him. 

“Don’t worry,” Clarke says, leaning in close so that she can hear. She takes Lexa’s hand in hers underneath the table. “We don’t have to dance unless you want to.” 

Lexa is more afraid of the fact that she kind of does want to dance with Clarke. She’s just too scared to admit it. They sit at the table until it’s completely empty. Everyone is dancing and Lexa hates that she agreed to this. 

“Stop,” Clarke says, squeezing her thigh. “Stop beating yourself up over this.” Lexa doesn’t flinch at Clarke’s touch and she makes her decision then. Lexa is sick of holding herself back. 

“You’re going to have to teach me,” Lexa says, and Clarke looks confused. “How to dance like that. I’ve never done it,” Lexa says, looking over at the dance floor. 

“I can do that,” Clarke says with a grin. 

She holds out her hand for Lexa and the brunette takes it. She lets Clarke guide her out into the mess of bodies and weaves with her as they make their way toward the center where most of Clarke’s friends are dancing. 

“You just move your hips to the beat,” Clarke yells over top of the music and Lexa nods her head. Clarke smiles at her and tugs on her hand to pull their bodies together. She grabs ahold of Lexa’s hips and spins her around. Clarke presses her front to Lexa’s back, and her hands never leave her hips. There is not an inch between them and Lexa can’t help but whine. 

“You okay?” Clarke asks, whispering into her ear. Lexa nods even though she is so far from okay. “Just follow my lead,” Clarke says. 

Clarke’s hips sway with the beat of the music and Lexa does her best to follow. She is bad at it. “I’m going to help you out some,” Clarke says. “Spread your legs a bit,” she says into Lexa’s ear. The brunette’s face drains of color but she does as she is told. Clarke’s thigh inserts itself between her legs and helps guide her body along with the blonde’s. “That’s it,” she whispers, a smile pressing into Lexa’s neck. _Yeah, that’s really fucking it._

They dance for a long time. Lexa tries not to make noises as Clarke grinds into her backside and Clarke does her best to make sure their bodies are glued together. They are surrounded by most of the student body and it is hot…as in temperature wise. And the other way, who is she kidding. 

Clarke’s body feels good pressed so close to her and Lexa loves the way Clarke’s fingers dig possessively into her hips when she does something Clarke likes. The blonde has been burying her nose in Lexa’s neck for the better half of a Pitbull song when Lexa reaches up and tangles her hand in Clarke’s hair, tugging gently on it. 

Clarke actually whimpers and Lexa releases her hair thinking it hurt. “No,” Clarke rasps, way too turned on. “Do that again.” So she does. She leans even further back and tugs on Clarke’s hair as they dance, clueless to the extent of the effect it is having on the blonde. 

“I need a drink,” Clarke says, when she feels like she is going to explode. Lexa nods, and they make their way off the dance floor. 

All the refreshments are in the small gym that is located outside of the big gym and down the hallway by the locker rooms. There faces are flushed and their breaths are ragged as they walk the small distance to grab a bottle of water. They step out the open doors that lead outside and gulp in the cold air. It calms their breathing for a minute. 

“You’ve got some smooth moves,” Clarke says, smiling over at Lexa. “You’re not such a bad student.” 

“And you’re not a bad teacher,” Lexa says, drinking down some more water. 

“Are you having a good time?” Clarke asks, and she looks a bit scared. 

Lexa nods. “Yes. I am.” 

They go back to the dance floor, and Clarke tries to slow things down a bit. But if Lexa pulls her hair one more time she is not going to be held responsible for her actions (even if she brought it on herself by encouraging her). The group is dancing around them. There are points where Clarke is pulled away to dance in the middle of Raven and Octavia, or even with Jasper. That is when Monty swoops in and dances with her in the goofiest way making Lexa laugh and feel much less alone. She tries to keep up with his frantic and crazy moves, but she can’t, she just laughs. Clarke always comes back to her though. 

“You’re lucky I’m a girl,” Clarke says in Lexa’s ears when they’re grinding real slow to a song. “When you do this with a guy they’re almost always hard,” she says, and laughs. 

“Ew,” Lexa says, leaning further back into Clarke so she can hear her better. “That’s gross.” 

“Well it’s kind of inevitable,” she says. “You can only dry hump someone for so long before they just get a boner.” Lexa laughs and Clarke loves the sound of it. Clarke tugs her closer to her and really moves her hips. “Besides it’s normal for dancing like this to turn you on.” Clarke voice is…not innocent. It sounds like she is turned on and it freaks Lexa out. 

“I think I need some more air,” Lexa says, breaking away from Clarke and making a beeline for the exit. Clarke is surprised and tries to follow her but is stopped when someone blocks her path. 

Finn is drunk, and standing in front of her with a smug smile. “What do you want?” she asks, looking over his shoulder to see if she can spot Lexa. Everything had been going fine and then she had opened her mouth and Clarke could sense the panic she started inside the girl. 

“Dance with me,” he slurs, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into him. Clarke is thrown off balance by her heels making her fall face first into his chest. But it doesn’t look like that to Lexa who is standing by the doors watching. She ducks out before she can see Bellamy come up and shove Finn away from Clarke. 

Lexa winds her way down the halls away from the gym. She sneaks into a classroom and is thrown when someone else is in there. 

“Who are you?” a girl asks, standing up and putting out her cigarette that she had been holding out the window. 

“I didn’t realize anyone else was in here,” Lexa says, catching her breath. 

“Wait a minute,” she says, a smile coming over her lips. “I know you. You’re in my math class. You’re the only sophomore in that class,” she says. Lexa nods. She does recognize her. She’s a transfer student. She couldn’t remember her name. Maybe it started with a K?

“What are you doing in here?” she asks, taking in the girl’s panicked state. She approaches Lexa cautiously until she is standing right in front of her. 

“Has a girl ever turned you on before?” Lexa asks, not knowing what has come over her. The question just sort of flies out of her mouth. She would talk to anyone who would listen in this moment. 

The girl laughs. “Many a times. But it helps that I’m not exactly straight. Why? Someone turning you on?”

“As it turns out school dances are very provocative and I think I may be confused.” 

The girl nods, her face thoughtful. “Let me help clear it up for you,” she says, and she grabs Lexa’s face and kisses her. It happens so fast that the brunette does not even have time to react. She tastes like an ashtray and her lips are chapped, but it still does something to Lexa’s insides that she is confident no man will ever do. 

“Anything?” the girl asks when she pulls back. Lexa’s eyes are still half-closed and she is kind of shaking. 

“Definitely.” 

The girl smirks and releases Lexa’s face. “Have a great rest of your evening pretty girl,” she says, as she leaves. 

“I’m really fucking gay,” Lexa whispers to the empty classroom. It’s the first time she’s said it out loud. 

Clarke somehow manages to find her, because it is her special skill or something, and Lexa is still leaning against the desk in the same state the other girl had left her in. Clarke looks worried and she is careful as she steps into Lexa’s space. 

“Are you okay?” Clarke asks. 

“I’m gay,” Lexa says, not even looking at Clarke. “Like I kind of always knew, but now I am sure I definitely am.” 

This is not what Clarke had been expecting. Lexa can tell by the look on her face. 

“Is there any reason in particular this is coming out now?” Clarke asks, trying not to push too hard. One minute they are dancing, the next Lexa is gay. It’s too much to be a coincidence. 

“A girl just kissed me,” Lexa says still disbelieving. “I didn’t really kiss her back because I wasn’t expecting it. I don’t even know her name, but it all sort of clicked into place.” Lexa is so distracted by her own feelings that she doesn’t see the jealous look come over Clarke’s face. It morphs quickly when Lexa looks over at her. 

Clarke’s face is a bit shocked when Lexa sees it. “A girl kissed you? Just kissed you? Someone you don’t even know?” 

Lexa nods. “She was in here when I came in, smoking. I do know her, we have math together, and she’s an upperclassman. I cannot remember her name, but yeah. She just grabbed my face and I don’t really think I can deny it anymore. If a strange girl kissing me can do that I think I don’t have much of a choice.” 

“Lexa,” Clarke says. “Had you ever been kissed before?” 

“Nope,” she says, popping the P. “Never.” 

“Oh,” Clarke says. “Well that’s one way to do it.” 

Lexa laughs. She turns to look at Clarke who appears a bit lost. “Does this change anything?” she asks. 

“You mean with us?” Clarke asks. Lexa nods. “No. It didn’t change anything when I told you I was bisexual did it?” Lexa shakes her head. “Then why would you being gay change anything?” 

_Because,_ Lexa thinks, but she can’t finish the thought. _It changes everything_ Clarke thinks. A silence falls over them until the brunette breaks it. 

“What did Finn want?” Lexa asks. 

Clarke rolls her eyes. “A dance. I told him to go drown in his whiskey.” Lexa laughs with Clarke at that. 

“Do you want to get out of here? Go home and change into pajamas and binge watch Downton Abby?” Clarke asks. 

“So much,” Lexa says, wanting to rip her own dress off. 

That’s exactly what they do. Dr. Griffin comes and picks them up and they talk about the highlights of the dance as she drives them home. Clarke helps Lexa take her makeup off and pretends that being so close to the girl doesn’t affect her the way it does. Two hours ago Clarke was grinding on her, and now she can barely handle standing above Lexa while she sits on the edge of the tub. So much doesn’t make sense in her brain. 

Lexa wears Clarke’s clothes to bed like she usually does and it tugs at the heart beating rapidly in Clarke’s chest. Clarke sets up the Amazon account on the television in her room and they both climb into bed. 

When they are half-asleep and all curled up Clarke reaches out to tug Lexa to her and the girl stills. “Lexa,” Clarke says, her voice sleepy, but worried. “What is it?” 

“Remember what I told you tonight,” she whispers. Clarke’s eyes are closed but she nods. “It really doesn’t change anything for you?” she asks. Clarke’s eyes flutter open and stare into Lexa’s green orbs. 

“No,” Clarke says. She tugs again and Lexa slides over closer to her. “You’re still my Lexa,” Clarke says, wrapping her arms around her middle. “My gay little Lexa,” Clarke says happily, placing her chin on top of the brunette’s head as Lexa tucks her own into Clarke’s chest. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s center and leans into her touch. Clarke hums happily at the contact and Lexa can feel the girl slipping further into sleep. 

“Lexa,” Clarke says barely awake. 

“Yes Clarke?” 

“Thank you for being my date. I had a nice time.” 

“Me too,” she says, chuckling. “Me too.” 

And Lexa thinks everything might just be okay. 

A few things change between the span of homecoming and Valentine’s Day. For one Lexa grapples with the fact that she is gay, and finally gathers the courage to attend one of the GSA meetings. Something she has been wanting to do since freshman year. Clarke gladly accompanies her, and they both can’t help but smile at one another the entire time. They keep going back. 

Clarke and Lexa have grown closer. It just sort of happens. Clarke starts to walk her to almost every single one of her classes. She often holds her hand now when she does. Lexa had thought it was odd at first, but then decided that it felt right and she doesn’t really care what anyone else has to say about it. 

This is another development. They have started to become more openly affectionate with one another. Often times Clarke is holding her hand, or holding onto her hips from behind when people are talking to her. Clarke’s hands are almost always on her in some way, especially when they stand outside of Lexa’s math class. It sort of feels possessive to her, but she is quite alright with Clarke claiming her. 

Lexa finds herself playing with Clarke’s hair all the time, even when they’re just standing in the hallway outside of her next class waiting for the bell to ring. She often loops her finger through Clarke’s belt loops when she is walking next to her and not holding her hand or when they’re just talking. And she has gotten into the strangest habit of kissing Clarke on the nose. She has no idea what is happening, but it feels too damn good to stop.

 _They’re just friends,_ she tells herself. _Friends must be allowed to be affectionate like this._

Lacrosse season starts, and Clarke has less time for her after school. But that’s okay because she uses the time to start tutoring more, and they start spending almost every single weekend together. This is really just an excuse for them to lie on top of each other when no one is looking and pretend like they are studying together or watching a movie when practically none of those things are ever getting done. Mostly because Clarke has discovered that Lexa is severely ticklish on her sides and uses that knowledge to constantly torment her any time they are cuddling on the couch together (which happens to be almost every time they are supposed to be studying). 

Clarke convinces Lexa to start coming to her games. She sits with Dr. Griffin having grown sort of familiar with the woman because she is at her house so often now. They often discuss Lexa’s classes, and whether or not Clarke is keeping up in hers. Dr. Griffin also always takes the time to explain the games to Lexa, because she still doesn’t entirely understand the sport. She understands that Clarke is good, and she wants their team to win. That’s about it. She is grateful for the explanations. 

Dr. Griffin takes Lexa with her to the away games too since the girls just end up having sleep overs anyway. There are a lot of car rides where Clarke’s head is in Lexa’s lap and she is sound asleep while the brunette reads a book with her free hand threading through Clarke’s hair. Abby pretends not to notice it. 

They take the PSATs and it comes back that Lexa scores one of the highest scores in the country. She had gotten every single question correct along with six other people. Kane had called her down to guidance to tell her, and she had only told Clarke who had hugged her so tight and said, “You’re going to rule the world one day Woods.” 

Lexa is still bored. Her classes are more challenging than they were before but they’re easy to her now. She has already accelerated way past what they’re doing in class. She has taken up learning Spanish and Latin to keep her busy since she is already fluent in French. Arkadia’s Spanish teacher gives Lexa tapes and work to do, and she had found a bunch of books and tapes at the library for Latin. It’s helping keep her busy in class at least. 

When Valentine’s Day rolls around Lexa is kind of anxious. It’s the first one since her and Clarke have started their friendship and she is curious as to how it will go. She is a bit distracted when she opens her locker and starts to put her books from the evening in and take her other ones out. She feels an arm slip around her waist and a warm hand grab onto her hip as she is tugged back into Clarke’s soft form. 

“Good Morning,” she says in Lexa’s ear. She places a kiss on her cheek and smiles into her skin. It makes Lexa giggle. It’s insane how much Clarke’s presence affects her. 

“Good Morning,” she returns, leaning back and placing her own kiss on the underside of Clarke’s jaw. She gets a better look at the blonde’s sleepy blue eyes and it makes her grin. She had been up late finishing a paper for English. Lexa knows this because she had been texting her the entire time. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” Clarke says, pulling a single rose out from behind her back. 

Lexa’s eyes widen as she accepts the flower. She can’t help but sniff it as her fingers twirl the stem. No one has ever given her a flower before. “It’s so lovely,” Lexa says. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Clarke says beaming at the look on Lexa’s face. “I was afraid you might think it was corny.” 

“No,” Lexa says shaking her head. “I don’t at all.” Her eyes look up to Clarke and there’s nothing but love shinning back at her. 

“And,” Clarke says, fishing back into her bookbag. “Of course,” she says, presenting a white envelope with red script to Lexa. She hands the card over to Lexa and she smiles. 

The front of it has two red puzzle pieces drawn apart. It reads: We just fit. Lexa smirks as she opens the card. It’s a drawing of them sitting underneath the tree in Clarke’s backyard. Except cupid is flying above them with his heart shaped arrows. It reads: _Be my Valentine? Love, Clarke._

Lexa is smiling in the deepest of ways when she looks up at Clarke. “Always,” she says, kissing Clarke’s nose. It makes the blonde crinkle her eyes. Lexa thinks it’s beyond adorable. 

Clarke holds her hand and walks her to class. She does this all day long. In fact she is exceptionally affectionate all day long. When the stand out of math class Lexa is bit thrown at the way Clarke buries her head in the crook of her neck when she hugs her. 

“Your girlfriend get you that rose?” Costia had teased when Lexa walked into the room. That was the name of the girl who had kissed her at homecoming. Lexa didn’t answer, but that word made her heart fall. Clarke was not her girlfriend. 

It’s not something she can get out of her head until Raven Reyes strolls into her AP Chemistry class with a smirk and a note that she hands to the teacher. “We’re having a new student join us apparently,” their teacher says. “Since you’re both in the same grade I am going to have you be Lexa’s lab partner,” he says. “She can help catch you up with what we’re doing.” 

Lexa had been enjoying the better part of the year working alone (she was ahead of the class). Raven nods and sits at the table with Lexa on the opposite side. Her eyes wander down to the rose that is lying beside Lexa’s books. It was too fragile to stick in her backpack so she has been carrying it around. 

“So, what boring shit are we working on in here?” Raven asks, glancing at Lexa’s binder. 

Lexa doesn’t hesitate in explaining that they are studying rates of chemical reactions and the details of the molecular collisions. She speaks about the basics they have been covering in their notes, and the pages of their textbook that will help Raven catch up. She even offers to make copies of her notes from the entire year for her. Lexa is in her own world and when she looks up after she is done talking she is surprised to see that Raven is staring at her, dumbfounded. 

“Clarke was not lying when she said you were smart,” she says. Her eyes grow a bit wide. “What are you? A genius or something?” Lexa has to act like she doesn’t care that Clarke talks about her when she’s not around. 

Lexa shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t believe intelligence can be measured,” she says, smartly. She is being defensive, because it’s the only thing she knows how to do with people. But Raven is Clarke’s best friend and maybe she deserves more slack. Maybe she can try, for Clarke. 

“That’s just code for yes,” Raven huffs, rolling her eyes. 

“What about you? You must be smart to be transferred in here?” 

Blatant shock comes over Raven’s face that Lexa Woods just asked her a question. That she just spoke to her of her own volition. Usually the girl just stops talking. Conversations don’t happen with Alexandria unless your last name is Griffin. 

“Basic chemistry wasn’t cutting it. I was annoying my teacher when I kept having to correct him for telling people the wrong thing.” 

“That’s what happens when you employ a baseball coach with a degree in sports management as a science teacher,” Lexa says. 

Raven’s eyes twinkle as she looks as the brunette and she lets out a laugh. “You’re even smarter than I thought Woods. Maybe Clarke is right about you,” she says. 

Lexa looks confused but she doesn’t say anything. It kind of bothers Raven because she can see clear as day that the girl has questions. This is what bugs her about Lexa. She doesn’t understand her. 

“You know Woods,” Raven says. “If you want to ask me something I’m not going to bite your head off for it.” 

Lexa nods and her lips purse as she considers Raven’s words. “What do you mean when you say Clarke is right about me? Right about what?” she asks, her voice careful. 

Raven glares at her like she is stupid. 

“Uh…” Raven begins. “You’re joking, right?” 

Lexa is not joking. Raven can tell that she has no idea what she is talking about. She shakes her head and her eyes stare at her notebook instead of at the brunette. Raven has no idea how someone can be so clueless. Then again Clarke is the champion of being oblivious to her feelings. 

“Lexa,” Raven says and it doesn’t feel as weird as she thought it would to call the girl by her first name. “Clarke kind of thinks the sun shines out of your ass,” she says, tapping the end of her pencil against the desk next to the rose to emphasize her point. It makes the brunette’s green eyes rise to look at her intently. “Despite what everyone else thinks and says Clarke has always thought that about you. I don’t know how you can’t see it because the way she looks at you…” Raven trails off and remembers this is not her place. “I hope someone will look at me like that one day. I’m just saying Clarke might be on to something.” 

Their eyes lock for a few brief seconds before Lexa’s green orbs break away to look over at the clock. They have three minutes of class left. Raven can see that the girl has no idea how to respond. She packs up her books as Lexa does the same thing. Silence seems to be a powerful form of communication with Lexa. 

“You know I feel the same way,” Lexa whispers and Raven freezes. “You can tell,” she says, locking eyes with the girl again. “You can tell how much she means to me?” 

It’s a question and a declaration rolled into one. Raven nods. Yeah, she can tell that. And Raven suddenly gets it. She gets that Lexa feels the same way about herself as everyone else does about her. This is all Clarke’s doing. And it scares Lexa senseless. She doesn’t think she deserves Clarke. 

Raven has been really wrong about Alexandria Woods. 

Clarke is waiting outside their room when the bell rings. She blinks at the sight of Raven, and smiles when Lexa walks out behind her forgetting her friend entirely. Raven can’t help but note how happy Lexa makes Clarke. 

“Hey,” she says, wrapping her arm around Lexa’s waist and giving her a smile. “What are you doing here?” Clarke asks, looking to her best friend. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” Raven says, looking at the two as they stand together. She knows exactly why Clarke is there. Lexa is not shying away from Clarke’s touch, but it’s clear she doesn’t feel comfortable that Raven is watching them. She resembles a child who knows she is being bad. Lexa is shifting on her feet and her face is solemn. “I got transferred into this class. Me and your girl here are going to be lab partners,” she says, looking over at Lexa whose eyes are glued to the linoleum.

“That’s…interesting,” Clarke says. “Guess Lexa will just have to make sure you don’t burn the school down,” she jokes. Clarke smiles down at Lexa affectionately and Raven watches the girl force a smile for her like everything is okay. And yeah, Lexa really cares about Clarke and doesn’t want her to hurt. Raven can tell that Lexa is deep in thought about what they said to each other. About Clarke. 

“Guess so,” she says, trying to sound normal, her voice flat. “I’ll see you around,” she says, and disappears down the hall. 

“You ready?” Clarke asks, tugging on Lexa’s hip. 

“Yeah,” is Lexa’s faint reply. 

That weekend Lexa is at Clarke’s house as usual. Abby is at the hospital for a twelve-hour shift since its one of the few Sundays that Clarke doesn’t have a game and they are left alone. The blonde is using the time to lie around her house pretending to study when really she is just staring at Lexa, who is actually doing her work. 

They are sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table in Clarke’s living room. MTV has been playing in the background, volume low so it barely makes noise. Lexa is trying to focus on her work instead of the way Clarke’s index finger is lazily tracing circles on her bare thigh under the table. Lexa is wearing sleep shorts and a tank top because she slept over and Clarke made her make a pack not to change out of their pajamas all day since she is not running ten miles on a field. 

Clarke sighs heavily with boredom as she tries to solve one of her Pre-Calc problems. Lexa knows what is coming next. 

“Lexa,” Clarke whines, as if on cue. It makes the brunette want to smile, but she doesn’t. Clarke throws down her pencil and pouts. 

“I’m not doing your homework for you Clarke,” she says. She doesn’t actually look at Clarke because she knows that if she does her ongoing battle with smiling will be forfeited. 

“I don’t want you to. I just need help. Come on, please?” she begs, putting her hands together and batting her eyelashes. “You are a tutor after all.” 

Lexa sighs, but puts down her pen. She pushes her glasses up further on her nose and swipes some of the hair that has fallen out of her messy bun away from her face. She looks over at Clarke’s work. “This,” she says pointing at a part in the middle of the equation. “Is wrong.” 

“And?” Clarke says. 

“And figure out why on your own and I’ll tell you if you’re right or not,” she says, smartly. She is not falling for any of Clarke’s tricks. She knows the blonde knows exactly how to do her work. Clarke is an honor student and at the top of their class. She is merely trying to procrastinate. 

Clarke looks like a kicked puppy. “You’re mean,” she grumbles crossing her arms and staring at her math book. 

“Maybe, but you’re never going to learn if I just tell you the answers,” she says, going back to her own work. She can feel Clarke’s gaze burning into the side of her face. “What?” Lexa asks, still trying not to smile as she regards her best friend. 

“Nothing,” Clarke says, shaking her head. “Just tutor Lexa is fiery. It’s kind of hot.” 

This breaks something inside of Lexa. “Clarke,” she says letting out a long breath. She takes her glasses off and throws them on the coffee table in front of her. Her forefinger and index pinch at the bridge of her nose as she closes her eyes. Clarke doesn’t speak. “You can’t say things like that to me,” she says, distressed. 

“Like what?” Clarke asks, confused. She says things like that all the time and Lexa has never had a problem with it before. 

“Like saying you think something I’m doing is hot. Or telling me I’m beautiful. Or saying that my glasses make me look sexy.” 

“Why?” Clarke asks. “Why can’t I say the things I’ve always said to you suddenly?” Lexa turns to Clarke and her face is so serious. Her brow is furrowed and her blue eyes look a bit hurt. 

“Clarke,” she whispers, at the end of her rope. She feels like she is on top of a cliff debating whether to jump and is hoping Clarke is at the bottom with a trampoline (which would still probably kill her but it would slow the process down a bit). “What are we doing?” she says, and she is standing on the edge of the cliff looking down at death. 

Clarke reaches out and begins playing with Lexa’s fingers. It’s a calming thing that she does when she knows Lexa is upset. It’s her way of saying she is there. “Uh, studying?” Clarke says, lost. 

“No,” Lexa says shaking her head. “That’s not what I mean.” 

“What do you mean then?” Clarke asks. 

“I mean what are we doing with this,” Lexa says, tugging on Clarke’s hand. She has to get this out or she is going to implode. “What are we doing when you hold my hand in the hallway as you walk me to class. What are we doing when you kiss my head and bury your face in my neck. What are we doing when you hold me every night that I stay here before I fall asleep and whisper how beautiful you think I am to me. What are we doing Clarke? Because this is not what best friends do. We don’t act like best friends anymore. You act like my– “

“Girlfriend?” Clarke finishes. Lexa’s head snaps up and blue eyes are looking so deeply into her soul that it is terrifying. “Does it bother you?” Clarke asks, her voice gentle. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” 

Lexa’s face falls into her palms. “No,” she says, because it is the truth. “No you’re not. I just don’t understand and I’m confused.” 

“Why does it confuse you?” 

“Because I love you!” Lexa shouts. Clarke is visibly stunned. Lexa has never said that before. Neither of them has. Clarke hasn’t because she’s known it would probably scare Lexa senseless. “Because I love you,” she says again, her voice calmer as she tries not to cry. “And I’ve never loved a person before and I don’t know what it means. I don’t know how to act or what to say. I just know that I really love you Clarke.” 

The tears are falling despite her efforts and she tries to cover her face. Clarke’s heart is breaking at the sight. Lexa is scared of loving her, and she understands why now. Because has never loved or been loved before. Clarke tugs Lexa into her lap well, really she practically lifts her off the ground, and wraps her arms tightly around Lexa’s middle. Clarke presses their foreheads together and her hands cradle Lexa’ head. Her thumbs wipe at Lexa’s tears. 

“I love you too,” Clarke says. “I love you so much Alexandria Woods.” And now Clarke is crying. This makes Lexa cry even harder because Clarke is holding her and telling her that she loves her, and they are both fucking crying on the floor together. 

“We are a mess,” Lexa whispers, as she wipes Clarke’s tears from her cheeks. 

Clarke nods her head and presses their foreheads even closer together. She laughs and then smiles a watery smile. “We are,” Clarke says. “We most certainly are.” 

It’s Lexa who bridges the gap between them. It’s Lexa who swipes her thumb across Clarke’s bottom lip before she kisses her. Lexa has never kissed someone before, she has only been kissed, and she has no idea what she is doing when she presses her lips to Clarke’s. She only knows that she can’t not do it anymore. She has been fighting that urge for far too long.

Clarke shudders and Lexa can tell she is not breathing. She is not breathing but her lips are moving against Lexa’s gently. Her body is stiff and she is trying really hard to control herself when all Clarke wants to do is grab Lexa and kiss her so hard that it’ll make her head spin. But she knows she can’t do that. She knows that isn’t the way with Lexa. Instead she lets her lead. Lets Lexa’s lips innocently explore hers, eagerly responding when she can. 

They separate and Clarke takes in the deepest breath she ever has. Lexa’s heart is beating out of her chest. They are just staring into one another’s eyes so intensely it feels like if someone lit a match the world would catch fire. 

“Please don’t ever stop being my best friend,” Lexa whispers, her eyes traipsing down to Clarke’s lips. 

Clarke shakes her head. “That will never happen,” she says. Her hands move to grip Lexa’s sides. “Never,” she whispers, looking at Lexa’s lips, digging her fingers into her sides. She needs her more than the brunette understands. This has never been about anything but being there for Lexa in every capacity. This won’t change that. 

Lexa nods, and Clarke leans forward and kisses her again. They don’t stop kissing until two hours later when Abby Griffin walks through the front door. Clarke shoots up off of Lexa and the floor standing at attention. She wipes at her mouth. She knows it is bruised and probably red, and she is praying that her Mother does not notice. Lexa is still lying on the floor, and her face looks absolutely panicked. They have been caught. 

“Clarke,” Abby calls as she throws her keys into the bowl by the door. “Oh, honey! I didn’t see you there. Why is it so dark in here?” she asks, glancing at her daughter who is standing in the middle of the living room with no lights on but the glow of the TV. “What are you doing? Where’s Lexa?” 

Clarke turns around and looks at her Mother. Dr. Griffin is wearing scrubs and looking exceptionally worn out. “Uh, she is upstairs. She is upstairs changing because we wore our pajamas all day and she doesn’t want Indra to think she is a slob when she comes to pick her up.” 

Abby chuckles. Clarke does not look down at the floor where Lexa is lying stiff as a board looking like she wants to die. “I don’t blame her. Well I’ll call her and tell her I’m home and she can come pick Lexa up,” Abby says. “I’m going to go change out of these clothes.” 

Clarke nods and tries not to look like she is plotting out a murder while her Mother climbs the stairs. When she hears her Mom’s door open and shut she lets out a breath and looks down at Lexa. 

“That was close,” she says. 

“When did I become a hormonal teenager?” Lexa asks, sitting up and looking ashamed. “How did two hours pass?” she asks. 

“We were busy,” Clarke says with a smirk. 

“You are not as cute as you think you are Clarke Griffin,” Lexa scolds. But who is she kidding? She just spent the better part of two hours making out with Clarke because she thinks she is beyond cute. 

“That is so not what you were saying a minute ago,” she says. Lexa’s mouth hangs open and Clarke laughs. “Come on,” she says extending her hand out to the brunette. “We need to go get you changed.” 

They sneak up the back stairs and slip into Clarke’s room. Lexa quickly goes and changes into a pair of jeans and one of Clarke’s oversized t-shirts. She steps out of the bathroom and Clarke gasps. 

“Shit!” she exclaims. 

“What?” Lexa asks, looking around frantically. This whole making-out thing has her on edge. No wonder her classmates are always so insane. They’ve been engaging in this behavior for years. 

“You have a hickey,” Clarke says. 

“A what?” Lexa asks. She knows full well what a hickey is, but she cannot believe she has one. 

Clarke moves to pull at the neck of the shirt to get a better look at the bruise on Lexa’s pulse point. “Shit. Lexa I am so sorry. I thought I was being careful.” She had been. She had been up until the point where her lips wandered down Lexa’s neck. It wasn’t her fault entirely. When she sucked on that spot Lexa had moaned, and there was only so much a girl could do to control herself. 

“What am I going to do Clarke? Indra is going to be here in five minutes. I can’t explain this.” 

“Okay. Just hold on and don’t panic,” Clarke says, clearly panicking herself. 

Clarke uses some concealer to cover the mark. She has to mix it with some darker eye shadow because Lexa’s skin is not the same tone as hers. It’s not perfect but it’s enough so that the bruise doesn’t stand out on her skin. No one would think to look for a bruise on Lexa’s neck. When the brunette looks it over in the mirror and deems it suitable. She sighs and Clarke wraps her arms around her from behind. 

“I love you,” she whispers into the back of Lexa’s neck. “I’m sorry,” she says, placing a kiss on her shoulder. 

“Don’t be,” Lexa says, and she is talking about more than the hickey. She turns around and Clarke’s arms pull her in close. Lexa presses their foreheads together and sighs as she loops her arms around Clarke’s neck. “I love you too,” she whispers. 

It gets easier to say each time she does and she wonders why she was so scared to tell Clarke that. Loving her doesn’t feel bad. It doesn’t feel wrong in anyway. 

Lexa starts laughing. She just starts to giggle and she leans back in Clarke’s arms as a full on bark of laughter comes out of her mouth. Clarke is clearly confused, and has no idea what is so funny. She is regarding Lexa with worried and amused eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa says as she tries to stop laughing. “I’m sorry,” she gasps, as her laughter is growing more uncontrollable. “It’s just I have a hickey. Alexandria fucking Woods, school weirdo and loner, has a hickey because I just spent two hours making out with Clarke Griffin.” Now she is really laughing. 

And Clarke laughs. Clarke starts to chuckle and shakes her head. It is kind of funny in how crazy it all is. Clarke decides the only proper way to make Lexa stop laughing is to kiss her. So she does. She kisses her and Lexa tangles her hand in Clarke’s shirt as she pulls them closer together. It’s slow, and easy, and everything. 

Lexa is breathless when they break away. “This is why we’re in this mess in the first place,” she says to Clarke. “What am I going to do with you?” she says, smiling up at the blonde. 

Clarke smirks. “Kiss me,” she says. 

And Lexa does. She does because how can she not? Kissing Clarke feels like the most right thing she has ever done in her life. She brushes their lips together and tugs on her hair as her hand ghosts up Clarke’s shoulder to cup her cheek. 

A loud knock breaks them apart. “Indra’s here,” Abby says.

Clarke goes and opens the door. “Coming,” she says to her Mother with a smile. Clarke walks Lexa to the front door and has to resist the urge to kiss her goodbye. She hugs her instead. 

“See you tomorrow,” Clarke says into Lexa’s hair. Lexa nods into Clarke’s chest. Before she is even home Lexa has a message on her phone from Clarke. 

_My bed is too cold without you._

Lexa smiles at her phone and feels like an idiot for it. She really has no idea what she is going to do about Clarke Griffin. 

//

February turns to March and March bleeds into April. Clarke’s team makes it to Regionals. Apparently, that is a big deal. It’s such a big deal that almost half the school comes out to watch them play. Lexa still sits next to Dr. Griffin, but Raven does too. And so do the other Delinquents as they cheer Clarke on. 

Raven and Lexa have formed a tentative acquaintance. They are lab partners, and that forces them to work together. Raven seems to respect Lexa’s intelligence and boundaries. She doesn’t try and talk about Clarke with her, and Lexa asks her questions about her inventions. They have very good discussions about mechanical and electrical engineering. It’s nothing and something at the same time. Everyone else is practically a stranger to Lexa. 

Clarke scores the game winning goal and Lexa has never screamed so loud in her life. It startles her, and everyone else around her. Bellamy stares at her like he’s never seen her before in his life. Raven smirks, and Octavia nudges Raven’s leg and smiles at her. “This is getting ridiculous,” she says, and Raven shrugs her shoulders. They’ll figure it out on their own time. 

The grounders are going to states. Everyone from the sidelines runs out on the field and a giant blob of bodies is surrounding the team. Lexa is frantically searching for Clarke and she finds the blonde doing the exact same thing at the edge of the crowd. She had run up into the bleachers to find her figuring Lexa wouldn’t brave the masses. 

Lexa has no control over her feet as she runs at Clarke. She jumps up into the air and her legs wrap around Clarke’s waist as the girl catches her and laughs. “You did it,” Lexa says, tangling her hands in Clarke’s sweaty hair and smiling down at her. 

“We did,” Clarke says, gripping Lexa’s legs tighter. She wants to kiss her. Lexa knows she wants to kiss her. She is learning the signs of that more and more. Instead Clarke just grins and pushes their foreheads together. Her friends tackle her, despite the fact that she is holding Lexa up in the air. Lexa falls with her on the ground and they are both suddenly in a giant dog pile. 

Clarke does her best to protect Lexa from letting her friends crush her. She is laughing, and elated, and Lexa is fine as long as Clarke keeps smiling like that. 

Abby declares they are having a celebration back at their house. “Will you come?” Clarke says immediately, turning to Lexa with hopeful eyes. Lexa nods. She would go anywhere in the world that Clarke Griffin asks her to. 

Lexa rides back to the Griffin household with Abby. They stop at the store on the way and get a few things for the impromptu celebration. Clarke had gone and ridden with a few of her teammates that will be joining them at the house so she could show them where she lived. By the time they make it back to the house most of the Delinquents and Clarke’s team are already there. 

Lexa helps Abby unload the stuff from the car and pretty much busies herself with helping set up to avoid all the people standing around in Clarke’s house. Raven approaches her and whispers, “Clarke’s in her room and she asked for you.” Lexa nods and she excuses herself to climb the stairs. 

Clarke grabs her and sweeps her up into a deep kiss the minute she is through her bedroom door. She kisses her and kisses her and Lexa’s head is swimming in the clouds by the time they break away. Clarke presses their foreheads together to help bring her back down. “Hey,” Clarke whispers, and she smiles. 

“Hello,” Lexa says, trying to catch her breath. Kissing Clarke always gets her worked up. She is such a loser. 

“I missed you,” Clarke says. 

“I have been with you for the last twenty-four hours,” Lexa says laughing. She loops her arms around Clarke’s neck and the blonde squeezes her sides. 

“Yeah, but I haven’t kissed you in the past five hours and that is ruff,” Clarke says, pouting. “Especially when you’re looking all cute in the stands wearing my jacket and cheering me on.”

Lexa will never get use to this. She will never get use to Clarke wanting to kiss her all the time. They have steadily been making out since that weekend in February, but they don’t talk about what it means. They haven’t told anyone, and Lexa isn’t sure if that should concern her. 

“You were busy winning a game,” Lexa says, still proud. She is proud of her best friend. And she is beyond happy that Clarke is so happy. She worked so hard for this. 

“It wasn’t just me,” Clarke says, because she is always a humble being. It is something Lexa loves about her. 

“Yeah, well you have a house full of people downstairs ready to celebrate how great you are,” Lexa says, breaking Clarke’s hold on her. “And we should get down there before someone comes up here and catches us.” 

Clarke yanks her back into her arms. “Let them” she growls, planting a firm kiss on Lexa’s lips. It makes the brunette laugh. She kisses Clarke’s lips once, and then her nose. 

“Come on,” she says tugging on Clarke’s hand. “Let’s go greet your fans.” 

They separate at the top of the stairs. Lexa goes down the front stairs so she can slip into the back of the kitchen and Clarke takes the back way down directly into the party. That way no one will realize they were upstairs together. 

Abby smiles at her when Lexa pulls out a tray of bagel bites from the oven. “You don’t need to help me,” Abby says. “You can go join the party,” she says. The Mother knows damn well that Lexa isn’t comfortable with this. She knows that Lexa is uneasy around Clarke’s friends. She wants so badly for the girl to understand that she is not that different from them. That she doesn’t have to be an outsider. She knows her daughter has been trying to make Lexa understand that for years. 

“It’s okay,” Lexa says giving her a half-smile. “I like helping you. Makes me feel useful.” 

Abby throws her arm around Lexa’s shoulder. “You are always useful,” she says, placing a kiss on top of Lexa’s head. 

“Thanks Dr. Griffin,” Lexa says. 

“For the love of God,” she cries. “One day I’m going to get you to call me Abby.” 

Lexa smirks. That will not happen. 

The party continues and a lot of things are going on at once. A large group of people go downstairs to play pool and air hockey. Some kids are lingering in the kitchen eating food and talking about the game. And a lot of people move outside to the deck, despite the chilly air, and are laughing about how one of the girls on the opposing team fell flat on her face mid-pass. 

Clarke goes and finds Lexa eventually. She had been hiding in Abby’s office, reading a book. Clarke shakes her head and pulls her up off the couch in the study. “I have been looking for you,” she says. “Come on. I want you next to me.” 

Lexa’s heart swells about two sizes. She knows these people don’t like her, and don’t want to know her. She also knows that Clarke refuses to accept that. She drags Lexa out on the deck with her. When Lexa shivers at the coolness of the evening Clarke takes her jacket off and puts it on Lexa’s shoulders. She wraps her arms around Lexa’s middle and pulls her in closer so that she can keep her warm. 

Monty and Jasper, the two they have been talking to, don’t say anything. They don’t look the least bit surprised. 

“Lexa,” Monty says, addressing the brunette. “Is it true that you understand Latin?” he asks. 

Lexa wonders how he knew that, but then she looks over at Clarke who is pretending like she is very interested in the plotted plant on the banister they are standing next to. 

“I am learning,” Lexa says, glaring at Clarke and then turning back to Monty. “I wouldn’t say I’m a master just yet.” 

“That’s really cool. Most people wouldn’t spend time learning that,” Monty says. 

“Yeah,” Jasper says. “I thought it was a dead language or something.” 

Lexa explains to them both that Latin is a dead language because no one speaks it as their native language anymore. But it is still related to a lot of words they use and other languages. Monty and Jasper actually look interested in what she is saying and Lexa has no idea how to handle it. 

“Oh no,” Raven says, approaching their group. “Did you just break Jasper, Woods?” Raven snaps her fingers in front of her friend’s face breaking his trance. 

“Woods is like, a genius or something,” Jasper says to Raven looking mystified. 

The brunette laughs and shakes her head. “Yeah, tell me about it. I’m in chemistry with her and as much as it pains me to say this, she may be smarter than me.” 

This makes Monty and Jasper’s eyes blow wide and then everyone is laughing, even Lexa. Bellamy and Octavia come over to see what is so hilarious and they laugh at the looks on the two boys’ faces.

They all fall into a discussion about the game and even Lexa finds herself contributing. Clarke smiles wide at her every time she speaks and squeezes her hip. Her arms are still wrapped possessively around her and none of Clarke’s friends seem to care. 

“Aren’t you in like every club?” Octavia asks Lexa. 

“No,” Lexa replies. “Only eight.” She smirks at the group laughs and she likes the feeling it gives her. She is talking to a group of people her age and it is not failing miserably. This is the most social interaction she has ever had in her life. 

“Sheesh,” Octavia says. “How do you do it?” 

Lexa shrugs her shoulders. She just kind of does. “I’m winging it most of the time,” she says. A few of them laugh. 

“Aren’t we all,” Monty says, lifting up his drink in salute. 

They talk for a while longer before people start leaving. Tomorrow is a school day and most of the kids have to go home to prepare. Lexa stays for a bit after everyone is gone and helps Abby clean up the kitchen. Clarke even joins them because she wants to be close to Lexa, and Abby is grateful for the help. 

Dr. Griffin drives her home, and Clarke rides with them practically sleeping on Lexa’s shoulder the entire time. When they reach her house Clarke springs awake and gets out of the car to walk Lexa to her door. 

“I really want to kiss you,” Clarke says as Lexa puts her key into the lock. 

“Behave,” Lexa says. “Your Mom is watching.” 

Clarek pouts. Lexa opens the door and sighs at the face. She leans up and places a kiss on Clarke’s cheek. 

“Goodnight,” she says. 

“Goodnight,” Clarke calls after her. 

It’s getting harder for them to hide this. 

//

Kane calls Lexa down to his office and is smiling in a way that lets her know something is up. He tells her that she has been selected to participate in a prestigious program at Yale this summer, if she wants to. 

Lexa briefly remembers submitting the application back in January. She hadn’t thought about it since because it was a long shot. It was something Kane had encouraged her to do when she expressed her interest in political science, international affairs, and humanities. He explains that the school has expressed a great interest in her and wants her to join them for the entire summer with a bunch of other gifted students. Lexa has no idea what to say. 

She goes back to class and just sort of goes through the rest of the day on autopilot. Clarke can tell something is up but she doesn’t probe her with questions. She walks her to class, and holds her hand, and at the end of the day she asks Lexa to come home with her, which she does. 

It’s not until they’re in Clarke bed, lying in each other’s arms that she tells her about the global scholar program. It’s a big deal, and an honor because they only select a handful of high school students to participate. Kane had put Yale on Lexa’s list of potential schools and this could be a big help in getting her in. 

“You should go,” Clarke says as if it’s obvious. 

Lexa sighs and buries her head in Clarke’s shoulder. There are so many things going through her brain and Clarke can tell. She starts to lightly glide her fingers across Lexa’s back as the brunette just thinks. 

“It’s for the entire summer,” Lexa says. 

Clarke nods. “Okay. So, you’ll spend an entire summer on Yale’s campus and see if it’s where you want to go. You’ll meet people who are just as smart as you and learn everything you can. It’s nerd paradise,” Clarke teases. 

“What about you,” Lexa says into Clarke’s neck. 

“What about me?” Clarke asks, pulling back to look down at the brunette. 

“I don’t want to leave you,” Lexa whispers, and she hates herself for it. She hates that she is so damn attached to Clarke Griffin because it makes her feel silly. She has felt safe since she has been with the blonde and she is scared of what the world will be like without her there. Which scares her because she was always alone before. 

Clarke’s blue eyes focus in on her and her face softens with understanding. “First off, what you need to get is you are not leaving me. I will be here when you go and I’ll be the first person you see when you get back. That you can count on,” she says smiling. “Second off, it’s just for the summer. It’s a great opportunity and I cannot let you stay here for me. As much as I’d like to spend the entire summer making out with you, that is incredibly selfish, and just not necessary because I am never going anywhere,” she says, brushing a piece of Lexa’s hair behind her ear. “Also there are all these new things called cell phones that let you call people anywhere in the world,” she says. 

Lexa smack her arm because of course she would be a smart-ass about this. “I know. I just…I am terrified. What if I’m not that smart. What if I can’t hack it there. These people are the best in the world Clarke.” 

Clarke chuckles. “So are you,” she says. “They wouldn’t pick you if they didn’t think so too. You’re going to go there and kick some brainy butt. Stop doubting yourself,” she says, tilting her chin up so that the brunette is looking directly at her. “You are smart, and resourceful, and brilliant and you deserve this. You need to give yourself a chance to grow.” 

Lexa nods. She knows Clarke is right. It’s a bit overwhelming for her to hear out of the blonde’s mouth though. She knew her answer the second Kane told her she got in, she just needed to talk it through with the one person in the world who believes in her. 

Clarke stays attached to her hip for the rest of the school year. They spend every weekend together, and they can’t stop kissing every chance they get. It’s like they have to get it out of their system because they know they won’t be able to do it for three months. 

Indra and Gus think it’s brilliant that she is going and Anya tells her that she is too fucking smart for her own good. Abby is ecstatic when she tells her, and hugs Lexa tightly as Clarke looks proud standing behind them. Lexa is still not use to having so many people support her. She is so scared of letting them all down. 

They make it through finals and Lexa of course aces all of her classes and gets fives on all four of her AP exams. She is the only sophomore to ever do that at Arkadia. Clarke doesn’t do too bad herself and she is in the top twenty of their class when the school year comes to a close. The lacrosse team doesn’t win states, but Clarke just tells her they have the next two years to get there. Lexa knows Clarke has the determination to do it. 

Lexa’s departure day sneaks up on them way too fast. And when she wakes up in her bed with Clarke’s body intertwined with hers her heart aches in her chest. Clarke had slept over at her house (something that is not completely uncommon even though they’re almost always at hers). She is actually asleep. Lexa can tell by the way her chest is falling so evenly and by the noises she makes. Clarke incessantly mumbles in her sleep. 

Lexa watches her. She takes in every single thing she can about her. Her eyes trace over Clarke’s face. Over her thick eyelashes, and the way her lips are turned down in a frown as she slumbers on. Her skin is glowing in the sunlight and how beautiful she is just hits Lexa. Her hand runs down the length of Clarke’s side, feeling the way her body curves and dips, coming to rest on her hip. 

This wakes Clarke up. Her eyes flutter open to look sleepily up at Lexa. She smiles briefly and closes her eyes again. “Why are you awake?” she asks, voice groggy and deeper than usual. 

“I love you,” Lexa whispers, kissing the top of Clarke’s head. It makes the blonde smile. Clarke’s arms tighten around her and pull her in so close that Lexa lets out a yelp. Clarke buries her face in Lexa’s neck and nuzzles her nose against her skin. 

“I love you more,” she whispers. 

Lexa shakes her head. “That is not possible.” 

Clarke unexpectedly rolls over, flipping Lexa onto her back and pinning her to the mattress. She holds the brunette’s hands on either side of her head and smirks at her. Something like this would have sent Lexa into a panic attack not even a year ago. Now it makes her laugh and smile at her best friend. 

“You calling me a liar Woods?” she teases. 

“Yes,” she says, challenging. 

Clarke is ruthless as she tickles her sides. And Lexa has to clap her hand over her mouth to keep herself from screaming as she fights the blonde off. She doesn’t want to alert Indra and Gus to what is going on in her bedroom. Even if it is completely innocent. Most of what her and Clarke do is. They haven’t gone beyond making out. Clarke’s hands always stay perfectly centered on her body, never reaching up high or low. Lexa wonders sometimes why she hasn’t tried anything, but she is actually kind of grateful for it. She is not quite ready for it. 

“Oh my God Clarke,” she hisses. “Stop. I’m going to pee my pants,” she gasps, and the blonde does stop. She leans over and kisses Lexa soundly on the lips. 

“I win,” she says, triumphant. Lexa leans up and kisses Clarke on the nose. She has definitely won Lexa’s heart. 

They spend the early hours of the morning kissing in Lexa’s bed and laughing about how stupid they are sometimes. Lexa plays with Clarke’s hair and Clarke traces more lazy circles into Lexa’s skin. When the alarm goes off they both look at each other with sadness. They know this will be the last time they are together for a while. Clarke puts on a brave face, but Lexa can tell she is not excited about this. Lexa is completely devastated and really questions whether this is worth it. 

“Stop it,” Clarke says reading her thoughts. “You’re going. That’s that.” 

Clarke is the one who gets out of bed first. She claims the shower and emerges ten minutes later smelling like Lexa’s shampoo. Lexa takes her own turn getting ready and Clarke carries her suitcase downstairs to where Indra and Gus are waiting in the kitchen, breakfast prepared. They eat pancakes and drink orange juice. Gus and Indra give Lexa shit for leaving them alone with a grumpy Anya all summer, and that makes them all laugh. 

Anya does come down the stairs before Lexa leaves. She is clearly still asleep and not interested in whatever morning rituals everyone is partaking in. She has been sleeping non-stop since she got back from college. Anya slaps a candy bar in front of Lexa on the counter. “Here,” she grunts. “Don’t get yourself in trouble kid. Be safe and call me if I have to come beat someone’s ass.” 

Lexa smiles and nods. Her foster sister nods back. This is their thing. Anya goes back up the stairs and Indra and Gus smirk at each other. They kind of love their daughter’s and Lexa’s relationship. 

“That is the most I have ever heard her say and I played lacrosse with her for a year,” Clarke says. They all laugh. 

Abby shows up to pick Clarke up and also to say goodbye to Lexa. She tells her she will miss having her over their house, and how she makes Clarke pick up after herself. Clarke pretends to be offended, but laughs still. Abby hugs her and Lexa actually hugs her back for the first time. 

They get her stuff packed up in the back of the car. It will be a long car ride up, but Indra and Gus are more than happy to make the journey. They said it was better than letting Lexa fly up there all alone at fifteen. 

Clarke and her stand idly in the driveway staring at one another as their parents talk and pretend they aren’t watching them. 

“You’re going to do so great,” Clarke says. Her hands are dug into her back pockets and she is rocking on her heels. She has to do it or the urge to reach out and kiss Lexa will take over. 

Lexa shakes her head. “I am going to be the dumbest one there.” 

“No, you’re not,” Clarke says. “You are brilliant and you just need to embrace it.” 

Lexa doesn’t believe her. She is not sure she ever will be able to. “I’ll miss you,” Lexa whispers. Her eyes gaze up into the blonde’s knowingly. 

Clarke nods and gulps. “I’ll miss you too,” she says, holding back the emotions that are welling up in her. 

Clarke hugs her and Lexa clings to her. “I love you,” she whispers in Clarke’s ear so quietly that she is not even sure she hears it until Clarke whispers, “I love you too.” 

“Don’t forget about me when you get up there with all those other nerds,” Clarke teases when the break away. Their hands are still linked between them, and Lexa wishes Clarke could always be holding her hand. 

“I could never forget you,” Lexa whispers, so serious. Clarke has no idea just how much that is true. 

Clarke hugs her one last time before Lexa gets into the car. Clarke waves as Gus backs the car out of the driveway. It is silent in the car as they make their way out of the neighborhood. Lexa sighs as she looks out the window. 

“Everything will be okay,” Indra says. “It always is.” 

Lexa wants nothing more than to believe her foster Mom. 

Clarke and Abby’s ride back to their house is equally silent. Abby knows Clarke is hurting but she won’t show it. Clarke is a lot like her Dad in that way. She is not blind to how close the two girls have gotten. She knows Clarke will talk to her about it when she is ready. Until then Abby is not going to make any assumptions or question her daughter. She trusts Clarke. And Lexa. 

Clarke looks like she might cry when Abby pulls into their driveway and parks the car. She reaches over and takes Clarke’s hand in her own. 

“I just really love her Mom,” Clarke says. Her voice is faint and she can tell the blonde is fighting back tears. 

“I know Honey,” she says. “She loves you too.” 

Clarke nods and takes a deep breath that stops the tears. Abby knows it’s hard for Clarke to say goodbye to people. She has a fear of losing them ever since she lost her Dad. Nothing will ever bring him back and that is a hard reality for anyone, let alone a kid in middle school. Clarke has never fully recovered from it. And now she loves people with everything she has all of the time, because she knows what it means to lose someone. Abby worries sometimes that Clarke’s heart is too open, but then again there are worse things than your daughter loving hard. 

“Let’s order pizza and watch action movies the rest of the day, huh?” Abby says. 

Clarke nods. “I’d like that.” 

And that’s exactly what they do. Abby pretends like she doesn’t notice Clarke texting Lexa through the entirety of the movie. And she also pretends like she doesn’t know that her daughter is completely in love with her best friend, even though it is written all over Clarke’s face.


	3. 11th Grade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay folks. Buckle up, because major sexy times are ahead. Smut warning. Also I am a horrible smut writer, so I apologize if these scenes are not up to par. I tried my best. 
> 
> This story has become my baby. This is NOT THE END. There are more chapters to come, seriously. And the support I have recieved behind this is so uplifting. Thank you. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings: There is mentioning (someone asking) about sexual abuse, but nothing more than the question being asked. References to physical abuse, specifically scaring. 
> 
> As always, let me know what you think.

_11th Grade…_

Lexa’s bag is packed and she is waiting patiently for her foster sister to come and pick her up from Yale. Indra and Gus had been called away on a last-minute business trip because one of their biggest clients was arrested in another state and they had to go bail her out. Anya had taken over the retrieval of Lexa venture. 

Lexa glances over at the empty bed where her roommate had spent the summer sleeping. Echo and her had grown to be friends. She was smart and they had a lot in common, and neither of them were ones for small talk, which made them a perfect fit. Lexa had actually made a lot of friends over the summer. People from all around the world and of all different backgrounds. It was nice not to feel so alone for once. To not be the school weirdo that everyone hated. She had a chance to just be Lexa, and it felt good. 

Echo had left yesterday, ready to get back to Maine and finish her senior year. They had promised to keep in touch via snail mail, a forgotten form of communication that they both secretly loved. 

When there is a knock on her door she is expecting a tired and grumpy Anya. Instead she gets a tired and seriously happy Clarke Griffin. Lexa’s entire body freezes as she takes in the blonde that is standing in front of her. She is wearing a navy Yale sweatshirt and jean shorts. Her hair is a mess, in an adorable way from spending six hours in a car. Her skin is tan from the summer sun and she looks utterly irresistible. Clarke is grinning nervously at her. 

“Hey,” Clarke says, not knowing what to say because of the way Lexa is staring at her. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to drive up with Anya and surprise her. “Um I was going to tell you, but then I thought I’d just surprise you. I did promise I’d be the first person you se-“

Lexa pulls Clarke into the room by her sweatshirt and slams the door behind her. Her lips are on Clarke’s faster than she can think and fumbles as she tries to grip Lexa’s sides to catch her balance. It doesn’t work because they keep falling backwards, taking awkward steps as they try not to break their lip lock or tumble over. The backs of Lexa’s legs come in contact with the mattress and she pulls Clarke down with her so the blonde is lying on top of her. 

“Lexa,” Clarke gasps, coming up for air while the brunette continues to kiss down her jaw and then her neck and it is making it impossible for Clarke to speak. “Lexa,” she rasps again, smiling at how insatiable Lexa is being. Guess it was a good idea after all. 

“Clarke why are you talking?” she asks, when her lips move from Clarke’s neck to bite her earlobe. Clarke lets out a whine and her hips buck. And she thinks that is a great fucking question. _Yeah, why Clarke? WHY?_

“Because your foster sister is about to walk in here any second,” Clarke says, fighting the urge to just say fuck it and kiss Lexa senseless. 

“So?” Lexa growls. “Let her.” 

“Wow college has changed you,” Clarke teases, smirking down at the girl. Lexa rolls her eyes, and Clarke leans in and kisses her. It’s not rushed or frantic like before. It’s sweet, and lingering, and soft, and it fills both of them up with each other like a drug. She pulls back and rests their foreheads together, and they just breath heavily for a second.

“As much as I would love that, I don’t think anyone deserves to see their younger foster sister and former teammate mauling each other,” Clarke says, trying to remind herself of her reasoning too. 

Lexa sighs, but her arms release their hold on Clarke. The blonde sits up and adjusts her sweatshirt that is now wrinkled from Lexa’s rather aggressive greeting. Lexa sits up and fixes her hair, which is falling out of her ponytail. Clarke is watching her, smiling like she has a secret. 

“What?” Lexa asks, eyeing her cautiously. 

“I really missed you,” Clarke says. 

Lexa smiles wide. “I missed you too,” she says, standing up on her knees and looping her arms around Clarke’s neck. The blonde’s arms come up to wrap around her torso. It’s really the most natural thing in the world to them, holding each other. 

“Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Clarke says, looking anxious again.

Lexa raises an eyebrow. “What?” she asks, wondering what else the blonde has in store.

Clarke and her have talked all summer. Every single day they texted, and they called each other every night even if it was just for a few minutes. Echo had even showed her how to facetime Clarke so that she could _see_ her. Lexa has a few pictures of Clarke on her phone, and a few of them together, but it wasn’t enough. As much fun as she was having at Yale, she missed her best friend’s face a lot. 

“So you know how we are always together and always kissing and always wanting to be together when we’re not together,” Clarke says, and Lexa laughs. 

“Yes,” she answers, kissing Clarke on the nose. “Why are you stating facts?” she asks. 

“Well I spent a whole summer without you and it got me to thinking…” Clarke says. 

“Okay,” Lexa says a bit weary. She is really not sure where this conversation is going, and she is kind of afraid this might be Clarke trying to tell her she doesn’t want to do those things with her anymore. 

“That I don’t really want to not be with you. And I am kind of tired of acting like you’re not my favorite thing in the world. And I am tired of hiding and not being able to kiss you whenever I want and-“

“Clarke!” Lexa says, snapping the blonde out of it. “What are you trying to say?” she asks, rubbing her fingers at the back of Clarke’s head where her hands are linked to help calm her down. 

“Lexa,” Clarke says taking a deep breath. “Will you be my girlfriend?” Clarke closes her eyes and cringes, because yes, she did just say that like some corny teenager. But she is sixteen and she is allowed to give herself some slack. She has never asked a girl out before and there is no manual, she checked. 

When she opens her eyes after a long period of silence Lexa is staring at her like Clarke just told her where babies come from. 

“Knock, knock,” Anya yells, throwing open the door. Clarke and Lexa are standing on their knees on the bed still holding each other. “Well isn’t this a happy reunion,” she says. “Come on you two, let’s get with it and get out of here. I have to get back to school.” 

They wordlessly help Anya carry Lexa’s stuff down to the car. The air between them is thick, but Anya is probably the only person who would be able to not notice. Or just not care enough to ignore it. 

“You get first shift,” Anya says, tossing the keys to Clarke. “Wreck my car, I’ll wreck your face,” she says. Clarke had gotten her provisionals over the summer. Lexa remembered her calling her screaming about being able to drive them to school. 

Anya climbs into the back and stretches out across the entirety of the seat. Lexa takes the passenger seat, and Clarke climbs into the driver’s. There is nothing but silence as they make their way off campus and back onto the highway. Clarke stares ahead at the road like if she takes her eyes off it for a second they will all die. Lexa stares at her shoes that are perched on the dash. Anya’s snores start filling the silence and Lexa looks back to see that her foster sister is sound asleep. 

“Clarke-“

“You don’t have to say anything,” Clarke says, suddenly. “We can forget I asked.” 

This hurts Lexa. It really does. “You never even heard my answer,” Lexa says, her voice defensive. 

“I didn’t have to. You made it clear,” Clarke says, and she is clearly hurt too. She is trying to make it easy for Lexa to run, and the brunette resents her for it. She doesn’t always have to treat her like she is some delicate flower all the time. Lexa can be an asshole too, just like Clarke. 

“Oh really?” Lexa challenges. “What was it then?” 

“What do you mean what was it? Lexa you were looking at me like I was an alien or something!” Clarke says, her voice rising a bit. She is frustrated, and hurt, and she has no idea how to handle this. And she is driving. 

“Excuse me,” Lexa says. “I didn’t even know you were coming. I was so thrown that you were standing in front of me I could barely process anything. Not to mention that no one has ever asked me out before, let alone to be their girlfriend!” 

Clarke tenses. Her hands grip the wheel tighter and her nostrils flair as she deflates a bit. _Whoops._ That really hadn’t crossed her mind. Lexa has never dated. She has never done anything with anyone but Clarke. And while their feelings for each other were intense and at times scary, in a way it was safe for Lexa. It was safe for them to kiss and love each other behind closed doors to her. Lexa is scared of more than just loving Clarke. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke says. “Maybe that wasn’t the best time to ask.” She reaches over for Lexa’s hand and the brunette does let her take it. “I just got so excited to see you and I’ve been wanting to ask you that for a while now but I didn’t think about how it might affect you because I was so nervous.” 

“No you didn’t,” Lexa says, still a bit miffed. “But I know you were not trying to be insensitive. I know you wouldn’t do that Clarke,” she says, squeezing the girl’s hand. Clarke gives her a half-smile before her eyes return back to the road. “The answer is yes, by the way.” 

Clarke momentarily forgets she is driving a vehicle and she turns to look at Lexa with wide eyes. 

“Clarke!” Lexa shouts when the car starts to veer off into the other lane. The blonde jumps into action and turns the wheel so they don’t go soring off into oncoming traffic. The quick motion does jerk the car though, and Anya is thrown off the back seat. 

“What the fuck!” Anya shouts, sitting up from the floor. 

“Sorry,” Clarke says, “Rabbit.” 

Lexa tries not to smile and just nods her head. “Yep. Jumped right out in the road,” she says holding back a laugh. 

“I’m tired, not deaf you fucking idiots. Drive the damn car and try not to kill me and your _girlfriend_ ,” she says, emphasizing the word to let them know she heard their entire conversation. 

Clarke’s cheeks are pink and the color is washed from Lexa’s face as they both stare out at the road. Anya lies back down and puts a pillow over top of her head so that she can’t hear them. “And needless to say Griffin, if you hurt Lexa I am going to have to kill you,” Anya grumbles, as she settles herself back into a comfortable sleep position. 

Clarke looks scared, and Lexa feels weirdly connected to Anya. Eventually the blonde starts to snicker uncontrollably and this makes Lexa giggle. They both break out in laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation. 

“That was close,” Clarke says. 

“Too close,” Lexa says, shaking her head. “Please don’t kill me before we make it through our first day as a couple.” That word feels so strange on her tongue. She is in a couple. She is part of two now. 

“You sure?” Clarke says, bringing their linked hands up to her lips so that she can place a kiss on the back of Lexa’s hand. “I’m not exactly the best girlfriend from what I hear. I can be stubborn, and messy. I don’t always say the right thing. And I ramble a lot.” 

Lexa smirks at her. “I have never been so sure of anything more in my entire life Clarke Griffin.” 

“See, why was that not your reaction when I asked you in the dorm room!” Clarke says. 

“Because I was a little distracted by the proximity of your face to mine,” Lexa says, hotly. She is only teasing, and Clarke is well aware of that. 

“If you two do not stop with all this foreplay I am going to beat both your asses and leave you on the side of the road for the buzzards,” Anya says. 

Lexa and Clarke both bust out laughing again. It’s a long trip for Anya. Because Lexa and Clarke are officially together, and they are not able to stop glancing at each other like it’s the best day of their lives the entire ride. Six hours later they roll up to Lexa and Anya’s house, and Anya practically kicks them out of the car fed up with the goo-goo eyes and secret smiles. She is on a mission to get the hell away from them. “Go be sickly sweet in the house,” Anya yells out the window of her car as she backs out of the driveway with a vengeance heading for UMD as fast as her Honda will take her. 

“Well, you heard her,” Clarke says, picking up Lexa’s suitcase. She stares at Lexa, question in her eyes, and then they are both running inside the house, laughing gleefully. Gus and Indra are not home, and they are completely alone for the night. 

Lexa darts up the stairs and Clarke is right behind her, growling as she chases Lexa through the house. She drops Lexa’s suitcase when they reach the second floor and darts after her full speed. 

“You are so going to pay for putting me through that,” Clarke says, bounding after Lexa. The brunette squeals as she runs into her room and jumps on her bed. She turns around just in time to see that Clarke is lunging after her. She pounces on top of Lexa and straddles her. 

“Seriously,” she says, grabbing both the brunette’s hands and pinning them above her head. “That was cruel. I spent six hours in a car with Anya to surprise you.” Lexa is laughing uncontrollably and Clarke is smirking at her like she is about to take great pleasure in terrorizing her. 

“You know,” Lexa says, her voice mocking. “You are doing an awful lot of talking for someone who has their girlfriend underneath them.” Clarke’s face morphs as she takes this statement in. Lexa has a fair point. Her stomach keeps flipping every time Lexa uses the word ‘girlfriend’. 

“Nah,” Clarke says. “You’re not playing that card already,” she says, and her hands dart to Lexa’s sides as she tickles her relentlessly. Lexa thrashes underneath of her and can’t stop laughing. She really is ticklish there. Lexa can’t take it and she springs up, flipping Clarke off of her, and then straddling her so that their positions are reversed. She pins Clarke’s hands above her head for a change and the blonde’s face is pleasantly surprised. 

“I see you’ve learned some new tricks at Yale,” Clarke says, a playful smile on her lips. She is way too happy with herself and Lexa decides she needs to fix that.  
She brings their lips together slowly, teasing Clarke who is left helpless, as all she can do is inch her face up a little in an effort to meet Lexa while her hands are trapped. Lexa smirks at her efforts, taunting her slightly as she refuses to kiss her more. Clarke whines and she finally brings their lips together. The kiss is soft and slow at first, but it quickly morphs into something else entirely. All of their longing and pent up emotions take over quickly.

Lexa releases Clarke’s hands. Hands that come up to tangle in Lexa’s hair, gripping at the back of her neck as she tugs her closer. Lexa moans into Clarke’s mouth and the blonde takes the opportunity to slip her tongue inside. It only makes Lexa groan louder. Lexa’s hands run down Clarke’s sides as her body squirms. She squeezes Clarke’s hips and Lexa’s hand slips underneath Clarke’s sweatshirt in search of her skin. Clarke’s stomach clenches at her touch and Lexa’s is on fire as she rests her hand on Clarke’s rather firm abs. 

Clarke breaks away from her mouth to press wet hot kisses down her jaw and then her neck. “I can’t believe you actually thought I could say no to you,” Lexa mocks, her voice breathless. Clarke growls before her teeth scrape across Lexa’s skin. Both of Lexa’s hands slip under Clarke’s shirt to run up her back and scratch downward to top of her shorts, and Clarke’s hips press further into hers. 

Clarke sucks on her collarbone and then licks a trail up to her ear. “Your hands are wondering into dangerous territory,” Clarke growls in her ear, clearly turned on. Lexa drags her nails down Clarke’s back again and she kisses her so that she doesn’t scream. Lexa sucks on Clarke’s tongue as her hands wander down. They slip over Clarke’s jeans and squeeze her ass so that Clarke’s forced even closer into her. It’s a statement and a challenge. 

“So, that’s how it’s going to be,” Clarke says, biting Lexa’s bottom lip and sucking it into her mouth. It’s really fucking hot when she does that. She releases Lexa’s lip and sits up on the bed. Lexa whines at the loss of contact. “Two can play that game,” Clarke says, stripping her sweatshirt off and then the t-shirt underneath of it. Clarke is left in a white bra and Lexa is practically drooling. The blonde smirks at the look on her face. 

She leans down ever so slowly, and it is probably the most seductive thing Lexa has ever seen. Clarke is looking at her like she is prey and Lexa wants to be caught and eaten. The tip of Clarke’s nose traces a faint line from Lexa’s jaw to her ear, and then Clarke nuzzles her neck. “Is this okay?” she whispers. Lexa cannot speak so she just nods her head. Clarke sucks a patch of Lexa’s skin into her mouth and bites down. Lexa moans so loud that she is beyond grateful that her foster parents are not home. She is not great at being quiet today. 

Clarke’s mouth is hot on hers. Her tongue is doing some really amazing things in Lexa’s mouth and her body cannot take it. Her hands roam up Clarke’s bare skin feeling as every muscle in the blonde’s body flexes. Clarke switches from Lexa’s mouth to her neck again, but this time she is just licking a path up to the brunette’s ear before she dips her tongue into the shell of it. She nibbles on Lexa’s earlobe and the brunette’s hands roam up from Clarke’s waist, over her chest to link around her neck. Lexa doesn’t miss the way Clarke’s body shudders when Lexa’s hands just barely graze the sides of her breasts. 

She knows Clarke will not be the one to make that move. It will have to be Lexa. Clarke is too sweet and caring about Lexa’s boundaries to try anything. 

Lexa tangles one of her hands in Clarke’s hair, and pulls. The blonde whimpers into her ear, and Lexa feels wetness pool in her underwear. She really likes the sounds that Clarke is making. Lexa takes control of the kissing, applying gentle pressure with her tongue before nipping at Clarke’s beautiful lips. In a moment of blind courage and passion Lexa’s hands lower from Clarke’s neck and cup the blonde’s breast over her bra. 

Lexa swallows Clarke’s moan with her mouth and continues to kneed Clarke’s breasts, taking her time. She feels way too much at once and has to break away from Clarke’s kisses to breathe. Her hands are still on Clarke’s bra and she lets one hand slip into the cup so that she can palm Clarke’s bare breast and hardened nipple. Her movements are restrained by the bra itself and Lexa feels Clarke’s body lift up off of her again. Clarke watches her intently, pupils dilated, as her hands reach around her back and unlatch her bra. She lets it slide down her arms before she throws it off revealing her naked chest for the first time. 

Lexa sucks in a breath. She sits up and her mouth is level with Clarke’s navel. She kisses her just above it and lets her mouth wander up Clarke’s stomach to the valley between her breasts as her hands come up to squeeze Clarke’s naked chest. Lexa lets her thumb swipe across one of Clarke’s nipples and the blonde lets out a guttural noise. Her hands tangle in the hair at the back of Lexa’s neck pulling her closer to her. Lexa trials her mouth back down to Clarke’s navel and dips her tongue in. Clarke tugs at her hair again and Lexa’s mouth leaves her skin to smirk up at her. 

Lexa reaches down to her own shirt and she pulls at the hem to lift it up and over her head. Clarke’s eyes are dark and she is regarding her with a dangerous hunger that makes Lexa gulp. She is not as tone as Clarke. Her skin is scarred in some spots from the things that her foster father did, and others. She has always been self-conscious about it. Clarke’s hands glide across her bare skin and Lexa whimpers at the contact. 

“Are you alright?” Clarke asks, looking deep into Lexa’s eyes. She can see. Clarke knows. Clarke knows and cares. Lexa nods her head. She is always all right when she is with Clarke. Lexa reaches around and undoes her bra. She removes the fabric from her chest and throws it across the room. She doesn’t miss the way Clarke gasps. Lexa reaches down and tangles her hands with Clarke’s. She moves them up until she is holding Clarke’s hands over her chest, and she is nodding her head to let the blonde know it is okay. It’s okay for her to touch her. 

Clarke’s hand squeeze Lexa’s breasts ever so lightly and the brunette lets out a strangled breath. Clarke’s hands slowly massage Lexa’s chest and the brunette closes her eyes and tries to control her breathing. Clarke’s hand feel really fucking good on her body. Clarke’s thumbs graze over Lexa’s nipples, stroking them lightly again and again until the brunette is forced to bury her face in Clarke’s neck and moan into her skin. 

Clarke guides Lexa back onto the bed so that she is lying on top of her again. Her lips meet Lexa’s own as her hands palm Lexa’s breasts relentlessly, not being able to get enough of them for the first time. Clarke’s lips wander from her lips to her neck and then her collarbone. She trails a path of kisses down Lexa’s chest until her lips latch onto one of her nipples. Lexa’s body lurches up from the bed at the sensation and her hands tangle in the back of the blonde’s hair as her tongue swipes over her nipple before she sucks it gently into her mouth. Clarke releases it and switches over to the other one, giving it the same attention. 

“Fuck, Clarke,” Lexa hisses. She has never felt anything like this before. She has never felt the need to be so close to someone. She wants Clarke. She wants all of her, everywhere, all over her. Clarke growls at her words and her mouth leaves her chest to seek out her lips. And then Clarke pulls back and her arms wrap around Lexa’s hips and she pulls her in close, pressing their bare chests together. It is the most delicious feeling Lexa has ever experienced. 

“We need to stop,” Clarke says. Her voice doesn’t sound like she actually wants to and Clarke’s body language is definitely contradicting what she is saying.

“Why?” Lexa asks, all breathless. She can’t imagine why this needs to stop. 

“Because I only have so much self-control,” Clarke says. “And you are even hotter topless. And it has been a while since I have seen you and I am really caught up in the way it feels to have you close again. I don’t want to do something rash and stupid.” 

Lexa’s head falls back onto the bed and she lets out a whine. She knows Clarke is right. She knows she is being the reasonable one here, but Lexa doesn’t really care about reasoning or logic when there is a half-naked Clarke Griffin on top of her after months of not seeing her.

“You’re right,” Lexa says, letting out a sigh as her words mirror logic instead of other parts of her body. Her arms fall at her sides and Clarke rolls off of her to lie next to her on the bed. They need a little bit of separation. 

Their naked chests are heaving and they are both staring at the ceiling as they try to catch their breath. 

“This is going to be hard,” Clarke whispers, closing her eyes. She is saying it to herself more than to Lexa. 

But the brunette nods her head. “So hard.” 

“I need to go take a cold shower,” Clarke says. “And change my underwear.” 

Lexa giggles. “You do not,” she says. 

Clarke turns her head and stares at her like she is stupid. “Uh…I promise you I do. I just had a gorgeous half-naked girl underneath me. I’m only human,” Clarke says. 

Lexa doesn’t believe that. She has always thought of Clarke Griffin as other worldly. And she can’t really believe that she, Lexa Woods, would be able to turn Clarke on that much. 

“Lexa,” Clarke says, seeing the way the brunette doubts her words. “I am _soaked_. Seriously.” 

This does not help Lexa’s current situation much. Her body squirms a bit at Clarke’s words. Her own wetness growing even more at the thought. “I am going to need new underwear and pants,” Lexa says. 

Clarke smirks at her rather proud of that. “Don’t be smug,” Lexa chides, even though it is really attractive. 

They inch closer to one another and then pull back before their lips meet. They are still half-clothed, and worked up, and they both know it will start something they may not be able to stop, again. 

Clarke goes and takes a rather long, cold shower. She emerges from the bathroom in a t-shirt and no pants, just a fresh pair of underwear. Lexa has changed into a tank top and sleep shorts. She is sitting on her bed, glasses on her nose, and book in her hands. 

“You are not playing fair,” Lexa says. 

“What? It’s warm,” Clarke says, smirk fully on display. 

“Dear God,” Lexa whines. “Why do I have to have such a hot girlfriend?” 

“Oh poor you,” Clarke says, rolling her eyes as she gets in to bed. She sinks down under the cover and props herself up next to Lexa. “Not like my girlfriend looks like some kind of super sexy librarian half the time or anything. God, it use to kill me when you wore those things during our platonic study dates,” she says, pointing to the spectacles. 

“I need my glasses to see,” Lexa says, crossing her arms. “I have no idea why or how these turn you on.” She pushes them up her nose a bit and Clarke smiles. 

The blonde reaches out and tugs Lexa to her. The brunette slips into Clarke’s arms easily and snuggles into her chest, glasses and all. Clarke’s fingers trace up and down her back as she holds her. 

“I remember the first time I saw you with glasses,” Clarke says. “Mr. Arthur’s class, seventh grade.” 

Lexa leans up and looks at Clarke, bewildered. “What?” Clarke says, clearly enjoying the expression on Lexa’s face. “I paid attention to you, even then. I thought your glasses were cute and I wanted to punch Roan in the face when he made fun of you for them. I almost did, but I just ended up tripping him in gym during kickball.” 

“Why?” Lexa asks. 

“Because he was being a jerk to you,” Clarke says. 

Lexa shakes her head. “No. I mean why did you do that? Why did you care what Roan said about my glasses? We weren’t even friends then.” 

Clarke giggles like it’s the most hysterical thing. When she looks up at Lexa to see that the brunette does not get it she stops, and tilts her head to regard her more seriously. “You don’t know, do you?” Clarke asks, sounding astonished. She really never thought that someone as bright as Lexa Woods could be so dumb too. 

“Know what?” Lexa asks her features scrunched up in confusion. 

Clarke reaches up and cups Lexa’s cheek. She runs her thumb along Lexa’s bottom lip and stares deep into her green eyes. “Alexandria I have been in love with you since the fifth grade. Dear God, I have loved you since the first time I saw you in Kindergarten on the playground. You use to sit against that brick wall and play with the shreds of grass growing out of the asphalt. I was so completely taken with you, but I was too afraid to talk to you because you never talked to anyone. I thought you wanted to be left alone.

And then in fifth grade I just couldn’t help it. You looked so sad that day, and I had to go up to you. I had to try and talk to you. And you weren’t mean or weird like the other kids said. You were…you were sad and lonely, and I just wanted to be your friend. I wanted to make you happy. Christ Lexa, I made you Valentine cards for five years hoping you would talk to me. Did you ever read them? I never just said Happy Valentine’s Day. I was always asking you to be mine. I wasn’t subtle,” Clarke says, laughing at her younger self. “I use to tell my boyfriends that they couldn’t ask me to be their Valentine because I had a permanent one. I knew, even then, that I wanted you. That I will always want you to be mine.” 

Lexa is crying. She is fucking crying and Clarke hasn’t noticed because she is too busy strolling down memory lane and laughing at how silly Lexa is. Lexa remembers those years. She remembers those cards. She remembers the messages written on them. “I never-“ Lexa says, trailing off, as her voice grows weak. Clarke looks at her and finally sees that she is crying and Clarke is suddenly jolting up and cradling Lexa’s face in her hands. “Baby,” Clarke says, wiping at her tears. “What is wrong? Why are you crying?” she asks, searching Lexa’s eyes for an answer. 

“I never knew,” Lexa says, bottom lip trembling. “I never knew that you meant it like that,” she says. “I never thought someone like you could want someone like me,” Lexa says through her tears. 

Clarke kisses her. She kisses her lips, and then her cheeks, and then her nose, her forehead, and then she kisses all of the tears that are running down her face away. “How could I not want you Lexa? You are the most beautiful person I have ever known,” Clarke says. 

Lexa lets out a rather ugly sob. “God, Clarke,” she says. “I was in such a bad place those years. I mean really bad. I switched foster families a few times, and some of my other families weren’t nearly as nice as the one you knew. I was starving half the time, and I didn’t have anybody. Your cards were one of the only things I looked forward to. Because once a year Clarke Griffin, the pretty, popular girl, would make me a card and I felt special. I felt like I might matter to someone for a second. And I had no idea why you did it. Why you kept doing it. I was waiting for you to forget. To leave me behind like everyone else does.” 

Clarke is crying now. She is crying and Lexa is crying, and there is so much sadness overwhelming them, but at the same time it is good. It is good because it is healing. 

“No,” Clarke says, pressing their foreheads together, still cradling Lexa’s head in her hands. “Never. I will never leave you behind Alexandria. Even if you decide that you hate me and never want to see me again I will always be here for you. You will never be alone again while I’m here. I’m so head over heels for you. I wish I could make you understand that.” 

“I don’t deserve you,” Lexa says and Clarke is shaking her head frantically as she does. “I don’t,” she argues. “I have no idea what you see in me Clarke and I can’t pretend that I do.” 

Clarke wipes her own tears and takes a deep breath. This will be an ongoing process for her and Lexa. They are going to have to work on this. “Come here,” Clarke says, taking Lexa’s glasses off and putting them on the bedside table. She turns the light off before she settles down and then pulls Lexa with her down onto the bed so that they are laying flat. She wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist, and the brunette tucks her chin into Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke kisses the top of her head and she can feel the tears falling from Lexa’s face onto her shirt. 

“Lexa I know I can’t change the way you feel about yourself,” Clarke says. “I can only tell you how I feel about you and hope that one day you’ll see the person that I see. Because when I look at you I see someone who is so fucking smart I can’t even comprehend it. I see someone who is strong, despite having every opportunity to let life knock you down. I see a girl who has fought to keep herself afloat and to keep herself safe. You have never let yourself get mean or bitter or angry at the world or the people who have treated you badly. You are so kind and loving and warm, and I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. I can’t picture a day where Lexa Woods isn’t taking over my every thought making it entirely impossible for me to concentrate on my math homework. Lexa a lot of times I feel like I don’t deserve you.” 

“That’s just crazy,” Lexa says. 

Clarke shakes her head. “No,” she says. “It’s not. I’m not nearly as smart as you, or as witty. I cannot speak three languages-“ 

“Four,” Lexa corrects meekly. Clarke laughs. 

“Of course, _four_ languages. I am for all intents and purposes a dumb jock by definition. My Mom has always supported me financially and emotionally, and she has always been there for me. I have never had to worry about food or money or clothes. And I have always taken my life for granted. You have never had any of that and here you are getting back from a summer program at Yale, where you will more than likely go to college. And you know what I did this summer? I whined to my best friends about how much I missed you and how much I wanted to date you, and fretted about asking you to be my girlfriend because I seriously don’t believe I deserve to have someone like you.” 

Lexa takes in a deep breath. She nuzzles Clarke’s neck and places a kiss there. “You are the kindest soul I have ever met Clarke Griffin. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to understand what you see in me so that I can make you understand what I see in you.” 

Lexa can feel Clarke smile. “Deal,” Clarke says, squeezing Lexa closer. Their tears have stopped all together. 

“What am I going to do with you?” Lexa says, letting out a strangled sigh. 

Clarke shrugs. “Hopefully date me forever, and then marry me so that we can have really hot sex all the time and lots of babies with your eyes and my hair, and then my Mom will have something else to do besides bother me to clean up my room.” 

Lexa is laughing into Clarke’s shoulder, her own shaking as she giggles. “You want to marry me now?” she asks. “And have babies with me? Clarke, I only just turned sixteen. Plus, your room is really messy.” Not to mention they had just started dating, today. 

“So? Mark my words Alexandria Amelia Woods. I will marry you one day, even if I have to chase you to the ends of the Earth to do it, or clean my room. I’ve got you now, and I’m never letting go. Fifth grade me is quite proud of the fact that you’re my girlfriend. I can’t let her down.” 

Lexa smiles into Clarke’s neck. “Fifth grade me is pretty stoked you’re mine too,” she says. She can’t even address the fact that she is pretty sure on some level that Clarke just told her she is going to propose one day.

“So I wasn’t the only one with a crush?” Clarke asks, her voice teasing. 

Lexa shakes her head. “No. Definitely not,” she says. “I was completely infatuated with you. I used to stare at you in math class. That’s when Bellamy started to throw erasers at my head. I wasn’t paying attention.” 

“Oh my God,” Clarke says. “I forgot he use to do that. I actually broke up with him because of it.” 

“That’s probably why he put fake snakes in my backpack,” Lexa says, adding it up in her head. 

“He did what?” Clarke asks. 

Lexa nods. “Yeah. Scared the crap out of me. I screamed so loud in music that the teacher gave me lunch detention. That was the first and only time I ever got in trouble at school. My foster family was not happy about it. I never liked him after that.”

“Sheesh, now I don’t either,” Clarke says. She wonders how many times Lexa was suffering and she had no idea. How many times did Lexa need her and she was too much of a coward to be there for her. 

“Yeah, but I hated Finn way more. I wanted to buzz off all his hair in the eighth grade,” Lexa says. Clarke is laughing and Lexa can tell she doesn’t actually believe her. “It’s true. I use to daydream about doing it in English,” Lexa says. 

Clarke snorts. “What? Why?” 

“Because he liked you. I knew he did the minute he saw you and I was so jealous. He had that stupid floppy hair and that ridiculous smile and I wanted to punch him in the face. I knew you liked him too. I used to hear you flirt with him and it made my stomach sick. The day he asked you to the dance in gym I had to fake being sick to go to the nurse because I couldn’t stand to look at you two.” 

“Yeah I know,” Clarke says. “I saw you leave and asked the teacher what happened. I wanted to go check and make sure you were okay, but I figured you wouldn’t have wanted me to.” 

“There was nothing I would have wanted more,” Lexa says. “You really checked to see where I went?” 

“Lexa,” Clarke says. “I’m telling you, I had it bad. You were always on my radar. I just didn’t know how to talk to you without scaring you away. I told Finn no in front of our entire gym class because I knew you were in it and then I went to you about it. I wasn’t just asking your opinion. I liked you. I wanted you to tell me not to date him.” 

“Clarke,” Lexa says. “How on Earth was I supposed to know that? Did you really think I was going to profess my love for you in the middle of the hallway? I couldn’t believe you were speaking to me, let alone asking me about a boy that I was insanely jealous of. I wanted you to be happy and I thought that he was that. Had I known I probably would have pinned you against the lockers right then.” 

“I wish you had,” Clarke says dreamily. Her hands ghost underneath Lexa’s shirt and rest on her bare skin. “It would have saved me a lot of trouble.” 

“Clarke?” Lexa says, tentative. 

“Hmm?” 

“Did you and Finn have sex?” Clarke’s hands grip her hips tighter. “I don’t care. I would never judge you. I’m just curious. You don’t have to tell me.” 

“Yeah,” Clarke says. “We did.” And she does not sound proud of that. 

Lexa nods. “I hate him even more now.” 

Clarke laughs really hard. “It’s okay. I can understand that. I have wanted to fight Costia for no apparent reason since homecoming.” 

“I could tell. I think I still have bruises on my hips from the way you use to dig your fingernails into me whenever we stood outside of our class.” 

“You were my date to homecoming. If anyone should have kissed you it should have been me. I was so pissed,” Clarke says, actually sounding pissed at reliving the memory. 

“I would have rather kissed you. But you were too busy with Finn,” Lexa says, teasing. 

“He was drunk and trying to manhandle me, and Bellamy had to step in and wrangle him away. I knew I scared you off and believe me my mind was on you, not him.” 

“Really?” 

“I swear to God Lexa,” Clarke says digging her nails into her skin a little more. “If you had pulled my hair one more time I was going to attack you on that dance floor.”

“I remember doing that,” Lexa says. “I couldn’t take the sounds you were making in my ear. I was so close to…well to…you know, a couple different times that night and I just had to grab onto something to ground myself.” 

“Alexandria Woods,” Clarke says. “Are you trying to tell me you almost had an orgasm on the dance floor?” 

Lexa can feel her face turning red. “It was not my fault! You put your stupid thigh between my legs, and I had nothing there but my underwear, and you kept whispering in my ear. I was losing my goddamn mind. I had to grab onto something.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Clarke asks. 

“Uh, because you were grinding on me,” Lexa says, as if it is obvious. “Why would I say anything? I was embarrassed and praying you couldn’t feel how wet I was on your thigh. I am not that sexually experienced and when the girl you have a crush on is dancing with you there is only so much you can do.” 

“Holy shit,” Clarke says. “That is not doing great things for my underwear right now.” 

“Don’t even start,” Lexa says. And she just knows Clarke is smirking. Lexa slips her hand under Clarke’s shirt and rests it on her warm skin. 

“So when we go to homecoming this year…” 

Lexa smacks Clarke’s stomach and the blonde chuckles. “Okay,” she says. “I’ll behave.” 

“Oh and another thing,” Lexa says, since they’re talking about all of this now. “Why in the hell was it necessary for you to get so up close and personal to teach me how to use a lacrosse stick. I couldn’t fucking breath.” 

Clarke laughs so hard that Lexa can feel her stomach muscles flex underneath her hand. “Oh my God,” she says. “I so did that on purpose. I was trying my best to flirt with you and you just seemed so unaffected.” 

“Unaffected? I lost all feeling in my body. The ball only went five feet Clarke. I am not that weak.” 

Clarke laughs again. “How was I supposed to know? I could never read you. God, I was trying so hard to get your attention and you never seemed to get it. I was afraid you were straight.” 

Lexa is the one who laughs. “Clarke I knew I was gay the second I laid eyes on you in Ms. Raines’ art class. We were Kindergarten, and you had blonde pigtails and were wearing a blue dress that matched your eyes. I thought you were so pretty and I spilt paint all over my shoes because I was too busy staring at you. I knew what I felt wasn’t normal, but I couldn’t help it. The older I got the harder it was to ignore it. Eventually I stopped trying. Homecoming was just like an un-ignorable pinnacle.” 

“Wait a minute,” Clarke says. “You liked me then too? Even in kindergarten?” 

Lexa nods. “I’ve liked you for a really long time Clarke. It terrified me. I tried to fight it. And when you started coming around more than once a year I had no chance. I couldn’t ignore my feelings anymore.” 

“I wanted to come around more before then. I wanted to for a long time. I just didn’t want to freak you out,” Clarke says, and Lexa can hear that she is deep in thought. “I spent so much time trying to figure out your class schedule so I could just catch a glimpse of you in the halls.” 

“Is that how you started randomly appearing places?” Lexa asks. 

“There was nothing random about that. I planned it out. I even had Raven hack into the school system to get a copy of your schedule after I couldn’t find you.” 

“You did what?” 

“I was desperate and in love. I had to talk to you. I had to see you more than once a day. And you were not exactly helpful in that department. I felt like you were avoiding on purpose sometimes.” 

“This is insane,” Lexa says. “I cannot believe all of this. I cannot believe that I just got back from Yale and am lying in my bed with my first girlfriend, who is Clarke Griffin, and we are talking about how much we have been in love with each other since Kindergarten. And also that you have no pants on.” 

“I really am hot,” Clarke says, defending her deplorable actions. 

“You are full of shit,” Lexa says, and Clarke cracks up. “I seriously thought I was always going to die a virgin,” Lexa says. “And now there’s a half naked woman in my bed.” 

“Well you’re not going to now if I have anything to say about it,” Clarke teases. 

Lexa pinches her side and the blonde yelps. “That hurt,” Clarke whines. 

“Baby,” Lexa sasses. 

“We need to go to bed,” Clarke says. “It’s four in the morning. We have been talking for three hours.” 

Lexa’s head shoots up to look over at her clock and sure enough it is. “Oh no,” Lexa groans, her head falling back onto Clarke’s chest. “We start school this week. This is going to put my sleep schedule all out of whack.” 

“It’ll be fine,” Clarke says, pulling Lexa back down to snuggle her. “Just close your eyes and get some sleep.” Lexa burrows her face in Clarke’s chest and throws her arms around her. She intertwines her legs with Clarke’s bare ones and they both breath in and out together. It’s the most comfortable Lexa has ever felt in her life. 

“Good night,” Clarke says. 

“Good night,” Lexa says. 

//

They start school and Lexa is a zombie for the first week. Clarke picks her up every morning to drive her in and always has coffee waiting for her. It helps, a little. Clarke’s smile and good morning kiss helps more. 

They’re officially dating, but nothing seems to change at school. Clarke still walks her to class, and holds her hand. Couples aren’t allowed to kiss in general at school, but Lexa is more likely to kiss Clarke’s cheek or nose than before. They have more classes together this year because Clarke has picked up a few more AP classes and Lexa is on the fast track to graduating high school a college junior with all the ones she is enrolled in. Clarke is also taking two art electives, and her Mother knows. Lexa is really proud of her. 

Lexa knows that Clarke’s friends know they’re dating. She knows because Clarke told her that she told them. Raven and Octavia look at Lexa like they’re scared of her still though. She doesn’t know why. And one day she decides to ask them. 

They’re standing outside of the gym, and Lexa is on her way to the library. Her and Clarke normally eat lunch in the art room together this year, but the blonde had an SGA meeting and Lexa decides it’s a great time to get some work done. She sees her girlfriend’s two best friends and just decides to ask them. It bothers her because she knows Clarke cares about them, and that means Lexa has to care too. 

Raven and Octavia look confused when she approaches them. “Hey,” Raven says. 

“Hi,” Lexa says. “Why don’t you two like me?” she asks. It’s about as direct as she can manage. She sees no point in beating around the bush. 

They both look equally stunned. 

“What?!” Octavia asks. 

“Come on. I know you two don’t like me. And I know you don’t like that I’m dating Clarke. What I want to know is why?” 

“Why do you care all the sudden?” Octavia asks, kind of snarky. Raven doesn’t look as angry. Raven looks like she understands exactly why this is happening. 

“Because I love your best friend and you two matter to her. I don’t like that she feels like she has to choose between us. I don’t like being something in her life that separates her from her friends.” 

This is not the answer that they had been expecting. “It’s not that we don’t like you,” Raven says. “We just don’t understand you. We don’t understand why you don’t talk to anyone or why you just ignore everybody. You don’t make an effort to get to know anyone. And Clarke is the exact opposite of that.” 

“It concerns us. Up until freshman year you were just quiet and kept to yourself. It’s all just a little weird. We’re not sure you’re right for her,” Octavia says. 

Lexa nods her head. She’s not entirely sure either. “Has Clarke told you anything about me? About my life?” she asks. The two shake their heads. 

“She talks about how much she likes you,” Octavia says. “She just doesn’t go into much detail which is strange.” 

Of course Clarke wouldn’t. Because she is fucking decent and too good for Lexa Woods. Her friends probably gave her a lot of shit for their friendship, and now their new relationship and Clarke never said anything to Lexa about it. She feels like she needs to defend her girlfriend. To make them realize how wrong they are. This isn’t just about her anymore, it’s about Clarke too. 

“Allow me to enlighten you. I never talk to anyone because everyone was too busy judging me to ever ask me anything. People were more concerned with my clothes and my lack of enthusiasm for normal things kids are busy with like friends and boys. The reason why I was so weird,” Lexa says, looking pointedly at Octavia. “Is because I was being abused by foster families for years. I didn’t have my own clothes that fit me and half the time I was more worried about where my next meal was going to come from than whether or not everyone in this godforsaken school liked me. I was scared and alone, and everyone was a real asshole, including you two. But Clarke wasn’t. She is the reason I got out of an abusive situation. And I never pursued her she pursued me. Maybe you should talk to your friend about why that is because I still don’t understand it. But I’m not about to give up the best thing that has ever happened to me because you’re worried I’m too weird for her.” 

Octavia and Raven are just staring at her with wide eyes. Lexa cannot believe she just said all that. She can’t believe she just told them some of her deepest secrets. But at the same time, it feels pretty good because she did it for Clarke. She turns on her heel and leaves the two to think or talk, or do whatever. She has said her piece. 

Later that day Raven and Octavia show up at Clarke’s house unannounced. It’s not an uncommon thing and they all go downstairs to pretend to do their homework and watch bad reality television. Clarke doesn’t think much of it until Octavia says, “Dude” in the middle of an episode of Catfish.

“What?” Clarke asks, recognizing the concern on her friend’s face immediately. 

“Why did you never tell us about Lexa?” 

“What are you talking about?” Clarke asks, wondering where this is coming from. They never ask her about Lexa. “I told you when I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend, and when she said yes.” 

“No,” Raven says shaking her head. “Why didn’t you ever tell us about what was going on with her? She said you got her out of an abusive situation.” 

“She said she is a foster kid,” Octavia says. 

Clarke visibly freezes. “Lexa told you that?” Clarke asks. 

They both nod, looking solemn. “She walked right up to us and asked why we didn’t like her,” Octavia says. “It was kind of ballsy, actually,” she says with a smirk. She respects people who do shit like that. 

“When we told her why she explained a few things to us,” Raven says. “We had no idea Clarke.” 

Her two friends understand so much more now. They understand Clarke’s protectiveness over the girl. They understand Lexa being so reserved. There was so much going on beneath the surface. 

“It wasn’t my business to tell you,” Clarke says. “Lexa has been through a lot in her life and she is pretty guarded. But honestly, you shouldn’t have to know all of that to feel bad about the way you treated her. You never even took the time to try and get to know her.” 

“We were wrong,” Octavia says, and Raven nods along with her words.

“Yeah Clarke, we really were,” Raven says. 

“I’m glad you two realized that. Maybe now everyone can get along and I can bring her around more. It would be nice for my best friends to know my girlfriend.” 

“Clarke?” Octavia says, looking to Raven before she continues. “Lexa said she loves you. Do you know that?” 

Clarke laughs heartily. “Yeah,” she says. “Lexa and I have been in love with each other since Kindergarten,” Clarke says. 

“What the fuck?” Raven says. Octavia looks blown away. 

“Dude, we’ve known you since Kindergarten,” O says. 

Clarke nods. “Yes, you have. And so has Lexa. It was a different type of knowing each other.” 

“How can you love someone for that long?” Raven asks. 

Clarke shrugs her shoulders. “I honestly have no idea. It doesn’t make it any less true though. I loved her since then and I’m going to love her the rest of my life. I’m probably going to marry her one day,” Clarke says simply, going back to her homework. 

Octavia and Raven’s mouths are hanging open. 

“Clarke,” O says. “Did you just say marry?” 

Clarke nods. “Yes. I did.” 

“You know you sound insane,” Raven says, looking at her friend scared. This is way worse than she thought it would be. 

“Yeah,” Clarke says. “But love is kind of insane. It makes absolutely no sense and yet it makes perfect sense.” 

“How can you be so sure?” O asks. 

“You know all those corny things you hear about love? How you don’t know until you just know. How life doesn’t seem to actually have started until you meet that person?” 

They both nod. 

“It’s all true,” Clarke says. “I can’t picture my life without her anymore. And I am well aware than I am sixteen and hormonal, but it’s not like that with us. We haven’t even had sex. I just love her. I know she’s the one. And you two better learn how to be nice to her because you’re going to be in our wedding, and probably the godmothers to our children and I can’t have a divided family. I refuse to.” 

Raven and Octavia have no idea what to say to that. If they can take anything from this conversation it’s that Clarke is in love with Lexa and she is pretty serious about her. They should probably start making an effort with Lexa. 

“Okay,” Raven says, sort of afraid. 

“We’ll try,” O says. 

“Good,” Clarke says smiling. 

Clarke calls Lexa when her friends leave. She asks if she had a conversation with them and Lexa confirms that she did earlier in the day. When Clarke asks her why Lexa simply replies, “They’re important to you which means they’re important to me now.”

Clarke feels her insides melt. “I fucking love you Alexandria.” 

“I fucking love you too Clarke,” she says, stumbling over the curse word, which is all too adorable to the blonde. 

Clarke and Lexa decide to tell their parents that they are officially together. First they sit Abby down on the living room couch and then sit strategically across from her on the coffee table. Lexa had asked if she should be here for this, but Clarke insisted that her Mom looked at Lexa like another daughter and she should be present. 

“Mom,” Clarke says. 

“What is it Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” Abby asks, regarding the two who look so serious. She is a bit concerned that Lexa might be getting bullied again, or something just as serious from the way the brunette’s face is hanging. 

“Nothing is wrong Mom,” Clarke says. “We just need to tell you something.” 

“Clarke and I are dating Dr. Griffin,” Lexa says. “We thought you deserved to know. And I want you to know that I really care about your daughter and I’m not trying to take advantage of her friendship or how you have opened your home to me. I respect Clarke, and you.” Not how they rehearsed it, but Clarke will take it. 

Abby looks at Lexa and smiles. “I know that,” Abby says. “Believe me Lexa,” she says, reaching out and placing her hands over Lexa’s. “If there is anyone I want dating my daughter it is you.” 

“So you’re not upset?” Clarke asks. 

“Why would I be upset?” Abby asks. 

“I don’t know? Because Lexa is a girl and I am a girl?” 

“Clarke,” Abby says. “I birthed you. I know you’re not straight.” 

“Why did you never say anything?” Clarke asks, looking shocked. 

“Because you needed to tell me when you were ready,” Abby says. “It had to be something you did on your own.” 

“Mom,” Clarke says smiling. 

“Yes Clarke?” 

“I’m bisexual,” she says. 

“Okay,” Abby says. “I have a pride flag that has been stashed in the closet for three years. We can put it up together if you want.” 

And Clarke is honestly going to fucking cry except Lexa says, “I’m a lesbian,” and shrugs her shoulders. “If it matters.” And Clarke laughs, and then Abby laughs, and then Lexa laughs, and then everyone is laughing together until they are all hugging one another. 

Abby and Clarke hang the pride flag from their porch that night.

“You’re lucky your Father is not here,” Abby says. “He would have painted the house rainbow colors.” 

Clarke laughs. “Probably,” she says, because that is totally something her Dad would have done. 

“He would have loved Lexa,” Abby says, throwing her arm around Clarke and tugging her into her side. They look on at the new flag flying from their porch proudly together. “He would have been more in love with her than you are.” Apparently Clarke really can’t hide anything from her Mother. 

Clarke smiles a watery smile. She misses her Dad. She misses his hugs, and his cheers at her games, and playing lacrosse with him in their backyard, and him reading to her at night. “They would have been such nerds together. They probably would have argued about whether physics or calculus is more fun,” Clarke jokes. Her Dad had been somewhat of a genius, just like Lexa. 

Clarke decides it’s time for Lexa to meet him. She asks her to go for a drive with her one day after school and takes her to the cemetery where her Dad is buried. Lexa doesn’t say anything when she parks the car. She just takes Clarke’s hand and walks with her to the grave. Clarke suspects she knew where they were going. 

“He died on his way to picking me up from practice,” Clarke says, looking down at the tombstone with her Father’s name on it. “He’s the reason I got into lacrosse, and I hated that stupid game so much after he…died. I wanted to quit so bad. But then I realized how much he loved that I loved it, and I decided that I wouldn’t let his death make me hate it. I play it for him now. Every game is for him.” Clarke isn’t crying but her voice isn’t exactly strong either. This is the first time she has opened up about her Dad’s death to anyone. Not even Raven and Octavia have heard her talk about it. They had just been held up in Clarke’s house with her for days and let her blubber into their shoulders. 

Lexa sits down on the grass in front of the grave. She pulls her knees up to her chest and looks at the name engraved on the stone. _Jacob Arthur Griffin. Loving Father and Husband._

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Griffin,” Lexa says. “I am kind of madly in love with your daughter and I hope that is okay. I’m sorry I never got to ask you if I could date her. I’m sorry I never got to meet you at all. I promise you I’m always going to take care of her. I’m always going to love her and treat her like she deserves to be. And I know I’m not good enough for her, but she doesn’t like to listen to me. I’m sure you know how stubborn she can be.” 

This makes Clarke sob. She falls on the ground behind Lexa and wraps her body around her from behind. She buries her face in Lexa’s neck and just breathes deeply for a few seconds, grounding herself to this girl. Lexa’s fingers lace with hers, and she tugs Clarke’s arms around her so she is holding her, and yet Lexa is holding her too. Clarke is still crying, and Lexa leans back and kisses one of her tears away. She turns back around and faces Jake. 

“I think he likes me,” Lexa whispers, smiling at the stone. 

“He does,” Clarke cries. “He does. And God, so do I.” 

They spent the entire afternoon just sitting there, talking to Jake until it gets dark and they have to go home. Clarke is pretty sure she is going to spend the rest of her life with Lexa after that. Whether her Dad likes it or not. 

They tell Indra and Gus as well. Lexa’s foster parents seem even less concerned than Abby. 

“We kind of figured,” Gus says, shrugging his shoulders. “Now we have two gay daughters,” he says, looking over at his wife. “We’re going to have to join PFLAG.” 

“Wait,” Lexa says. “Anya is gay?” She doesn’t address the whole them calling her their daughter thing. 

“Yes,” Indra says. “Did she not tell you?” 

Lexa shakes her head. Her and her foster sister’s relationship doesn’t go much beyond head nods. 

“Even I knew that,” Clarke says. “Anya founded the GSA her freshman year at Arkadia.”

“That makes so much more sense,” Lexa says. 

Abby and Indra spend a good amount of time on the phone that night discussing the girls’ relationship. They had known it was going to come up some time and they had been prepared. They both decide they are fine with them having sleepovers occasionally. They trust their daughters to behave themselves. Mostly they trust Lexa to, and they both know Clarke will do whatever she says. Lexa wears the pants in their relationship, metaphorically speaking.

“It’s not like they can get each other pregnant anyway,” Abby jokes. She has been in medicine for a long time, and she at least knows that is biologically impossible. But she does need to have a talk with Clarke about having safe same-sex sex. “I don’t even think they’re at that stage in their relationship yet anyway. And I really don’t think we have to worry about that going on.” 

“I just don’t want to give up Gus and I’s date night,” Indra jokes. It has been nice having Lexa be able to go the Griffin’s while they have some alone time now that their eldest is out of the house. 

“And I need my game buddy. Having Lexa in the stands makes lacrosse a lot more bearable. Of course my daughter would pick the most boring sport of all to play.” 

“Hey, mine does too,” Indra says, referring to Anya. “You’ll get no sympathy here. College is even more brutal.” 

“I can’t wait,” Abby deadpans. 

At one of said allowed sleepovers, Clarke is spooning Lexa from behind while they watch an episode of Sherlock in bed. They are under the covers and it is the middle of the night and Lexa is pressed tightly into Clarke’s body and she is so freaking warm. It might be because she is wearing Clarke’s Yale sweatshirt that she had bought in support of Lexa right before she left for the summer. The brunette almost always wears in when she sleeps over now. 

“Do you think it’s weird our parents still let us have sleepovers?” Clarke asks. “Isn’t it kind of a double standard thing? Should we be insulted?” 

“Why?” Lexa says. “It’s not like you can get me pregnant,” she jokes, unknowingly mirroring Abby’s statement.

“No, but do you think they think we’re not passionate about each other or something? Like we’re not dirty little teenagers trying to get away with something? Maybe they don’t take us serious?” 

Lexa rolls over and looks at Clarke like she is crazy. “Uh, pretty sure they do. We are literally two kids in AP classes, on honor roll who actively participate in clubs and sports. We are spending our Saturday night watching Netflix in your bed instead of going out and partying. And we’re not trying to get away with anything because we love each other and there is nothing to get away with over that. I don’t think passion is their concern. I think your Mom and Indra trust us and that’s a big deal.” 

“Okay, yeah,” Clarke says, knowing Lexa is right. It’s kind of awesome how their parents do trust them and respect their relationship. And she does feel a bit bad for bringing it up. “But it just feels weird. My Mom has never been this cool over any of my other relationships.” 

“That’s because your Mom knows I am not a douchebag like Finn or Bellamy, and that I would never disrespect Abby in her own house.” 

“Are you trying to tell me you’re never going to sleep with me when my Mom is home?” Clarke asks, looking disappointed. 

“I _am_ telling you that when we do have sex we are never doing it within a five mile radius of your Mom.” 

“That’s a buzz kill,” Clarke says. “It’s kind of hot to be two teenagers sneaking around, hoping their parents don’t catch them.” She whispers the last part of that sentence in Lexa’s ear, her voice low and sultry. “Like the first time we made out and you hid on the floor. That was so hot.” Clarke’s hand snakes up Lexa’s shirt and brunette is not wearing a bra. Something that Clarke takes full advantage of, rolling Lexa’s nipple between her index finger and thumb as her mouth comes down to suck at the base of her neck. Lexa cries out at the contact. 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, body arching as the blonde bites down. That is going to leave a mark. “We are not having sex in this house when your Mom is here, ever,” Lexa says, though her voice is sounding a little less convinced. 

Clarke chuckles into Lexa’s skin and it sends vibrations down Lexa’s neck that make her toes curl. “Whatever you say,” Clarke says. She begins placing wet open-mouthed kisses along Lexa’s collarbone. She leans up and nibbles on her ear and then whispers, “But we can still make out and feel each other up, right?” 

Lexa nods frantically. “That’s completely okay,” Lexa says, grabbing the back of Clarke’s neck and smashing their lips together. They both end up sleeping shirtless that night. Well, Lexa does, Clarke has kept up with the habit of not wearing pants to bed when Lexa sleeps over and she is just in her panties. Clarke nearly has a heart attack when Abby knocks on the door in the morning and tells them it’s time for breakfast. The rule of thumb is that if they are sleeping in Clarke’s bed the door has to be open. And it is, just a smidge, but Abby doesn’t come inside, thankfully. 

“That’s what you get for being a tease,” Lexa says, smirking. “You almost get caught practically naked in bed by your Mom.” 

“You’re not clothed either!” Clarke says. 

“I am fucking wearing pants!” Lexa says, getting out of bed and picking her shirt up off the ground, slipping it on over her head. Clarke giggles as Lexa saunters hotly into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She doesn’t miss the way Lexa’s breath catches in her throat when Clarke emerges from the bed, in nothing but her underwear in search of some clothes. Their eyes lock in the bathroom mirror and Clarke smirks while Lexa just looks. Clarke wonders how long this whole holding off on sex thing is going to last. She wonders how long they want it to. 

Clarke is elected Vice President of the student body, and one of the first things she does is initiates a school wide bullying awareness project that offers sanctuary to kids being picked on, and helps them take steps to make it stop. Lexa had kissed her so freaking hard when she told her about it. 

Octavia and Raven make up buttons that say ‘STOP BULLYING!’ and hand them out in support of their best friend’s campaign. 

Octavia gives one to Lexa in the AP Physics class they have together. “Here,” she says. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole. I didn’t know about any of that stuff, but that doesn’t make it okay. I know you make Clarke happy, and I know she is completely gone on you. I think we should try to be friends for her sake. Also you’re kind of cool in a totally ballsy way, and I dig it.” Octavia smiles down at the brunette and shrugs her shoulders. 

Lexa takes the pin and attaches it to her backpack. “I’d like that,” she says. “And I’m not ballsy,” Lexa says. “I just got tired of taking your shit for five years.” 

Octavia is visibly embarrassed by her behavior. Lexa wants to relish in it, but she can’t do that. She can’t because this is Clarke’s best friend. Her Clarke. “But you’re not nearly as bad as your brother. What is it with him?” Lexa asks, dying to know why the kid has always hated her. 

“Bell has always carried a torch for Clarke since she broke his heart in the sixth grade over you,” Octavia says, sitting down next to Lexa. “She’s the only girl to ever reject him. She’s the one that got away,” she says, rolling her eyes. 

“I don’t think he knows we’re dating,” Lexa says. 

“Nope,” Octavia says, shaking her head. “He really doesn’t get it. I just hope he does before Clarke ends up kicking him in the balls.” 

Lexa snorts, because yeah, Clarke probably would do that if he ever made a move on her. “He is going to have one hell of wakeup call at homecoming then,” Lexa says. 

Octavia nods. “I can’t wait.” She grins mischievously and settles into the seat as the bell rings and class starts. Maybe the other Blake twin isn’t so bad.

Lexa takes the SATs for the first time at Kane’s recommendation. She is a mess the night before the exam and Clarke comes over unannounced after receiving a half-dozen panicked texts from the brunette about how she is going to fail, which is actually not how that test works, but Lexa doesn’t listen no matter how many times Clarke explains that. “You’re done with this nonsense,” Clarke says, pointing to all the open books and study guides thrown across Lexa’s desk. She yanks Lexa up from her chair, and grabs her by the shoulders. “You are going to go brush your teeth, and get into bed, and then I am going to read to you until you are asleep, and when you are finally asleep, you are going to stay asleep for the entire night. And when you wake up tomorrow you are going to eat breakfast, not touch a single book Alexandria Amelia, and you are going to go take that damn test.” 

Lexa deflates in Clarke’s presence. “Okay,” she says, knowing by the look on her girlfriend’s face she is not going to be given another option. Not as long as Clarke is there. “Can I just have five more minutes?” 

Clarke’s jaw clenches and she points out of Lexa’s bedroom toward the bathroom down the hall. “Teeth, now,” Clarke commands. Lexa glares at her as she walks out of the room, sulking like a scorned toddler, but she does what she is told. Clarke reads her some of T. S Eliot’s poetry from a chair beside Lexa’s bed. She refuses to get in the bed, knowing full well they would be doing more than just sleeping. Lexa needs rest and relaxation, not a hormonal Clarke who has next to no self-control in the presence of her girlfriend. 

“I didn’t know you like poetry,” Lexa says, eyeing Clarke from her bed. She is getting sleepy, despite her own efforts to stay awake and try to study once Clarke is gone. She thinks she is sneaky, but Clarke knows her too well, and is waiting for her eyes to close. 

“My Dad use to read it to me. He use to read to me every night just like I’m doing for you right now,” Clarke says, smiling down at her book. Lexa knows that smile is for Jake. She really hopes Clarke’s Dad is watching over his daughter from wherever he is. 

“Thank you,” Lexa says, reaching out for Clarke’s hand. The blonde leans forward, a smile on her lips, as she laces her fingers with Lexa’s and kisses the back of her hand. “Thank you for sharing this part of him with me,” Lexa says. 

“I love you,” Clarke whispers against her skin. The way she says it makes every hair on Lexa’s body stand at attention. 

“I love you too,” Lexa says, her eyes failing her as they begin to close. She is going to fall asleep. And when she does, mumbling sweet nothings about the similarities of poetry and physics, the blonde tucks her in and kisses her on the forehead before she turns Lexa’s lights off and slips out of the room. Her Mom was right, Jake would have really loved Lexa. 

“Did you calm her down?” Indra asks, when Clarke makes her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Indra is at the dining room table with a laptop and tons of papers in front of her. It startles Clarke, because she hadn’t known she was there, she hadn’t heard or seen Indra when she came into the house. Indra and Gus almost always leave the backdoor unlocked until they go to bed though and that was how Clarke had gotten in. 

Clarke nods. “Yeah, she is asleep now. But who knows how long that will last,” Clarke jokes. She has never really been sure of Indra. Clarke likes her, and she likes that she takes such good care of Lexa. Her Mom’s college roommate is just a little bit terrifying and unreadable, much like her daughter, Anya. And Lexa isn’t far behind. 

“She is too hard on herself. Always pushing too much. You keep her grounded. That’s good,” Indra says, nodding approvingly but not looking up at Clarke. “She is lucky to have you.” 

Clarke smiles with pride. “Thanks,” she says. “I’m pretty lucky too.” 

Clarke leaves and Indra’s goodbye is nothing more than a slight head nod. She’s pretty sure the woman never even looked up from the computer during the entirety of their conversation, but she thinks it might have been Indra’s way of telling her she approves of Clarke. She certainly didn’t yell at her for sneaking into their house. 

Lexa does take the exam, and when the test results come back three weeks later it is revealed that the brunette got a 2380. 

“All that nonsense, and look,” Clarke says, smirking. “There was nothing to worry about in the first place, because you’re a flipping genius.” 

Lexa pouts still. “I am twenty points off from a perfect score. I have to take it again.” 

Clarke stares at her dumbfounded. She has started to discover that despite her girlfriend’s humble demeanor about her intelligence, she enjoys getting the best grades. She is a secret perfectionist. “Please not until next year,’ Clarke says, linking their hands together to walk Lexa to Physics. “We’re only juniors and I can’t take another two weeks of you freaking out over this exam.” 

“How about I just wait until spring?” Lexa offers. 

Clarke sighs. “I’ll take what I can get.” 

Homecoming rolls around again and Anya tells Lexa she will actually be coming home for it. She wants to go to the game, and Clarke decides this is a great idea for some weird, makeshift family outing. 

Lexa refuses to participate in spirit week again, but that doesn’t stop Clarke from avidly trying to get her to. She even threatens to withhold any kissing if Lexa doesn’t dress-up one afternoon when they are in Clarke’s basement attempting to study together. It’s the Sunday before the festivities start. They are sitting on the floor behind the coffee table, books spread out over the mahogany surface. 

“I love how you think that would work,” Lexa taunts. 

“Oh it would. You can’t resist my lips Woods.” 

“Clarke, you wouldn’t last one day.” 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asks. 

“I mean you’re the one that is constantly kissing me. Your hands are always on me. Not that I don’t love it, but I’m just saying,” Lexa says, smirk coming over her lips. She is pretty equally as affectionate with Clarke, but the blonde is definitely way more possessive. 

“Fine,” Clarke says, crossing her arms. “I’ll show you. You’re not that irresistible to me. I can not kiss you if I want to. And I won’t, for the entire week, unless you participate.” 

This gets a sinful idea brewing in Lexa’s mind. “Okay,” Lexa says. “If that’s what you want.” Lexa pushes her glasses up her nose and looks over at Clarke. The blonde is trying to focus on her Chemistry homework. 

Lexa jumps her. She swings her leg around Clarke’s torso so that she is straddling her. Clarke’s hands immediately go to her thighs, and they are dangerously close to another part of Lexa’s body. Lexa tangles her hands in Clarke’s hair and pulls her head back a bit so she is looking up at her. Clarke’s eyes are hooded as they look up into Lexa’s. 

“What are you doing?” Clarke rasps. 

Lexa lets her hands untangle from Clarke’s hair and reaches behind her own head to release the messy bun she had her hair up in all morning. She shakes her hair loose and smirks at the way Clarke’s pupils blow wide at the action.

“Tempting you,” Lexa says. She leans down and places a single kiss on the base of Clarke’s neck and her entire body shudders underneath of her. “I said I would let you try not to kiss me for a week. I never said I would behave.” 

Clarke whines, and Lexa smirks again. She leans down and lets the tip of her nose gently run down Clarke’s collarbone, up her neck, and to her ear so that it tickles her. Lexa nibbles on Clarke’s ear lobe, and licks the shell while her hands slip underneath Clarke’s shirt and rest on her bare abdomen. 

“Shit,” Clarke says, letting out a breath. Lexa smiles into her neck and bites down, rather hard. Clarke’s hips buck and her fingernails dig into Lexa’s legging clad thighs as she tries to control her urges. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” Clarke says. 

A deep throaty chuckle leaves Lexa’s mouth. She is enjoying this way too much. She is enjoying the fact that Clarke wants her. Wants her in every single way. Lexa spends a good amount of time kissing up and down Clarke’s neck, and sucking in certain spots she has come to know drive her crazy. Clarke’s hands remain gripped on her, and her lips never move. 

“I’m impressed,” Lexa says, pulling back and smiling down at her girlfriend. Clarke looks like a hot mess, and her chest is heaving as she looks up at Lexa. 

“You are a cruel woman Alexandria Woods,” Clarke mutters, her voice so deep it is a bit frightening. Lexa wonders if Clarke might actually attack her. 

Lexa shrugs her shoulders and dismounts from Clarke’s body. “You are about to find out how cruel I can be,” Lexa says. “We have an entire week to go.” 

Lexa is so cruel. She is so cruel that she kind of hates herself a bit because while she is trying to tease Clarke, she is teasing herself too. On Monday Clarke is dressed up like a human flag for red, white, and blue day. Lexa is wearing a Yale t-shirt and a pair of jeans. They are quiet the whole drive to school, and when they pull into the parking lot Clarke looks over at her with weary eyes. 

“What?” Lexa asks, playing innocent. 

“You are too quiet,” Clarke says, eyes narrowing in at her. 

“I am always quiet Clarke,” Lexa says. 

“No,” Clarke says, shaking her head. “Not around me. Not anymore. You’re up to something.” 

“I’m stunned speechless by your red tutu,” Lexa says, referring to the bright red ballerina skirt and blue tights her girlfriend is wearing. 

Clarke looks dubiously at her. She knows Lexa too well. 

Lexa leans in and places a simple, sweet kiss on Clarke’s cheek. “I’m also not wearing any underwear today,” Lexa says into Clarke’s ear. She smirks as she gets out of the car and leaves her girlfriend just sitting there with her mouth hanging open watching Lexa saunter away. 

“Oh come on!” Clarke yells, getting out of the car. A few people turn to stare at her and she remembers they are in the school parking lot, a public place. Lexa looks back and laughs as Clarke just glares at her. 

Clarke catches up to her at her locker. She leans against it and just stares at Lexa like somehow she will be able to read her mind if she does. 

“You’re lying,” Clarke says eventually. Her eyes drift down to Lexa’s jeans as if she has x-ray vision. 

“Okay,” Lexa says, smartly. 

“You would never not wear underwear,” Clarke whispers. 

“You don’t know that,” Lexa says. “There are a lot of things you still don’t know about me Clarke. I bet you don’t even know what kind of underwear I do wear usually.”

Clarke looks…puzzled. “Yes I do,” she lies. She has never actually seen Lexa’s underwear, besides her bras. Not once. 

“Okay,” she says, closing her locker and leaning against it to face Clarke. “What kind do I wear?” 

Clarke purses her lips. “You wear bikinis.” 

Lexa shakes her head. “Wrong,” she says, turning and walking toward her first class. Clarke trails after her. 

“Boy shorts?” Clarke says. 

Lexa smiles, but shakes her head. They reach her class and Lexa turns around to face her girlfriend. She places a kiss on Clarke’s nose. 

“Thongs,” Lexa says. “I wear thongs Clarke.” 

“You are fucking EVIL!” Clarke cries looking horrified at Lexa. 

Lexa shrugs her shoulders. “It’s not that much different,” she says. “Not wearing any compared to wearing them.” 

Clarke’s head looks like it is about to explode. “I still don’t believe you,” she says. 

“Okay,” Lexa says, turning and going into her class. 

“My girlfriend is satin’s spawn!” Clarke cries into the hallway and everyone kind of looks at her funny. She rolls her eyes and scurries off to her first period. 

Clarke drives Lexa home after school and they sit in the driveway for a long period of time. Her girlfriend is just staring at her, trying to determine if Lexa is really lying. 

“Clarke,” Lexa says. “If you want to find out so bad why don’t you just check?” 

“Because if I put my hand down your pants not kissing you will be the least of my problems.”

“Why don’t you just come inside?” Lexa asks. “I’ll show you my underwear drawer.” 

Clarke does come inside, she is too curious not to. They go up to Lexa’s room and the brunette makes a beeline for her dresser, pulling open the top drawer. 

“See for yourself,” she says, stepping away and going to put her backpack down on her desk chair.

“Oh my God!” Clarke says. “You really do wear thongs,” she says, turning to look at Lexa like she is seeing her for the first time. 

“I told you,” Lexa says, lips fighting a smile. She hadn’t started wearing them until last year. Her underwear choice was never that important to her before because Lexa never got an option. But when Indra took her bra shopping she turned Lexa onto them, and she really did like them. So, that was her underwear of choice. She only figured out later that they’re kind of known as sexual when she went to Yale and a group girls talked about their preferences in the garment. 

“Okay,” Clarke says. “I have to know. And I’m not going to touch you or kiss you. I just can’t not know if you are actually not wearing underwear at this point.” 

“Whatever,” Lexa says. “I was going to take a shower anyway.” 

Lexa removes her shirt, and then her bra. Clarke keeps her distance. She stands on the other side of the room with her arms crossed. This is extremely difficult. 

“Are you going to get naked in front of me?” Clarke asks, voice a little high. 

“I am getting naked to go take a shower. You can look or not.” Lexa unbuttons her jeans and starts to shimmy them down her thighs just enough that it will answer Clarke’s question. 

“Shit,” Clarke says, slapping her hand over her eyes and turning around before she can actually see Lexa’s naked body. “You’re really not wearing underwear.” 

Lexa removes her pants and grabs her robe. She slips it on and smiles. 

“I told you. I don’t lie Clarke,” Lexa says. And then way she says Clarke’s name lets the blonde know she is most definitely trying to seduce her. She is trying to win. Lexa fights dirty. 

“I have to go,” the blonde says. She keeps her eyes covered as she fumbles out of Lexa’s room. She doesn’t kiss her goodbye because dear God, there would be no way she could stop. 

“Goodbye,” Lexa calls, smiling as the blonde nearly falls out her bedroom door. Lexa is confident she is going to win this. 

Tuesday is pajama day and Clarke is wearing a flannel onesie and they are once again having the argument about whether or not they are in style. 

“Babies wear them Clarke,” Lexa says. 

“Yeah, because they’re awesome.” 

When they get to school Lexa sees that all of the Delinquents are wearing them. 

“This is a cult,” Lexa says gesturing to the group who are lingering in the hallway. “A poorly dressed cult.” 

Raven roars with laughter and so does Octavia. Bellamy and Jasper look confused, and Monty strikes a pose for Lexa. 

“You don’t like?” he says, giving her pouty lips. 

Clarke is shaking from the laughter she is trying to contain. “Monty I freaking love you man,” she says. 

Clarke keeps her distance from Lexa the entire day. She still walks her to class, but she doesn’t hold her hand. She doesn’t really touch her at all. 

“Are you trying to control yourself or give me a complex?” Lexa asks. 

“I am just trying not to keep picturing what I saw yesterday every time I look at you,” Clarke says. 

Lexa chuckles. “You know what I’m trying to not think about?” Lexa says. 

“What?” 

“Whether or not you’re wearing anything under that onesie. It would be pretty easy access if you weren’t.” 

Clarke stops walking and just stand in the hallway staring at Lexa. “You are so freaking mean!” she says. Lexa throws her head back and laughs as she walks into AP Lit leaving Clarke alone in the hallway. 

Wednesday is twin day and Clarke, Octavia, and Lexa dress up in the oddest matching outfits. They’re wearing gray tights, jean shorts, white button ups tucked into the shorts, black suspenders, and fedoras. 

Lexa has on a pair of leggings and a blue button-up on. “What are you three even supposed to be?” Lexa asks. 

“Cute,” Clarke says, shrugging her shoulders. 

Lexa smiles and places a kiss on Clarke’s jaw. “That you always are.” Clarke’s eyes are closed when she pulls away and the blonde has a dreamy look on her face. 

“You okay?” Lexa asks. 

Clarke lets out a long sigh. “Oh yeah. It’s just been three days and six hours since I’ve kissed you,” Clarke says. 

“And fifteen minutes,” Lexa says. 

“You’re counting?” Clarke asks. “I thought you wouldn’t even notice.” 

“Of course I notice Clarke,” Lexa says. “I’m just a really, really sore loser,” she says. 

“So am I,” Clarke says, smiling. 

“I know. That’s what makes this so interesting.” 

“You know I am going to jump your bones at the dance,” Clarke says, eyeing Lexa. 

“Oh,” Lexa says. “I’m counting on it.” 

“Wait. What happens if both of us hold out until the end of the week?” Clarke asks. 

“Then we keep going until one of us caves,” Lexa states. 

“Shit,” Clarke says. 

Lexa smirks. She reaches out and lets her fingers slide under one of Clarke’s suspenders. “My thoughts exactly. I like these, by the way,” Lexa says, tugging on the elastic band. “They’re sexy.” She brings her lips dangerously close to Clarke’s and the blonde’s breathing becomes erratic. She smirks, and pulls away. 

“Who knew you were such a freaking tease,” Clarke says, throwing her arms up in the air and storming down the hallway. Her girlfriend is a little sexually frustrated. 

Thursday is character day and Clarke looks like some kind of goddess. She is wearing a long flowing white skirt that is made out of tool with a skin-tight long-sleeved shirt. Her hair is done in kinked waves, and she has a crown on top of her head. She is beyond beautiful. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Clarke asks, when they get to school and Lexa is gawking. 

“Like what?” Lexa asks, acting like she has no idea what she is talking about. 

“Oh my God,” Clarke says, realization dawning on her. “This turns you on. Me dressed up as a princess turns you on.” 

“No it doesn’t,” Lexa says, looking away too quickly for it to be considered indifference. 

Clarke laughs. “This totally gets you going.” 

Lexa tries not to look at Clarke the rest of the day. She fails miserably of course, because somehow she is dating the most gorgeous girl in the entire school. And she can’t fucking kiss her. 

“You’re going to cave, aren’t you?” Clarke says, smirking. She rests her hands on Lexa’s hips and presses her against the wall outside of their history class. “Lexa Woods have you fantasized about this before? Do you want me to be your princess?” she whispers in Lexa’s ear, and it sounds really dirty. But also sounds like Clarke likes the idea. 

“Now who is being cruel?” Lexa says, mouth dry as a desert. 

Clarke smirks and releases her so they can both go into the actual classroom. By the end of the day Lexa is going crazy and her and Clarke have a dinner date with Abby. Clarke wears that stupid outfit the entire time they make pizza. 

“Clarke always use to dress up as a princess when she was little,” Abby says to Lexa. “It was her Halloween costume for three years. I thought Jake was going to lose his mind.” 

“Why?” Lexa asks, always eager to know more about the man. And anything that will distract her from Clarke in that stupidly attractive outfit is a welcomed gift. 

“He hated the idea of Clarke being a princess. He didn’t want Clarke thinking she needed a knight in shinning armor to rescue her. He said she could save herself,” Abby says. Clarke smiles at the memory and the mother and daughter exchange a look. Lexa has never had a mother but she imagines that if she had, she would be like Abigail Griffin. 

“What am I missing?” Lexa asks. 

“Well Bellamy Blake decided that he wanted to be Clarke’s knight and dressed up as one for Halloween,” Abby says. She pauses and takes a bite of her pizza. “Jake was completely devastated over it.”

“Yeah,” Clarke says. “Up until a group of sixth graders tried to jack our candy.” 

“What happened?” Lexa asks. 

“Bellamy ran away screaming, and I swung my candy bag into one of the boys’ crotch.” 

Lexa laughter is relentless. “You should have seen Jake’s face,” Abby says looking over at Lexa. “He was so proud. I had never seen him happier. Bellamy was a sniveling mess, and Clarke was just strolling behind him with a smug smirk carrying Bellamy’s candy that he had left behind.” 

“I think I know that look,” Lexa says, glancing over at her girlfriend. It’s plastered on Clarke’s face as they speak. 

Clarke asks Abby if Lexa can spend the night without even asking Lexa. It’s a school night, but they drive together every day anyway and tomorrow is Friday and Abby sees no harm in it. She has to go to the hospital for the night shift and she is not overly fond of leaving Clark alone. The blonde smirks at the brunette and wags her eyebrows when Abby isn’t looking. 

“You cannot wear that to bed,” Lexa says, looking up from her book several hours later. She has already changed and been lying in Clarke’s bed reading one of the novels that they have been assigned in Lit. Well, actually she is re-reading it because Lexa already read Great Expectations when she was eleven. Abby had left a few hours ago to go to work and Lexa had been doing her best to ignore Clarke flouncing around in that ridiculous outfit. Lexa’s glasses are perched on her nose and Clarke has been trying to keep busy for the past half hour so she doesn’t have to change. 

“Why not?” Clarke says, a cocky smile on her lips. She sits down on the bed and stretches out. “It’s pretty comfortable. Not too warm, not too cold.” 

“You’re enjoying this way too much,” Lexa says, going back to her reading. 

“Actually no,” Clarke says. Her index finger hooks onto Lexa’s book and she pulls it down, away from her face. Clarke climbs onto Lexa’s lap and throws her arms around the girl’s neck. “You are, apparently.” 

“Clarke,” Lexa groans, letting her book fall out of grasp. She throws her head back onto the pillows and sighs. “This is really not nice.” 

“I have to know,” Clarke says. “What is it about the princess thing?” And it is not at all Clarke teasing. She looks more intrigued than anything. 

“I honestly have no idea,” Lexa says. 

“Did you have a thing for Disney princesses? Do you watch medieval porn or something? Read one too many smutty royal romance novels?” 

Lexa’s raises her head back up. “I have never read or seen porn in any form,” she says, looking offended. 

“What?!” 

“You heard what I said Clarke.” 

“Lexa,” Clarke says, not knowing how to go about this or if she even should. She tightens her hold around the brunette’s neck. “How have you never seen a porn? What do you…what do you masturbate to?” 

Lexa sucks in a breath and her eyes widen a bit. “I don’t,” she says, her voice very, very quiet. 

“You don’t?” Clarke asks, trying to look into Lexa’s eyes, but the brunette’s green orbs are avoiding hers. She is clearly embarrassed by this. 

“No,” Lexa says shaking her head. “I’ve never done that before.” Suddenly Lexa telling her about how she wasn’t that sexually experienced and how she almost climaxed on the dance floor last year makes a lot more sense to Clarke. Lexa is probably beyond sensitive. 

“Okay,” Clarke says. “That’s okay.” 

“Do you?” Lexa asks, her voice even quieter than before. Clarke can barely hear her. 

This is by no means sexual. This is Lexa trying to ask Clarke about her sexuality to get some answers and it is incredibly hard for her to do. Clarke can imagine that Lexa has never actually had someone give her the sex talk or talk to her about her body and urges. Unlike her Mother who laid it all out for Clarke at the ripe age of twelve, and told her that masturbation was a healthy alternative to sexual intercourse. 

Clarke nods. “Yeah, I do.” Clarke laughs nervously. “And thank God because if not this last week would have been unbearable.” 

Lexa’s head jerks to focus more intently on Clarke and the blonde closes her eyes, mortified. “I did not just say that out loud.” Clarke opens her eyes and Lexa looks scared. “I am so sorry,” Clarke says. “That was so not the right thing to sa-“

“You did it this week?” Lexa asks, cutting her off. Clarke just nods. She is not really sure where this conversation is going to go, but she is curious. While they easily get hot and heavy these days their intimate moments are relatively tame. Lexa is aggressive, and not exactly shy but she isn’t pushing for more ever since her first day back. Clarke has never tried anything, and she is pretty sure Lexa is afraid of sex. Or ashamed of the idea of it. Of letting herself feel that kind of pleasure. But Clarke knows on some level that she craves it. She can tell because half the time she is the one putting a stop to things when hands start to wander too far. “More than once?” Lexa asks, raising an eyebrow.

Clarke bites her lip and nods her head. This is not making her look good by any means. But she feels like she should be honest about this so Lexa can know it is perfectly natural.

“I don’t normally do it that often,” Clarke says. 

“Well how often is normal?” Lexa asks. 

“Usually once every week or two, maybe?”

“How many times did you do it this week?” 

“Everyday.” Clarke thinks her face must look like a tomato by now. 

“Everyday?” Lexa squeaks. 

“I was a little bit frustrated and I needed to relieve the tension somehow.” 

“Do you watch porn when you do it?” 

“Sometimes,” Clarke answers honestly. 

“What do you do other times?” 

“I picture things. Use my imagination. Think about times when I was really turned on by something. Think about you.” 

“Me?” Lexa asks, disbelieving. 

“Yeah,” Clarke says. “You. You are my girlfriend after all. And you’re kind of hot if you hadn’t noticed. Lexa, you turn me on a lot and that is not a bad thing.” 

“I think about you too,” Lexa whispers. “Like that. I don’t…I don’t touch myself though.” 

“It is perfectly alright to do it if you want,” Clarke says. “Or not do it. It is whatever makes you more comfortable.” 

Lexa looks like she believes this. But Clarke still wonders what is going on in her brain. 

“Lexa…” Clarke says, suddenly afraid. “No one ever- I mean no one,” and there is no easy way to ask this. “Your foster father…he didn’t, h-ee didn’t touch you did he? Like that?” 

Lexa’s eyes blow wide. “Oh!” she says. “No! No Clarke. He never did that. No one has ever done that. I’m sorry. I should have been clearer. I was thinking about what you were saying too intensely to respond properly.” 

“It’s okay,” Clarke says. And she kind of hates herself. “I’m sorry for asking.” 

“Don’t be,” Lexa says, and she leans forward to press their foreheads together. “You can ask me anything Clarke. I understand why you might think that. ”

“Lexa?”

“Yes Clarke?” 

“You’ve never had an orgasm have you?” 

“No Clarke.” 

“Okay.” Clarke pulls back and looks down at Lexa. She really just wants to make her girl smile now. “I’ll make you a deal Woods,” she says. 

“I’m listening.” 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Clarke says. 

“And…?”

“What about a truce? What about if I take this outfit off and give you one of my lacrosse jerseys to wear to spirit day tomorrow and we call it even?” 

It’s an honest truce. It wouldn’t be losing, not really. Clarke rubs her nose against Lexa’s and smiles. 

“What do you say?” she whispers, her warm breath ghosting over Lexa’s skin. 

“I think I could stand to wear one of your jerseys if it means you take this damn costume off.” 

“Is that a yes?” Clarke asks, bringing her lips to hover over Lexa’s. 

Lexa nods her head. “It’s a yes. Now shut up and kiss me.” 

And Clarke does. She happily does. She smiles as she brings their lips together for the first time in four days. And it is pure bliss. 

“Uhh,” Clarke moans when they break apart to breathe. “Why did we ever do this in the first place?” 

“It was your idea,” Lexa says, grinning. 

“I am very, very stupid,” Clarke says, leaning down and kissing Lexa again. “So stupid,” she mutters before she brings their lips back together. Clarke deepens the kiss, letting her tongue slip inside Lexa’s mouth. She nips Lexa’s bottom lip and smiles when she whimpers. “We are never doing this again,” Clarke says. 

“You need to take this outfit off,” Lexa says, breathless. “It’s not doing good things for me especially now that we are kissing again.” She pulls back when Clarke tries to lean in for a kiss. “Seriously,” she says. 

“Okay,” Clarke says, pecking Lexa’s lips before she hops off of her and goes to the bathroom to change. She slips into a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt and emerges to find Lexa is almost asleep. 

Clarke turns off the lights and crawls into her side of the bed. Lexa immediately wraps her entire body around Clarke’s and nuzzles into her neck. 

“Are you wearing pants?” Lexa asks, sleepy and surprised. 

“I figured it was best not to press my luck tonight. We have a lot of pent up emotions right now.” 

Lexa nods into Clarke’s skin. “Probably a good idea,” she says. Clarke can tell by the way Lexa’s breathing is starting to calm that she is going to be out soon. 

“I love you,” Clarke whispers, placing a kiss on the top of Lexa’s hair. She tugs Lexa closer and snuggles into her. 

“Love you,” Lexa mumbles, and Clarke knows she is a goner. 

Lexa wears Clarke’s jersey to school, and her jeans from the day before. It’s too big on her, but it’s comfortable and smells like Clarke. Clarke wears an assortment of crazy school colored clothing that includes tights, a skirt, a tight t-shirt, and a boa. When they get to school Raven and Octavia are waiting for them at the front entrance looking equally ridiculous and they place a headpiece that has all kind of feathers and sequins on top of Clarke’s head. They are all wearing one too. 

“Look at you Woods,” Raven says, smiling at the jersey. “Got some school spirit in you after all,” she teases. 

“More like some Clarke Griffin,” Octavia jokes. Clarke smacks her on the arm playfully, and Lexa laughs. 

“I lost a bet,” she says, and Clarke smirks at her. 

“I do not even want to know,” Raven says, seeing the way they are eyeing each other. She turns to go inside the school and they all follow. 

They meet up with the rest of Clarke’s friend group in the hall and they walk together through the school admiring everyone else’s spirit gear. They have done this a few times this year. Sometimes Clarke’s friends just seem to find them, but Clarke never leaves Lexa’s side. She always holds her hands, and talks to her and her friends, and Lexa thinks on some level she must be accepted because before they would have avoided her like the plague, even if Clarke was with her. Bellamy and Monty are wearing their football jerseys, and Jasper has a school baseball jersey on. 

“Why is Lexa wearing Clarke’s jersey?” Bellamy whispers to his sister. 

“You are so fucking dense,” Octavia says, rolling her eyes. 

Bellamy doesn’t know what to make of that answer. Monty slugs an arm around Bellamy’s shoulders and smiles. “Dude, we have got to have a talk sometime,” he says, and Octavia just laughs. 

They go to the homecoming game that night. Lexa has never actually been to a football game before. Clarke and Anya spend most of it explaining the rules to her when they’re not screaming their heads off. Indra, Gus, and Abby are all sitting together right beside them on the bench. Indra is surprisingly into the game, shouting very angry things at the refs and players. Abby is right besides her doing the same thing. They often turn to each other and high-five aggressively. It is the most animated that Lexa has ever seen her foster mother. 

“Why couldn’t you have played this sport?” Indra asks, turning to Anya. 

“Sorry Mom. I don’t like it when guys pat me on the ass,” Anya retorts. Indra just narrows her eyes at her daughter. Gus laughs and throws his arm around Anya. Indra throws them some serious shade and goes back to screaming with Abby. 

“Wow,” Lexa says. “They really like football.” 

Clarke laughs. “Yeah well, they spent four years going to the UMD games together. Mom says it was kind of their thing.” 

“What are you talking about?” Lexa asks, confused. 

Clarke’s face scrunches up as she looks at Lexa. “Mom and Indra were college roommates. They went to school together. Did you not know that?” 

Lexa shakes her head. “No. No one ever told me that.”

“Really? That’s how Indra and Gus got custody of you so quickly. My Mom called them because she knew they were foster parents already and they were able to rush the process along because they requested you.” 

This makes Lexa’s entire body feel numb. “Your Mom did that? For me?” 

Clarke nods. “I can’t believe Gus and Indra never told you. Haven’t you seen the pictures in the house? My Mom and Dad and Indra and Gus were like best couple friends.” 

Lexa briefly remembers seeing a picture of Indra and Gus and some younger looking people in the house. There were a few of them clad in Maryland gear at what looked to be sporting events. 

“Indra is technically my Godmother. But her and Gus moved away like two years after I was born and I didn’t get to really know them growing up. They moved back to the area a few years ago when they started their own firm here.” 

Lexa looks over at Abby and Indra. She can’t imagine them being friends. And then she realizes that is ridiculous because not even a year ago she wouldn’t have imagined her and Clarke could be a couple. 

Arkadia wins and Lexa finds herself cheering with everyone else even though she has no idea what happened. Their families go to dinner together, leaving the delinquents behind so they can go celebrate with plenty of alcohol. 

“You sure you don’t want to go with them?” Lexa asks, as Clarke holds her hand while they walk with their families back to their cars. 

“No,” Clarke says, shaking her head. “I want us all to spend time together.” 

Clarke wants Lexa to ride with her and Abby to the restaurant and Indra and Gus are fine with that. Abby teases Indra about being the cool Mom. Indra rolls her eyes knowing full well that has nothing to do with it. Clarke gets into the passenger side of the vehicle and Lexa goes to get into the opposite side the same time as Abby. 

“Dr. Griffin?” Lexa says, hesitating a bit. 

“Yes Lexa?” she says, smiling. 

“Clarke just told me you’re the reason I’m with Indra and Gus.” 

Abby’s face contorts a bit unsure of how to respond. “Lexa I wanted to make sure you were saf-“

“Thank you,” Lexa says, looking up into Abby’s eyes with such sincerity. “Thank you for helping me find a good family. I would probably be in a really bad place if you hadn’t.” 

Lexa hugs Abby. She throws her arms around her middle and just hugs her. She is so grateful for this woman and her daughter. Abby visibly softens after the initial shock and hugs her back. She leans down and presses a kiss to the top of Lexa’s head. 

“Thank you for making my daughter so happy,” Abby says. 

“What are you two doing?” Clarke calls out from the back seat and they both giggle. 

“Nothing,” Abby says. “Keep your pants on,” she yells, and it makes Lexa laugh more. 

They go and eat dinner at a pizza place with Anya, Gus, and Indra. It is strange…how easy it is. How normal it feels. Lexa has never had a family. She has never felt like she belonged anywhere. And now she is sitting around a table with Clarke by her side, holding her hand under the table while she argues with Abby, Indra, and Anya about UMD’s girls’ lacrosse team this season. Gus is as quiet as her, and giving her secret smiles and rolling his eyes at his wife and daughter. It makes Lexa giggle, quietly. 

Clarke and her go to the homecoming dance together, for the second time, but as more than friends, thankfully. They go to the Blake’s to take pictures with everyone and Lexa doesn’t feel nearly as out of place as she did before. Raven even makes her take a picture with just her. 

“We need to document this for history’s sake,” Raven says. “You know, so when we’re both conquering the world with our genius people can see us together.” 

Lexa just shakes her head, smiles, and takes the photo. Clarke whispers, “You’re my favorite person,” when Raven walks by her after that. 

Raven smiles at her friend and winks. “I don’t know how you landed her Griffin. She is way out of your league.” 

Clarke barks out a laugh. “I know. I kept trying to tell you.” Clarke slings her arm around Raven’s waist, and the brunette does the same. They laugh together and walk like that toward Octavia to take their required trio pictures.

The dance itself is a lot less daunting, and a lot more fun to Lexa. Clarke is of course, ridiculously good at making her feel like she is going to bust at the seams. But she does try to tease her girlfriend just as much as she is teasing her. When Lexa pulls on Clarke’s hair, smirking into Clarke’s neck as she does, the blonde growls. 

“Don’t you dare start that again,” Clarke says, low, in her ear. 

Lexa chuckles. “Have I mentioned how good you look in your dress?” she says, leaning back against Clarke a bit. Clarke looks divine in the black sleeveless number she is wearing. 

“You’re one to talk,” Clarke says. She had nearly fainted when Lexa had emerged wearing the light pink sheer dress that had a slit cut in the center that exposed her midriff. It was a little much for Lexa’s taste, but Anya and Indra had insisted that it was gorgeous on her. And since she knew next to nothing about fashion she let them have their pick. 

“Want to go make out in that classroom from last year?” Lexa asks, feeling bold. 

“God, I thought you would never ask.” 

They sneak away and have a very heated make-out session on one of the desks in the room. Clarke’s hands roam underneath of Lexa’s skirt and up her thighs to the border of her hips. Clarke’s thumb links underneath the band of Lexa’s underwear and she smirks against Lexa’s mouth. “You really do wear thongs,” she whispers against her lips as she lets her nails scraping lightly back down Lexa’s thighs. The brunette throws her head back and muffles an ungodly embarrassing noise that she didn’t know she could make. 

“Okay,” Lexa says breaking away from Clarke’s lips. “We need to go get water and not touch each other for like fifteen minutes because you just ruined my underwear completely and I do not have anymore self control left.” 

Clarke’s laugh is deep, and almost sinister like. “Whatever you say Woods,” Clarke says. She places a lingering kiss on Lexa’s lips before she steps back and adjusts her own dress. 

They do take a much needed break, but it doesn’t really help them calm down any. Lexa has to have Clarke remove her thigh from between her legs at one point because she is going to lose it if she doesn’t. Clarke lets Lexa dance behind her for a change, but that really doesn’t help matters because Clarke can do some really sinful things with her hips. 

They survive the dance, and they actually go to the Blake’s after party together this year. Everyone is drinking, except for Lexa and Clarke. 

“You can if you want. It won’t bother me,” Lexa says, wondering why Clarke hasn’t taken any of the shots she has been offered. 

Clarke shakes her head. “No. I’m not really into that anymore. I don’t need to drink to have fun when I have you,” she says, pulling Lexa into her for a hug. 

They have longed changed out of their dresses, and everyone in the house is wearing sweatpants, and pajama bottoms with baggy t-shirts, or no shirt if you’re Bellamy. They do actually have fun, and participate in the card games and stupid conversations the group is having. At one point Lexa is dragged away from Clarke’s side by Raven to help assist her in making a bottle rocket out of a two-liter. Clarke laughs at the look on Lexa’s face, and pours herself a soda in the kitchen as her girlfriend is whisked away. 

It is then that Bellamy approaches. He is definitely drunk, and he is definitely not aware of that yet.

“Hey,” he says, giving Clarke his cheesy grin. Once upon a time that smile had worked on her, but she had been young. And very, very dumb. 

“You look like you’re enjoying yourself,” she teases, smiling at him. She is fond of Bellamy. They are good friends. They grew up together, and even dated for a minute, but she honestly looks at him as more of a brother figure than anything else. 

“So you and Lexa,” he says, his words slurring a bit. 

“What about us?” Clarke asks, wondering if this is going to be a good conversation or a bad one. She is equally prepared for both. She knows Bellamy has a thing for her. Octavia has told her so. She just never thought much of it. She’s been pretty focused on Lexa for years now. 

“You serious about her?” he asks, looking a bit insulted and doubtful. 

“Pretty serious,” Clarke says. “I would have a ring on her finger if I wasn’t sixteen and broke,” she jokes. It’s really not even a joke. She has a ring. Well, it’s her Mom’s, but it had been in her Dad’s family forever and it is supposed to be passed down to her. It’s probably going to end up on Lexa’s finger instead of her own one day. 

Bellamy’s eyes widen. “What about us?” he asks. 

“What about us?” Clarke says. 

“We’re suppose to end up together,” he says, inching closer to her. “You and me, the leaders of the pack. It was always supposed to be like that.” 

“Bell I would really stop moving if I were you,” Clarke warns noticing that he is very much in her personal space. 

“Come on Clarke,” he says, and he is close enough that she can smell the alcohol on his breath. “You know I love you.” He tries to lean in and kiss her, but he doesn’t make it very far because she knees him in the crotch. He screams and goes down like a ton of bricks. 

“Did it finally fucking happen?” Octavia shouts, running into the room from out of nowhere. Lexa and Raven appear next, wondering what all the noise is about. Lexa laughs when she sees Clarke standing over a balled up Bellamy who is clutching his privates. 

“We totally called it,” Octavia says to Lexa, smiling. Her hand comes out and Lexa gives her a sly low five. It is definitely a bonding moment for them. Raven eyes them curiously, but doesn’t say anything. They’ve both kind of developed their own relationship with Lexa Woods. 

Clarke bends down to look at Bellamy and she honestly does feel sorry for him. “Bell, I love you, like a brother. I have no desire to be with you like that and I am sorry if I ever made you think differently. But I am with Lexa now, and that isn’t going to change. Please, respect that.” 

Bellamy nods, but he is still in pain. Clarke leaves him to join Octavia, Raven, and Lexa at the kitchen entrance and Jasper and Monty swoop in to make sure their fellow guy is okay.

“Let him alone,” Octavia says to the boys. “He deserved it.” 

“Why do you two look so happy?” Clarke asks, regarding the smirks on Lexa and Octavia’s faces. 

“No reason,” Lexa says, and Octavia glances over to her with a knowing look. “You okay?” she asks Clarke, ignoring Octavia’s smirk. 

“Oh, I’m fine,” Clarke says, shrugging her shoulders. “I don’t know about Bell though.” 

“He’ll survive. You’re not the first girl to try and destroy his manhood,” Octavia says, rolling her eyes. Her brother is kind of a tramp. 

Once it gets into the wee hours of the morning and most of the group is plastered Lexa and Clarke find sanctuary in one of the many guest rooms in the giant house. Clarke locks the door and Lexa raises her eyebrows at her. 

“I don’t want anyone trying to sneak in here in the middle of the night,” she says. “You do not know my friends. They will take pictures, put shaving cream on our faces, throw water on us. This, this is safest for everyone.” 

Lexa laughs and gets into bed. Clarke scoops her up into her arms the second she joins her underneath the covers. 

“Did you just chose me over Bellamy Blake tonight?” Lexa whispers into the dark room. 

“Baby,” Clarke says, moving to cuddle her harder. “It really wasn’t even a choice. I love you, not him.” 

Sixth grade Lexa’s heart is soring as she falls asleep in Clarke’s arms. Bellamy and his stupid roses can take that.

Clarke and her are the firsts up in the house and they wander down to the kitchen to see that the entire house is clean and there is an assortment of bagels, donuts, and coffee in the center of the island. 

“Whoa,” Lexa says. 

Clarke chuckles. “This is what happens when you have money,” she says. 

“People clean your house for you and bring you breakfast?” Lexa asks. Clarke nods as she gets herself and Lexa a cup of coffee. 

“Yeah, but it has a price. Bell and Octavia hardly ever see their parents. Yesterday was their junior homecoming and they weren’t there for Bell’s game or to take pictures with the other parents. Instead they sent a professional photographer to take their place. It’s always been like that, as long as I can remember,” Clarke says, shaking her head. 

“That’s horrible,” Lexa says, knowing what that feels like. While she didn’t have the comforts that the Blake twins’ wealth obviously brought, she could imagine that kind of neglect being incredibly hard for them. She had experienced it herself, and she can’t picture what it would have been like if those people were actually her parents. 

“It is,” Clarke says, handing Lexa a mug with coffee just the way she likes it. “That’s why I want a family that puts being together ahead of money. You can’t buy happiness, and you certainly can’t buy love.” 

Lexa squints at Clarke wondering if someone can really be this perfect. “What?” the blonde asks, taking a sip of her coffee and reading the way her girlfriend is staring at her, completely clueless to what it means. 

“I want three kids,” Lexa says, taking a sip of her drink.

Clarke looks stunned, and nearly spills coffee down her shirt when she stops herself from taking another sip. 

“Three?” she squeaks. She has always been the one to say they are going to get married and have a family one day. Lexa never discourages it, but she is way too doubtful of what the future can hold to ever chime in. She has spent most of her life bouncing around, and she always tries to keep herself prepared for that. But loving Clarke has really fucked that up for her. 

Lexa nods. “Yes, three. Maybe more? I want one to at least be adopted, and I want to have one myself. The other is optional, but I want three at least.” 

“Okay,” Clarke says beaming. “I can do three or more with you,” she says. 

“And I don’t want a big wedding,” Lexa says, picking out a donut. “I don’t like being the center of attention.” 

“We can get married in a courthouse for all I care. As long as you’re there,” Clarke says, leaning in closer to her girlfriend. She is giving Lexa that smile. The one she reserves only for her, in their most important moments together. 

“Okay,” Lexa says, smiling up at Clarke. She leans in and kisses her. “I’ll see you at the alter then,” she whispers, letting her hands come up to cradle Clarke’s face. Her fingers tangle in Clarke’s messy blonde locks and the girl’s smile is so bright. Lexa always wants Clarke to look this happy; for the rest of her life. 

Their moment is shattered when Monty comes bounding through the kitchen looking hung over and still half-asleep. He has sharpie artwork all over his face. Clarke and Lexa do their best not to laugh. 

“Hey guys,” he says, and his drawn on handle bar mustache moves and they just lose it. They fall into a heap of giggles and Monty’s eyes actually open fully. 

“What the fuck did they do this year?” he grumbles, heading off to the bathroom to take a look in the mirror. 

“Oh man,” he cries. “This shit takes days to come off. My Mom is going to kill me.” 

They are still laughing. “You really weren’t kidding about the pulling pranks thing,” Lexa says. 

Clarke shakes her head. “Nope.” 

“Who drew a dick on my back. Jasper I fucking know that was you,” he yells. 

One by one the crew emerges. Raven is the only one who is spotless and looking refreshed. Bellamy is probably still a little bit drunk and there is what looks to be a combination of shaving cream and baby powder in his hair and he is wet. 

“Who put me in the fucking bathtub with water still in it?” he says, as his morning greeting. 

Octavia comes down and she is walking extremely funny. “Don’t even bitch,” she says to her brother, grabbing some coffee. “Some asshole put icy hot on my toilet seat and some things are just not made for certain areas of your body.” 

Raven just loses it at that comment. She laughs so hard that she falls down and is silently dying against the bottom of the kitchen cabinets. “Drunk me thought it was Bell’s room!” she says eventually, when she can breathe. 

“Never mind,” Bellamy says. “Thank you to whoever put me in the tub.” 

“I really fucking hate you right now Raven, even if that is brilliant,” Octavia says. Octavia opens the fridge to get some ice. “Whose bra is in the freezer? What are we twelve?” she says, holding up the frozen garment. 

“It’s Raven’s,” Jasper says, finally emerging. “And you put yourself in the bathtub,” he says to Bellamy. Jasper is covered in baby powder, bug bites, and scotch tape? He is only wearing a pair of boxers. “And fuck whoever left me naked out on the front lawn.” 

Even Lexa’s can’t help but laugh as they all watch Jasper wordlessly seek out a hot drink. 

“Good call on locking the door,” Lexa says to Clarke. 

Clarke nods into her coffee as she takes a long drink. “This ain’t my first rodeo.” 

“You’re lucky Raven was so drunk she couldn’t pick the lock,” Octavia says. “We certainly tried.” 

“I was so gone at that point,” the brunette says from the floor. “I have no idea how Jasper even got my bra.” 

“I am fucking magic,” he mumbles. 

They all laugh. And spend the morning recounting the dance and what happened after the dance. It’s a nice morning. 

//

Indra takes Lexa on a few local college visits despite the brunette being pretty set on going to Yale, if she can get in. 

“It never hurts to have back-ups,” Indra says. And Lexa can see the logic in that. Anya gives her and Clarke a tour of UMD, and Gus and Indra take Lexa into DC to visit Georgetown and American University. She goes with Clarke to check out John Hopkins, since they’ve been looking at her for lacrosse. Along with every other D1 school, but her girlfriend isn’t really sure if she wants to play in college yet. 

“I just think it might be time to move on after next year,” Clarke says, shrugging her shoulders. “I don’t know. I was looking into some art schools, and I think it might be my chance to pursue my passion and see what happens. After we win states, of course.” 

They are only juniors and they don’t really discuss the daunting subject of college too much. They both know what it will mean for them. They are probably not going to go to the same schools. They probably won’t even be in the same state if Lexa gets into Yale. 

“You need to do what will make you happy,” Lexa says, squeezing Clarke’s hand as they walk along the Baltimore campus. It’s beautiful in late fall, and the chill in the air tells Lexa it will be winter soon enough. “I don’t want to have a wife who hates her career,” Lexa says, smiling over at the blonde. Clarke’s grin is wide, and she looks happy. 

“Yeah,” she says. “We wouldn’t want our kids to grow up with a miserable parent. Would we?” she says. 

Lexa shakes her head. No. No they wouldn’t. 

The holidays come and go, and Lexa actually goes over to Clarke’s house on Christmas Day per Abby’s request. She had bought Lexa a few presents, and of course her and Clarke exchange gifts. Lexa had gotten Clarke a set of rather nice drawing pencils and a leather-bound sketchbook that had her initials engraved on the back of it. “I want us to have a happy home, not a repressed one,” she says, when Clarke just looks at her with that stupid, mushy face. 

Clarke had gotten Lexa a ton of books. Seriously. Like fifteen different classic books ranging from Jane Austen to Mark Twain. They’re all old, and smell like heaven, and they’re unique in their own way. It kind of renders Lexa a bit speechless. “I spent most of the past few months combing through old book stores and flea markets with Mom,” Clarke says shrugging her shoulders. “I figured I’d help you start a collection of your own.” And it is probably the most touching thing anyone has ever done for Lexa. 

Lexa kisses Clarke. She can’t help it. She throws her arms around her neck and climbs on her lap and kisses her despite Abby being seated five feet away from them. Abby pretends like she is really interested in her phone, and Clarke has never been more grateful for her Mother. 

“Sorry Dr. Griffin,” Lexa says, when she remembers herself and climbs off of Clarke looking sheepish. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Abby says, grinning at her phone. “I’m reading this great article about penguins in Antarctica. Did you two know there are gay penguin couples Clarke? Clarke has always loved penguins.”

“Mom,” Clarke says. “I love you.” 

“Love you too honey,” Abby says. “And you too Lexa.” 

Clarke and Lexa do not spend New Year’s together. Well, sort of. Clarke and Abby had gone out of town go see Jake’s parents because her Dad’s, Dad’s birthday is on New Year’s Day, and they had been gone for a few days and weren’t supposed to get back until the third. Lexa spends the evening with Indra and Gus who actually go to bed early because they have work in the morning. Anya is out at some party, and Lexa had turned down her offer to go with her. 

Lexa is watching the ball start to drop when there is a knock on the door. She opens it figuring Anya is drunk and forgot her key and finds Clarke standing on the other side. 

“What are you doing here?” she asks, more than surprised. Clarke’s hair is crazy, like it always is when she’s been driving for a while. 

“Kissing you at midnight. Duh,” Clarke says, grabbing Lexa and pulling her in for a deep, earth-shaking, star-seeing kiss. The sound of the New Year ringing in booms over the television speakers, but they ignore it and continue to make-out in the middle of the open doorway. Lexa shivers uncontrollably, because the night air is freezing. And also because Clarke is seriously too much. 

“I have to go,” Clarke whispers, wrapping her arms tighter around Lexa’s body as she breaks their kiss. “My grandparents have no idea I’m here. And my Mom’s condition of letting me take the car was that I have to be back by morning.” 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, feeling lightheaded. “Did you drive four hours just to kiss me at midnight?” 

“Yep,” she says smiling. “It was necessary. And totally worth it.” 

Lexa leans her forehead against Clarke’s. “I love you Clarke Griffin. More than I can even understand sometimes,” Lexa says. 

“I love you too,” Clarke says, grinning. “And I really do have to go, but just know I totally don’t want to.” 

Lexa kisses her softly. “Go,” she says. “Go and be safe driving back. I want a text message that you got there the second you do.” Lexa releases her and takes a few steps back into the house. 

“You going to wait up for me?” Clarke asks. 

Lexa nods. “Yes.” 

Clarke does text her, five hours later. Lexa had set her phone to ring whenever Clarke texts her just in case she does doze off. She had stayed up, but was half-asleep when her phone finally chimes. 

_Just getting to bed and I am going to have to be up in two hours. Pray for me. Love you._

Lexa smiles at her phone like a dork. 

_I love you too. You are a terribly romantic soul Clarke Griffin. Your love is overwhelming in the best possible way._

_I’m taking that as a compliment. Sleep tight ☺_

_Don’t let the bedbugs bite._

_If you do blow them up with dynamite._

Lexa’s laughs at her phone before she falls back asleep. 

Valentine’s Day is upon them in no time. And Lexa has decided that this year she is going to do something for Clarke. Being that girlfriends are allowed to do that. She gets an idea that makes Gus tear up a little, and she knows it is perfect. 

One night when Clarke is taking a shower and Lexa is staying the night she goes and finds Dr. Griffin in her study. 

“What is it Sweetie?” Abby asks, taking off her glasses and looking up at the girl. It’s not often that Lexa ambles into her office without her daughter leading the way. 

“I want to do something for Clarke on Valentine’s Day, but it’s on a Saturday this year and I’ll need your help.” 

“Okay…” Abby says intrigued. She thinks Lexa’s idea is brilliant and wakes up early on Saturday morning to let Lexa into their house. She is carrying a dozen balloons and looks a little tired. 

“Good morning Dr. Griffin,” she whispers, giving the Mother a lazy smile. 

“Clarke is going to freak out,” Abby says, looking at the balloons. 

Lexa nods. “That’s the goal.”

Clarke is dead to the world when Lexa slips into her room and spreads all the red, white, and pink balloons all over Clarke’s room. She places a folded notecard with an explanation on Clarke’s bedside table and smiles as she watches Clarke sleep. She really, really loves her. 

Lexa goes downstairs and spends some time with Abby. They make breakfast together and talk about Lexa’s college options and what she might study. Abby also tells Lexa plenty of stories about Clarke when she was little. It’s a great morning for them, and when Lexa’s phone rings its Clarke’s picture on the screen. 

“Hello?” Lexa answers, smiling at Abby. She is expecting Clarke to be happy or maybe even a bit peeved at Lexa trying to pull one over on her. 

“You better be fucking downstairs,” Clarke says, and she is obviously crying. “Because I really need you right now.” 

Lexa hangs up the phones and runs up the stairs, muttering an “excuse me” to Abby. She knows Clarke is okay, but it always makes her panic a little when Clarke cries. She doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like Clarke being sad. She bursts through the door and finds Clarke sitting on the floor in the middle of her room a sniveling mess. 

“What is wrong?” Lexa asks, falling to her knees in front of Clarke. She cradles Clarke’s head and wipes at her tears. “Why are you upset? Did I do something wrong?” 

“No,” Clarke cries. “No you didn’t. You do everything right.” 

“Then why are you crying?” Lexa asks, having no idea what is going on. 

A few of the cards that Lexa had spent the better half of two days making are sitting in Clarke’s lap. She is no artist, unlike her girlfriend, but she had tried her best to create some Valentine cards out of mounds of construction paper and glitter. There are a total of seven balloons, and seven cards. One for each year since Clarke has been making her one. Every card has a reason why Lexa loves Clarke written inside of it, a reason why she fell more and more in love with her over the years. 

“Because you really fucking love me,” Clarke says, tears still spilling from her eyes. “And I seriously can’t handle it right now.” Clarke smiles through her tears and Lexa shakes her head. 

“What am I going to do with you Clarke Griffin?” Lexa says, giving her a half-grin. 

“Hold me?” Clarke says, looking hopeful. 

Lexa and Clarke lie back on the floor together, and Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke. The blonde’s head comes to rest on her chest, and they take deep slow breaths together. Lexa’s hand is running up and down Clarke’s arm, and her other hand is intertwined with Clarke’s, resting on her stomach. 

“Better?” Lexa asks, as they stare at the ceiling together. 

Clarke nods against Lexa’s chest. 

“Don’t ever leave me Alexandra Woods,” Clarke says, nuzzling into her. 

“That will never happen,” Lexa says. The very idea of it amuses her. As if she would be the one to leave Clarke. 

“Can we make a pact right now?” Clarke asks. 

“What kind of pact?” Lexa asks. 

“A pact that no matter what happens between us this will always be our day?”

Lexa turns so that she can look at Clarke. She pulls her in tighter and rubs their noses together. 

“This day has always, and will always belong to you,” Lexa says. 

Clarke smiles and presses a chaste kiss to Lexa’s lips. “Who knew you were such a romantic sap?” 

“I’m not usually,” Lexa says, looking up at the balloons that are floating above them. “You bring it out in me.”

Clarke is looking at her in a way that she has never looked at Lexa before. It makes Lexa feel like this is real. Like her and Clarke are real and they will be something that is much bigger than she ever thought she could be apart of. 

“This was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” Clarke says, sighing. 

Lexa kisses her on the nose and the corner of Clarke’s eyes crinkle as she smiles. “I love the way you smile,” Lexa says. 

“I know,” Clarke says. “It was in one of the cards.” She looks bashfully and bites her lip. “I thought my heart was going to cave in on itself when I was reading them.” 

“I didn’t even hear you get up,” Lexa says, trying not to smile too hard. Clarke liked her gift. “Me and your Mom made breakfast. Strawberry, heart-shaped pancakes.” 

“This and food?! Marry me?” Clarke says. 

Lexa kisses her. “One day,” she says against Clarke’s lips. “One day.” 

They eventually go downstairs, after there are plenty of kisses. Enough that they think they will make it through breakfast with Abby. Her mother doesn’t miss the starry look in Clarke’s eyes when her and Lexa come back downstairs hand in hand. It’s the first time that Abby has the thought that her daughter and Lexa might be more than just high school sweethearts. 

They eat breakfast with Abby and the doctor gives Lexa even more blackmail about Clarke. She tells Lexa how Clarke’s first word was “Dada” and after she said it she promptly threw up on her Dada. Which led to her second word, which was, “Uh-oh.” 

“You never told me that,” Clarke says smiling. 

“I thought I had,” Abby says. “I suppose there are a lot of stories like that. You were a handful,” Abby says fondly. 

Lexa is quiet. She is quiet, and watches the interaction between Clarke and her Mom. She smiles, loving the way it makes Clarke light up, but she can’t help but feel a little jealous, a little sad. And she finds it kind of pathetic. 

Her and Clarke had planned to spend the entire day together months ago, but they had never planned out the day itself. They eat breakfast with Abby and Clarke makes some of her super delicious cocoa, which is apparently her own secret recipe. It makes Lexa’s teeth hurt, but it is delicious. It’s cold out, and snow had fallen two days ago covering the ground with a white blanket of fluff. 

“Lets go for a walk,” Clarke says. She bundles Lexa up with a scarf, mittens, and a hat before adorning her own winter gear of a pea coat and a beanie. 

“Your hands are going to get cold without gloves,” Lexa says when they reach the front door. 

“Well, you’ll just have to keep them warm, won’t you?” Clarke reaches out and takes Lexa’s hand and tugs her out the door. 

They walk on the sidewalk that is shoveled throughout most of Clarke’s neighborhood. It’s cold, and the air is crisp, and it makes their cheeks turn pink. Clarke makes snowballs with her bare hands and throws them up in the air and watches as they splatter onto the road. It makes Lexa giggle, and that makes Clarke smile.

“What’s been going on in your head?” Clarke asks, looking at her girlfriend. 

“What do you mean?” she asks, playing coy. 

“You have been quiet since breakfast.” 

“That was only an hour ago,” Lexa says. 

“An hour too long,” Clarke says. She tugs on Lexa’s hand. “What’s up?” 

Fighting Clarke is absolutely useless. “I don’t know what my first word was,” Lexa says, confessing what has been on her mind. “I don’t know when I took my first steps, or if anybody was even there.” Lexa can see the words as she says them in the air because it is cold and her breath is warm. 

Clarke’s chest deflates. She can’t fix this. She can’t change it. She can’t do anything. It is the hard reality of Lexa’s life. While she has a loving home now, she hasn’t always. 

“I’m sorry Clarke. I don’t mean to make this about me. I’m being selfish.” 

“No,” Clarke says, grabbing onto Lexa’s arm and pulling her in close on the sidewalk. “Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry for talking to me about what you’re thinking. It’s not selfish, it’s understandable after me and Mom just told all those stories in front of you.”

“I liked that,” Lexa says. “I like hearing about you when you were little. She’s told me stories before. I have no idea why it got to me this morning.” 

Lexa is deep in thought. Clarke can tell from the way her voice sounds. Lexa’s voice is always wistful when she is thinking. 

“I bet your first word was probably something proper like ‘thank you’ or ‘superfluous’. I bet you were talking and doing algebra problems before you were crawling.” 

Lexa smiles and holds back a laugh. 

“I bet you were the cutest baby too,” Clarke says, rubbing her nose against Lexa’s. “With those green eyes and dark curls. I bet you never threw a tantrum or threw up on anybody.” 

Lexa leans in and kisses Clarke. 

“Do you know anything about your parents?” Clarke asks. 

Lexa shakes her head. “No. My file has next to nothing. Indra showed it to me one time. I was left at a fire station in D.C. when I was about three weeks old.” 

Clarke exhales hoping it will make her heart stop aching. 

“I was sent to a children’s home run by a catholic church called St. Gerolamo’s. They never found my original birth certificate so they named me Alexandria after St. Alexander who was a martyr. It’s ironic actually because he founded this library that was a pretty big deal, and I have always loved books.”

“That is kind of funny,” Clarke says. She doesn’t really find anything humorous about her girlfriend being left behind by her family. But she does find it funny that a bunch of priests and nuns named her after a guy who loved books. Clarke wonders how young Lexa was when she started reading and it makes her stomach hurt when she realizes probably no one paid enough attention to her to even know. 

“Wait, if they never found your birth certificate how do you know your birthday?” Clarke asks. Her and Lexa are both June babies. She remembers them discussing that a few times, because they were apart last summer. 

“I don’t,” Lexa says. “They put down the day I was left at the firehouse.” 

Lexa doesn’t even know when she was born and for some reason that really gets to Clarke. She wants to scream at the universe for that. But she doesn’t. She listens to Lexa instead because that feels like that’s a more important thing to do than dwell on the injustice of the world. 

“After no one adopted me and I got too old to live there I was sent to a group home outside of the city. I stayed there for a few months before the place got shut down and then I went into the foster care system. That’s how I got to Polis County. I’ve bounced around families here ever since until...well, until you Clarke Griffin. Until you discovered my secrets and stole my heart.” 

Clarke tightens her hold around Lexa. “Does it help if I tell you that you will never not have a home again? That you will always have a home with me?” Clarke asks. 

Lexa laughs because Clarke is incredibly too sweet. “Yes,” she says, pecking Clarke’s lips. “It does help. You always help Clarke.” Lexa tugs on Clarke’s arm so that they can start to walk again. It is freezing and she is only going to be able to stand being outside for a little while longer. 

“I’m not angry with my parents for giving me up. I don’t think I ever really was. I wondered why they did it. I use to wish they would come and get me sometimes. I use to dream about what that would be like at night, especially when I was in bad places. But, this is how it was suppose to be. I wasn’t supposed to grow up in a home like that with parents who took pictures of me and fussed over my hair. There is a reason for everything that happens.” She squeezes Clarke’s hand as they walk along the road. And her face looks confident in her words. 

Clarke can’t believe that Lexa is so okay with this. She really can’t, because she is definitely not. But she hasn’t had nearly as long to deal with it as Lexa. She just can’t understand why someone would ever give her up. Why they would do that and think that was okay, and not make sure she was safe. 

“I’m angry with them,” Clarke says. “I’m angry that they didn’t take better care of you. I don’t know what the reasoning behind you suffering could have been.” 

“I don’t think they could Clarke. I mean if they left me on a doorstep I highly doubt that my parents were capable of raising me. Maybe I escaped a worst fate than I would have had if they kept me. Maybe I was supposed to end up in Polis all along. Maybe it was written in the stars that I was going to be in Clarke Griffin’s kindergarten art class so that I could fall in love with you at five years old.”

Clarke smiles over at Lexa. She lets go of Lexa’s hand so that she can wrap her arm around her waist, and pull her closer as they near the house. Clarke kisses Lexa’s cheek and it nearly topples them over as they walk together. 

“You’re an amazing person,” Clarke says, burying her face in Lexa’s hair. “I am really lucky that I get to know you and that I get to love you.” 

Clarke and Lexa get home from their walk and Clarke builds a fire in the basement to warm them up. Lexa puts on a pair of leggings and the Yale sweatshirt that is pretty much hers, except for when it no longer smells like Clarke and she makes her wear it again for awhile. Clarke is sporting a very similar outfit and they lay down on the couch, Lexa on top of Clarke and a fleece blanket spread out over them. They put on a romantic comedy instead of the usual action movie in honor of the day. Clarke is running her fingers through Lexa’s hair, and she hasn’t slept much in the past few days and before she knows it she is snoozing. 

When she wakes up she is warm and cozy with the fire and the blanket, but Clarke is missing. The TV is still on, and the movie is over, but another one is playing giving her no sense of time. Lexa wraps the blanket around her body and goes in search of Clarke. She finds her in the kitchen, making them chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke from behind as she stands at attention in front of the stove. 

“Hey,” she says, leaning back into Lexa’s embrace. “I was wondering when you were going to wake up sleepyhead,” she says, with a smile. Her voice is gentler than usual, and Lexa can tell that she has been thinking heavily.

“How long have I been asleep?” Lexa mumbles.

“A few hours. I figured you might be hungry when you woke up.” 

“I am,” Lexa says, burying her nose in Clarke’s hair. 

“Go back downstairs. I’ll be down in a minute with food.” 

Lexa follows order and trudges back downstairs. She lies back down on the couch and dozes off again. When she wakes back up Clarke is sitting on the floor in front of her with soup and sandwiches and she is watching television. 

“I think this fire is making me tired,” Lexa mumbles, sitting up. She scoots over and slips down from the couch to sit next to Clarke on the floor, taking the blanket with her. 

“I think you’re just tired,” Clarke says. Lexa hums, and lets her head lean against Clarke’s shoulder. “Sandwich?” Clarke says, holding up the grilled cheese she had been eating. Lexa takes a bite. 

“That’s good,” Lexa says, surprised. 

“I can cook,” Clarke says. 

“Since when?” 

“Since always,” Clarke says smiling. “I just don’t. I use to cook with my Dad all the time.” 

Lexa picks up one of the sandwiches that she assumes is hers and starts to eat. She even takes a sip of the soup and loves how hot it is. She must not have been out very long. 

“Lexa?” Clarke says, turning to her. 

“Hmm?” 

“Does it bother you that we’re spending Valentine’s Day in my house instead of doing something super romantic like going on a fancy date somewhere? Am I being a bad girlfriend?” 

Lexa laughs and Clarke kind of looks hurt at the reaction. “Sorry,” she says, setting her sandwich down, realizing that Clarke is taking this serious. “Just the idea that you’re a bad girlfriend is a insane to me. You’re the best girlfriend anyone could ask for Clarke.” 

“You say that as we sit in my basement like we do every other weekend.” The way Clarke is pouting lets Lexa know that she for some reason is disappointed in herself. It is obvious to Lexa that Clarke’s previous partners might not have been the most validating. And that just sets a fire in Lexa. Because Clarke is everything to her. The very idea of that is absurd to her. 

“I like sitting in your basement with you. I like taking naps with you on the couch and eating breakfast with your Mom. I like taking walks in the snow and telling you things about myself that I don’t tell anybody else. I like being lazy and watching movies with you. Clarke, I just like being with you. I don’t need it to be something super romantic or fancy. Any time I spend with you is special.” 

Clarke kind of attacks Lexa’s face. She just starts kissing her and kissing her, and pretty soon they are lowering themselves onto the floor and Clarke is getting on top of Lexa. The brunette’s hands tangle in Clarke’s hair and the blonde’s hands wander underneath of Lexa’s shirt to find her bare chest. Clarke is really good at touching her and it has Lexa writhing underneath of Clarke. Clarke sits up and tugs at the back of neck and pulls her shirt up and over her head. She is not wearing a bra, and Lexa can’t breathe. 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, voice low. “Where is your Mom right now?” 

“At the hospital. She got called in for an emergency,” Clarke says. And then she leans down and captures Lexa’s lips again. Clarke is so eager, so demanding, and Lexa is more than happy to try and give her everything she is asking for even if she has no idea how to do that. Her hands slide up Clarke’s torso to palm her breasts and Clarke moans at the touch. She tangles her hand in Lexa’s hair at the base of her neck, and deepens their kiss, sucking on Lexa’s tongue. 

They break a part so that Lexa can peel her shirt off. Clarke’s mouth immediately attaches to one of her nipples, and Lexa is definitely going into cardiac arrest now. Clarke suckles her breasts, going back and forth for a while before she trails a path of wet kisses up her chest and begins to nibble on Lexa’s neck. 

Lexa’s hips are kind of bucking uncontrollably, because this feels so intense. Lexa grabs Clarke’s ass and squeezes forcing the blonde’s hips to grind down into her. Clarke’s leg slips in between Lexa’s own and it makes contact with a very sensitive place. 

Lexa wants to scream, but she doesn’t, and she doesn’t pull away either. Instead she starts grinding into Clarke’s leg to get more friction. Clarke bites her ear and presses her thigh more firmly between Lexa’s legs. 

“Tell me if you want to stop,” Clarke whispers, and she begins thrusting her hips in a slow and steady rhythm. Lexa’s hips are rocking up as she does her best to meet every one of Clarke’s thrusts with one of her own. Clarke quickens the pace a little, and Lexa can feel her body responding to the way it puts more pressure on her clit. 

Clarke kisses her. She kisses her and her hands travel down Lexa’s sides to her ass. Clarke’s hands slide over her bum and grab so that they are pressed closer together. Lexa’s moan is so freaking loud and she is really grateful Abby is not home. It eggs Clarke on. 

She slides one of her hands underneath the waistband of Lexa’s pants and grips at her bare ass because Lexa fucking wears thongs. She angles herself to the side a little bit and keeps grinding her hips down into Lexa’s so that her leg will hit her in that spot a little better. 

Lexa is panting in her ear, and clawing at her back, and Clarke cannot hold out much longer herself. Lexa’s thigh has been rocking between her legs for just as long and she is going to go off soon. 

“Clarke,” Lexa says. Her voice is high-pitched and ragged. “I think I’m going to-“ 

Clarke presses the full weight of her body down exactly as Lexa is moving up to meet her. Lexa doesn’t finish her sentence because she is throwing her head back and moaning as she comes. Lexa’s nails are going to leave marks on Clarke’s shoulders, but she doesn’t even care, because nothing has ever made Clarke feel this good in her life. Lexa’s toes are curling, and she is arching off the ground as Clarke is kissing her neck softly still grinding her hips into her a little, helping her ride her orgasm out. 

“Fuck,” Lexa says, feeling every nerve in her body come alive at once. And then Clarke is coming, whimpering in her ear, and falling limp on top of Lexa so that their naked chests are pressed together. 

“Shit,” Clarke says, gasping for air. Her hands are still gripping Lexa’s hip and butt cheek. She removes them and lets them settle around Lexa’s waist. 

“Are you okay?” Clarke asks, feeling like she is a little too delirious to even speak. 

Lexa nods. “What just happened?” 

“Pretty sure you had an orgasm,” Clarke says. “I know I did.” 

“Wow,” Lexa says. Her chest is still heaving and she is looking up at the ceiling. “I never imagined in a million years that it would feel…feel like that.” 

“Is that good or bad?” Clarke asks, leaning up a bit to look down at Lexa. Her hair is a mess, and she looks completely free. It is totally intoxicating to Clarke. 

“It’s amazing,” Lexa says. “I can’t believe it felt like that. It felt so, so-“

“Good?” Clarke offers. 

“It felt better than good Clarke.” 

“Good,” she says, smiling. She nuzzles Lexa’s neck and places a kiss on her cheek. “So you don’t regret it, right?” 

Lexa shakes her head. “No, not at all. Do you?” 

Clarke laughs. “Not in the slightest.” Clarke kisses Lexa and Lexa’s stomach audibly growls. 

“You need sustenance,” Clarke says. “That’s pretty common after orgasms.” Clarke smiles and rolls off of Lexa and goes in search of her top. She puts it on and then grabs the now cold food to go and reheat it. Lexa spends a few minutes pulling herself together and she is once again fully clothed and adorning the blanket around her shoulders when Clarke comes back downstairs with the food. She puts it back on the coffee table and Lexa actually eats her entire sandwich. 

“I guess staying in on Valentine’s Day can be pretty fun,” Clarke says, eventually, as she eats some soup. Lexa doesn’t miss the smug smirk on her face or the way her own cheeks color pink.

“You’re kind of a jackass sometimes, you know that?” Lexa says. 

Clarke’s laugh is deep and it lasts a really long time. It’s infectious and Lexa can’t help but join her. 

Clarke gives Lexa a bag of peanut M&Ms, which are her favorite candy, and a card that is made out of pink construction paper. There are dozens of tiny hearts that are looped through string that is glued across the front of the card in a zigzag. _Happy Valentine’s Day_ is written out on the little hearts. “It’s not love balloons, but…”Clarke says, with a hint of a smile. 

“No it’s not. But it is so much better.” Lexa opens the card to find one of Clarke’s drawings. It’s a cartoon rendition of two penguins. They are standing on a glacier, looking out at the sunset, and their fins are touching as if they are holding hands. 

_Will you be my gay penguin valentine? Love your bisexual penguin, Clarke._

“Yes,” Lexa says, kissing Clarke on the nose and grinning from ear to ear. “Yes I will be your gay penguin.” She laughs because Clarke is really so ridiculously silly in the best possible way. 

Abby returns from the hospital and finds Lexa and Clarke asleep downstairs on the couch together. She doesn’t have the heart to wake them up. She calls Indra and explains the situation, just telling her she will bring Lexa over in the morning. She promises that the girls are already out cold and that their teenager daughters are not trying to get away with anything on Valentine’s Day.

“They’re good kids,” Abby says into the phone. “Most teenage couples would be out together trying to have sex in a car somewhere tonight. These two are passed out before nine from working so damn hard.” 

“Lexa and Clarke are wise beyond their years,” Indra says. 

“Why do you always sound like a fortune cookie?” Abby asks. 

“Because I am as wise as Confucius,” Indra says smartly.

//

Clarke’s team so far has a perfect season going. They have won every single game, and that is putting a lot of pressure on Clarke to train harder. She is exhausted all the time, and she is always snoring next to Lexa before ten P.M. whenever they have sleepovers. Which are rare, because Lexa hasn’t started trying to tutor more while Clarke is busy all the time. Despite them not spending as much time together as usual Lexa has started giving Clarke massages, that are not at all sexual and are totally at the same time, and God Clarke can’t keep her hands to herself even when her health is involved. Lexa also starts bringing her herbal tea in the morning to supplement all the caffeine Clarke pumps her body with to keep up with her classes. She worries about her girlfriend pushing herself too much. 

“You need to take care of your body,” Lexa says as Clarke grimaces, but drinks the green tea Lexa made her. 

“This tastes like death.” 

“It is good for you,” Lexa says, shaking her head. “I even put lemon and honey in it.” 

“It taste like sweet, lemon-flavored death. I want coffee.”

“Tea has more caffeine than coffee Clarke,” Lexa says. 

“It does?” Clarke says looking like her world is completely and totally shattered by the knowledge. “Then why is this so nasty? Coffee isn’t nasty,” she asks, following after Lexa as she walks to her next class not bothering to wait for the blonde to process the new information. 

People start talking about prom in March when it isn’t even until May. Lexa rolls her eyes when a string of guys ask girls out in front of the entire school. 

“Prom is two months away. What if they break up?” Lexa asks. 

“Are you saying you would say no if I asked you to prom now?” Clarke asks, quirking an eyebrow and grinning over at her girlfriend as they walk through the school doors and up the stairs to Lexa’s locker. Clarke had a game the night before and she is beyond exhausted. Clarke’s hair is a bit of mess, swept up from her constantly running her hand through it (something she does when she is tired Lexa has learned). She is wearing a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater and one of her other windbreakers because Lexa is wearing her team jacket. 

“No,” Lexa says. “But we’re not like them.” 

“How are we not like them?” Clarke asks sounding rather amused by this notion. “We are sixteen and madly in love.” 

“We’re not stupid teenagers who think they love each other after dating for five seconds.” 

“We aren’t? Cause we’ve only technically been dating for like, seven months. And we said I love you before that, so it’s not like we have room to talk.” Clarke is enjoying playing devil’s advocate judging from her grin. And Lexa can’t help but argue with her. 

“Yeah, but we are different. We were best friends for a long time before anything happened. And we’ve been in love with each other since Kindergarten. We didn’t just smile at each other and declare our love.”

Lexa opens her locker and gets out her physics and math book. Clarke leans against the lockers and grins at her. “Actually I recall you smiling at me in fifth grade after I snuck that Valentine in your desk and that’s when I officially knew I loved you. And we were ten, so…”

Lexa scowls as Clarke smirks. 

“Okay, but we are different. We’re not like them because we actually love each other, and we’re going to-“

How easy it is ready to slip out of her mouth scares Lexa senseless. Her and Clarke have talked about what their lives would be together. About getting married and having kids, and making a home together. But for the most part it has been just that, talk. It’s primarily joking and half-serious, and the only time Lexa ever really thought Clarke might mean it was the past Valentine’s Day. 

She realizes that it’s kind of cemented in her brain, her and Clarke. That they belong with each other, and now she just thinks like that. Lexa thinks of them, and always of them. It’s never just what she wants anymore, it’s what her and Clarke want, together. And that is really fucking scary, and not at all at the same time. 

Lexa’s mouth is hanging open slightly and Clarke is smiling because of the gobsmacked look on her face. She leans forward and rubs her nose against Lexa’s. 

“Yeah,” she whispers. “I know. It scares me too sometimes.” Because apparently Lexa can add being able to read her mind to Clarke’s list of superpowers. They breathe together for a minute, Clarke’s face pressed against hers in the middle of the hallway letting her know she is not alone in this. 

“Come on,” Clarke says, linking their hands together. “We have class.” She tugs Lexa down the hall, and smiles at her. Lexa is pretty sure she is going to spend the rest of her life seeing that smile in the morning, and she isn’t mad about it in the slightest. 

Lexa does take the SATs again. But per Clarke’s plea for her own sanity, what with lacrosse being insane, Lexa does not make a huge fuss over studying. And three weeks later the test results come in and she gets a perfect score. It’s pretty much her pass to getting into any school she wants. Any school that isn’t an ivy, because ivy’s get kids who have perfect SATs left and right. She has to do more than that to stand out. 

“Thank God!” Clarke cries, when Lexa reads the results off of Clarke’s computer in her basement. She flops down beside Lexa and puts her head in the brunette’s lap, dramatically. “Now I never have to hear about that stupid test again.” 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, running her fingers through her girlfriend’s blonde hair. “You are forgetting that you still have to take the test.” 

“Shit,” Clarke says. She buries her face in Lexa’s lap and groans. It makes Lexa chuckle. 

Clarke’s team loses in a freak playoff game against Jaha High and it puts them out of the running for states. Clarke is a little bit beyond pissed, and she spends a few weeks moping around. Lexa worries about her, and assures her that she has next year. Clarke nods, and listens, but Lexa knows that ultimately she is disappointed in herself. Clarke had been working really hard, and their team had been having a perfect season, and then it was all just gone. Lexa really doesn’t understand sports. 

Finals come up soon, and then there are AP exams. Lexa, Clarke, Raven, and Octavia buckle down in Clarke’s basement a couple nights a week in order to help each other study. Well, in order for Lexa to tutor them all and give them free lessons. Occasionally they get off topic when Clarke and Octavia start gripping about their season together, or when Raven and Lexa go off on a tangent about…smart people stuff? Clarke doesn’t understand what those two are talking about most of the time. But she does like that her and Raven have bonded over their mutual higher intelligence. 

They manage to make it through finals, Lexa with straight A’s and Clarke with only one B. Raven’s scores are of course flawless and Octavia will take her B’s and a C. She is more of a hands-on person as Lexa has found out. 

It’s all just fine. They’re doing fine until it’s nearly May and prom is actually close. More prom proposals start happening and Lexa wonders if Clarke is going to pull something. Of course, she knows she is, because she knows her girlfriend, but she wonders what the blonde has up her sleeve. 

Clarke is way ahead of her and has been thinking about how she would ask Lexa to prom since the beginning of the year. She enlists Raven and Octavia’s help and they spend some time helping Clarke set up her backyard for a test run.

“So are you getting a hotel room for the night?” Raven asks. “Me and O, and everyone were thinking about doing that, but then again we can all just stay over at the Blake Mansion,” she says, making the word ‘mansion’ sound way too French. Which makes Octavia trip Raven when she’s not paying attention. The two glare at one another. 

Clarke laughs at her friends’ antics. “Why are you asking me?” Clarke says. 

“Uh, cause we figured you and your girlfriend would be wanting to spend the night alone together, but we weren’t sure,” Raven says. “We didn’t know if you’d want us crashing your romantic evening.”

“We haven’t gotten that far. I’m sure Lexa won’t care if we go over to your house O. She didn’t mind at homecoming,” Clarke says, shrugging her shoulders. 

Octavia and Raven stare at Clarke. “What?” she asks, noting the weird faces her best friends are giving her. 

“Clarke,” Raven says. “This is not homecoming. This is prom. It’s different. Things happen…after prom.” 

“Yeah,” Octavia says. “Things Clarke. Important things.” 

“What kind of things?” she asks, and then it dawns on her. “Ohhh,” she says, looking at the two with an open mouth. “Those…things. I never even thought of that. I don’t think Lexa…well-I mean…no. No! I don’t think Lexa thinks that is going to be happening after prom.” 

“You don’t think?” Raven asks. “Or you know?”

“Have you two done it already?” Octavia asks. 

Clarke’s cheeks burn red. “Well, no,” she says. “We’ve done stuff, but we haven’t…I haven’t…Dear God,” Clarke says, running her hands over her face and sighing. “I was not even on this wavelength until you two just fucked everything up. Now it’s going to be the only thing I can think about.” 

And it is pretty much the only thing on her mind for two days. When Friday rolls around (the day she is planning on asking Lexa to prom) Clarke can’t wait any longer to ask Lexa if she should get a hotel room, because it is burned in her mind. Her and Lexa haven’t really done anything since that day back in February. They’ve made-out, a lot, but hands haven’t wandered further than usual and legs haven’t been placed anywhere…combustible. 

It’s not that they don’t want to but lacrosse just kept Clarke super busy, and exhausted, and they haven’t been alone either. Clarke was more than content with the way things were going in their relationship. There wasn’t pressure there, for that. She wasn’t with Lexa for sex, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to have sex with Lexa. But then again maybe Lexa wants to have sex and she is not sure how to tell Clarke. Or maybe she doesn’t?

All of the thinking is making Clarke crazy. And suddenly she just snaps at lunch on Friday. They’re sitting in the art room as usual eating, and she just turns mid pencil stroke and blurts, “Should I get us a hotel room for prom?” 

Lexa’s eyes bug out of her head and she nearly chokes on her sandwich. She had been reading quietly while Clarke drew, but now she is fucking…alert. “A hotel room? Why would we need that?” she asks. She looks confused, and Clarke has no idea what to say. 

“I don’t know,” Clarke says, flailing. She doesn’t just want to come out and ask ‘do you want to have sex for the first time after prom?’ because that is just not how you do it. And yeah, there is like this unwritten teenage rule about having sex at prom, but Clarke and Lexa aren’t just typical teenagers. “The gang was all thinking of doing it and having a hotel after party. And it never hurts because prom is like half an hour away this year, and we may be tired. And you know, it would be nice to have some alone time together.” 

“We’re alone all the time,” Lexa says. “We’re alone right now Clarke.” 

“Yeah, but we…it’s different-because…because-if we were to be alone after-“

Lexa presses her finger to Clarke’s lips to stop her from going any further and whispers, “Shh.” She smiles at her girlfriend and there is a twinkle in her eyes as she places a kiss on her nose. “Calm down. I am messing with you Clarke. I know why people get hotel rooms on prom night. I’m a nerd, not completely socially inept. Is that something you want to do?” she asks. 

“Is it something you want to do?” Clarke asks back. 

“It’s something I’ve thought about doing,” Lexa says. 

“Well I’ve been thinking about it too,” Clarke says. 

“So what do you think?” Lexa asks. “Do we need a hotel room?” 

“Do you want us to need a hotel room?” Clarke asks. 

“Are we just going to do this whole rephrasing the question thing for the rest of the day?” Lexa says smartly, and grins. 

“No,” Clarke says. “Just until you answer the question.” 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, linking their hands together. “I think we don’t need a hotel room to do that if that’s what we are really talking about here. If you want a hotel room for the night that’s fine, whether we end up doing that or not. If you don’t, that is also fine.”

“Sooo…yes?” Clarke says. 

Lexa laughs. “Okay. Hotel room it is.” She kisses Clarke and smiles at the way it leaves the blonde a little dazed. 

“But we do not have to do anything!” Clarke says, jerking out of her trance. “It is purely for convenience’s sake or not. Whatever we want.” 

“Okay Clarke,” Lexa says. And really, her girlfriend is probably the most considerate person in the world. Clarke walks her to class, and hugs her before she scurries off to art. Lexa sits down in her Calculus desk and it dawns on her. She may or may not be having sex with Clarke on prom night and she has no idea what to do if they do. 

This sits with her all day and then turns into blind panic when she gets home. Lexa does not know what think or where to start so she ends up dialing Anya’s number. 

“If you are calling me to ask for advice about asking Clarke to prom I’m going to hang up,” Anya says. 

She really has no sense of greetings. Or she doesn’t care. Probably a mix of both. 

“How do two girls have sex?” Lexa asks, and the line is eerily silent. No quick remarks from her foster sister after that one.

“Jesus Christ,” Anya finally mumbles. “Okay,” she says, and lets out a sigh. “I guess we’re really going to do this. How much do you know?” she asks. 

And Lexa is really, really thankful for Anya. Lexa goes through what she does know, which is not a lot. Lexa has taken basic sexual education and read a few things, including medical journals that provided…diagrams, but none of that gives you instructions on how to have sex with another girl when you’re a girl (or how to do it safely). All teenagers ever hear about safe sex is: condom, condom, condom, birth control, condom. None of those seem to apply to Lexa and Clarke. At least she thinks. 

But Anya does tell her that condoms can act as dental dams if that’s all that’s around. She explains a few things about STDs, and how you can contract things orally that Lexa never even knew was possible. She tells Lexa she should probably talk to Clarke about her past sexual experiences and whether or not they were safe or if she’s been tested. She gives Lexa the name of a website that has more information about girl on girl sex, and then she says, “Now for some tips that are going to embarrass both you and I, and dear God shut-up and listen because I’m not going to repeat them.” 

Lexa gets a notepad and listens intently. Anya tells her that first times are mostly intuition and instinct. She tells her that no one’s first time together is usually perfect, whether you’re a virgin or not. She says to pay attention to how “the girl” she says, refusing to use Clarke’s name now, responds to what she is doing. If she moans or quivers or jerks than you’re probably doing something right. She tells her that the clitoris is going to be her best friend when it comes to pleasing a woman, and explains where it and the g-spot are suppose to be located, but also says that sometimes people have a hard time finding that particular spot. She says sucking and licking are always good things. And she tells her to kiss her. To kiss her absolutely everywhere, and to make sure she is ready before anything starts. 

“How will I know she is ready?” Lexa asks. 

“You’re gonna fucking know kid, trust me,” Anya says, sounding a bit uncomfortable. “That’s all I got for you. If you have any questions…” she says trailing off. Lexa can tell that Anya is debating whether or not she wants to say the next part of that sentence. “…You can ask me.” 

“Thank you,” Lexa says. “Thank you so much Anya.” 

“Whatever Kid. Just do me a favor, and don’t tell me anything about it.” 

Lexa laughs into the phone. “I can do that.” 

Lexa knows, just knows that Anya nods on the other end of the line. Lexa does the same thing and then the line goes dead. 

Lexa eats dinner with Indra and Gus, and discusses the possibility of her and Clarke sleeping over at a hotel with a bunch of her friends and they seem okay with the notion. Her foster parents have really never tried to tell her what to do, but Lexa respects them and always feels like it’s the least she can do to talk to them about what is going on. She goes upstairs to do some work before she takes a shower. When she emerges with wet hair, and her PJs on. She can feel her copy of 'All The Missing Girls' beckoning her. It’s her latest pleasure novel. She gets her glasses and her book and settles into her bed more than ready to read herself to sleep. 

And then there’s a sound. A sound like something hard just hit her window. Lexa ignores it, thinking surely that it is just a leaf with a twig that has fallen or something. And then she hears it again. And then a third time and she has to be sure she is not going crazy. She gets up from her bed and goes over to the window beside her desk that looks out over the backyard. 

Clarke is standing there, holding a rose, and there are about a thousand candles surrounding her that spell out _PROM?_

“Dear God,” Lexa says, feeling her entire being leave her momentarily. “Sometimes I think this girl really wants to kill my heart dead.” 

Clarke grins up at her and then bites her lip nervously. Lexa shakes her head, rolls her eyes, and smiles so wide that she is sure the man on the moon can see it. She grabs a sweatshirt and bounds down the stairs. Indra and Gus are standing at the back door looking out at Clarke. 

“If you don’t say yes, I’m going to,” Gus says, marveling at the glow coming from the candles in his backyard. 

“This, this took effort,” Indra says, nodding as if she is impressed, which in itself is impressive. 

“Clarke is a romantic,” Lexa says. And she doesn’t hate it, not one bit. She slips past her foster parents and walks outside into the night air. Her bare feet are cold as she makes her way off the deck and down into the yard. She walks toward Clarke, slowly, taking it all in. And she is questioning whether this is real life. Whether Clarke Griffin is standing there, with a rose, asking her to prom by candlelight. 

“Alexandria Amelia Woods,” Clarke says, when Lexa reaches the edge of all the candles. Clarke is standing on the other side and she is smirking at her. “Will you go to prom with me?” she asks. 

“You cannot be real,” Lexa says, forgetting herself. 

Clarke laughs. “I don’t know what to say to that. It doesn’t sound like an answer to me.”

Lexa steps over the candles so that she can stand in front of Clarke as she gives her answer. “Yes Clarke. Yes, I will go to prom with you.” 

Clarke smiles at her. “Good,” she says, throwing the rose over her shoulder and reaching down to pick Lexa up. “Because I didn’t have a plan if you said no.” She swings the brunette around in circles and it makes Lexa squeal with absolute joy. She clings to Clarke as they spin and spin until they are both dizzy and they fall down on the ground together. Clarke catching Lexa in her arms before the girl can hit the ground. 

“Are you okay?” Lexa asks. Clarke took most of that impact to save her. 

Clarke laughs in a very carefree way. She wraps her arms around Lexa and squeezes her tightly to her chest. “I’m going to prom with the love of my life. I’m pretty okay,” Clarke says. 

_Love of my life._ Lexa just heard that. Clarke just called her that. 

“How about you?” Clarke asks, leaning her head up to look down at Lexa. “Did I surprise you?” 

“I’m lying on top of my girlfriend in my backyard in the middle of the night in my pajamas. So, a little?” Lexa teases. 

Clarke is merciless as she tickles Lexa’s sides. And Lexa barely fights her off as they roll around on the grass laughing at one another. Clarke kisses her and that stops Lexa from doing anything else all together. Clarke’s lips are on her, and she is more at home than she has ever been. 

Clarke wraps one arm around Lexa and pulls her into her side. Lexa rests her head and Clarke’s shoulder and lays a hand on her chest. They look up at the night sky together and the moon is shinning so brightly that they think it must be just for them. 

“Do you think we’ll always feel like this?” Clarke asks. “Like everything in the world is possible.”

“I use to think that not much was possible. That we were all just stuck in some way or another,” Lexa says, and she turns her head to look into Clarke’s eyes. “And then I met you,” she says, grinning at her girlfriend. “And everything changed. So yeah,” Lexa says, looking back up at the night sky. “I’m pretty open to anything being possible.” 

Clarke nuzzles her nose against Lexa’s and hums. 

“You’re kind of my favorite thing ever,” Clarke says to Lexa, her voice quiet and happy. 

“You’re mine too,” Lexa says, and she places a kiss on the tip of Clarke’s nose. It makes Clarke smile. 

Gus opens the back door and screams, “Abby is here and she is just _dying_ to know what Lexa said. Cause apparently it’s a real freaking mystery to everyone.” 

They both laugh and curl into one another, hugging each other, as their giggles grow louder. “Never mind, Gus is kind of my favorite things right now,” Clarke says. 

Lexa giggles. “That’s perfectly okay. He’s mine too.” 

“We should probably go inside,” Clarke says. “After I put out these candles.” 

“Where did you get all of these?” Lexa asks, looking over at the assortment. “There must be at least fifty.” 

Clarke shrugs. “I have my ways. You should see what I have planned for my real proposal,” Clarke says fanning the flames with her hand to put them out. 

Lexa’s limbs stop working at the thought of Clarke actually proposing. She will probably faint if that ever happens. 

//

Clarke asks Abby about the hotel room over dinner one night. And her Mom freezes, momentarily, before rolling back her shoulders and letting out a breath. She is a freaking ER doctor. She can handle this discussion with her daughter. They’ve had it before, sort of. 

“Clarke,” Abby says putting down her fork. “I think we need to have a talk about sex.” 

Clarke looks terrified at this prospect. “Why? We’ve already had the sex talk. Many, many times Mom.” 

“Yes, but we did not have the same-sex sex talk,” Abby says. “And I am not stupid. You and Lexa are pretty serious about one another. You’re talking about getting a hotel room for prom and I just think that there are some things we should go over about vagin-” 

“Mom,” Clarke shouts, frantically throwing up her hands. “I know. I already did the research. I know all about orally transmitted STDs and swapping fluids. I know what dental dams are, and I am fully aware that just because Lexa and I can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean sex doesn’t have consequences. Lexa and I haven’t had sex, and we talked about it and we’re not planning on having sex on prom night. We just want to be able to crash.” 

Abby feels much, much better. “I’m impressed,” Abby says. “You are being responsible about this.” 

“Yeah, well…” Clarke says feeling her entire face turn red. “Lexa’s different Mom. Things with her are different. It’s not like Finn. It’s not about…that.”

“Have you told Lexa about you and Finn? Have you had the sexual history talk with her? You know Clarke whenever you sleep with someone you sleep with every other person that they have slept with too,” Abby says, reciting the thing she has always told her daughter. 

“First off, Eww Mom. Just eww,” Clarke says, her face scrunching up with disgust. “Second off, Lexa is a virgin Mom,” Clarke says, her voice tentative. “And I did tell her about me and Finn.”

Abby nods. That makes sense. She didn’t need to know that about Lexa, at all, but it does make sense. 

“Okay,” Abby says. “Now I’m uncomfortable and I’m going to go. If you need to talk or have any questions you’ll know where I’ll be.”

“And I’m going to go put my head in the sand somewhere,” Clarke says. 

The two women depart before they can make it any more awkward. Abby feels proud, and Clarke wants to bleach her ears. 

 

//

 

Clarke is driving Lexa home from school. Prom is in two days, and the blonde has everything taken care of for the evening. Lexa’s hand is in Clarke’s, resting on the center console as they ride along. 

“I got tested,” Clarke says. And Lexa turns to look at her curiously, not knowing what she is talking about. Clarke has a habit of blurting things out lately. “After me and Finn broke up. I got tested, and I am…I don’t have anything. We were safe, each time it happened, but it never hurts to be sure. And I haven’t been with anyone since,” Clarke says. 

“Okay,” Lexa says, looking out the front window. “That’s good to know.” 

And boy, is it awkward suddenly. 

“I know we said nothing has to happen at prom, but I thought it was important that you knew that if anything ever does. I mean, I know you know about me and Finn, bu-“

 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, ceasing the blonde’s words. Lexa turns to look at her girlfriend. “If you say the words ‘you’ and ‘Finn’ together one more time I’m going to vomit in your car.” 

Clarke laughs and does her best to keep her eyes on the road. “Okay, fair enough,” she says. “Sorry. It’s just important and we should be able to talk to one another about this, right?” 

“I love you and I will absolutely listen to you talk about anything in the world if you want me to, but that does not mean I will enjoy it or that it won’t make me sick and/or pissed.” 

“Lexa, are you jealous?” Clarke asks, noting that her girlfriend’s lips are set in a thin line. “Because you know you have no reason to be. We dated almost two years ago, and it wasn’t like it is with you.” 

Lexa does not look like that makes much of a difference to her. 

“It wasn’t,” Clarke says, squeezing Lexa’s hand in reassurance and nudging her with her elbow. “I loved Finn at the time, but not like I love you. It wasn’t…I wasn’t in love with him. I was always in love with you, never him. I broke up with him because I wanted to be with you.” 

“What?” Lexa asks looking at Clarke like she is a nut. 

Clarke pulls into Lexa’s driveway and puts the car in park. She undoes her seatbelt and turns in her seat so that she can face Lexa. 

“Why do you look so surprised?” Clarke asks. “Don’t you remember? Finn and I had that argument about you and me,” Clarke says, recalling that day vividly.

“I remember you telling me he was a jerk about you being bisexual,” Lexa says. “And that he didn’t like me wearing your jacket. Nothing about me and you because me and you did not exist then. You and me were not even close to existing then.” 

“I guess I left that part out,” Clarke says, remembering that at the time Lexa was not ready for…her. Not like that at least. “He didn’t like me being friends with you. That was what the fight was really about. I think he knew that I was madly in love with you, even though I was denying it. He tried to forbid me from seeing you and I broke up with him. You were far more important to me than he ever was.” 

Lexa feels really silly for ever being jealous of Finn Collins. 

“So, you see?” Clarke says. “You have nothing to be jealous of. It was always you Lexa. It has always been you, and it will always be yo-“

Lexa kisses her before she can finish that sentence. She kisses Clarke so intensely that it surprises even her. She clutches Clarke’s face and kisses her lips like her life depends on it. Like she will die if she doesn’t, and in that moment Lexa feels like she just might if Clarke ever leaves her. 

“Whoa,” Clarke says when she pulls away. Her eyes are still closed and she looks disoriented. 

“I love you,” Lexa whispers. “I love you so much Clarke Griffin. I want to marry you and have kids with you, and I want to always be with you.” 

Clarke’s hands come up to thread with Lexa’s that are still holding onto her face. “I’m going to hold you to that,” Clarke says, grinning. 

“Please do,” Lexa says, kissing her again. “Please don’t ever let me do anything stupid to mess this up.” 

“That will never happen,” Clarke says, shaking her head against Lexa’s. “Nothing will ever be able to keep me away from you. Not Finn. Not dumb popular people who are mean to you. Not Yale. Not even you, Alexandria.” 

Lexa wants to say it. She wants to tell Clarke not to make her those kinds of promises. But when she looks into the blue eyes that have captured her very soul, she believes that maybe sometimes promises can be made and not be broken. 

//

Lexa gets a dress. Anya and Indra take her shopping, again. It is still a rather dull and painful process in Lexa’s opinion. Prom dresses are…insane. The options and cuts, and the prices are enough to put someone in a mental asylum. Lexa refuses to let them pay over a hundred dollars for a dress and this makes Anya and Indra grumpy. Yes, Lexa’s foster parents are very well off, but she is not their actual daughter and she is not about to forget where she came from. 

Indra does not give Lexa an option about the hair. She pays for the brunette to go to a salon and have it done. “I know when to admit defeat,” Indra says about trying to tame Lexa’s hair. And while she is getting her hair done the nice lady cuts it for her too. It’s the first time Lexa has had her hair cut in…five years? She doesn’t take too much of the length off but it makes her head feel eighty times lighter. Anya does her make-up because she is kind of brilliant at it. And then she is ready for junior prom. 

“Remember what I told you,” Anya says, looking at Lexa’s reflection in the mirror. “Everywhere,” she mouths. 

And it makes Lexa’s eyes widen and her throat dries up. 

“Don’t freak out,” Anya says. “Clarke is a good one. She’ll never make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

Lexa nods. Anya nods. Lexa smiles. Anya does not. 

“Lets get you off to prom so you can experience teenage mediocrity at its finest,” Anya says, leaving the room, not bothering to wait to see if Lexa is following her. 

Clarke comes to her this year. She drives over with Abby and is waiting down in the living room. When Lexa comes down the stairs in her dark green dress Clarke’s eyes are on her and only on her. Lexa thinks this must be what flying feels like. 

“You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen,” Clarke says, taking her hand to help Lexa get down the last step. “And yes, I do know that was incredibly corny and I do not care because it is true.” 

Lexa smiles at her best friend. “You’re one to talk,” she says, echoing Clarke’s phrase from homecoming. This makes Clarke beam. 

“If I didn’t know any better Woods I’d say I’m starting to rub off on you,” Clarke says. 

“Maybe a little,” Lexa says, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s neck. “But don’t let it go to your head,” she says, rubbing her nose against Clarke’s. 

A flash goes off and they both turn to see Abby standing there with her camera “Sorry. That was just really cute,” she says, looking at the two of them. 

“Yes, cute,” Indra says, looking at Abby with complete superiority. “That’s what you would call that.” 

“I need to go before I throw up. This is too gay even for me,” Anya says, moving for the front door. She does not say goodbye and Indra does not either. 

“If I didn’t know better I would swear that Indra birthed Anya,” Clarke whispers. 

“I know,” Lexa says. “It’s a bit scary.” 

Indra and Abby take a few pictures of them in the living room. Clarke brought Lexa an actual bouquet of flowers instead of a corsage. It is a bundle of peonies and roses with baby’s breath. And Abby takes pictures as Clarke gives them to her. 

“I love them,” Lexa says, inhaling the scent of fresh flowers deeply. “Thank you.” 

“Thank you for dealing with my Mom’s amateur photography hour,” Clarke says, smirking. 

“She just loves you,” Lexa says. 

“And you,” Clarke adds. 

Abby does love Lexa. Lexa has come to accept that as truth. 

Abby, Indra, Clarke, and Lexa ride to the Blake’s together for pictures. Everyone from Clarke’s friend group is there, even Finn. He has a date and he does not even look in their direction when they arrive. Clarke does not seem to care and Lexa has resigned herself from caring about Finn Collins. She got the girl in the end. 

There are so many flashes during the group photo that Lexa really believes she might have vision damage. “Abby is the worst,” Octavia mutters to Lexa as she too blinks rapidly to try and regain her sight. “The freaking professionals my parents hire don’t have as big a flash as her.” 

“Mom for the love of God!” Clarke cries. And Abby looks like she is not amused by them in the slightest. 

“You’ll thank me one day,” she says. “You dramatic babies.” 

They take what feels like a million group photos, and move on to individual couple pictures. Everyone has a date, even Jasper. A girl named Maya that Lexa has never met before. Raven is with a guy named Nathan who is a friend of Monty and Bellamy, and really fucking gay. They are going as friends. Monty’s date is a girl that Lexa recognizes from her math class, so she is an upperclassman. Lexa never actually catches her name. Bellamy has one of the cheerleaders attached to his arm and his mouth and it seems he has moved on from his Clarke obsession quickly. 

Everyone is surprisingly getting along really well. And after Clarke, Raven, and Octavia take a million pictures together they call for Lexa to join them. 

“Me?” she asks, feeling like they are pointing to someone behind her. They must be. She is not a part of the sacred trio. 

“Yes you,” Octavia says, walking over and grabbing Lexa’s hand, dragging her over to their little group.

“You’re an honorary member now,” Raven says. “Clarke’s girl is our girl.” 

Clarke’s arm wraps around her waist and she kisses Lexa on the cheek the first time the camera goes off. “Smile,” she whispers in her ear with so much happiness. 

“Hey you two! Stop fucking kissing and do your best James Bond,” Raven yells. 

“What does that mean?” Lexa asks. 

And she learns quickly as all the girls show her the stance. They take a few more pictures like that, silly and a good one with all of them smiling. Lexa is blown away by their acceptance of her. A lot has changed over the years. 

They all ride in a limo together to prom. It’s a tight fit, and Clarke has to sit on top of Lexa’s lap, but she will never argue against that. The ride to prom is actually kind of fun. It’s loud, and music is playing, and they are all laughing and joking about what prom is going to be like. Lexa is relatively quiet but Clarke’s arms remain looped around her neck the entire time she is talking to her friends reminding her that no matter what Lexa is always the most important person in the room to her. 

Prom is, pretty. It’s really pretty. She knows Clarke and Octavia had a hand in choosing the decorations and helping put them up because they are on the student council. The theme is under the sea and there are blue and green balloons and lights mimicking the movement of waves as far as the eye can see. 

“What do you think?” Clarke asks, as they walk inside the hotel ballroom. 

“I think this is giving me mermaid fantasies,” Lexa says turning to grin at Clarke. 

Clarke laughs. “Come on. Let’s go get our picture taken.” 

The line isn’t very long because the evening has just begun and most people are still getting settled in and not worried about pictures. The backdrop is some ridiculous underwater tarp and they make Lexa and Clarke stand in even more ridiculous poses while they smile for the camera. 

“Why do people do this?” Lexa asks, when they’re finished and take the information from the photographer. “Those pictures are going to look awful.” 

“Those pictures are probably going to be framed on my Mom’s mantel,” Clarke says, laughing. “But yeah, prom poses are never that cute. It’s just tradition.” 

Clarke and Lexa walk out of the photography room and back out into the dance. They can see some of the delinquents are already making their mark on the dance floor. 

“Want to dance?” Clarke asks, her eyes looking from her friends to Lexa. 

Lexa nods. And Clarke whisks her away. They do dance. They dance their asses off. And it’s not just a bunch of grinding. Of course there is that, but there is also some fun dancing. A circle gets made at one point and people do some pretty crazy moves in the center of it. Lexa has no idea what to do but she has fun as she bounces along. Monty even break dances and the crowd cheer him on frantically. There are a few slow dances, because of course there are. But Lexa is more than happy to stay wrapped up in Clarke’s arm as they sway gently together. 

“Are you having a nice time?” Clarke whispers in her ear as they glide along to one of them. 

“Very much so,” Lexa says, smiling at Clarke. “It helps that I have the best date here,” she says. 

Clarke kisses her. It’s slow and innocent, but it says so much at the same time. If anyone in this school was wondering about their status they now know it for sure. 

Lexa giggles when Clarke’s lips leave her. “I never thought in a million years that I would be here,” Lexa says. “And I really never thought I’d be here with you.” 

“Life has a funny way of working out,” Clarke says, hugging Lexa closer to her. “Because I never wanted to come with anyone but you, and I thought you wouldn’t ever come with me,” Clarke says, and Lexa’s heart melts. 

“I guess life does work out,” Lexa says. “It really does.” 

They dance some more. And they dance some more with everyone else until they are tired of dancing and ready to move on to the after party. They’re staying in the hotel that prom is taking place at and the group goes and gets the keys to all their rooms. Clarke and Lexa have their own room and Lexa has never been more thankful for keycard locks because she remembers all of the pranks played at homecoming. Clarke and her change into more comfortable clothes in their room, separately. Clarke had used the bathroom while Lexa had stayed by the bed. A clear sign of the whole no pressure tone of the evening.

The group’s rooms are all located around each other. They leave their doors open and for a good long while everyone is just bouncing around from room to room. Some are drinking, some aren’t, some are playing cards, and others are playing spin the bottle. Lexa and Clarke relax together and enjoy everyone’s company. They don’t drink but they laugh as the group gets more intoxicated as the night goes on and they get a little crazy. Nothing too serious though. No one will be getting a bill for damages made to the hotel, surprisingly. 

Four of them decide they are hungry at about 2 in the morning, and they get the limo driver to take them to a Denny’s. Lexa and Clarke decline the invitation and go back to their room. 

“Your friends are too much,” Lexa says, as she walks into the room, Clarke right behind her locking the door. 

“They’re crazy,” Clarke says. She leaps onto the bed and lays her head down on a pillow. “I can’t even believe I use to be as crazy as them,” she says. 

“What changed?” Lexa asks getting onto the bed and leaning against headboard. Clarke immediately wiggles over and puts her head in Lexa’s lap so that brunette can run her fingers through her hair. 

“You,” Clarke says. And Lexa’s fingers stop and Clarke shakes her head a bit to try and encourage her to keep going. It makes Lexa laugh. 

“What do you mean me?” she asks, starting to play with Clarke’s hair again. 

“I mean you,” Clarke says, shrugging her shoulder. “I haven’t wanted to drink since we’ve been together. I haven’t felt the need to act like a reckless teenager so much anymore. Loving you has calmed me down. Probably because I’m not so angry at the world. How can I be when it gave me you?” Clarke says it likes it’s just truth. Like Clarke having Lexa means that her life has meaning. Which is crazy because she is her. 

Lexa can feel a few tears well in her eyes. “You really know how to charm a girl Clarke Griffin. You know that?” she jokes, trying not to cry. 

Clarke looks up and sees the overwhelming joy in Lexa’s eyes. “Only you,” Clarke says. “I have only ever tried to charm you. And thank God it works,” Clarke says, reaching up and cupping Lexa’s cheek. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Clarke is looking up at Lexa like she is the moon, the stars, and the sun wrapped into one. Lexa is reminded of what Raven said to her once. That she hoped someone looked at her one day like Clarke looks at Lexa. This must be what she meant. 

Lexa lowers herself so that she can parallel on the bed with Clarke. The blonde scoops her up in her arms and buries her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck humming as she nuzzles her nose there, and places a gentle kiss. “I don’t know what I’d do without you either,” Lexa whispers. And Clarke sighs against her skin. 

“Are you tired?” Clarke asks, looking up into Lexa’s eyes. And Lexa can just tell that is a much more weighted question than it usually is. 

She shakes her head. “Not really,” she answers shyly. 

“Lexa…”

“Clarke…?”

They stare into one another’s eyes and take deep ragged breaths together. 

“Remember what I said about this not having to be-“

“I remember,” Lexa says cutting her off. She fully remembers what they said about tonight. Clarke just keeps looking at her. “I do. But I honestly don’t care about living every single teenage cliché right now. I just want to be close to you Clarke.” 

Clarke shifts up a bit so that her face is level with Lexa’s. She lets out a deep breath and bites her lip. 

“You are close to me Lexa. You always are in a way that no one else ever will be. We don’t…it doesn’t…I have no idea how to say this but bear with me. Sex can change things. It can change a person. It changed me. And while I don’t think anything in the world will change us, I just want you to know that it’s okay if you’re not ready. It’s okay if you don’t want to do this. Or if you feel pressured to because we love each other. I’m not with you for…that. Not that I don’t want to do that with you. It’s just…I want you to know that I love you no matter what. I’m not going to stop loving you even if we do or don’t have sex. Even if we never have sex. Even if we neve-“

“Clarke,” Lexa says, recognizing her girlfriend getting into one of her anxious ruts. 

“Yes?” Clarke asks, looking a bit sheepish because she knows she was rambling. She is a little nervous. 

“Take your clothes off,” Lexa says, and God she can’t believe she did. She can’t but it’s the only thing that her mind would communicate to her mouth. She can only listen Clarke being so sweet and loving for so long before she really just wants to get her naked. And it’s been going on for about seven years, and her patience is long gone. 

Clarke looks at Lexa seriously for a few long moments. She stares intp Lexa’s eyes and Lexa hopes that she is actually saying everything she feels with them for once. Clarke sits up on her knees and looks down at Lexa who is watching her. She lifts her shirt off over her head. Her hand reaches around to unclasp her bra and she lets it slide off of her. Lexa observes with hooded eyes as Clarke steps off the bed and stands up so that she can tug her sweatpants off of her hips and kick them away. She is standing in nothing but her panties, and then she removes them and is left completely bare in front of Lexa. 

Clarke takes in the way Lexa is staring at her. Lexa looks like she wants to devour Clarke. But she also looks like she is a bit scared, and overwhelmed. Clarke slowly lowers herself on the bed next to her and wraps an arm around Lexa’s waist. 

“You okay?” she asks. 

Lexa nods, but doesn’t speak. She can’t. She can’t because Clarke is lying naked next to her and that does things to a girl’s voice. Lexa reaches for Clarke’s hand that is linked around her waist and pushes it down toward the hem of her tank top. Clarke gets the idea and Lexa sits up a bit so that Clarke can pull her shirt off of her. When Clarke goes for the waistband of her pajama pants she stops and peers up at Lexa, asking silent permission. Lexa nods and Clarke pulls them down her legs and throws them off the bed. She is in nothing but her underwear, and that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. Clarke lowers herself so that she is leaning into Lexa as her finger tugs on the string at her hips and pulls it down. Lexa lifts her hips up so that Clarke can remove the thong and she is naked too. 

Clarke’s eyes wander down her frame and Lexa feels her body catch fire at the way she is gawking. This is the first time Clarke has ever seen her naked. This is the first time anyone has ever really seen her naked. And it doesn’t feel bad, that’s for damn sure. 

“You’re beautiful,” Clarke whispers, her eyes coming back up to meet Lexa’s. “So, so beautiful.” 

Lexa leans up and kisses Clarke. She puts her lips against hers because she really cannot speak. She can’t find the words to say everything she is feeling. Of how absolutely stunning Clarke is. She can’t formulate a sentence that would do justice for how much she loves Clarke Griffin. There are no words for it. 

“If you want to stop,” Clarke says, breaking away from their kiss. “At any point. Just say so. I won’t be upset.” 

Lexa nods and Clarke stares deep into her eyes before she kisses her again. And then no one speaks for a long time. 

No one speaks because their mouths are too busy. Clarke kisses Lexa in a way that is new and exciting and she can feel the anticipation flowing through her girlfriend. She is nervous and so is Lexa, and that makes her feel a little less nervous. Clarke’s hands are everywhere, and that makes Lexa remember Anya’s advice and she does kiss Clarke, everywhere. Every single place on her body. Her mouth roams over her neck, her shoulders, chest, stomach, hips, back, thighs, and she even places a kiss on Clarke’s knee before returning back to her mouth. 

Clarke’s hands are sliding along every inch of her, except one in particular as if she is mapping out Lexa. Every curve, dip, and bump being committed to memory. Until her hands wander down to the end of her waist and begin to stroke at the damp curls there. It sends a tickling sensation up her spine, and Lexa whispers, “It’s okay” into Clarke’s open mouth as they continue to kiss. Clarke slips her hand down into Lexa’s wet folds and the contact has her hips shooting up off the bed. Clarke’s weight on her is the only thing that prevents her from floating into the air. 

Clarke runs her fingers down the length of her sex once, and then her middle finger lowers to Lexa’s clit and Lexa is amazed by the intensity of it. Clarke’s finger starts making little circles around it, applying pressure as she does and Lexa understands immediately what Anya meant about the clitirous being the key to pleasing a woman. Clarke’s kisses prevent the unruly noises that she is making from seeping out of her entirely. 

Her fingers stroke up and down Lexa again, spreading her wetness everywhere, and then coming back up to pay the sensitive bundle of nerves a bit more attention. Lexa is actually whining at the contact, and when Clarke’s fingers lower down toward her entrance and linger there she is completely on edge. Clarke kisses her mouth, her neck, her breasts, and then comes back up to suck on her bottom lip as she slips a finger inside of Lexa. 

The feeling is foreign and strange, and a little uncomfortable. It’s the first time any one has ever been inside of her, and she was anticipating it hurting, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t and her hips start to move as Clarke slides her finger out and then back in. Clarke does this a couple of times before she adds a second one and that makes Lexa arch off the bed again. She feels so…full. And it does hurt a little, but just barely. 

Clarke’s fingers move gently in and out of her and she is moving her hips with the pace, trying not to scream. Clarke keeps her distracted with her mouth sucking on her nipples, and the base of neck, biting down when she thinks Lexa is going to scream again. One of Lexa’s hands tangles in Clarke’s hair and the other grips the bedsheet for dear life. When she tugs on Clarke’s locks the blonde looks up and grins at her. “Now you’re just being plain seductive,” she whispers against Lexa’s neck. “You know how much that turns me on.” Clarke’s pace quickens a little as she thrusts her fingers deeper into Lexa now that she’s adjusted to her. It makes Lexa’s mouth hang open in ecstasy. 

Clarke’s thumb comes up to swipe at Lexa’s clit while her fingers keep pumping in and out of her. It’s an awkward angle and she can’t reach it every time because she does not exactly have a lot of practice at this. But Clarke does her best and she can tell that Lexa is close. She can tell from the way her walls are starting to tighten more around her fingers and the breathy moans that Lexa is making in her ear. Clarke kisses Lexa’s lips and then kisses her from her neck to her navel and then her mouth lowers to bight Lexa’s hipbone. The brunette is coming the instant she does. 

“Clarke!” Lexa screams, and her body is filled with more pleasure than she can process. “Clarke, fuck,” Lexa cries, trying her best to muffle her voice, and failing miserably at it. Her hand clutches at the blonde’s hair pulling her up; she needs her for this. Clarke’s slides up the length of Lexa’s body and uses her fingers to help her slowly come down from climax. They’re still inside of her when Lexa can actually breath again, and Clarke kisses her cheek as she gently pulls them out. 

Clarke kisses her on the lips until she is breathless again and Lexa has to pull away to regain her composure. “That was amazing,” she says, her voice barely there. 

“You’re amazing,” Clarke whispers in her ear, tickling Lexa’s earlobe with her nose. “I want to do that again. You’re gorgeous when you come,” she says, and Lexa feels a whole new wetness grow between her legs. 

And while she would like nothing more than to let Clarke explore her body for the rest of the evening, she kind of has other desires too. “No,” she says. “Your turn.” 

Clarke doesn’t argue when Lexa rolls her onto her back. She doesn’t even fight her a little when Lexa’s tongue slips into her mouth and her hands wander down to feel at Clarke’s breasts. Lexa bites her neck, and licks up to her ear, nibbling there as her fingers roll Clarke’s hardened nipple between them. She smiles down at the blonde and lowers her mouth down to that nipple, and Clarke is swearing as she sucks on it and then scrapes her teeth across it. 

Lexa’s hand travels down from Clarke’s chest to her pelvis. She lets her hand run up and down the length of Clarke’s thigh again and again, scrapping her nails gently over her skin, until she can feel Clarke withering underneath of her desperate for some contact. She understands what Anya meant when she had said, “You’ll know.” 

Lexa lets her hand slide down to Clarke’s center. She is amazed by how slick it is and moans. “Jesus,” Lexa says, lifting her head up to look down at Clarke. “You really are wet,” she says, because wow. And Clarke tangles her hands in Lexa’s hair and pulls her up to kiss her thoroughly. 

“I wasn’t lying when I told you my underwear were soaked,” Clarke says, and that smug smirk is on her lips. And Lexa kisses it off of her while her hand explores Clarke’s folds. She finds the nub, after a minute of fumbling, and Clarke jumps at the direct pressure on her clit. Lexa eases her touch and begins to trace over it with her fingertips, lightly. Clarke’s hips are bucking into hers and Lexa puts her thigh between Clarke’s legs. Clarke throws her head back and muffles a scream into the pillow by her head. 

Lexa is kind of mesmerized while doing this. She is loving being able to do this. Being able to make Clarke feel as good as she makes her feel. Two of Lexa’s fingers drift down over Clarke’s entrance and her fingernails dig into the back of Lexa’s shoulders with anticipation. “Shit,” Clarke says, her voice husky and deeper than usual. 

Lexa kisses her neck and dips two fingers just barely into Clarke and the girl’s arms grab the pillow and pull it over her head. Lexa does not know if that is a good sign or not but she lets her fingers slip in and out of Clarke, coating her digits in the girl’s abundant wetness. “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck,” she can hear Clarke mumble underneath the pillow. Lexa presses her thigh against the back of her hand and it makes her cup Clarke as her fingers start to drive into her deeper. The heal of her hand presses against Clarke’s mound letting her grind her clit against it each time she thrusts, and Clarke is removing the pillow and looking down at her with wild eyes. 

“Come here,” she says. “Now.” And Lexa does not question her as she moves up the length of Clarke’s body and lets the blonde kiss her. Lexa’s hand and thigh don’t move, and she keeps thrusting at a steady pace and Clarke is whimpering as she sucks on Lexa’s bottom lip. Lexa’s watches as Clarke’s face echoes all of the pleasure she is in. All the pleasure that Lexa is causing. It’s intoxicating. 

“I love you,” she says into Clarke’s ear. “I love you and I really want to make you come.” 

And Clarke’s entire body stills and then arches up into Lexa as her orgasm washes through her. She bites down on Lexa’s shoulder to stop her screams, and her fingernails dig into Lexa’s hips as she comes. “Fuck,” she says, when her mouth leaves Lexa’s shoulder, and she is going to have one hell of a bight mark. “Holy shit,” Clarke says, falling onto her back. She is left seeing stars as she looks up at the ceiling. Lexa slips her fingers out and backs off of Clarke a bit, using her arms to hoover above her because she has no idea what the proper protocol for this is. 

“You were insanely good at,” Clarke says, turning to look up at Lexa. “And why the hell are you so far away?” she asks, clearly upset by it, and pulls Lexa down on top of her. Their naked bodies press entirely together and it is one of the best feelings Lexa has ever experienced. 

“So I took care of you?” Lexa asks. 

“Alexandria,” Clarke says, her mouth hanging open. “Seriously, you should not have to ask that. I was really not expecting that our first time.”

Lexa shrugs her shoulders. “I may or may not have done some research,” she says. And Clarke’s laugh is loud and joyful and it makes a bashful smile spread wide across Lexa’s lips. 

“Of course you did, you nerd. Oh my God. I have never been so happy that my girlfriend is an overachiever.” 

Lexa rubs her nose against Clarke’s and this makes them both smile at one another. 

“What about you?” Clarke asks, blue eyes boring into her. “Was it okay? Are you okay?” 

Lexa hides her face in Clarke’s neck and says, “It was perfect. You were perfect. And I’m more okay than I have ever been.” Lexa leaves a kiss on the underside of her jaw before she pulls back to smile at Clarke.

“I love you,” Clarke says. “I really love you.” 

“I love you,” Lexa says, kissing Clarke’s nose. 

“How tired are you?” Clarke asks, for the second time this evening. 

Lexa looks at her curiously and shrugs her shoulders. “Not that much,” she says. “Why?” Her heart is pounding a little too fast for her to even think about sleep. 

Clarke growls and rolls over so that she is lying on top of Lexa. “Because I still have some things I want to do to you,” she says. And Lexa has no idea what Clarke could possibly mean until her lips are trailing down a path that ends at Lexa’s sex, and Clarke’s tongue makes contact with her clit and she is crying out curses in French. 

They wake up after only two hours of sleep feeling refreshed, and a million other things. Clarke sits up a little and looks down at Lexa who is just barely awake. She is pressed into her side, completely naked, only covered partially by the sheet. 

“Your hair is a mess,” Clarke says to her, noting that Lexa definitely has a combination of bedhead and sex hair. 

“You should not be talking. Look in a fucking mirror,” grumpy Lexa says, burrowing further into the warmth of the bed. She is not ready to get up yet. Her body is sated, and really exhausted, and she wants to sleep for another ten years in Clarke’s arms. 

Clarke sits up and looks at herself in the mirror that is across from their bed. “Wow,” she says. “I look like Medusa and Albert Einstein had a love child and that child’s hair is on my head.” 

Lexa laughs, and it carries through her entire body. “You are silly Clarke,” she says. 

“I am,” she says, lying back down next to Lexa. “And we have to check out soon, and I think it is going to be important for us both to take a shower before that. Also we promised everyone we would meet them downstairs for breakfast.” 

“We did that before…” Lexa begins trailing off. “Before last night happened. We should get a free pass if we’re not downstairs this morning.” 

“We should get a free pass because we made love all last night instead of going to bed?” Clarke asks, an amused smile on her lips. Lexa is embarrassed to say they did that out loud, clearly. 

Lexa nods and a smile comes over her lips. “Yes,” she says. “Because my body is tired and sore from you taking my innocence,” Lexa teases. 

“Hey!” Clarke says, pretending to be offended. “I did not take anything. You gave it to me miss ‘take your clothes off’. I thought I was going to pass out when you said that. Of all the things I thought could come out of your mouth, that was not one of them.” 

Lexa laughs. “That was the only thing I could think of.” 

Clarke nuzzles her nose into Lexa’s neck. “It’s okay,” she says. “It worked.” 

“I know,” Lexa says, smirking and Clarke rolls her eyes at her, but smiles still. 

“Why don’t we get up and-” Clare says, and Lexa interrupts her off with a very loud, audible groan. “And if you would let me finish my sentence grumpy pants,” she says hotly, looking down at Lexa. “I was going to say we could take a shower together, and then that way we don’t have to worry about being late for breakfast.” 

“Why would we be late if we didn’t shower together?” Lexa asks, not understanding the reasoning behind that. 

“Uh because if you don’t think I’m making you come again this morning, you’re insane. And I think it’s time that you learn the benefits of shower sex,” Clarke says getting up from the bed. 

She is naked as she walks over to the bathroom. She stops before she goes inside and looks over at Lexa who is sprawled out on the bed gawking at Clarke. 

“Close your mouth and get in here Woods,” she says. “It’s not something you haven’t seen before,” she teases and winks before she disappears behind the door. 

Lexa hears the shower turn on and she darts up from the bed not really caring how tired she is anymore. Clarke makes her scream in the shower, twice, before Lexa can make her once. And everyone is already downstairs by the time they emerge, clean and trying not to grin. 

Raven elbows Octavia as they eat breakfast, and it nearly makes Octavia fall into her cereal because she had been asleep. “What?” she cries. 

“Look,” she says, pointing over to Clarke and Lexa who are making their way across the lobby to them. “They totally did it,” she says. 

Octavia smirks. “Oh yeah,” she says. “That’s definitely the freshly fucked face.” 

The smirk as Clarke and Lexa approach their table trying to act like nothing is different. “Hey guys,” Clarke says sitting down. Lexa sits down next to her and Clarke looks over at her and it is just so flipping obvious. 

“Good morning,” Lexa says to them once she breaks away from Clarke’s gaze. 

“So how was Clarke in bed?” Raven asks, and Octavia fucking chokes on her orange juice. 

Lexa’s cheeks burn red and Clarke is fighting through her anger with an undeniable smile because Raven is such an asshole. A hilarious one, but still an asshole. 

Octavia is busy smacking at her chest so she doesn’t die as she tries to stop laughing, and can’t. 

“Pretty good,” Lexa says, shrugging her shoulders and all three of the girls’ eyes blow wide. “But then again what do I know? Maybe sex can be better than four orgasms.” Lexa gets up from the table and kisses a stunned Clarke on the cheek before she goes over to get some breakfast. 

Octavia finally stops choking and cries, “Four?!” 

Clarke is still visibly speechless. 

“I fucking love her,” Raven says, swinging her spoon in Lexa’s direction. “How could I have ever been so wrong about her?” Raven asks, laughing heartily. 

Clarke buries her head in her hands in embarrassment. 

“Four Clarke!” Octavia screams. “There were only seven hours between when we left and now. What the fuck were you doing to that girl?” 

Raven is dying of laughter and Clarke is as red as a tomato. “I cannot believe she just said that,” Clarke mumbles and she starts to laugh too. 

Jasper and Monty saunter over to their table, looking like death, to see what is going on. “Why are you all laughing?” 

“NO!” Clarke says, her head shooting up to look at her two best friends with a warning glare. “Do not open your lips because I will never speak to you again.” 

Lexa comes back to the table with some cereal and an orange that she gives to Clarke. She does not look embarrassed in the slightest as she eats. 

“I really fucking love you,” Raven repeats to Lexa this time. 

“You are the ballsiest person I know,” Octavia says to Lexa. “Mad respect for you.” 

Lexa shrugs her shoulders again. “I told you I don’t have any balls,” Lexa says. “Just ask Clarke.” And she smiles deviously as she takes another bite from her spoon. 

“Really?” Clarke cries, looking over at Lexa with shock and amusement. “Did you really just say that? Am I in the twilight zone?” And while she is surprised, she is not mad. She is fighting back a smile as she chides her girlfriend. 

“So much!” Raven says, falling out of her chair as she laughs. “You should see the look on your face Clarke!”

Jasper and Monty look like they understand, and then they leave the table and Clarke mutters, “Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?” She is joking, and it makes Lexa smile. She really isn’t afraid of loving Clarke anymore. And she certainly isn’t afraid of letting other people know just how much she does anymore either.

//

Lexa aces all of her AP exams, and really is on her way to being a college junior by the end of her senior year. Unless she goes to Yale, which she wants to, because they won’t accept most of the credits. But that’s okay with Lexa because if she weren’t taking AP courses she would be bored out of her skull while in class. The only reason why her life isn’t boring anymore is because Clarke Griffin takes up a lot of space in it these days. 

Clarke and her are…well, they just are. They’re them. And it makes Lexa smile to herself all the time like a crazy person. She never really thought that sex would change her as much as it has. It hasn’t made things weird, or awkward, or uncomfortable. It’s just brought them closer together. It has added another level of intimacy to their relationship. She feels closer to Clarke than before in a completely different way and it is kind of amazing. 

They don’t get to do it a lot. Not like the first time, which was a marathon. Because Lexa still refuses to have sex within a five-mile radius of Abby, and that does not leave them with a lot of options. They steal a few moments between prom and the end of the school year when Abby works a rare night shift or leaves them alone for a few hours to run to the store. Lexa has gotten very good at getting Clarke’s clothes off quickly. Teenage sex is pretty crazy. It’s passionate and messy and so fucking good. And Lexa is turning into a horn dog more and more. She really likes the face that Clarke makes when she comes all over her hand. 

And Clarke is kind of insatiable, and loves to see how many times she can make Lexa orgasm before her Mom gets home. One time Abby got back early from the hospital in the morning, and Lexa came from the sheer shock of having Clarke’s mouth between her legs and Abby in the house. She had never felt so much panic in her body before and she had scurried to lock herself in the bathroom while Clarke frantically got dressed and went down to greet her Mom so she wouldn’t suspect anything.

“We’re never doing that again,” Lexa says, once they are done having lunch with Abby and back up in Clarke’s room. 

“Says the girl who actually got to come,” Clarke jokes. 

Lexa looks offended. “It is not my fault that you like to take your sweet time, and don’t let up until I can’t take it anymore. I always make sure yo-“

Clarke kisses her to shut her up and grins against Lexa’s mouth. “I know. I know. I am more than satisfied, I was only teasing you.”

“Yeah well, it wasn’t funny,” Lexa says, huffing. She looks up at Clarke and there is a little bit of fear in her eyes as she asks, “Do I pay you enough attention?” And Clarke is reminded that Lexa has never been in a relationship before. She has never had sex with someone. And she is probably really insecure about all of it. 

Clarke closes her eyes and rubs her nose against Lexa’s. “Baby,” she says. “You pay me more than enough attention. I know I like to go a little crazy, but seriously. It’s great. You’re great. Please don’t let me teasing you make you self-conscious. I love the way you touch me. And I love being with you. And you make me come every single time I am with you and that is a feat that has never happened before.” 

“Really?” Lexa asks, looking doubtful. 

“Really,” Clarke assures, nodding. “I am serious Lexa. Every time. I think you’re like my orgasm guru or something.” 

Lexa looks like she wants to smile, but she doesn’t. “Stop with the self-doubt,” Clarke says. “Have I ever given you any indication that I don’t like what you’re doing when you’re down there?” she asks. 

And Lexa shakes her head. “No.” 

“That’s right. No. No because you are really good at making me feel really good, all the time. So please don’t sit here and think that I ever am not happy with that part of us. Which happens to only be a fraction of our relationship and does not determine in any way how much I love yo-“

Lexa kisses Clarke to stop her rambling. “Okay,” she says, kissing her lips again. “I get it. I get it. I’m sorry. I am new to this, and I just want you to be honest with me.” 

“I don’t lie to you Lexa,” Clarke says. And she settles on top of the brunette, letting her head rest of Lexa’s chest as the brunette’s fingers play with her hair. “I could never do that.” Clarke snuggles deeper into Lexa’s embrace. 

“You know,” Lexa says, getting an idea. “Indra and Gus are going to be gone on Friday, and we don’t really have to be at school because it is the last day and they don’t take attendance.”

“Alexandria Woods,” Clarke says, sounding rather scandalized. “Are you suggesting we skip the last day of school so we can go have sex all day in your foster parents’ house?”

She lifts her head up and looks up at Lexa in fake shock and it makes Lexa laugh. “Yes,” she says, grinning. 

“I have corrupted you,” Clarke says. “And I am not in the least bit sorry about it.” 

They do skip school. Clarke picks her up in the morning but they go and get breakfast together before they double back to the empty house together. And they spend all day in Lexa’s bed doing things that most people would think that they are too young and stupid to do. But they don’t feel naive and dumb to Clarke and Lexa. They feel…they feel beautiful. And special. And like they are larger than the universe when they are together. 

And once Lexa has satisfied her own desire to pay Clarke way too much attention, so much attention that Clarke had passed out for five seconds and scared Lexa senseless, they are left lying in bed together looking up at the ceiling. Lexa’s gray comforter is covering Clarke’s naked body and hers, as they just catch their breath. 

“Okay,” Clarke says. “You almost killed me.” 

“I did not,” Lexa says. “It was five seconds.”

“Five seconds of me being unconscious because you are ridiculously stubborn and did not believe me when I told you I am more than satisfied. Now I am overly satisfied and I am not going to be able to walk properly.” 

Lexa giggles. “You laugh, but I am not going to be able to get out of this bed,” Clarke says playfully. Lexa rolls over and leans her head onto Clarke’s chest, her fingers going to play with Clarke’s own. 

“Lexa,” Clarke says.

“Yes?” she says, running her index finger down Clarke’s hand mindlessly. 

“Will you be my summer love?”

“Your what?” 

“My summer love. You know? Like that love you have in the summer time when you’re a teenager that always stays with you for the rest of your life. Since you’re not going anywhere this summer and I’m not getting shipped off to California I thought I’d ask.” 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I will be your summer love and you will be mine,” she says. “You will be my only love for the rest of my life Clarke Griffin.” 

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Clarke jokes. 

Lexa’s lips move over Clarke’s slowly as she kisses her. “I’m telling you that I will never love another person as I love you,” Lexa says. 

“Me either,” Clarke says. “I can never love another person after you. You kind of own my heart Alexandria. I don’t know if you’re aware of that.” 

“I wasn’t really,” she says. “Don’t worry. I won’t break it,” Lexa says. 

“I’m going to remind you of that when we’re forty-five and you’re tired of me and are having dirty thoughts about our babysitter.” 

“Clarke,” Lexa says. “I would never go for the babysitter. That is far too cliché!” 

Clarke looks peeved, but she smiles before she attacks Lexa’s sides and tickles her until Lexa is screaming for her to stop. 

“I won’t sleep with the babysitter! I promise,” Lexa yells, begging for Clarke to stop. 

Clarke pins Lexa’s hands above her head and straddles her. “And?” she demands with a smile on her lips. 

“And I won’t sleep with anyone, but you, ever,” Lexa says, laughing. 

“Not the answer I was going for, but I’ll take it,” Clarke says grinning as she leans down and kisses her. And she keeps kissing her until they’re hands are all over each other again with the promise of more to come forever with each touch.


	4. 12th Grade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Don't hate me. I know it's been a minute guys. But seriously my life has been turned upside down on top of some technical difficulties. However, I am not giving up on this fic or the other one. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has given me words of encouragement and understanding. I'm not entirely in love with this chapter, but the story continues. 
> 
> Also warning because this chapter hasn't been as thoroughly edited as the others so there might be some mistakes. 
> 
> love to you all xoxo

12th Grade…

“I need you more than air,” she gasps. Her lips are desperate to reattach to their partner’s, as they press tighter up against the lockers. Not even a sheet of paper could fit between them. 

This lip lock session is getting intense and it has drawn a crowd of onlookers on the first day, but they can’t bring themselves to care. 

“Geese,” Raven says, tilting her head a bit. “I have never seen someone actually suck someone else’s face into their mouth before.” 

“Yeah,” Clarke says. “This is too painful to watch.”

 

…

 

 

“What are you two staring at?” Lexa asks, as she comes up to stand between Raven and Clarke. She had been down in guidance discussing some of her classes with Kane, because it’s the first day and already her schedule is messed up. 

Lexa leans in and places a kiss on Clarke’s cheek that the blonde leans into, but she doesn’t look at her because she is busy being distracted by something. Lexa looks over and sees what has their attention. “Oh, Octavia and Lincoln,” Lexa says, rolling her eyes, because of course. “Is he eating her?” she asks, with serious concern and disgust. 

Her own head tilts and mirrors Raven and Clarke’s as they watch in fascination as Lincoln and Octavia maul each other in the hallway like savage beasts. They really do not care that they are in a public place. Or that literally a good portion of the student body is watching them. 

“How are they doing that?” Clarke says. 

“Can she breathe?” Raven asks looking like she either wants to conduct an experiment on the matter or she is anticipating having to perform CPR on her best friend. 

Lexa turns away, because she cannot watch that for any longer without seriously worrying about the state of Octavia’s face. She goes across the hall to where her new locker is and enters the combination written on the index card Kane had given her. Clarke and Raven eventually get bored of gawking and wander over to her.

Clarke comes up behind her and places her hands on Lexa’s hips, holding onto them while she rearranges her binders and notebooks inside their new home. It’s protective, and possessive, and Lexa loves it more than she’d ever care to admit. PDA is not their thing, but it is becoming harder and harder not to touch each other when they’re around each other – summer spoiled them. Clarke nuzzles into Lexa’s neck and she giggles as she pulls away and gives Clarke a playful, warning face. 

“Man, those two are putting you to shame,” Raven says, with a smirk. 

“What are you talking about?” Clarke asks, and Lexa can feel Clarke’s fingernails dig into her hips. This is something that Clarke does all the time, and this is also something that turns Lexa on, all the time, and Clarke is more than aware and still never stops doing it. 

“I mean, Octavia and Lincoln are giving you a run for the money in the couple department,” Raven says. “I’ve never seen you two go at it like that. That is passion,” Raven says, gazing over at the two who are still fucking at it. 

Lincoln is an exchange student who had come to live with a family in Octavia’s neighborhood over the summer. He was going to be attending Arkadia High for the next year. He was British, and ripped, and incredibly stoic. The moment Lincoln and Octavia saw each other they were practically ripping each other’s clothes off. They had steadily been at it for the entirety of the summer, and it would seem school was not going to alter that routine. 

They were Arkadia’s latest hot couple. 

“We’re passionate,” Clarke says, looking offended. Her brow is furrowed and she is frowning a bit, and Lexa wants to kiss it off her face. She doesn’t though. Instead she smirks knowing Raven is merely trying to get a rise out of Clarke. Raven Reyes is a shit starter if there ever was one. It’s her full-time occupation next to technical genius. “Right?” Clarke asks, looking to Lexa for support. 

“Right,” Lexa says, smiling. 

“We just don’t have to make-out in front of everyone to make a statement,” Clarke says, a little proud. 

“More like you two are old and married,” Raven retorts. 

Clarke’s mouth drops open and Lexa has to hide her grin. But she knows Raven can see it. “We are not! We are plenty passionate, and in love. Just because we have been dating longer than a month doesn’t mean that has stopped. Besides, me and Lexa have never been the type to act…hormonal.” 

“She’s right,” Lexa says. “We really haven’t.” Except for when they’re behind closed doors. Then they tend to behave like wild animals, but Raven doesn’t need to know that. 

“And why is that?” Raven asks, looking smug. “You two getting settled into married life already? Sex once a month on a Wednesday night after the potluck?” she pushes. And Lexa can see that Clarke is getting flustered and frustrated, like she always does when Raven provokes her, and Lexa knows that this is going to go somewhe-

“Fuck you Reyes. We did it in the car on our way here this morning,” Clarke says. 

Lexa’s eyes drift closed, and she feels her face turn six shades of pink as she leans her head against her hand. Raven is laughing hysterically because she got exactly what she wanted. 

“In the car? Before school?” Raven says, through her laughter. “I do not believe your girlfriend captain tightwad would ever fuck in a car!” 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, opening her eyes to glare at her girlfriend who seems to have gathered that that was not the best response. “Why do you let her get to you? You know she only wants to frustrate you,” Lexa says, glaring at Raven. “And now she is never going to let us live that down.” 

“Wait,” Raven says, hands swinging out in front of her. “Did you really do that?” she asks, looking to Lexa. 

Lexa stares defiantly back at her. “Not that it’s any of your business. But we did,” she says.

“Twice,” Clarke says, and Raven is cracking up again. 

“Oh my God! You did?!” 

“Come on,” Lexa says, rolling her eyes as she takes Clarke’s hands. “We have to get to AP Bio.”

Lexa is tugging Clarke along and she is well aware that what Raven said got to her girlfriend on some level. Clarke is a little insecure, and that is something that Lexa has been actively learning how to squash. For as beautiful, and smart, and just plain amazing as her girlfriend is, Clarke tends to doubt herself. 

“Clarke do not let that get to your head,” Lexa says. “We are crazy about each other, and she knows it, and so do I, and so do you.” Lexa bops Clarke on the nose with her finger for extra emphasis. 

Clarke’s pout is still there. “Yeah, but she’s not wrong about us being an old couple. We have been dating a year now. Over one if you count from February. That’s a long time in teen years. What if you get bored of me?” 

“Clarke you must be kidding,” Lexa says pointedly, ignoring Clarke’s petulant face. “You could never bore me. If I was ever going to get bored it would have been ten years ago.” 

The ends of Clarke’s lips quirk up a little. “I guess,” she says as they reach their second period and meander outside the door together, still holding hands. 

“Well, I know. Stop,” she says, pulling Clarke’s hand so that she inches closer to her. “Stop letting Raven get in your head. I am in love with you Clarke Griffin. And I am always going to be,” Lexa says, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s neck. Clarke’s hands drift around her waist and pull her into an embrace. 

Clarke smiles at her, and Lexa knows she is slowly but surely chipping away at the self-doubt Clarke’s other relationships put into her head. Clarke expects so much of herself, and it is quite honestly ridiculous. No one person could ever be so selfless as Clarke thinks she should be. No one in a relationship would want that, at least not in a healthy one. Lexa wants equality. She wants her and Clarke, caring about each other. Not just Clarke doing everything and pulling all the weight. They’re partners. And flawed, and neither of them should be expected to be perfect. 

Lexa leans in close and whispers in Clarke’s ear, “And if you dig your nails into my hips one more time today I am going to end up fucking you in the janitor’s closet.” 

Clarke is visibly stunned when Lexa pulls back to look at her face. “Is that suppose to make me stop?” the blonde challenges, smirking. 

“Yes,” Lexa says. “If we get caught I am never going to an ivy league and we would probably be expelled, and it would be entirely your fault.” 

“Still not seeing how that is not worth it,” Clarke says, as Lexa detaches from her and walks into their class. Clarke is grinning like she has the best secret in the world for the entirety of biology. 

Senior year is…different? It feels the same, it’s the same walls that have been confining Lexa for four years, and it still smells like BO. Lexa is literally in AP everything. AP Bio, AP Psych, AP Soc, AP Rhetoric, AP Stats, AP World History, and AP European History. She is taking a full college load basically, and that is only allowed because she is so above her classmates. It was suggested to her that she might want to graduate early, but Lexa had insisted that was not necessary. 

While before she might have been chomping at the bit to get out into the world, she wants to stay for her senior year. She wants to be with Clarke for their last year together, as stupid and as young as that is. She is just starting to have a normal high school experience. She has a girlfriend, and is making friends, and is beginning to actually feel like people don’t look at her and see a freak anymore. She wants to know what that is like. And with Clarke by her side, anything is pretty damn great. 

Everyone knows they are together now. And it is seriously not a big deal. People wave at them in the hallway, and some even tell them that they think they are a cute couple. Lexa has no idea when this started happening, when people started talking to her, but Clarke is actually pretty popular, and she guesses it has gained her some of people’s acceptance by association over the years. People talk to Lexa in class now. They ask her questions and some even ask for her help with work. People she has been in clubs with for a few years now start acting like they know her. It is strange, and overwhelming, and kind of exhilarating. 

Clarke really doesn’t seem to care one way or the other. She loves Lexa, no matter what anyone thinks, and that just makes the brunette love her even more. Lexa’s social status never mattered to Clarke, not once. Clarke is just happy to see Lexa happy. And she is thrilled that she might be a little bit of the reason behind that happiness. 

Despite Raven trying to start shit on the first day of school, her and Clarke’s relationship is more solid than ever. And Lexa hadn’t even known that was possible. Until they had spent an entire summer together. 

Summer love was not a joke. 

It was intense. 

Clarke and Lexa were inseparable. They spent every day together. Every. Single. Day. It kind of blew Lexa away. Usually when you spend that much time with someone you get tired of them, or more easily annoyed, but it wasn’t like that with Clarke. They couldn’t be apart from each other. They tried one day, just to see if they could, but Clarke had just climbed into Lexa’s window after night fell. 

The warm weather changed things. It always does. People are more carefree in the summer. The sunshine and the long days make the world anxious and lively and they were not immune to the warm rays. Clarke liked to wear crop tops that showed off her abs, and Lexa had a hard time keeping her hands to herself. But she also liked to wear really short shorts, and Clarke’s hands would always gravitate to her bare thighs. So, Lexa thought it was pretty even. 

Summer was filled with a lot of things. It was filled with pool parties at the Blake’s where Lexa wore a bikini for the first time (Anya bought it for her as a birthday present when she discovered Lexa did not own a swimsuit).

That had gone over real well with Clarke. She attacked Lexa once when she emerged from the pool house bathroom. Clarke had been coming in to check on her and then blue eyes traced up and down her body, and the next thing Lexa knew she was having sex on a bathroom sink with the door locked. Bikinis make getting naked easy actually, and Lexa did not feel self-conscious at all about wearing one after that. Nor was she surprised when Clarke jumped her for the second time, that same day, when she went to get a towel from the same pool house while everyone else made their way inside for lunch. Clarke and her did not eat(actual food). 

Clarke behaved occasionally at these parties. She would push Lexa in the pool, and play chicken with the rest of her friends, and even do flips off the diving board. Lexa would float around in the shallow end and talk to Monty and Jasper, and occasionally sunbathe with Raven. Clarke made Lexa be her partner in chicken, and with her on Clarke’s shoulders they had taken down Raven and Octavia. But they were never a match for Bellamy and Monty. 

There was more than just sex. But, God, there was a lot of that too. It just kept happening, and happening. It’s not like they ever planned it. It was just so easy to be together. The summer just seemed to drive them wild. They made love everywhere. Under the stars, by a fire, and in a tent when they went on a two day camping trip together. And there were a lot of times they did it in Clarke’s car, parked vicariously somewhere. 

They even had sex on the beach, multiple times, because it was one of their favorite places to go spend the day at together. There were a lot of deserted ones that ran along the coast of the Chesapeake. They would drive there and find a spot, often waiting until nightfall to look up at the stars and listen to the sound of the water falling on the shore. Lexa had no idea when she became such a deviant person, but she didn’t really hate it. A year ago if someone told her that she would go down on Clarke Griffin on a beach she would have told them they were nuts, but she has and there are no regrets about it. 

She just can’t resist Clarke. She can’t. She has tried, and never won. And she is not sure she’d really want to win that battle anyway. When Clarke’s hands touch her it’s…poetry? Art? Biology? Who really knows? There is no trivial comparison that seems to fit. It’s so special, every time. Her hands don’t just touch her body, they touch her. They touch something deep inside of Lexa that only Clarke knows, ever knew, exists. Clarke is a part of her. And she never knew it was possible to be that close with someone. To feel them inside of your being. 

She is young and in love, and being reckless and it is a glorious thing that she is relishing. Lexa does not let fear hold her back from loving Clarke with every thing she has any longer. For once she wants to be a stupid teenager, if it means being with Clarke. 

Summer was also filled with late nights, and bonfires, and lazy mornings. It was filled with long walks together, and waking up early to see the sun rise over the water. It was pushing each other on swings, and getting milkshakes from the local diner, and kissing in the hammock underneath the tree in Clarke’s backyard. It was reading books while tangled together and discussing who their favorite authors were and why. It was watching ridiculous movies, and series, and then watching Clarke act out her favorite parts dramatically, making Lexa laugh hysterically. It was a summer filled with laughter, and smiles, and hugs, and kisses, and just so much love it had made Lexa feel like she might burst at any minute because it couldn’t be real. 

Clarke had taken her on their first date. Like, a real one. She had told Lexa to dress up and picked her up at her house, gave her flowers, and took her to DC for dinner and a show. They went to a really nice restaurant, and ate really good food by candlelight. Clarke had paid, despite Lexa wanting to help, and then they had gone to see a play together. It was in a small theater and it was so funny, and strangely moving too. Lexa had never been to a show before in her life and she absolutely loved it. An older couple that sat next to them told them they were lovely together and asked how long they had been married. Before Lexa could answer them, Clarke had said, “About a year,” and it made the people smile. She had turned to Lexa when they left and asked, “What do you say? Want to be my wife for the evening? It’ll give us some practice for later.” Lexa had laughed at her, and then kissed her. 

When they left the playhouse Clarke took her to get ice cream at this great place that made everything in house. Lexa had gotten banana and chocolate mixed together and Clarke had settled for mint chocolate chip. They sat outside at a table and argued about how nasty Clarke’s flavor was, because Lexa hates mint, and she loves it. Clarke ended bopping the end of her spoon on Lexa’s nose, and then she pouted, and then Clarke had kissed it off. It made it all better. 

“We’re pretty good at this,” Clarke had said. 

“At what?” Lexa had asked, confused. She smiled as she ate another bight of ice cream. 

“Being married,” Clarke said, smiling at her. “We bicker well, and despite our differences we always have fun together. The sex is pretty phenomenal too. I’d say we’re pretty good at it.”

Lexa’s own smile was so fucking wide, and she really wished she had some sort of control around Clarke, but she didn’t. She hadn’t in a really long time. And she knew she looked like such a dork, but she also knew that Clarke wouldn’t care. For some reason that girl loved her, and she had just come to accept it rather than fight it. 

“One day,” Lexa had said, and leant across the table to place a kiss on Clarke’s supple lips. “One day. I promise.”

Clarke’s smile was small, but Lexa could see the hope shining behind her girlfriend’s eyes then. It was the first promise Lexa had ever made her. The brunette didn’t do commitments. She didn’t promise, not for anyone, because she knew promises were usually wishful thoughts, not reality. Life had scarred her in that way, but Clarke, Clarke made the scars fade. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Clarke said, mimicking the words Lexa spoke to her years ago. 

“I don’t,” Lexa said, repeating Clarke’s. 

Lexa damn sure intended to keep that one. 

Clarke had driven her home and walked her to the front door, and very innocently kissed her goodnight. And when Lexa asked if she was really leaving, Clarke had said yes. It wasn’t proper to sleep over on first dates. And Clarke did leave, but then she came back at midnight and crawled into bed with Lexa. 

Gus and Indra were pretty much MIA all summer. They had been expanding their firm, and picked up a few high-profile clients in New York and Miami, which made them bounce back and forth. So mostly Lexa’s house was empty, expect for Anya. But her older foster sister’s presence was scarce, because she had starting seeing someone who lived at college park, and she was there a lot of the time. Lexa and Clarke took full advantage of this situation and slept together almost every night. Sometimes when her foster parents weren’t home they had her stay with Abby and Clarke for longer periods of time, and that wasn’t too bad either. It was a real change when Indra and Gus finally came back at the end of August. Clarke had whined and whined about missing the alone time together, and Lexa understood. She wanted to be with her too. She was just used to not getting her way, unlike her girlfriend. 

Clarke had also trained the entirety of the summer. She was determined that this was going to be the year that they won states. Lexa even started working out with her for moral support. Sometimes they did not work out though, because Clarke wore nothing but sports bras, and this easily distracted Lexa. But still Clarke ran and ran, and went to the gym, and did drill after drill, and by the end of the summer she was more in shape than ever before. And Lexa wasn’t doing too bad herself either. Her abs had started poking through her stomach, and Clarke really, really liked that. And Lexa really liked that Clarke really liked it. 

Their one-year anniversary rolled around too and Lexa couldn’t believe that she had been in a relationship for an entire year. Let alone with Clarke. It didn’t feel like a year had passed, but then again love had always pushed beyond the parameters of time. 

Lexa wrote Clarke a love letter that she had given to her girlfriend and made her promise not to read it until she was alone. She had kept that promise, and then called Lexa crying after she did read it. 

Clarke gave her a dozen roses, and a framed picture of them with their anniversary carved into the wood. Lexa had never had pictures to put up in her room before. Now she has three. The one of her and Clarke that sits on her dresser, one of her, Indra, Gus, and Anya that had been taken before prom, and one of Abby and Lexa that sits on her desk. 

There has long been a framed picture of Lexa and Clarke sitting on the blonde’s bedside table next to Jake’s. They are kissing underneath the tree in Clarke’s backyard. Lexa hadn’t even realized Clarke was taking the picture, and had argued for it to be deleted, but the blonde had framed it instead. There were a lot of pictures of her popping up in Clarke’s room. She had been added to the collage on her wall, and Lexa was the screensaver on Clarke’s phone. 

Lexa hadn’t known that until Clarke’s phone went off while she was in the shower and the blonde asked her to answer it because it was probably Abby. It was, and once she told the doctor that Clarke would call her back and ended the conversation she saw her face on the screen. It was a picture she remembered Clarke taking. She had been reading in bed, with her glasses on, and when a flash went off she looked up to see Clarke grinning behind her phone. 

“What is this?” she asked when the blonde emerged from the bathroom in jeans and a loose t-shirt. Clarke was toweling her hair, and she squinted to see the tiny screen, and then she smiled. 

“My beautiful girlfriend,” she said, rolling her eyes. She tossed the towel on the floor and sauntered over, leaning in to place a kiss on Lexa’s lips. Lexa tried to settle the things coming to life in her stomach from it to act mad. 

“No,” Lexa said, shaking her head and trying not to smile. “This is a horrible picture of me reading that you did not tell me you were taking.” 

“It’s my favorite picture of you,” Clarke argued, wrestling her phone from Lexa’s grip. “You reading, with those glasses. Never has there been a more lovely photo.” 

Lexa grinned despite herself and Clarke kissed her again. “You know making me your screensaver is a little trite,” Lexa teased, as Clarke came to lie down on top of her. The blonde buried her head in Lexa’s chest, and her arms squeezed around Lexa’s middle as her full weight dropped onto her. Lexa’s hands ran through Clarke’s wet hair, and the blonde mumbled, “Don’t care. You’re my favorite thing to see.” And one day Clarke might just turn her into a pile of goo. 

On the last day of summer, the one before the first day of school, Clarke had taken Lexa to the beach. They had gone swimming, and played in the sand, and lay out in the sun. It was a magical day, and it was one that they got to spend together. And when it got dark Clarke spread out a blanket and wrapped herself around Lexa’s form so they could look out at the moon hovering over the water. 

“I have something I want to give you,” she had said. 

“What else?” Lexa had asked breathless. “What else could you possibly have to give me? You’ve given me everything Clarke,” Lexa said, mystified in the moment of it all. 

Clarke had pulled out a ring. And no, she did not propose but Lexa felt her spirit leaving her body when she first saw it. It was a silver ban in the shape of a crown. 

“It’s a promise ring,” Clarke said. “It’s cheesy, and corny, and I know it’s soo stupid, but I wanted to give it to you, if you’ll take it. I don’t ever want to be with anyone else Lexa. And we’re too young for marriage, and you’ve got places to be and worlds to conquer, but I want you. I want us, forever. And if you accept this ring it’s a promise that I will put a diamond on that finger one day, because that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do since the fifth grade.” 

Lexa had cried. She had cried really hard, but she had put the ring on her finger. Clarke cried then. And it really didn’t feel so silly. 

“Why is it in the shape of a crown?” she had asked, when she could speak in coherent sentences again. 

“Because,” Clarke said, smiling up at the night sky. “My Dad was wrong. I did need to be rescued. It was just another princess that did it.” 

Lexa’s tears stopped when she kissed Clarke. And they had made love under the moon until they had to drive back home so they could actually go to school the next day. It was a bittersweet end to a perfect summer. 

The ring is residing on Lexa’s left hand. She has never taken it off and she doesn’t intend to. Clarke likes to let her thumb ghost over it whenever they hold hands. It always makes them both smile. 

//

It’s a new year, and with it comes more work. Copious amounts actually. 

Lexa gets to take the AP Latin and Spanish test at the beginning of the year. She gets nearly perfect scores on both, and Kane is left kind of speechless. Lexa had continued her never-ending quest for knowledge over the summer. She had read plenty of books, and written plenty on subjects she had found relevant or fascinating. She always took notes on everything she read, and had a few dozen detailed notebooks organized with all her thoughts on various subjects to refer back to. 

One of the articles she writes for the school paper about climate change and reform is picked up by the local city paper, and it is her first credited work. Clarke takes her out for ice cream after she told her, proclaiming that being a published writer demands celebration. Lexa didn’t think it was a big deal, but her girlfriend sure did. 

“Yes, because most seventeen year olds have published works,” Clarke argues, rolling her eyes at Lexa’s stupid genius thinking. 

Lexa’s intelligence is brimming with fervor. Even her relationship with Clarke hasn’t seemed to hold her back. If anything it’s increased her self-confidence, and now she really believes she is capable of more. She knows it, actually. She knows it because of the way her girlfriend looks at her. She has to be worth something to have that. 

Lexa is pushing herself. She is pushing herself because she wants so badly to go to Yale. In order to do that she will need a complete scholarship and that requires her to fill out a lot of applications, and write a ton of essays. Lexa is a national merit scholar and her perfect SAT score does give her some bonus points, but it’s not enough for Yale. Kane of course writes as many recommendations as he can for her, and even gets Lexa’s teachers over the years to do the same. Her crowning intellectual achievements get recognized by the local paper and then by the school in the form of a broadcast over the morning announcements a month into school. Lexa sinks so far into her desk that she thinks it might swallow her whole. Everyone’s eyes are on her as the loud speaker blares with her name. 

“If it isn’t my girlfriend the shinning pupil of Arkadia High,” Clarke greets, the minute Lexa steps outside of her first period, after the announcement. Clarke wraps her arms around her and pulls her into a fierce hug. “I am so proud of you,” she whispers in Lexa’s ear. And she doesn’t feel as self-conscious as she did before. Instead she feels…humbled. Humbled to be given such gifts, and to have someone like Clarke always there to support her. 

They walk to AP Bio together, and a few people stop and congratulate Lexa. She has no idea how to talk to strangers, so she mostly just smiles and waves awkwardly, as Clarke does the talking for her. 

Two weeks later Clarke is elected student body president, and everyone is more than thrilled about it. It is kind of expected since she has been a part of the student council since freshman year. That and the fact that Raven and Octavia were the leaders of her campaign, which mostly involves them plastering the school walls with posters, and pinning buttons on anyone who is standing near them for longer than three seconds. Clarke is favored among their class, and when she is made the leader Lexa kinda feels like she is dating a celebrity. 

“I’m proud of you,” she whispers in Clarke’s ear when the results are revealed, and smiles at her when she pulls back. “You deserve this.” 

“Aren’t we quite the pair,” Clarke says, grinning at Lexa. 

“Yes, we are,” she answers. 

They really are. 

October makes its grand appearance and homecoming is back once again. Lexa does participate this year. Mostly because Clarke guilts her into it, stating that she cannot as President of their class have her girlfriend lacking school spirit. It makes Lexa imagine briefly what it would be like if Clarke was ever actually the president, and she was left to be the first lady. Wouldn’t that shake up the White House? 

Clarke pretty much helps her pick out all over her spirit gear. Monday is pajama day as always and Clarke gets Lexa her very own onesie that will match the group. They argue about that for a good long while, until Clarke stops arguing with her and puts her mouth to better use. Only then does Lexa agree to wear it. 

Raven and Octavia look like its Christmas morning when the couple shows up to school in them. “I cannot believe what I am seeing,” Raven says, while Octavia just laughs. 

“Shut-up, all of you,” Lexa grumbles as she opens her locker and ignores them and the smirk on Clarke’s lips. 

“How the hell did you get her to wear that?” Octavia asks Clarke, still laughing. She can hear Clarke whisper and she better not be telling them her actual method. Lincoln appears next to her, in his own onesie, and it looks beyond ridiculous on his hulking form. 

“I’m betting we were both victims of the same crime here,” he says. His scowl matches Lexa’s. 

Lexa nods. “God help us,” she says, and they both laugh together. 

It is announced during school that Clarke is nominated for homecoming court. She is embarrassed and her cheeks burn bright red when Lexa greets her with, “Hello my Princess,” when she finds Clarke waiting for her at her locker after school. 

“Shut-up,” Clarke grumbles and Lexa leans in to kiss her softly. 

“I think it’s great,” Lexa says with earnest. 

“It’s stupid,” Clarke mumbles. She looks down at her feet, and Lexa smiles at her. It reminds her of elementary school Clarke, and she always found her equally as adorable. 

“No it’s not,” Lexa says, lifting Clarke’s chin up. “And that is coming from me. Everybody loves you Clarke.” 

Clarke smiles at this and leans their foreheads together. “Thank you,” she whispers. 

Lexa nods and kisses her. 

“I think this calls for the tutu,” Clarke says, and her girlfriend is back. 

Lexa smacks Clarke on the arm. “You jerk,” she says, but she is grinning so wide and Clarke is cackling. They look like a couple of weirdoes in the hallway together, but they could care less. 

Tuesday is ‘look alike’ day and of course Clarke, Raven, and Octavia show up in ridiculous matching outfits that are supposed to make them look like the twins from Alice in Wonderland, flag hat and all. Lexa has no idea how she is dating someone who would willingly wear that outfit to school or someone who makes up the name ‘tweedleedopeass’ for their third party member (Raven of course gladly claims this title). Lexa dresses up to look like Waldo with a striped red shirt and matching hat. She wears her old glasses that have thick rims and it makes Clarke insanely hot for her all day. 

“Ah, middle school,” Clarke says fondly as she pushes Lexa’s glasses back up her nose and smiles. Lexa rolls her eyes at her affectionately for most of the day. 

Lexa goes with Clarke to her house after school but makes her girlfriend take a pledge that they will actually study and do work. She has some scholarship applications and she wants to get one of her college essays at least halfway drafted. Of course they end up making out in the living room until Abby gets home at four. It wasn’t like they didn’t try to study. It was just that they tried to work while Clarke was sitting in Lexa’s lap, and really her girlfriend is so bad at keeping her hands to herself, especially when she is wearing those glasses. Not that Lexa is much better at it. She is not the innocent party either. 

Clarke is restless when Abby gets home and Lexa tells her to go for a run. She listens and Lexa stays behind to do some work. She changes out of her Waldo getup, into a pair of Clarke’s pajamas and a t-shirt and settles into Clarke’s rather comfortable bed. She ties her hair up in a messy bun and gets busy on writing out a rough draft. She leaves the glasses on. 

Clarke returns about an hour later and is a sweaty, sweaty mess. “Hey,” she says, breathless with her headphones still blaring as she comes into her room. 

Lexa peers up from her legal pad filled with notes and smiles, “Hey. How was your run?” Her skin is glistening and Lexa stirs uncomfortable at the surge of arousal she feels. God, Clarke has turned her into a teenage boy. 

“Good. You should have joined me,” Clarke teases, because Lexa had been running with her for most of the summer but her participation in exercise has decreased since the start of school. Clarke strips her rather gross tank top off and starts doing push-ups in her sports bra. 

“I was actually getting work done,” Lexa says, watching as Clarke goes up and down, up and down. And the angle she is doing them on the floor gives Lexa a rather nice view of her cleavage. She is no longer getting any work done. 

“So was I,” Clarke says and she lifts her head up to smile at Lexa as she keeps doing push-ups. Lexa knows she is going to do a hundred. She always does a hundred after her runs. “There are different kinds of work,” she teases, a smug smile on her features as she continues to finish her set, and then goes into her sit-ups. There are a hundred of those too. And Lexa’s mouth is hanging open by the end. 

“How did I end up with an athlete?” Lexa blurts. She is thinking out loud and Clarke’s smile only widens. “I don’t know,” Clarke says, getting up off the ground and walking over to the bed. “How did I end up with a nerd?” she retorts, leaning in. Lexa thinks she is going to kiss her and instead she just pushes Lexa’s glasses up her nose with her finger. “So, so cute,” Clarke says, and smirks as she pulls back without kissing her. 

“You’re cruel,” Lexa says, jutting her bottom lip out. 

Clarke chuckles. “Says the girl who wears thongs.” The blonde pulls her phone out of her shorts and places it on the nightstand. She tugs her bottoms off and is left in her underwear. The door is cracked open like it always is and Lexa’s eyes blow wide. “I’m going to take a shower,” Clarke says. And she knows exactly what she is doing. Abby is home, and Clarke is taunting her. But Lexa stares in appreciation as Clarke slips behind the bathroom door. There’s no way she’ll ever get use to seeing Clarke’s half-naked body, or her fully naked one for that matter. 

Wednesday is a new day and the hallways are filled with students dressed up as every decade that there ever was. There is even a guy dressed like a 15th century wizard – props to him for originality. The delinquents claim the 80s and Lexa never knew hair could be so big (Monty’s in particular). Clarke’s getup makes her look like Cydni Lauper. Lexa wears an outfit that was chosen by Abby and Clarke after raiding the doctor’s closet. At best she looks like a Mom, at worse a bad rendition of Alyssa Milano. 

The yearbook photographers are out and about the entire day. Snapping photos of everyone in all their glory. In ten years they’ll all cringe at these pictures, but for now it seems to be fun. Lexa is stunned when one of them approaches her and Clarke and asks for them to take a picture together. Clarke is all too eager and throws her arm around Lexa, and the brunette can barely smile before a flash goes off. 

“If that is in the yearbook I’m going to be killing some people,” Lexa says. 

Clarke chuckles. “It won’t be. They’re taking hundreds of pictures today. The yearbook is only so big. You’ll probably never see it again.” Clarke’s smile is a deviant one, but Lexa ignores it, until…

That very picture reemerges a few days later taped inside Clarke’s locker. Lexa yells at her asking how and why she has it, and Clarke laughs at her and says, “Because it gets you all riled up,” and then Lexa laughs because it is kind of funny. She wonders when they became this kind of couple. When they started poking fun at each other, and purposefully annoying each other, but it must come with time, and just plain security. It feels good. 

It is announced Thursday that Clarke won Homecoming Princess. She will be on the court at the game and at the dance. Everyone is congratulating her and Clarke doesn’t look too thrilled about it when Lexa is waiting for her outside of her third period class with a smirk and a smart comment that Clarke doesn’t respond to. That’s the first sign that something is terribly wrong. 

“What’s up?” Lexa asks, worried. She sees the solemn look on her person’s face and takes Clarke’s hand and squeezes it. “Baby,” Lexa says, her voice low so no one can hear. 

“It’s nothing,” Clarke says, sounding rather disheartened. 

Lexa kisses the back of Clarke’s knuckles. “You know we have been dating for a while now, and I always know when you’re lying,” Lexa says, and she gives Clarke a little grin. Clarke doesn’t answer her and this really disturbs Lexa. The brunette can see that this goes deeper for Clarke. Deeper than she can let out in the middle of the school’s hallway. Lexa instantly softens and pulls Clarke into a hug that she collapses into. She can feel Clarke’s body shake as if she is about to cry, and the blonde pulls away from her. It hurts Lexa for a minute, but then she realizes that Clarke is trying not to break down. 

“I can’t. Not here,” Clarke says. Lexa reaches up and cups Clarke’s cheek and her thumb runs along her jawline. “Okay,” Lexa says. “Okay, Baby. Do you want to leave?” 

Clarke’s head jerks up and her eyes are full with unshed tears. “You would do that?” she asks. 

Lexa nods. It’s only third period, and technically it would be cutting class, but some things are more important. She knows if she texted Indra and told her the situation she would be fine with it. She wouldn’t really care if she weren’t though. Not when Clarke needs her. 

“No,” Clarke says shaking her head and taking a deep breath. “I’ll be fine. Besides, I can’t fuck up your perfect attendance record,” Clarke jokes, and Lexa can tell she is trying to cover up what she is feeling. 

“I don’t care about that. I care about you,” Lexa says. And Clarke’s smile, while tiny and a bit lop-sided, is still there. Because Lexa fucking cares, and it does make her feel better to know that, to have her. 

“I love you,” Clarke whispers. “So much.” 

“I love you too,” Lexa says, with a confused face. She doesn’t get why that seems so hard for Clarke to believe. There is really only one thing Lexa is certain of anymore and that is that she loves Clarke Griffin. Everything else is kind of left up to chance. 

Clarke isn’t fine for the rest of the day. She smiles, and talks to people, and makes a few jokes, but Lexa knows. Lexa can see the way that her smile doesn’t reach her eyes and how her laughter sounds hollow. She stays extra close to Clarke the entire day. And Clarke seems grateful that she is there, holding onto her. 

When they leave the school Clarke hands Lexa the keys to her car and asks her to drive. The brunette had gotten her license over the summer, and she has access to a car now thanks to Indra and Gus, but she still lets Clarke take her to school every day. Lexa drives them to Clarke’s house and her girlfriend is silent the whole ride there. When the pull in the driveway Lexa shuts the car off and turns in her seat to face Clarke. 

“I’m being so stupid,” she says, and Lexa can see a few tears falling down Clarke’s face. She’s angry with herself for being upset, and Lexa thinks that is what is actually stupid. She is so fucking hard on herself sometimes. 

“You’re not,” Lexa says, shaking her head. She takes Clarke’s hand and their fingers lace together. “You’re not stupid. You’re allowed to not be okay Clarke.” And more tears fall from Clarke’s eyes, but Lexa doesn’t push for answers. She doesn’t ask questions. She’s just there. 

“Lets go inside,” Lexa says, and she tugs on Clarke’s hand and smiles a little when the blonde looks over at her with a sad expression. They exit the car and Lexa links their hands back together as they walk into the house. 

They go downstairs to the basement and Lexa helps Clarke take her backpack off. Lexa pulls her down onto the couch with her, and Clarke sits in her lap. Lexa wraps her arms around her and Clarke curls into her, crying quietly. Lexa strokes her hair, and her back, and kisses the top of her head, and never lets go of Clarke. Her tears are falling on Lexa’s, well actually Clarke’s, superman t-shirt. It had been hero vs. villain day at school. Clarke is dressed as a female Malfoy; Octavia and Raven had been Ron and Harry. They had won the day for their class. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke says. “I don’t know why I can’t stop crying.” 

“Don’t apologize,” Lexa says, pressing her nose to Clarke’s cheek. “There is nothing to be sorry for. It’s what I’m here for Baby.” 

Clarke makes a disgruntled noise. “To put up with me uncontrollably blubbering like an idiot? Like some pathetic, whiney, dumbass.” 

“You are talking about my girlfriend, you know?” Lexa says, her voice defensive. She peers down at Clarke’s crystal blue eyes. “I would watch what you say about her.” 

Clarke laughs humorlessly, and Lexa nuzzles her face, and it makes her laugh even a bit more. “God,” Clarke says threading her hands in Lexa’s hair and tugging on it. “I don’t deserve you. You make everything better.” 

That really shouldn’t make Lexa’s heart explode, but it kind of does. She ignores it because there are more pressing matters. “Stop,” Lexa says, placing a kiss on the top of Clarke’s head. She pulls her in closer and they are just plain old hugging now. “Stop saying that kind of stuff. Stop thinking it. I love you, you love me, and it is really just that simple Clarke. It doesn’t need to be about who deserves what anymore. We are past that. You and me just are-,” Lexa says, but Clarke leans up and kisses her square on the mouth. 

“Just are what?” Clarke asks when she pulls away from Lexa’s lips. 

“Us,” Lexa says, exhaling. “We just are us.” 

“I like us,” Clarke says, smiling. “I like us a lot.” 

Lexa only nods because in moments like these Clarke always, always takes her breath away. It hurts to feel what she does for Clarke sometimes, to recognize it. It’s intense and scary for someone like her, and it often seems bigger than they’ll ever know. But it will never stop them. Lexa leans her forehead against Clarke’s, and they breath together for a few, long moments of silence. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about my Dad today,” Clarke whispers, and Lexa understands why that might upset her so much. “When I found out I was homecoming princess all I could think about was how much shit he would have given me, and how much we would have laughed about it together. He would have come to the game and supported me, and made horrible jokes, but he would have been there. And I know it’s been years, and I know that I’m so use to him not being there, but sometimes it just hits me. I realize that he is never going to be there again, for anything, and it feels like a hole is blown into my chest. And usually I’m pretty good about it all, but today I couldn’t get him out of my head.” 

Grief is a strange thing. A rather fickle bastard. It comes and goes, but it never entirely disappears. You may think you’ve escaped it, but it will come back. It always comes back. Clarke has learned that. Lexa has never experienced grief before. She’s mourned things. She has mourned lives she’s had to leave behind, and the parents she never knew, but she’s never lost someone like Clarke has. 

“You don’t have to,” Lexa says. “Your Dad is always with you Clarke. And it’s okay to think about him, and cry about him even if it doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t have to. You don’t have to talk about it, or explain it, or feel guilty about it. You can always cry to me about it without a word. I can’t imagine what you feel. The only thing I can compare it to is if-“ Lexa has to stop talking for a minute because the very idea of it makes her sick. “Is if I lost you,” she says. “And I’m quite certain I would die if that happened. Or at least a big part of me would.” 

Clarke pulls back and her mouth contorts into a worried line. “That’s sort of what it feels like,” she says. “Like a part of me is missing. It sucks because some days I just want to hug him, I just want him to be there when I get home from school, I want him to know you,” Clarke says, and Lexa’s heart breaks a little. “To know us. I want so many things from him and I’ll never get them. And it makes me feel crazy, and stupid.” 

No, she won’t. She won’t ever get them from Jake Griffin, and Lexa has no idea how to make that better. But she has learned that there are parts of life that you can’t make better, that you can’t make disappear, you just have to deal with them. At least they can deal with them together. 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, her voice tentative. “You’re not stupid. Maybe a little crazy, but not stupid,” Lexa says, and Clarke does smile at her bad attempt at a joke. “Tell me something about him?” Lexa asks. “Tell me a story about him?” 

Clarke is thrown by the question, but she seems to think deeply about it and then she smiles. “One time my very annoying cousin came to live with us for a summer. And Mom was always telling me to be nice, and I was, but he drove me crazy. My Dad completely understood this because Braxton drove him crazy too.” And Clarke is relaxing in Lexa’s arms again. There are no more tears, just the wet paths they’ve left behind on Clarke’s face that Lexa wipes away.

“So one night my Dad helped me rig this bucket of water above the hallway bathroom door. We left it propped open and screwed a string into the wall so that the bucket would dump out all over him, but not fall on his head, because my Dad ‘was an engineer after all’” Clarke says, imitating Jake’s voice and puffing out her chest. It makes Lexa smile. And while she never met the man, and while she does think Abby and Clarke can at times be twins, she imagines her girlfriend is a lot like her Dad. “So we went to the kitchen for a midnight snack to celebrate our genius plot. And then we heard the water gush everywhere, and instead of hearing Braxton scream we heard my Mom just yell ‘this is not funny’.” 

Lexa is laughing so hard that it is making Clarke shake in her arms, but she doesn’t mind because she is chuckling at the memory herself. “Your Mom must have been mad,” Lexa says, through laughter. 

“Oh, she was. But she got back at us. Mom poured a gallon bucket of ice water on us when we were asleep.”

“Way to go Abby!” 

“Is this what it takes to get you to call me by my name?” Abby asks, as she steps off the last stair of the steps and joins them in the basement. Both girls are startled by her voice and they look up to see the Doctor whose sporting red-rimmed eyes and stained scrubs, smiling down at them. She looks about as good as Clarke does. “Telling you stories about how I sought revenge on my family?” And then it hits Lexa right in the face. 

“It’s your Dad’s birthday today,” Lexa says, and Clarke gives her a watery smile. Abby joins them on the couch, sitting at their feet, and she nods. 

“It is,” the doctor says. 

Lexa forgot. She totally forgot. She remembered the day last year being hard for the two of them, and when she asked why Clarke had told her. Lexa had marked it in her calendar, and submitted it to memory but with her college applications and just life it had slipped. She feels so completely awful. She is a bad person. A bad girlfriend. 

“He would have been forty-three,” Abby says. 

“Mom’s technically a cradle-robber,” Clarke says, smiling knowingly at her Mother. “Her and Dad were two years apart. He was younger.” 

“How scandalous,” Lexa says, smiling over at the doctor who scowls at the two of them, making the girls laugh. They both love getting a rise out of the woman, and it is quite easy to do. 

“His Mother certainly thought so,” Abby says, shrugging her shoulders and crossing her arms as she looks as if she’s fondly recalling a memory of Jake. If Lexa has to bet anything from knowing the two’s daughter, it’s probably that neither of them gave a shit about what anyone thought of their relationship. 

“Nana?” Clarke asks, puzzled. “She loves you.” They still visit Jake’s parents together, frequently. 

“Now she does,” Abby says, smiling. She reaches out and pinches Clarke’s big toe, making her squirm and smile. “She didn’t always. She thought I was a bad influence on him back in college.” 

Lexa and Clarke laugh at the very idea. If anyone had been the troublemaker, it would have been Jake. 

“Why?” Lexa asks, genuinely intrigued. And Clarke looks over at her and smiles. Her girlfriend is kind of an awesome person. 

“Lets just say how your Father and I met goes deeper than being in class together. I’ll tell you two the story when you’re in college,” Abby says, disappointing both of them. 

“What?! No fair! I want to hear it,” Clarke protests. 

“Me too!” Lexa says. 

Abby chuckles at their antics. “No,” she says. “I have to preserve your innocent minds for at least a little bit longer. Besides there are plenty of other stories about your Dad that you’ve yet to hear, like how he set his hand on fire by sprinkling gunpowder over an open flame.” 

“Was he trying to make a M-80?” Lexa asks. 

And Clarke shoots her a questioning look. “You’ve been hanging out with Raven too much,” Clarke says, eyeing her wearily. While Lexa walks a line as straight as an arrow, Clarke’s best friend is as devious as she is brilliant. Putting the two of them together cannot be a good thing. 

“No. He was telling a story and wanted some dramatic flare,” Abby says. She laughs, and so do Clarke and Lexa. “The ER doctor thought the same thing,” Abby says, smiling at Lexa. “We narrowly escaped prison.”

“Wait, how?” Clarke asks, wondering where else this story could lead. 

Abby tells them. She tells them how it is technically illegal to mess with gunpowder in any sort of capacity that it could be made into an illegal firework, which is kind of what her brilliant engineer of a husband did when he was drunk and placed a generous amount into a bottle cap and threw it into the fire. She tells them more stories about Jake, and about them as a couple, and about them becoming parents. And apparently they were almost thrown in jail a few times because of Clarke’s Dad, and once him and Gus did actually wind up in a holding cell for a misunderstanding. There’s a lot of laughter, and some tears, and Lexa’s arms stay tightly around Clarke. And Jake might not be there anymore, and he won’t ever be again, but his memory carries on in the hearts of the women he left behind. And Lexa thinks it is one of the most beautiful, fucked-up gifts someone can give. That amount of unconditional love, even in death. 

They eventually go upstairs and order pizza, because no one feels like cooking. They munch on popsicles while they wait, and Clarke’s mouth is completely blue when she goes to answer the door, and leaves Abby and Lexa in the kitchen. 

“You healed a part of her,” Abby says, looking over at Lexa. The brunette isn’t expecting to hear that, and she freezes with the popsicle still half in her mouth. All she can do is raise her eyebrows in question. Abby chuckles. “Clarke, I mean. You healed a part of her. She was coping after Jake’s death, but she wasn’t the same. The light wasn’t in her eyes anymore. Until you showed up,” Abby says, giving her a kind smile. “You filled a part of the hole his death made in her soul. And you’ve even filled some of the void in this house, in our family. You’ve brought a lot of light into both of our lives again Lexa.” 

Lexa can feel tears brewing in her eyes (honestly when did she become such a crier?), and Abby gets up from the bar stool she was sitting at and wraps Lexa up in a hug. Lexa doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve them. She had just yelled at Clarke about this earlier, but she can’t help but feel so overwhelmed by Abby telling her that. Lexa doesn’t feel worthy of their love. She never thought she’d mean what she does to people like the Griffin’s. She never thought she would be a person capable of being there for other people, and loving them. But she is, and she does. She will never let them down. Never. 

Clarke catches Abby and Lexa in a tearful embrace in the middle of the kitchen and she has no idea what is going on. So naturally, she puts the pizza down on the counter, and joins them, making it one big group hug. This is what having a family must feel like, Lexa thinks. 

And when her and Clarke settle into bed together that night Lexa pulls her in close and holds her tight. “I’m going to love you with everything I have, always,” Lexa whispers to her. Because she will. She will because she might die tomorrow. She might die in a year. Clarke might die in two. And while she never, ever wants to think of that, there are no guarantees in life. And while being young makes you feel invincible, they’re not. They’re not impervious to life. Jake’s birthday was a reminder of that. And Lexa will honor Jake’s memory, the man she never got to know but who blessed her with so much, by never forgetting that.

“And forever,” Clarke whispers against Lexa’s skin, her breath warm and her words sincere. Clarke’s fingers slide under her own shirt to find Lexa’s left hand and they ghost over the ring on her finger. It’s a promise of what the future will hold, but it’s also a symbol of what they mean to each other now. Both are equally as important. 

//

Homecoming is great. 

Friday is the big game, and it is also spirit day, so the entire school is decked out in Arkadia colors. Lexa wears one of Clarke’s jerseys, and a long-sleeve Arkadia shirt underneath because it is a tad cold out. Clarke is covered in green and gold, and her, Raven, and Octavia even spray paint their hair the school colors. Clarke adorns a gold tutu that Raven got for her with green tights to add the princess touch. 

“If I’m going to be the princess, then I’m going to be a freaking princess,” Clarke had proclaimed to Abby and Lexa in the morning when she finally emerged from getting ready for school. Abby and Lexa had laughed, and many, many photos were taken. 

The senior class wins spirit week, and most of the twelfth graders are clad in Arkadia gear on Friday at the pep rally. Clarke has to stand on the sidelines with Bellamy (the homecoming prince ironically enough), and get everyone pumped up for the game. Lexa reads a book during the required festivities, and when Clarke finds her in the stands afterwards she smirks at her and says, “Some things will never change.” 

Lexa smiles back at her and closes her book. “Nope,” she says, standing up and planting a rather firm kiss on Clarke’s mouth. “But some do. And that’s okay too,” she says, winking at her girlfriend. That in and of itself is a big change. 

Their families go to the game together again. Anya was so stoked when she found out that Clarke was homecoming princess that she made the drive down to see Clarke be in the opening parade that happened before the big game. Lexa only hopes her foster sister won’t be too brutal on Clarke. Her girlfriend is kind of self-conscious about the whole thing. She has to wear a sash and a crown, and she looks a tad miserable next to Bellamy, but she also seems to enjoy people cheering for them. She is gracious when it comes to serving the students, to leading them. 

Lexa understands the game better, but Abby and Indra shout and scream to the point of no return. They yell so much that Clarke looks up at them from the sidelines with concern and horror, and Lexa mouths ‘help me’ to her girlfriend. Clarke laughs and smiles wide and shakes her head. Lexa knows she wouldn’t be much help if she was actually sitting next to her anyway. She would probably be joining them, and teasing her, but Lexa still misses her presence. And she feels completely stupid for it. They’re beyond a healthy level of co-dependency at this point. She has no idea what they’re going to do when college separates them. She won’t let herself think about it, yet. 

Anya and Gus try and explain the plays she doesn’t understand, and Arkadia does win the game by a landslide. There is a lot of screaming, some serious celebrating in the stands and on the field, and Bellamy and Clarke are cheered on by everyone as the prince and princess of the school stand together for a picture after the big win. Bell had led the team to their victory after all. 

But Clarke does something a little unexpected after the picture. She takes the crown from Bellamy’s head and pops it onto Lexa’s, who was standing next to them with their families. 

“What are you doing?” Lexa asks, confused. 

Clarke pulls her into her arms, and Lexa lets out a yelp as she stumbles forward, not ready for the quick movement. “Kissing my real princess,” she says, and Clarke looks over her shoulder to Abby and cues her Mom to take a picture. Clarke dips Lexa back and kisses her. In front of the entire school, their parents, and even the local newspaper journalists who do take pictures too. 

When Clarke props her back up on her feet Lexa’s head is muddled and her eyes are still half-lidded as she tries to center her mind, unsuccessfully. “Whoa,” she says, still breathless, and Clarke smirks at her. She takes the crown off her head and tosses it back to Bellamy who is also smiling. Lexa guesses that almost everyone can appreciate love when they see it. 

“Come on,” Clarke says, lacing their hands together. “We’ve got a pizza date.” 

They walk together over to their families who are smiling at them, and Lexa cheeks are burning red, but Clarke’s aren’t. They go to an Italian restaurant and order too much pizza and breadsticks, and they all talk about the game, and school, and life. Anya teases Clarke relentlessly about her outfit, and being princess, but it’s all in jest. Clarke takes it in stride, but it helps that Lexa’s hand has been wandering up said skirt underneath the table, stroking up and down her thigh lightly, teasing her for what’s to come later. It’s weird, but for some reason the princess thing does some unexplainable things to her, and Lexa is going to jump Clarke the minute they are alone. And Clarke’s knows it, and it makes her squirm in her seat.

There’s a lot of teasing all around really, and the now iconic photo of Clarke and Lexa kissing is shown to everyone. It is a pretty cool photo of them, at the very least. 

Homecoming is great. 

The entire group of friends gets ready together at Octavia and Bellamy’s house. It’s huge and the girls confiscate the basement to turn it into a makeshift salon. Octavia’s parents even hired a hairstylist and make-up artist to help all of the girls get ready. Lexa thinks it is a bit much for a senior homecoming, but it’s not her place to say. She also notes that the Blake’s parents are nowhere to be seen. There are trade-offs, she supposes. 

She lets them do her hair, mostly because Raven and Octavia insist on it and fawn all over her, instructing the stylists of what look they think would be best with Lexa’s face. She’s glad someone is giving directions, because she has no idea. Anya does her make-up, as always, and the silence between them is comforting. 

When she is done Lexa gives her a small smile and nods, Anya nods back, but she doesn’t smile. Lexa thinks she wouldn’t like it if she ever did; it’s not Anya’s style. The brunette can see Clarke’s loving gaze shinning at the two of them from behind. It’s the last time Lexa sees her girlfriend before she remerges from the basement, ready for the dance. 

Lexa and Anya are busy teasing Monty and Jasper for their matching suspenders when Clarke comes up the stairs. And Lexa has the wind knocked out of her. 

“Shit,” is the first thing Lexa says when Clarke comes to stand in front of her. It makes the blonde giggle, and that makes Lexa blush. She is not smooth, not once in her life. “Sorry,” she mutters. “You are just so…” And her eyes roam all over Clarke’s body lost for words. 

Clarke’s dress is white. It has a tight bodice, a flowy skirt that mirrors her infamous tutus, and tiny straps on her shoulders. Her hair is curled and pulled back in an up do with a few loose curls falling around her eyes. She really does look like a princess. 

“Easy,” Clarke says. She pulls Lexa into her and wraps her arms around her waist. “I only have so much control when you look like that,” she whispers, and then nips her earlobe. 

“Well I have none,” Lexa says, firmly. “Would they notice if we slipped away for a few minutes?” 

Clarke pulls back with a wicked grin on her face. “Someone’s confident tonight,” she teases. 

“Girls! Over her!” Abby yells, and they both turn in time to get blinded by her infamous flash. Indra is next to her, looking ashamed, as usual. 

“My EYES!” Raven screams, because she had been coming up from behind her friends in an effort to scare them. Instead she got hit by the light of God. 

“Why is everyone so dramatic?” Abby says. 

“Because you’ve got a strobe light attached to that thing,” Indra says. “You’re lucky no one here has epilepsy. I’d help them sue you.” 

“Well I’d save their life,” Abby says. 

“You’d be the reason for their death,” Indra retorts. 

“That’s not how epilepsy works, you know.“

“I’ll tell you what I kn-

“Mom!” Lexa yells, and Abby and Indra both turn to look at her. It’s the first time she’s ever said that. She’s never called Indra Mom before. It just sort of came out. Lexa can feel Clarke still next to her, because her girlfriend certainly knows the gravity of that statement, but Lexa decides to breeze past it. It doesn’t have to be that big of a deal, even if it really is. “I think you two have both made your point,” Lexa says, curtly, trying not to be embarrassed. 

And Indra smiles. She smiles and it looks…weird on her face, but in a good way. “I suppose you’re right,” she says, and Abby might cry. The women go out of the house with the other Moms and Dads for pictures, and Lexa is left standing with Clarke in the foyer of the mansion. 

Anya approaches them with a grin on her face, again strange on her face. “You just made her day,” she says. “She’s been waiting for you to call her that for a long time. But she’d never tell you that.” 

Lexa nods. “I’ve been wanting to say it for a while.” Indra and Gus had approached Lexa about adoption over the summer. They had asked her if she was interested in them adopting her formally, because they wanted to make it official. It had really shocked her, but then again it made sense. They were her family. They had been for nearly three years, and Lexa felt at home more than she ever had before. But, she had also been her own person for all of her life and the idea of belonging to anyone like that didn’t sit too well with her. She didn’t need a court system to tell her that Indra and Gus were her parents, that Anya was as much her sister as a biological one. She was going to be eighteen in less than a year and she didn’t really see a point to it. But she had accepted the invitation to be a member of their family for the rest of her life, minus the paperwork. 

Anya pats her on the shoulder as she goes outside, and Lexa takes a deep breath. 

“You okay?” Clarke asks her. 

Those familiar blue eyes look a bit worried, and Lexa rubs her nose against Clarke’s. She places a kiss there and smiles. “I have a family, and I need to start accepting that.” 

“I’m glad you are because you deserve it,” Clarke says. 

There are so many picture poses Lexa cannot keep track. She pretty much just starts following blindly to their instructions, and mimicking everyone around her. There are pictures with just her and Raven, all four of them, the original trio, the group, the prince and princess, the other princess and princess, and even a picture of Abby, Gus, Lexa, Anya, Clarke, and Indra taken. Monty snaps a selfie of him and Lexa that he sends to her. It will go in a frame and on her dresser later. Lexa has grown quite fond of him over the years. 

Clarke, Raven, and Lexa ride with Octavia and Lincoln to the dance. Raven is the best third wheel, and sits between the couple in the backseat. She throws her arms around both of them and says, “So, fancy a threesome?” which makes them all crack up. Raven is going stag, refusing to take a date with her this year, proclaiming she won’t let not having a man stop her from enjoying a dance. There will be plenty of eligible bachelors there for her to take advantage of. 

And there are. Raven certainly makes her rounds. Clarke and Lexa are much better dancers than they were the first time they did this. They’ve had a few years practice, and time to explore and understand each others’ bodies. For the sake of everyone around them they do try to keep it tame, except for the handful of times Lexa tugs on Clarke’s hair and she growls in her ear, they succeed. 

Clarke and Bellamy are announced again as the prince and princess. They are forced to dance together, but they have fun. They laugh, and smile as Bellamy twirls Clarke around. They’ve been friends their whole lives, and Lexa understands that. She understands now that Bellamy isn’t a bad guy. He was just in love with a girl who didn’t love him back, and she couldn’t blame him for that. He’s moved on, and there is a lot of love and admiration between Clarke and Bellamy now. They’re a lot alike actually. 

The prince and princess do also get a special dance with their own dates. And when Clarke walks over and offers her hand to Lexa the brunette can’t believe that it’s real. But Clarke spins her around on the dance floor in front of everyone, and Lexa is reminded that it is. She found her princess. 

“This is…nerve wracking,” Lexa says, feeling a bit self-conscious at being the center of attention, even if she is in Clarke’s arms. She hasn’t cared what these people think in a long time, but it’s different when she is put on display. 

“Fuck em’”Clarke says, smile shinning at her. 

And Lexa can’t help but feel so incredibly beguiled by her girlfriend. “Why did you never listen to them?” Lexa asks, curious after so much time has passed. Why did Clarke never succumb to her peers’ assumptions about her? She knows Clarke is a saint, that she has a heart of gold, but it still never explains it. Lexa never gave her any reason to believe she was good, that she mattered. 

“I saw what they didn’t,” Clarke says. “I saw you Lexa. I just did.” 

“You are unbelievable,” Lexa says, smiling while she fights back some tears. “But I do love that about you.” Clarke has always seen her somehow. She saw through the baggy clothes, and the quietness that had once defined Lexa. She saw a girl who was very much broken, just like Clarke was. And through the years they had helped heal each other. They had helped each other grow. 

When their dance ends and everyone becomes more interested with the pop song the DJ beings to play Clarke whispers, “Classroom?” in her ear, and Lexa smirks. 

They do make good use of that classroom one last time. Lexa can’t thread her fingers through Clarke’s hair because it’s up, and this frustrates her, but makes the blonde chuckle. Instead Lexa’s hands latch on to Clarke’s thighs, as she lifts her up and places her on top of the teacher’s desk. It’s only when Lexa’s hand drifts down under Clarke’s skirt and toward her underwear when the blonde pulls back from their incessant kissing. 

“We cannot have sex on top of a teacher’s desk. If someone walks in here we are dead,” Clarke says, forever the voice of reason. And that is taking a serious amount of effort for her to do at the moment. Her lips are bruised, and her breathing is heavy, and God does she want nothing more than for Lexa to be inside of her. 

“This dance needs to fucking end,” Lexa says, pulling her hands away, and letting her nails dig into Clarke’s thighs. “I want you.” She wonders when Clarke became the one who follows the rules. 

Clarke whines, because she really wants her too, and Lexa rests their foreheads together as their chests heave. “We should get back. The sooner we do, the sooner this is over,” Clarke reminds. 

This doesn’t seem to ease Lexa’s frustrations. And once the dance does end they ride back with everyone to the Blake’s for the after party. Octavia puts them in the guest room at the end of the hall on the third floor. They go to change out of their dresses and get more comfortable as everyone else will be arriving soon since the Blakes invited half the school this year. The second the door shuts behind her, Lexa is pinning Clarke against it, kissing her senseless. 

“We’re supposed to be getting changed,” Clarke says. She is gasping for air and trying not to smile at how eager Lexa is. But she is desperate to be with her too. Lexa’s mouth is trialing white-hot open-mouthed kisses down her neck. 

“We will,” Lexa says, grabbing Clarke’s thighs and lifting them up so the blonde is forced to wrap them around Lexa’s waist. “We’re just going to be late,” Lexa says, before she bites down on Clarke’s pulse point and slips her fingers inside of her underwear. “You are so wet already,” Lexa hums against her neck, sending vibrations down Clarke’s spine that makes the blonde feel like she might come then. 

“Well that’s what happens when you dry hump me for half the night looking like that,” Clarke husks, and Lexa growls. It was true enough. She was a little beyond worked up, but then again she had Lexa’s ass grinding into her for most of the evening, and her wandering hands, and hot mouth were of no help either. 

“Shit,” Clarke hisses, when Lexa’s fingers start circling her clit. She throws her head back and tries not to moan. “Or you know, we can just not go back downstairs at all tonight,” Clarke says, totally okay with that option. Lexa chuckles and then she makes Clarke come in under five minutes. It’s a new record for them. The blonde can hardly breathe when Lexa releases her legs, and lets her stand on her own again. She teeters a bit against the door, still trying to overcome the intensity of it. Lexa’s arms reach out to steady her. 

“We should change,” Lexa says, smirking. “People are going to wonder where we are.” She is so fucking smug. 

“Like I give a fuck about that now,” Clarke says, regaining some of her strength. She grabs Lexa and kisses her, hard. She walks them back to the bed, and practically throws Lexa onto it. She pounces on top of her and Lexa giggles. “You are such a bad influence,” Clarke says, smiling down at her gorgeous girlfriend. 

“So why don’t you punish me then?” Lexa challenges, and Clarke’s arousal magnifies tenfold. She groans so loud there’s a good chance that people on the first floor can hear it. 

Clarke reaches behind her and unzips her dress. Lexa helps her lift it up and over her head. The brunette gasps when she sees what Clarke is wearing underneath. White, lacy, and very skimpy underwear that make her look like some kind of goddess. Fuck a princess. 

“I cannot believe you just said that. Get naked, NOW!” Clarke demands, reaching behind Lexa to unzip her dress. She does get the shiny gold thing off Lexa after a minute of struggling. Lexa’s bra and panties go next, but when the brunette tries to take Clarke’s off she stops her. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” Clarke says, smiling mischievously. “You are being punished.” 

“Whatever you say, Princess.” 

And oh, that seems to do the trick. It sets Clarke off, and she practically mauls Lexa as she dips down to catch her lips. Clarke is in charge, and Lexa is just fine with that. She can barely think with Clarke looking like that, straddling her in that sinful underwear. 

Their mouths are feverish on each other’s. A clashing of teeth, tongue, and lips that makes them both writhe uncontrollably. Clarke puts her knee between Lexa’s and grinds it down into the girl’s center. She can feel Lexa’s wetness is abundant and it makes Clarke moan. She can’t help stop her hand from wondering down to Lexa’s sex and cupping it, feeling how ready she is. It makes her girlfriend’s hips buck, and she gasps. 

“Clarke,” Lexa whines, her body practically arching off the bed. She wants her. She wants her to touch her. But it’s not time yet. 

Clarke smirks up at her and begins kissing her just above her very damp center. Then she goes up instead of down, taking her time, swirling her tongue in Lexa’s naval, licking a path between her breasts, until she reaches her collar bone. Her head dips back down and Clarke bites Lexa’s just above the swell of her breast. Lexa hisses, because it is harder than usual, but it feels so damn good. She groans when Clarke’s mouth goes down and begins to suck, lick, and bite her nipple. 

She is really trying to get Lexa worked up. As if that were necessary. She is almost always turned on when she is near Clarke. Add dancing to that, and she is a like a bomb waiting to explode. Clarke bites her again. Just to the side of her left breast. Lexa is going to have marks everywhere, but she really doesn’t care. She wants to lace her hands in Clarke’s hair, but it is still up. She settles on grasping at the back of the blonde’s neck. Clarke bites her, again, and she drags her nails down the blonde’s back, making Clarke sink further into her at the sensation. 

“Bad girl,” Clarke says, and she takes Lexa’s hands in her own, threading their fingers together. She pins them above the brunette’s head and gives her a long, deep kiss. Lexa is a really good kisser, like absolutely the best. She is pretty good with anything that has to do with her tongue. Clarke is a lucky girl. 

“Clarke I can’t take it,” Lexa says. She needs her. It makes the blonde smirk with pride. 

“Good,” she says. Her hands release Lexa’s, and they run down the length of her body, stopping at her thighs and gripping them. “I love your legs,” Clarke says, rubbing her nose against Lexa’s, refusing to kiss her. “I always daydream about being between them.”

“Oh my God,” Lexa moans. They don’t normally talk like this during sex. It’s a welcomed change though. It’s turning Lexa on like nothing else. Clarke’s hands drift around, lightly stroking her inner thigh, her hips, the line where her legs meet her torso. She dips her head down and bites at the juncture of Lexa’s hip and she screams, and bucks off the bed. She is extremely sensitive right now. “Clarke for the love of God!”

Clarke sits up on her arms, so that their bodies aren’t touching anymore and that makes Lexa’s eyes blow wide. She looks up at Clarke with a lustful and very confused face. “Have you learned your lesson?” Clarke asks. And Lexa’s eyes narrow in at her. Lexa is stubborn. She doesn’t like to admit defeat. She doesn’t like to give in. 

“What would that lesson be?” Lexa asks, smartly. And yeah, that’s Clarke’s girl. She isn’t going to give up without a fight. 

“That would be a no,” Clarke says, shaking her head. She leans up off of Lexa’s body so that she’s back to straddling her again. The lost of contact makes Lexa squirm. Clarke reaches up and undoes the swirl her hair is spun up in. She shakes it out, and her golden curls fall down showering her shoulders. It’s the most sensual thing Lexa has ever seen. 

Clarke doesn’t see it coming. She is knocked flat on her ass by Lexa seizing upward unexpectedly, her hands threading through Clarke’s hair as she pushes her back on the bed. Now Lexa is on top, her tongue doing sinfully talented things inside of Clarke’s mouth, leaving her dazed. She is not in control anymore, somehow. Lexa’s hand run down her torso, straight to her center, and Clarke quivers. When did this role reversal happen?

“No,” Clarke says, grabbing Lexa’s wrist. “I wasn’t done with you.” 

She flips them, so she is on top, and back in control. Lexa is desperate, thrusting her hips up, trying to grind herself against Clarke’s abdomen, getting any type of friction she can. Clarke reaches down and squeezes Lexa’s ass, pressing her tighter against her and rocking against the brunette’s thrust. It gives her just enough pressure against her clit and her mouth falls open. 

“Hold on,” Clarke says, noting the signs. Lexa is close. Clarke dips her head down straight to Lexa’s core. She lifts one of her legs up and throws it over her shoulder so she has better access. Clarke licks a path directly up her center, and Lexa comes the second her tongue comes in contact with her engorged clit. 

Clarke doesn’t stop though. Her tongue sweeps down circling around Lexa’s wet entrance. She dips it into her hole and Lexa’s hands practically pull Clarke’s hair out of her head. But she can tell from the way she is grinding into her she doesn’t want her to stop. Clarke’s tongue keeps at it, fucking Lexa steadily. Her hands wander up to squeeze and feel at Lexa’s breasts. When she thinks she can handle it Clarke licks her clit with the flat part of her tongue. It’s still sensitive, but she can withstand it being touched now. 

Clarke gently sucks her clit into her mouth, and thrusts two fingers into Lexa, curling them in trying to touch a place she has yet to find. She must this time though, because after three thrusts Lexa explodes, coming all over her face, again. 

“Fuck,” Lexa says, letting go of Clarke’s hair as she arches up off the bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” It’s the most intense orgasm she has ever had. And she has no idea how to handle it.

“Whoa,” Clarke says. She wipes her mouth because it is covered in Lexa’s arousal. She leans up and kisses her, tenderly. “You okay?” 

Lexa nods. Her eyes are still closed, and she is having trouble breathing. Clarke is a little concerned that she might have broken her girlfriend. 

“Lesson learned,” Lexa finally croaks out, and Clarke laughs. It’s lighthearted, and joyful, and she leans down to kiss Lexa again. 

“Okay, now we should really go downstairs.” 

//

 

They do go back down to the party. It’s beginning to thin out as the night has drawn further into the wee hours of the morning. The Delinquents are still at it, except now they’ve continued on with their own little dance party in the basement. Clarke and Lexa are of course, pulled onto the floor with them, jumping up and down wildly to the song that is playing as a strobe light someone put up flickers incessantly casting them all in dancing light. 

It makes Lexa laugh, and Monty decides to give her sexy faces as they bounce together to the beat. Clarke and Bellamy are doing royalty pose offs, and Raven is so drunk she just looks like one shaking blur. Lincoln attempting to dance is hilarious. He’s like a moving boulder. But Octavia doesn’t seem to mind. It’s exactly what they all needed. 

Clarke and Lexa end up being the sober Mommies of the group. They put most of their friends to bed, except for Raven who is trashed. Clarke holds her hair back while she throws up, and Lexa wipes her mouth and face afterwards. They make her drink three cups of water, and take two Tylenol. They change her clothes, well she does a lot of the work, but the brunette is a zombie the entire time. 

“I feel like she should just sleep with us,” Lexa says, when she tries to help Raven stand up and the girl just plops back down. She’s worried about her, and in this big mansion it would be easy for her to get into trouble. 

“Yeah. I’m afraid of her aspirating in her sleep,” Clarke says. Every once in a while some Abby pops out of Clarke, especially when she starts talking medical things. It makes Lexa smile, and Clarke says, “Shut up,” knowing full well what the smirk is about. 

Raven does sleep with them. Right smack dab in the middle of them, snoring rather loudly. Clarke starts to whine because they’re separated, and Lexa tells her to suck it up. Her girlfriend is slightly shocked, and Lexa just laughs at her. “Babe, it’s six in the morning. We’ve had sex three times tonight. I need rest, and this might be the best way to make sure that happens.” 

“Did you just call me Babe?” Clarke says, because that’s new. On a rare occasion Lexa calls her baby, but that is once in a blue moon. Mostly it’s just Clarke, or plain nothing. Pet names are not Lexa’s specialty. 

“I’m about to call you some more names if you don’t be quiet and go to sleep,” Lexa says, wiggling a bit. They’re in a king sized bed together, but somehow they’re still squished. Thankfully Clarke had locked the door, because God forbid someone walked in on this shit show. 

“Stop moving,” Raven whines in her sleep, and then she wraps her arm around Lexa’s waist and lays her head on her shoulder. Lexa is trapped in a Raven cuddle. 

Clarke’s eyes gleam with delight. “I’m kind of jealous,” she teases, knowing how annoyed Lexa is. 

“Shut-up,” Lexa says trying to adjust to being awkwardly gripped by their third-party bed member. 

“I need a picture of this,” Clarke says, snapping one with her phone. Lexa is pretty sure she rolled her eyes in the photo.

“We should make her think we really did have a threesome in the morning,” Lexa says, smirking down at the brunette. “She’d flip her lid.” 

“I have never been more in love with you than I am right now,” Clarke says. “That’s a brilliant idea.” 

They somehow do sleep. It’s not for very long and it’s a weird game of bed twister, but it’s not the worst thing. Raven makes it through the night alive. When she does wake up and realizes she is sleeping between Lexa and Clarke she is beyond confused. Her clothes are changed, and she doesn’t have pants on, and the bed is a mess. Her brain is drawing all kinds of conclusions. 

“Morning,” Clarke says, pulling Raven to her so that’s she cuddling her from behind. “Sleep well?”

“Uh…Clarke,” Raven says, hoping her best friend thinks she is Lexa and is just a bit muddled this early in the morning. 

“I did,” Lexa says, rolling over so that she is facing them, but her eyes are still closed. “You two know how to wear a girl out,” she says with a dreamy smile, and she throws her arm around them both. They snuggle into her, making a Raven sandwich. 

A horrified look of realization comes over the brunette’s face. “OH MY GOD, NO!” Raven screams, jumping up from the bed, and running out of the room yelling.

Lexa and Clarke are left cackling in bed as they watch her freak out and wake up half the house. 

“That was great,” Clarke says. “You really nailed it with that line.” Her and Lexa low-five it as they chuckle.

“Should we tell her the truth?” Lexa asks. 

“Give it a few more minutes.” 

“RAVEN WHAT THE HELL?!” Octavia screams, coming out form her room half-naked. 

“I HAD SEX WITH CLARKE AND LEXA!” 

“NO YOU DIDN’T DUMBASS!” Octavia screams at her. “YOU WERE PISS DRUNK AND THEY LET YOU SLEEP WITH THEM SO YOU WOULDN’T DIE.” 

And at this point Lexa and Clarke can’t breathe properly because they’re wheezing from laughing so much. This is just too good. 

“THEN WHY DID LEXA SAY THAT…” and Raven’s sentence trails off, because she can hear them both laughing. She left the door open when she flew out of there. 

She appears in the doorway having put all the pieces together, looking rather angry and impressed. Octavia is trailing not far behind her. “YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE,” Raven says, pointing at Lexa, who smirks. Raven runs across the room and dives on the brunette, making her laugh and squeal as she tries to roll away. “You freaking jackass,” Raven says, as Lexa dodges her trying to grab her arms. “I thought you were the innocent one.” 

“Help me,” Lexa begs Clarke, but she is too busy laughing. She looks to Octavia who is smiling in the doorway. Lincoln appears behind her with a lazy grin and a pair of boxers, watching with O as she fights off a spunky Raven. 

Clarke does eventually pull Raven off of Lexa and wrestles her to the ground until she gives up. The blonde is pretty much nothing but muscle, and Raven is more brains than bronze, and she gives up quickly. They’re all laughing, except Raven, but she is trying not to smile and remain angry. 

“I think Lexa wins best prank ever,” Clarke says, going back to her spot next to Lexa in bed. 

“I think she does too,” O says, and Lincoln nods. 

“I’ll get you two for this,” Raven says, pointing at the couple. “Mark my words.”

They have no doubts, but it was well worth it. 

//

October fades away and everyone is scrambling to finish up their early college applications. Lexa gets all of hers in, because of course she does, but she is still panicking even after they are submitted. She helps Clarke with hers in order to try and distract herself. It doesn’t really work. They have more due, after the holiday season, but until then they’re on pause. And they celebrate together by spending a night watching scary movies on Clarke’s couch, doing nothing but making out at appropriate times and eating junk. This does help take some of the stress off. 

“You need an orgasm,” Clarke whispers against Lexa’s lips. “That would help relieve some of the tension.” A scream comes from the speakers, but they don’t look at the screen. 

“Your mother is ten feet above us,” Lexa says, locking eyes with Clarke and putting a stop to any of her girlfriend’s current ideas. 

Clarke groans, and her forehead falls to Lexa’s chest. “I know,” she whines. 

It’s not a bad thought though. Lexa has been overly stressed lately, and there hasn’t been time for that. That’s the thing about being a couple of horny teenagers. They don’t always have the chance to have sex. So when they do, they take full advantage of it, like homecoming. Otherwise they have to practice some self-restraint. 

Lexa chuckles at a pouting Clarke. They actually watch the movie for a while. And the silence is comforting until Clarke breaks it. 

“Do you want to come to Thanksgiving at my grandparents house?” she asks, suddenly right as the mail girl is being murdered. She can feel her girlfriend stiffen beneath her, and her hand stops running through Clarke’s hair. “They want to meet you,” she continues. She is springing this on Lexa. It’s totally unfair, but Clarke had no idea how to go about asking this. 

Clarke has two sets of grandparents. Abby’s parents, who live out in California and fly in every Christmas (except for last because Clarke’s grandfather got sick). Otherwise the two women venture out to them, especially in the summer. Her other set, Jake’s parents, live a few hours away. They spend Thanksgiving and New Year’s with them usually and see them frequently throughout the year. Up until this point Lexa thought that none of Clarke’s extended family knew about them. That had been the last she heard of it, at least. 

“Since when?” Lexa asks. 

“Since I told them about you yesterday,” Clarke says. She shifts up into a sitting position so she can look down at Lexa. “Is that okay?” Clarke looks sheepish. 

“Yes,” Lexa says instantly, nodding her head as she sits up too. “Of course it’s okay Clarke. They’re your family. I just thought you didn’t want them to know.” They don’t hide this. They don’t ever hide them anymore. They’ve been together so long Lexa kind of forgets there are people out there that don’t know her and Clarke are together. It feels like it’s known to the universe at this point. 

“I didn’t,” Clarke says, biting her lip. “But I don’t plan on hiding you for the rest of our lives, so I thought it was time to tell them.” 

“How did it go?” Lexa asks, reaching out to grasp Clarke’s hand. She knows this is hard for her. The blonde idolizes Jake’s parents. She is close with them, and she was afraid they would hate her for being in a relationship with a girl. Lexa told her it was her decision to make. She was okay with whatever made Clarke comfortable. It’s not like she could understand. She never had grandparents. 

“Fine. They were…surprised? Mom really talked you up though. I think that made them freak out less. They said to invite you to dinner, and I thought it was kind of great idea,” Clarke says. “I hate being separated from you on holidays.” 

It was true. Clarke had been known to make random midnight drives just to see her for a few minutes on them. Lexa hated it too. She understood that they were still technically kids, and that Clarke had family obligations, but it did suck. The thing was the longer they were together, and the more it looked like they always were going to be, it seemed to make sense that that part of their lives should converge. 

“Then we should change that,” Lexa says, giving Clarke a small grin. 

Clarke looks hopeful. “Does that mean you’ll go?” 

“Of course I will,” Lexa says. “As long as you want me to?” 

“I do,” she says, nodding. “I really do,” she says, leaning in to kiss her. “You’re the best,” she whispers to her, and Lexa’s heart breaks in half. Clarke will be the death of her.

Indra and Gus are fine with her going with Abby to Clarke’s grandparents house in Virginia for the holiday. She will be missed, of course, but they understand. And they do have dinner before they go, Anya even comes down for the evening, and Clarke and Abby are invited over. 

“You ready to be grilled?” Anya teases Lexa. Clarke glares at her, and Lexa sighs. 

“Yes,” she says. “I’m perfectly capable of handling myself.” Especially if it means something to her girlfriend, which it does. Clarke is almost more nervous than she is about it. But she hides it well. Lexa knows it is all for her. 

“Don’t show them any weakness,” Anya says. 

“They’re going to love you,” Clarke assures Lexa, punching Anya on the arm. This results in a wrestling match in the middle of the living room. Gus becomes the ref, and Indra and Abby ignore them all. Lexa rolls her eyes, as Anya pins Clarke to the ground several times until her girlfriend wises up and gives. 

“You two are ridiculous,” Lexa mutters. But at least her family and Clarke’s gets along, albeit in weird ways. Anya, Gus and Indra are about as far as that goes for her. Actually she doesn’t think they really have an extended family. Indra’s parents are still in Haiti, and Gus’s passed away years ago. There might be a distant sibling in there somewhere. 

It won’t just be Jake’s parents though. Jake has two brothers, who are both married with children. They will be there too. Lexa can only hope they will actually love her.

Of course she is nervous. She is nervous the entire car ride down. Except Clarke’s head is in her lap, and she is holding her hand, kissing her knuckles every few minutes in a very loving way. It soothes her. Clarke always does. She has a sixth sense that tells her when Lexa is anxious (which is good because she hides it well). Clarke loves her. Nothing will change that. Not even if her grandparents hate her. But it certainly wouldn’t be ideal. 

“We’re here,” Abby says, turning onto a road that is hidden between the trees. The driveway leads back to a massive stone house. Apparently Jake’s parents are wealthy. 

Clarke sits up, but she doesn’t release Lexa’s hand. Not for one second. Not even when they get out of the car to meet Clarke’s Nanna who has come out of the house to greet them with open arms and a warm smile. 

“Hi Mable,” Abby greets, hugging her mother-in-law. 

“Did you have a nice trip?” Mable asks. 

“As usual,” she says, smiling. Abby turns back to the girls who are making their way up the path behind them. “Be nice,” she whispers to her mother-in-law who looks petulantly at her. As if she would not be her usual charming self? She does have manners. She was surprised to hear that her granddaughter was dating a girl, rather seriously according to Abby. But it seemed her daughter-in-law was as equally taken with her. It was all curious, so naturally the grandmother had to meet the young woman and see what was going on. 

“Hey Nanna,” Clarke says, when she steps up on the porch. Lexa’s hand is still in hers, but she does release it to hug her grandmother.

“You get more beautiful every time I see you,” she says. Mable grabs Clarke’s chin and squeezes it. “You’ve got your Daddy’s eyes. And your Mama’s smile.” She looks over Clarke’s shoulder to Lexa who is standing idly back as they reunite. “And who is this pretty thing?” she asks Clarke. 

Clarke smiles and goes back to Lexa’s side. “Nanna this is my girlfriend, Lexa.” Clarke doesn’t stumble over the word like she thought she would. She sounds proud, and confident, and she is not about to let anyone make her or Lexa feel bad for what is between them. Not even her Nanna. 

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Lexa says, unsure if she should shake the woman’s hand or not. So she just stands there, smiling as sweetly as she can manage. Clarke’s grandmother is pretty. She can’t be over sixty-five, and she has the same eyes as Clarke. She is dressed rather chic, in a pair of slacks and a sweater that looks very warm. She’s a stylish older woman brimming with southern charm and a very sweet accent. But there is something lurking underneath her eyes, and Lexa recognizes it as potentially deadly. 

“So you’re the girl who seems to have stolen my granddaughter’s heart,” she says, looking Lexa up and down. It’s a direct threat. Lexa knows it. But no one, not even Mable Griffin, is going to make her back down. 

“Yes ma’am,” Lexa says. “But to be perfectly fair she stole mine first.” 

Clarke smiles, and bites her lip, looking down at her feet as she tries not to laugh. Lexa isn’t wrong there. 

There’s a moment of contemplation. Where they can’t tell if Mable is going to laugh or fire back. “You’re quick,” Mabel declares in an approving tone. “Why don’t you come inside and we’ll talk some more over some of my famous hot chocolate. My recipe is an old family secret,” she says. “The best you’ve ever had. I guarantee it!” 

Mable puts her arm around Lexa’s shoulders and ushers her inside. “What about me?” Clarke asks.

“Clarke it is impolite to interrupt,” Mable chides lightly, and Lexa smirks back at her. 

They have a lovely home. Despite the grand size, it’s welcoming, and warm, and Lexa feels instantly more at ease once she is inside. Since being with Clarke she has come to understand what the term ‘home’ means to people and why it was something so sought after. 

Clarke’s grandma does like Lexa. Mable is overly fond of her after a few minutes of conversation they have over hot chocolate and cookies. The older Griffin has a way of pulling things out of people, much like her granddaughter, and before Lexa knows it she’s telling the woman her whole life story (it must be a family trait). Clarke’s hand in her lap the entire time, of course. 

It’s not as scary as Lexa thought it would be. It’s weirdly easy to talk about being an orphan and growing up in foster care. It feels natural to talk about these things now. Perhaps it’s a part of growing up? It’s easy for her to explain her love of reading, and her knack for math, and how she has a great foster family who have taken her in. Lexa’s dealt with her past. It’s an important part of who she is, but it doesn’t have to define her anymore. 

“Aren’t you a gem,” Mable says, winking at Lexa. “I can see why you’re so taken with her,” she says, turning to look at her granddaughter, who smiles sheepishly. “Don’t let her spoiled butt get away with anything,” Mable tells Lexa. 

Clarke is affronted. “Nanna!” she says, surprised how fast the tables have turned. “What is that suppose to mean?”

“Clarke you are my granddaughter and I will love you until the day I die, but your Daddy let you get away with everything. One look from those puppy dog eyes and he would cave. Don’t make the same mistake,” she says, wagging her finger at Lexa who is chuckling. Abby chortles, because it’s fairly true, and Clarke glares at her. The Mother of said daughter has her own cup of coffee and is leaning against the counter trying not to smirk into her cup. 

“Traitor,” Clarke says to Abby. 

“Don’t worry,” Lexa says to Mabel. “She tries, but it never works.” 

“Oh it doesn’t?” Clarke says, turning to regard Lexa with a challenging face. “Because I know it does for a fact,” she says, poking Lexa in the side and making her laugh. “How do you think I got you to go out with me in the first place?” They start to argue about the actual logistics of that, and they get lost in each other not realizing Mabel has slipped away. 

The grandmother joins Abby on the other side of the kitchen. She watches carefully as the two girls wrestle and tease each other at the breakfast bar, fighting over who made the first move. 

“This is serious,” Mabel says quietly to Abby. It’s not lost on her how much her granddaughter is taken with the pretty, young brunette. 

The doctor nods her head. “It really is,” she says, and takes a sip of her hot drink. This is a hard conversation to have. As an adult Abby knows she should be against this, encouraging Clarke to think seriously about being so committed so young, but it’s Lexa. And she knows her daughter. Clarke isn’t an irrational person. And Lexa certainly isn’t. She’s a bit of an unorthodox Mother, she knows this, but then again her and Clarke have a unique situation and relationship. 

“If I didn’t know better I’d say they’re going to get married,” Mabel says. 

“I wouldn’t count that out,” Abby says. 

“You can’t be serious,” she says. “They’re not even eighteen!” 

“I know,” Abby says. “But Clarke has always known what she wants, and it’s always been Lexa. She’s like her Father in that way.” Abby looks at Mabel knowingly. It paints a clear picture for the older woman. “This has been going on since the fifth grade Mabel. I really won’t be surprised if she asks for your ring in the next few years.” 

Mabel is shocked, and Abby’s tranquil expression settles her. “Well, I guess we’d better get used to her then,” she says, looking over at her granddaughter’s…girlfriend. It is a strange thing for her to think. She never pictured it, but then again who does? Clarke always seemed a little boy crazy if anything. But as she watches the way Clarke is with Lexa, the way she looks at her, well, Clarke is certainly in love. That much is obvious. “That won’t be too hard. Tragic though,” Mabel says. “Her background. Unfortunate circumstances, really. It’s enough to break your heart.” 

“You don’t know the half of it,” Abby says and Mabel is intrigued at the meaning of that, and urges her to elaborate. “I met Lexa on the day I was called to examine her for child abuse, by Clarke.” 

Mabel is visibly thrown, and devastated as she looks back at the girl they’re talking about. “Poor thing,” she says. “How awful.” 

“Clarke saw the bruises. Encouraged her to say something, and here we are three years later,” Abby says. 

And suddenly Mabel understands Abby’s calmness over all of this. This goes much deeper than hormones. 

The rest of Clarke’s family shows up as the day goes on, and her Grandfather gets back from his last-minute nightmare of a grocery store run. He is a gleeful old man with a thick head of silver hair that he has styled just so. Then Clarke’s three younger cousins arrive, insisting that she play with them. Jake had been the oldest of the brother’s and had gotten married early, so it made for quite an age difference between them all. But Clarke didn’t seem to mind their squealing, or them crawling all over her.

Lexa is passed around and introduced to everyone, mostly by Abby because Clarke is preoccupied with the little ones. But, her girlfriend does jump in every now and then, usually with a tiny person hanging off of her. It’s the first time Lexa has ever done this whole meet the family thing and she is nervous, but tries not to sink into the feeling. Abby is a big help by doing a lot of the talking for her. 

Everybody is friendly and rather overly nice, like they were coached or something. Clarke’s Nanna is to blame for that. She made sure every one of her children knew to be on their best behavior. Jake would have done the same had he been there, and she felt the need to honor her son’s wishes. No one really seems to care that Lexa is a girl. The question on everyone’s mind is whether she is good enough for the family’s golden child. 

Oh, yes. Clarke is the shinning star of the family: class president, spectacular athlete, decent intellect, and gorgeous to boot. Lexa is reminded over and over again all evening about how amazing her girlfriend is (as if she didn’t already fucking know). And it is clear they all aren’t quite sure if Lexa is right for Clarke. But she thinks, perhaps, no one in their minds could be. 

There are questions. So many. How did they meet? How long had they been together? Nanna had not been happy when she heard the word ‘year’ in the time period, and Clarke looked ashamed as she was chastised. Of course Abby received a good chiding too, because she knew and didn’t say anything. Still, the disapproval is a little more evident after that admission. Why were they hiding? 

Lexa does her best and Abby helps, she really does. “They’re just protective,” she tells the brunette with a warm smile. “Clarke’s the baby, and she’s never brought anyone home before.” 

“What about Finn?” Lexa asks. She had never really asked, but it had always been something she figured happened.

Abby chuckled. “I only ever met Finn once. Lets just say he wasn’t…important?”

This makes Lexa beam. 

Lexa’s never been good at bragging, but Clarke does that part just fine for her. At dinner Clarke boasts about how Lexa is their class Valedictorian and destined for Yale. She even tells them about her published article, and how she wants to work in humanities to give back, and how many clubs she is involved in. Lexa blushes the entire time, and Clarke squeezes her hand under the table. Clarke’s family is impressed, and Lexa finds it kind of silly. The thing people recognize the most, the thing that people think she should me most proud of, is her brain. But the thing that Lexa is most proud of is sitting right next to her. 

All and all it’s not a bad Thanksgiving. 

Until there is news that Lexa is to sleep on the basement pullout, while Abby and Clarke bunk upstairs. It’s not unpleasant; Lexa’s had worst accommodations in her life. A basement furnace room having been one of them, but the Griffin’s basement is practically a suite. It’s Clarke who thinks its utter bullshit, because she wants to be able to sleep with her. Even Lexa thinks her girlfriend is delusional there. 

Abby of course is the voice of reason in this. This isn’t their home, and Clarke has to be respectful of her grandparents. Lexa and Clarke are in a relationship, they’re old fashioned, and don’t think it’s appropriate for them to be sleeping together. It’s the end of the discussion. And while Clarke does pout about it like a spoiled toddler, she does go upstairs to bed after Lexa instructs her to.

Nanna had been in awe over that. 

“She listens to you?” the woman asks, baffled. 

“Sometimes,” Lexa says, smiling and shrugging her shoulders. More like all of the time. Clarke always listens to her, for whatever reason. 

Of course Clarke slips downstairs and into bed with Lexa at one in the morning. Lexa had been awake, and she relaxes into Clarke’s body when she slips her arms around her from behind. 

“I could hear you thinking upstairs,” Clarke whispers. She places a kiss on Lexa’s exposed shoulder. It’s the first time Clarke has held her since they got there, and Lexa had no idea how much she needs it. Meeting so many people has been exhausting. 

“You’re going to get us in trouble,” Lexa says. She smiles as she turns in Clarke’s embrace so that she is facing her. She slips her own arms around the blonde, and nuzzles Clarke’s neck, burrowing into her warmth. 

“Just a few minutes,” Clarke says, ever so softly. “I just want a few minutes with you. I missed you.” And Lexa can feel her hold her even tighter. 

Lexa laughs lightly against Clarke’s skin. “I’ve been with you all day,” she whispers, and places a kiss on her neck. 

“No, you’ve been in the vicinity of me. We’ve been entertaining my family all day. I barely got to talk to you,” Clarke says, running her nose along the side of Lexa’s face, making her hum with delight. Lexa missed her too. “Was everything okay?” she asks. “You’re not overwhelmed? Because it would be understandable if you are.” 

Lexa gives Clarke an innocent kiss. Of course she would ask that. Because Clarke cares so much about her its beyond love. She really is her best friend, even still. “A little,” Lexa admits. “But it’s okay. Your family is nice. Your grandparents don’t seem to hate me.” 

“That’s because you’re the most amazing person. No one could ever hate you,” Clarke says. Her hands are resting on Lexa’s hips, where her shirt has ridden up exposing some of her skin. Clarke is always so freaking warm, and it’s this weird thing about them that fits, because Lexa is usually cold. 

“Should we rewind to the past twelve years of me life?” Lexa jokes, but Clarke doesn’t really find it funny. That is made apparent in the silence that follows her comment. 

“How are you?” Lexa asks, breaking the quiet. “How does it feel parading around you’re very gay girlfriend to your family?” 

Clarke doesn’t take any reminders of her past well. Every time Lexa references to it, her girlfriend tenses, but tries to act like she is fine. They should probably talk about it more, but for now they leave it. 

“Pretty great,” she says. “I don’t even know what I was so afraid of. It felt natural to have you here. I’m so glad you came. Last year I slept down here, by myself, and all I wanted was you next to me. All I ever want is you next to me.” 

“Fuck Clarke,” Lexa says, feeling the air sucked from her lungs. It’s always in these quiet moments where Clarke steals her breath. She never sees it coming, yet it always happens. “Are you trying to make my heart stop?” 

“No,” she says, and Clarke shifts, lowering her head until it is level with Lexa’s chest, leaning against it, and she is the one wrapped up in Lexa’s arms. “I like the sound of it. Your heart beating,” she says, and Lexa realizes that Clarke’s is listening intently to it. Lexa’s glad Clarke likes the sound because it kind of belongs to her. 

“I love you,” Lexa whispers. 

“I love you,” she says back. 

They fall asleep together, because of course they do. Thankfully it’s Abby who rouses them, not Clarke’s Nanna. Abby promises they will have words later, but they are all going shopping at an ungodly hour, and she doesn’t want to ruin the morning bonding time. 

Lexa is dragged around an entire mall, dead on her feet. Clarke is her usual energetic self. She buys Lexa coffee and a donut, and holds her hand, whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she tries to coax the brunette for her sleepy state. Abby, Nanna, Clarke’s two aunts, and the couple spend all day together shopping and even take in a nice lunch. Lexa hates shopping, but to the Griffin women it’s a sport, and she doesn’t mind spectating as they get a head start on Christmas. 

They go back eventually and make dinner. Another giant family meal is had at the table, and this one is effortless. The family has adjusted to Lexa just like that. They can see it, sense it, that the girl won’t be going anywhere for a long time. Lexa even joins Clarke with playing with her younger cousins, Eloise, John, and James. The blonde had given her a shy smile when she sat on the floor with them and their toy trains. Lexa had gotten a flash of what their future could be like. It wasn’t as terrifying as she thought it would be. 

There is one more night spent in Clarke’s grandparent’s home before they leave early the next morning. That actual night Clarke stays upstairs, and Lexa knows she is probably getting one hell of a lecture from her Mother. Clarke is the one who wakes her up in the morning when they’re getting read to leave though. Getting Lexa ‘up’ is nothing more than Clarke crawling into bed with her and holding her, placing kisses all about her face and whispering how beautiful she is until Lexa finally opens her eyes. 

There are a few emotional goodbyes with Clarke and her family. Lexa receives hugs from everyone, and she is really not going to have a choice in this whole touching thing. It’s okay, she supposes. She’ll adjust. Clarke’s family is her family now. 

//

Lexa’s application to Yale is due in January. And if Clarke ever thought she saw her girlfriend losing her mind before, she is now aware that she was completely wrong because Lexa is losing her shit for the better part of two weeks. Clarke genuinely fears for her girlfriend’s mental state. The application is due January 2nd, and she has literally had the thing done since October, but she still refuses to do anything for New Year’s. 

So, naturally, Clarke does too. She tells Lexa she is not going out to any party or celebration without her (no matter how much she protests it), and if Lexa won’t go out, then they will stay in and work together. Of course, Clarke has a plan to remedy that. It involves dropping a lot of money on some ridiculously skimpy lingerie that her comfy clothes hide perfectly. Abby is out for the evening, having to work all night at the hospital because emergencies don’t stop for holidays. Lexa and Clarke have the house to themselves. 

They do spend most of the evening in Clarke’s living room. The brunette typing furiously away at her computer, adding last minute changes to her essay, ensuring all the documents are there, and doing who knows what else, while Times Square is on the television in the background. 

Lexa is a woman on a mission. Clarke works on her own essays, and Lexa even goes over them for her to ensure that they are grammatically correct and coherent. They are both wearing sweats, and oversized tops, and Lexa’s hair is up in a bun, her glasses sitting on the edge of her nose. Clarke finds her irresistible like this, and she is not shy about it. 

“What are you looking at?” Lexa asks, slyly. She has Clarke’s computer in her lap, reading thoroughly over her college essay, but she can feel Clarke’s gaze burning into the side of her face. 

“My incredibly hot girlfriend.” 

Lexa scoffs. “Clarke, I am a mess,” Lexa says, rolling her eyes. She would not call her current look hot, or even mildly presentable for society. Clarke is freaking crazy sometimes. Lexa hasn’t washed her hair for two days, and her oversized clothes are a faintly reminiscent of when her main source of a wardrobe was goodwill. “I look like a homeless person.” 

“A homeless person I would totally sleep with,” Clarke says. 

“Unfortunately you do sleep with this homeless person,” Lexa notes, smirking at her own joke. “But that’s your own choice, so you have no one to blame but yourself,” Lexa teases, turning her head to give Clarke a goading expression before her eyes go back to the screen. 

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” Clarke says simply. 

“You wouldn’t prefer a girl who actually wears make-up, and dresses up for you, and goes out on New Year’s to parties with your friends?” Lexa is listing this off kind of mindlessly. She’s trying to multi-task, her eyes on the essay, her mind on Clarke’s words. These are all thoughts she has on a regular basis, but she rarely voice them because she knows her girlfriend would not care for how she thinks of herself sometimes. 

“No,” Clarke states, confidently. “Then she wouldn’t be you. And I wouldn’t be madly in love with her.” 

Lexa stops typing and looks over at Clarke bewildered. “Are you trying to seduce me?” Lexa asks, narrowing her eyes at the blonde. 

“Is it working?” 

Ha! When has it ever not worked? 

“Not in the slightest,” Lexa says, going back to distracting herself with the computer. Except she can’t even read the words. She is skeptical that the essay is written in English now. Clarke has such a serious effect on her it’s alarming. No one should be this turned on, this fast. It can’t be biologically possible. 

She doesn’t put up a fight when Clarke removes the laptop from her grasp and sets it on the coffee table. She smiles when Clarke leans down to kiss her. And she squeals when her hand runs along Clarke’s bra. 

“What are you wearing?” Lexa asks, smiling through kisses as her hands ghost over the lace. 

“Happy New Year,” Clarke husks. 

It certainly is. 

//

With the new year comes the looming notion of change. It’s funny really, at one point in her life change was the only constant Lexa had, and now her old friend is unwelcomed. The anticipation of it, of its unavoidability is unnerving. Lexa is angry with herself for feeling this way. She knows life isn’t easy, that you can’t have everything you want.

She fucking knows. And yet… 

Lexa knows Clarke can sense it in her. She can tell in the way her blue eyes stare deeply in her soul in their quiet moments together. One night Lexa just says it, out loud. She can’t help it. They’re lying in bed together, facing one another, Clarke’s hand stroking her hair and she whispers, “I’ve never been afraid of losing anything before.” 

Clarke’s hand stills. Lexa can see pain on her face. The pain she feels because of Lexa’s past. 

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Clarke says, her voice soft. But there is a slight edge of her own discomfort there too. “Love is stronger than distance. It’s stronger than anything.” 

All Lexa can do is take her word for it. She has never had love before Clarke. This whole relationship is like one big discovery of it for her. What it means, what it does, how it flows between them. It’s new to her in every capacity. 

“We’ll figure it out,” Lexa says, telling herself and Clarke. She curls into her and breathes her in. “It’s just us.” 

She can feel Clarke smile against her. “Just us.” 

With spring comes sports, and it takes her girlfriend with it. Clarke is in full player mode. Working out constantly, running practices, traveling for games, completely exhausted. Lexa is swamped in work, but that doesn’t stop her from going to every single game with Abby. They’re her own little cheering section. And after all the glory of winning Lexa is the one who tends to her sore muscles, and makes her eat properly, and sleep, despite her girlfriend’s protests. 

“It’s not your job to take care of me,” Clarke grumbles, a lot whenever Lexa is forcing her into baths, and bringing her tea, and giving her back massages. Lexa usually just silences her with a kiss or a firm ‘shut-up, yes it is’. 

The team is having a perfect season, and Clarke is leading them in it. She’s been offered a few scholarships from some top schools. Clarke hasn’t made her decision yet, because she still hasn’t decided whether she wants to play in college or pursue art. Lexa knows where her heart is at, but she’s not sure Clarke’s ready for it. She can’t blame her. She’s not even sure what she’ll do if she actually gets in to Yale. Lexa has resigned herself from thinking about it anymore. She’s driven herself, and Clarke, crazy in doing it for long enough. 

A very important game happens to fall on Valentine’s Day and Clarke is more pissed about it than Lexa. The brunette knows it’s not intentional, and she still plans on being with Clarke at the game. Clarke is adamant that it’s their day and that she shouldn’t play. Lexa tells her she is insane for even having that thought. 

“As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters,” Lexa keeps telling her, refusing to argue anymore about it. Lexa sleeps over at Clarke’s house the night before and wakes up to a dozen white roses. It kind of makes her want to sob a little, and when she sees that almost every rose has a little note tied to it she is a mess. 

“Each one has a memory of us, or you on it,” Clarke tells her. And they do. They have Clarke’s chicken scratch handwriting with memories, and dates, and first kisses, and times she stared at her in class before they were together. 

After Lexa reads them, and is definitely crying she grabs Clarke’s face and says, “What am I going to do with you?” and it makes them both laugh a lot. It might as well be their catchphrase.

“You should really figure that out,” Clarke says in response, and smirks. “Because I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” 

Lexa kisses her. A lot. Until Clarke pulls away and says, “Wait, you still have your card!”

“Clarke, seriously?”

“Like you thought I didn’t make you one,” the blonde says rolling her eyes. She reaches over to her bedside table and pulls it out from the drawer. “It’s tradition. These cards got me you.”

This one is an under the sea theme. There are two whales on the front drawn together, their fins curving up to make a heart. It says “whale you be mine?” on it. The inside is a picture of the whales swimming together in the sea. 

Lexa smiles at it. “My dork,” she says to Clarke and kisses her. “Of course I whale.” This makes the blonde crack up and they fall back onto the bed together laughing. 

Clarke does play. And Lexa and Abby go to the game that is nearly two hours away. Clarke rides the bus with her team, and Lexa and Abby spend the better part of the drive chatting about school and college plans. 

The actual game is a blowout. Clarke is vicious, scoring four goals herself, and they win by a landslide 5-0. It’s almost unheard of. 

They grab dinner on the road with Abby on their way back home. While fast food and the backseat of a car might not be considered a date to most, to them anything is a date when they’re together. They tease Abby about not having a Valentine, and her cheeky response is “How do you know I don’t?” which stuns both Clarke and Lexa. Perhaps Abby has been up to more than midnight shifts at the hospital. 

//

Life keeps going on. School is easing up a bit because it’s coming close to the end. But when March rolls around and college acceptance/rejections start coming in Lexa’s stress levels skyrocket.

“You’re going to get in,” Clarke tells her, for the seven-hundredth time. 

“If you fucking jinx me, I’ll never forgive you,” Lexa says. 

Clarke laughs, and squeezes Lexa’s hand as they walk together to Biology. “Yes you will,” she says. “But you won’t have to because you’re going to get in,” she says and snickers when Lexa glares murderously at her. 

Lexa chases her down the hall, and they get yelled at by their teacher when Clarke slides into the classroom, and Lexa tackles her by accident into the science room tables.

The day a letter does come from Yale isn’t until April. Lexa comes home from school and finds Indra, Gus, and Anya sitting at the dining room table with a stack of letters, the one with the Yale emblem on top. 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asks her sister, wondering why she is home from school. 

“Oh I wasn’t about to miss this,” she says, nodding to the pile of envelopes. 

Lexa had refused to open any of her college letters until she got one from Yale. So up until this point she has no idea where she got in. 

“It is time,” Indra says, in one of her solemn, serious ways. And Lexa knows it is. 

“You stole that from lion king,” Anya says to her mother. 

“Hush child.” 

“Okay Rafiki.”

Gus snorts and Indra glares at her husband. “Open the letter before Mom kills everyone,” Anya says. 

Lexa opens each envelope at the table with her family and saves the one from Yale for last. Each letter is the same. She is accepted. Accepted to Brown, Columbia, University of Maryland, University of Pennsylvania, John Hopkins, Northwestern, and University of Virginia. 

When she picks up the envelope from Yale it feels so much heavier than it is. “I can’t do it,” Lexa says, frantically jumping up from her seat. “I can’t,” she repeats. 

Indra, Gus, and Anya watch with wide eyes. “Lexa,” Gus says. “You have to.” 

“No, you don’t understand. I can’t.” 

//

Clarke has a grueling practice. She also has a mountain of homework she has to do, and she can barely walk into her house when she gets home. She showers first, needing the hot water to soothe her muscles, changes into pajamas, and finds dinner in the fridge with a note from her Mom. 

She heats up the leftover lasagna in the microwave and is eating it over the sink when she hears the front door open. It’s way too early for her Mom to be home from work, and only one other person has a key to their house. When she hears Lexa scream, “Clarke!” her heart flies up into her throat. 

“What is it?” she shouts back, racing through the house.

Her girlfriend is in some kind of state when she finds her. Lexa’s hair is sticking up everywhere, like she’s been pulling it out by the ends. Her eyes are wide, sunken in with bags underneath of them. There are crinkles along her face and her mouth is curved into a distressed pout. Anya, Gus, and Indra trail in behind her looking equally shaken.

“Whoa, who died?” she says, moving to Lexa. Before she can even get her hands near her Lexa’s arm shoots up with an envelope. An envelope with a very distinct emblem on it. 

“It came!” Clarke yells. 

“I can’t open it. You have to open it. You have to tell me what it says,” Lexa rattles off. Clarke has literally never seen Lexa so distraught. 

“Okay,” Clarke says, nodding as she takes the paper from Lexa. “I’ll open it baby. I’ll open it,” she says. Everyone stares wide eyed at her hands, and Clarke has never felt so much pressure in her life. 

“You want me to do it now?” 

“CLARKE!” 

“OKAY!” 

The blonde’s thumb slides along the seal and every tear is agonizing. This is Lexa’s future. This is their future. Clarke pulls the letter out from the envelope and her eyes trace over the words. 

“Well?” Lexa says impatiently, watching intently as Clarke scans the paper. 

When Clarke looks up at her there are tears in her eyes and Lexa’s stomach sinks to the floor. “Shit.” 

“Alexandria!” Clarke exclaims. 

“Since when do you care about me cussing Clarke?” Lexa demands, wondering how that could be important to her, now.

“No, not that! You got in,” Clarke says, and Lexa’s head snaps to look at her girlfriend who does have tear streaming down her face. The blonde holds out the letter and nods. “You got in.” 

“I got in?”

“You got in,” Clarke says, moving closer to her. “You are going to Yale.” 

“I’m going to Yale?” Lexa says, feeling lightheaded. Clarke nods. “I’m going to Yale!” 

“You’re going to Yale!” 

“Holy shit!” Lexa launches herself at Clarke, wrapping her whole body around her, squeezing her as they both scream together. 

Anya screams, “She got in?!” 

“She got in!” Gus and Indra cry, hugging each other. 

“She fucking did,” Clarke says, with Lexa latched on her like a koala. 

“I knew it!” Gus shouts. 

“I’m going to Yale,” Lexa says, again, and she really cannot believe it. 

“Of course you are,” Clarke says, and Lexa kisses her square on the mouth. Clarke has always believed in her. Always been in her corner. And honestly Lexa put a hell of a lot of work in to get to this point in her life, but she wouldn’t have been able to do it without Clarke. 

“What was that for?” Clarke asks. 

“For everything,” Lexa says simply. “For absolutely everything.” 

//

Arkadia High’s Girl’s Varisty Lacrosse Team wins regionals and then states. The game happens in May two days before prom. It is really close call. Clarke is the assist on the game winning goal that lets them bring home the title. 

Clarke is a sweaty, panting, glorious mess when she comes off the field. The team gathers in a huge pile. There is a lot of shouting and screaming, and celebrating by the girls and the people in the stands. Clarke is the one to accept the trophy because she is the captain. Abby’s notorious flash pretty much blinds everyone as she takes dozens of pictures. They are going to be in the newspaper. 

It’s a pretty big deal. 

All of the delinquents are there, as well as Clarke’s grandparents, and Indra, Gus, and Anya too, but the first person Clarke hugs is Abby. She hugs her Mom, and Lexa hears the doctor telling her daughter how much she loves her and how proud she is of her. The second person she hugs is Lexa. She kisses her too though, and not in a delicate way either. 

“You did it,” Lexa says when their lips part. 

“We did,” Clarke says, smiling. 

Lexa knows how much this means to her. How hard she has worked for this. But when she looks into her girlfriend’s eyes she doesn’t see the type of happiness she thought she would there. If anything there’s almost a disappointed glint in them. It quickly disappears though when her friends herd around them chanting Clarke’s name. 

Instead of going out to celebrate with her teammates and her friends (there is a massive party being thrown somewhere) Clarke asks Lexa to go with her somewhere. She knows where they are going the minute they get in the car, and Lexa smiles when they pull into the church parking lot. 

Jake’s headstone hasn’t changed much. Abby tends to the flowers they planted around it, and the groundskeeper takes care of the rest. They hold hands as they look down at the polished marble stone that memorializes Clarke’s Dad. 

The trophy will be put on display at the school, but each player got their own token to keep. For this game it was a medal that Clarke has around her neck. She takes it off and places it in front of Jake’s grave. 

“We did it,” Clarke says, and despite the overwhelming sadness Lexa knows she feels, Clarke isn’t crying. In a way it’s an end to things. It’s an end to Clarke trying to keep her Dad’s memory alive by playing a sport she no longer loves. She doesn’t need to do that now, because she knows her Dad will be with her. 

“He’s so proud of you,” Lexa says. 

Clarke laughs and leans over to kiss her again. “I couldn’t have done it without you,” Clarke says. “I couldn’t have done any of it without you.” 

Lexa smiles at her and rolls her eyes trying to brush off the impact of those words. “No,” Lexa says. “This, this was all you.” 

//

Senior prom is the most cliché of them all. Clarke and Lexa do it all. There are dresses, and pictures, a limo, and lots of friends. But when they get to the actual dance they kind of find that they are over it all after two hours because everyone is pretty drunk. So they decide to dip out early and make good use of the hotel room that they have for the entire night. It’s reminiscent of their first time, and so many jokes are made about much that night mirrored a corny teenage movie. 

There is a routine round made in the morning to make sure all of their friends are alive and well before Clarke and Lexa head out for breakfast. Except when they get to the parking lot they find Clarke’s car is covered in about twenty thousand layers of saran wrap with ‘Reyes Rulz’ spray painted all over it. Raven had not forgotten about homecoming. 

Lexa loses her shit laughing and Clarke does too eventually. “Oh my God, who knew she could hold such a grudge,” Lexa says. 

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” Clarke says. 

And Lexa has no idea what she is referring to until Clarke wakes her up at three in the morning toward the end of the school year. She is taken to Arkadia High where a bunch of mischief is being managed by none other than Raven Reyes. 

The tiny brunette is single handily directing about twenty workers and all the delinquents as they unload stuff from ‘Pepsi’ trucks (that is definitely not soda) into the school’s back doors. Lexa has no idea how they worked this out, but she damn sure knows it had something to do with Octavia’s endless expense account.

When the day finally begins for Arkadia High and the faculty starts to arrive just before the buses do, they are greeted by the entirety of the senior class, and quite a bit of the underclassman who are having their very own carnival inside of the school. 

There is a small train rented from a mall that is being conducted by Raven (outfit and all), riding through the halls with all the delinquents on board. Not to mention a dozen or so of the animal riders zooming around the linoleum. There is a dunk tank, some miniature horses, and a fire breather. The courtyard has a huge blow up slide in the center of it, with dozens of kids hurling themselves down it. Someone set up a putt-putt course on the second floor, and the math hallway was filled with popcorn machines, cotton candy, and every other imaginable junk food. There are even professional clowns going around making everyone balloon animals.

The place is a literal zoo. The teachers are left speechless, gawking at the sight before them. 

“How did you guys manage this?” Lexa asks, as her and Clarke ride on the train, letting Raven take them on a tour of the school. She figured she already got into Yale, and the school wasn’t going to expel everyone participating, so she might as well join in the fun. 

“It involved a lot of shady people, janitor bribery, and rental services,” Clarke says. 

“Don’t forget permits,” Octavia chimes in. Her and Lincoln are sitting on the bench behind them, enjoying the train cruise. 

“You had to get permits? How did you do that?” Lexa asks, severely impressed. 

“O’s Dad made a few phone calls,” Clarke says. 

Octavia gives her a winning smile. And Raven honks the tiny train horn as the pass most of the faculty, who are standing with their mouths hanging open. 

“Of course, it was all Raven’s idea,” Octavia says, even though everyone knows that. 

This is definitely something that will go down in the history books. The delinquents wouldn’t have it any other way. 

//

Lexa is Valedictorian. She is made aware of that a few days after the senior class finished their finals by none other than Kane. Not that the test results really affected much of anything. Lexa has been at the top of the class since freshman year. 

“I hope you’re as good at writing speeches as you are at writing about global warming,” he says, giving her a cheesy grin. 

“What is that suppose to mean?” Lexa asks, confused. 

Kane’s brow furrows and he clears his throat. “Uh…the Valedictorian gives a speech at graduation.” 

“Shit.” 

Of course they do. That’s what happens at every high school in America, and yet somehow this had slipped Lexa’s genius mind. She knew she was top of her class. She knew she would probably be Valedictorian, but it never equated in her head that she would have to give a speech. 

She is left speechless when she leaves Kane’s office and makes her way to lunch. Clarke meets her at her locker, and Lexa gives her the good news. 

“Awesome! We can help each other,” is Clarke’s response. 

Lexa is immediately stupefied by this until Clarke says, “Babe, I’m class president. I have to give a speech too.” 

Lexa laughs madly. Of course she does. What did she think was going to be happening at graduation? Just the reading of a billion names? Nope. People give speeches. 

“You alright?” Clarke asks, looking skeptically at her girlfriend. 

“I’m fine.”

“Really? Because that laugh says you’re losing it.” 

Clarke knows her too well. Lexa is losing it at the very idea of getting up in front of the entire student body and their families and talking about…she should really decide what she is going to talk about. Holy shit. 

“Just a bit,” she says to Clarke, and links their hands together. “Just a bit.” 

Yearbooks arrive and everyone is in a frenzy to get them signed. Lexa is awkward, and has no idea what to write every time someone asks her. She can hardly believe that people ask her sign them at all, but she doesn’t want to be the fucker who writes H.A.G.S. She tries to be a personal as she can with each person, but she feels her entries lack luster. 

Lexa and Clarke were voted the “cutest couple”. They had to take a picture together, and it turned out kind of amazing. It’s really simple, which is probably why Lexa likes it so much. She is wearing Clarke’s Yale sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, because she hadn’t realized they won the title until the day she was called down to the auditorium. She was confused, standing in the middle of the stage, when Clarke came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her. The photographer captured that moment. It was the most candid shot of both of them, and it was perfect. 

It was ironic. Them being voted the “cutest couple” in the end. Their story had begun as the class princess befriending the outcast with nothing but judgment and rumors. Now there’s nothing but respect for them, and Lexa thinks that is how powerful love is. It crushes hate. 

Clarke makes Lexa sign her yearbook. She also claims the entire first page of Lexa’s as her own, and tells her not to let anyone else write on that page. Lexa thinks she is endearingly crazy. Of course, she tells Raven this when the brunette and her swap yearbooks in stats, and when Lexa gets hers back “Fuck you Clarke” and “Love you my sexa Lexa” is written in giant letters on said page. Clarke has to settle for the second page of her book. 

The last day of school is morose. The delinquents are a combination of sad and pumped for what life will bring them. It’s the hope that youth permits them. The anticipation that everything that is to come is only going to get better and better. They are wild and crazy and decked out in the school colors, and absolutely no work is completed as expected. 

Lexa spends her last day of school in a sunken mood of bittersweet goodbye. She is excited for Yale. She is excited for what is to come after she says farewell to a place that has brought her mostly bad memories. But also, in the last few years this place has also brought her some of her best ones too. The lonely girl she once was became the person Lexa is in Arkadia High. In a way she owes it her life. She can’t imagine what it would have become is she hadn’t been here. 

Clarke and her walk the halls together hand in hand. They smile at one another, and laugh at the friends antics throughout the day. Lexa says goodbye to some of her teachers, and Clarke has a tearful word with her coach. 

And when the last bell rings Clarke is waiting outside of Lexa’s classroom for her. She is wearing faded jean shorts and a white Arkadia t-shirt. Her lithe body leaning against green colored wall, and she has that stupid grin on her face. Lexa finds it irresistible. The realization that this will be the last time she sees Clarke like this, waiting outside of her classroom, hits her chest heavily. 

She saunters up to Clarke and kisses her firmly on the lips, wrapping her hands in her hair, and pulling the girl flush against her. She wants to remember this. To always remember Clarke like this, even as their lives move on together. This is where they started. 

“That’s one hell of a hello,” Clarke quips when they break away. She is kind of breathless and her eyes are still close, and Lexa kisses the tip of her nose. 

“It’s more of a goodbye,” Lexa says. 

Clarke gives her an understanding smile and throws her arm around Lexa’s shoulders. “Ready to blow this popsicle stand?” 

Lexa chuckles at her girlfriend’s corny way of speaking. “Actually there’s one more thing we need to do before we go.” 

Clarke is puzzled as Lexa leads her down the hall and up a flight of stairs. She is genuinely confused the entire time until Lexa stops in front of the second floor girl’s bathroom and pushes the door open. 

“If you’re about to propose to me in a bathroom I’m going to give you a hard no,” Clarke says, smirking. 

Lexa rolls her eyes. “If I’m the one to propose it would never be in a bathroom Clarke.” 

“Wait, are you going to propose now? I thought that was going to be my job?” 

“I don’t think it matters which one of us does it.” 

Lexa strolls into the bathroom and Clarke follows. “I think we should dedicate one of us to do it. Because what if we both plan our proposals for like the same day or something?” 

“Then it would be one hell of a day,” Lexa says, as she comes to stand in the middle of the bathroom. She smiles at her girlfriend because they are candidly talking about getting engaged as if it’s going to happen next week instead of many years in the future. 

“What is that smile for? And why are we in this bathroom?” 

Lexa holds up a sharpie. “This is where it all started. You, me, our life. I thought we should leave our mark.” 

“Alexandria Woods! Are you suggesting we vandalize the school bathroom?” Clarke says, feigning horrified outrage. 

Lexa grins. “Yes. Are you opposed?” 

“Hell no,” Clarke says, taking the marker out of her girlfriend’s hands. “Which stall?” 

They both stand and examine the three stalls. At the same time they mutter, “middle.” 

Lexa and Clarke cram themselves into the tiny stall, giggling as they try to fit. “How do people have sex in these?” Lexa says. 

“Want to find out?” Clarke asks, wiggling her eyebrows. Lexa smacks her on the arm and moves a bit to the left. They angle themselves so that they’re facing one side of the stall together. 

“Where?” Lexa asks. 

Clarke points to the top corner. And then her artistic hand is at work. She draws a picture of glasses, a plus sign, and a picture of a paintbrush, an equal sign, and then the infinity sign. “What do you think?” Clarke asks, as she leans back an exams her handy work.

“Perfect,” Lexa says. 

Clarke’s head turns to face her and Lexa’s does the same. They give each other an intimate smile. 

“Now we’re ready to blow this popsicle stand,” Lexa says. 

Clarke’s laugh is loud and joyful. “I really freaking love you.” 

 

//

Clarke starts school before Lexa. They pack up her things in Abby’s car and drive her the hour to campus. The University of Maryland is a good school with a great biology program. They are also number one in women’s lacrosse. All of these things matter because Clarke has decided that she is going to be pre-med and play division I lacrosse. Lexa was kind of shocked by the declaration because she was almost positive Clarke was going to pursue art and give up sports. 

“Do you think I’m doing the wrong thing?” Clarke had asked her when she told Lexa her plan. The brunette could tell from the look on her girlfriend’s face that Clarke certainly did. But Lexa couldn’t be the one to tell her that. She couldn’t make that decision for her. 

Lexa had smiled, and linked their hands together. “No. Not if it’s what you want Clarke. I’ll support you in whatever you do.” 

And she would. But Lexa really did believe that Clarke’s heart was lost to paintbrushes and charcoal years ago. Perhaps she needed more time to truly accept that. 

Abby was overjoyed by the news that her daughter was following in her footsteps. Lexa suspected that might have been a good portion of why she chose the major she did. Not to mention both Abby and Jake attended UMD. If Clarke wanted to feel close to her Dad, Lexa certainly couldn’t blame her.

Move in day is crazy. When they arrive Bellamy and Raven are already there helping Octavia move her stuff in. Her and Clarke are rooming together in a freshman dorm. They’re also going to be teammates, again. Lexa can only imagine the trouble they’re going to get up to. Thankfully Raven won’t be there to give them technological advancements, because she is being shipped up north with Lexa to MIT. 

It doesn’t go unnoticed by Lexa that the Blake’s parents are once again absent. Bellamy is trying to overcompensate for it by doing absolutely everything for his sister, but Lexa can see the sadness in both of their faces. 

It’s erased momentarily when Abby hugs both of them. “You kids are so grown up,” she cries. “I remember when you were all in Kindergarten.” While embarrassed, the twins are happy to have someone care. 

“Mom,” Clarke whines, rolling her eyes and trying to hide the smile on her face. 

“What?” Abby says, releasing the Blake twins. “I do!” 

“Just prepare yourselves for the flash,” Clarke warns as she carries a hamper filled with clothes into the building. Lexa laughs while trailing behind her. She knows that flash all too well. And so do the delinquents because they all groan. 

Clarke and Octavia’s room isn’t too bad. They have communal bathrooms, which is gross, but otherwise it’s pretty nice. They both have way too many things to decorate it with. Octavia is already stringing up Christmas lights and there are a billion posters of lacrosse and a giant Maryland flag to be hung up. 

“This is going to be like a female frat house,” Lexa says. 

Clarke snorts. “Damn right,” Octavia responds, proud. 

Lexa can only imagine the shenanigans that are going to go on. A part of her is sad that she won’t be there for them. But Clarke told her that’s not allowed. That distance won’t stop them from sharing experiences, and Lexa really hopes that Clarke is right.

They get everything inside, and then the real fun begins because Abby starts crying. 

“Mom, it’s going to be okay,” Clarke assures, hugging the woman. “I am an hour away.” 

“I know,” Abby blubbers. “I just can’t believe you’re all grown up.” 

Lexa smiles at the scene as she leans in the doorway. The sight of the two Griffin together always warms her heart. They’re her family. 

Speaking of which, Anya makes her grand entry. Lexa’s big sister was thrilled to hear that Clarke and Octavia would be annoying her once again for the better part of two years as her teammates.

“This is gay,” Anya says as she stands next to Lexa in the doorway watching the Griffin women hug.

“You’re gay,” Lexa retorts. 

Anya rolls her eyes and nudges her shoulder. “Shut-up nerd.” 

“Anya!” Abby says, wiping tears from her face. Abby is the only woman in the world that Anya lets hug her. She also happens to be her godmother. Lexa learned all of this at Christmas when Abby hugged Anya and the girl didn’t kill the older woman. 

“Hey Aunt Abby,” she says, returning the woman’s embrace.

“I’m so glad you’re going to be here to keep an eye on Clarke,” the doctor coos. 

“Anything for you,” she says, while eyeing Clarke over the woman’s shoulder. The expression does not bring the word safe to mind. It’s weird how much Anya and Clarke are like brothers. They literally spend most of their time together beating each other up and then laughing about it. Lexa has never understood their relationship. “I’ll make sure blondie stays in line.” 

Clarke rolls her eyes and Lexa smirks at her. “Behave,” she mouths, even though she knows they’re both joking. 

Abby wishes everyone a personal fair well knowing it might be the last time she sees them for a while. There a couple of blind flashes, and then Lexa gets an extra long hug and a kiss on the forehead from the woman. Lexa has to make the journey to school tomorrow. After she helps get Clarke moved in Anya is giving her a ride back home and they are all going to drive up to Yale as a family to get Lexa moved in. Clarke is kind of upset that she can’t go, but Lexa told her it was fine. She can’t control a university’s schedule. 

“If you need anything, anything at all you call me,” Abby says, sternly. 

Lexa smiles at her. “Yes ma’am.”

“And you are expected at Thanksgiving this year. I was informed by Mabel.” 

Lexa laughs. “I’ll make sure to book my flight home soon.”

“You’re going to be amazing,” Abby says, and gives Lexa firm nod. “Have faith in yourself,” she whispers and Lexa has to hold back tears welling in her eyes. 

“Thank you, Abby.” 

The doctor gives her another hug before she leaves. Clarke walks her Mom out to her car, and Lexa knows that words are probably being exchanged between them. Words that have tears in her girlfriend’s eyes when she comes back into the room. 

It doesn’t take long for Clarke and O to get settled into their room. Lexa helps as much as she can, and proves to be more of a distraction. Anya disappears for the majority of the time and when she reappears she looks ready to go. 

“You ready?” Anya asks Lexa knowing they need to get back home at a decent hour. The brunette has to make sure all of her stuff is ready for tomorrow and they are scheduled for a family dinner. 

“Just about,” Lexa says. 

Anya nods, “I’ll wait outside in the car.” 

“We’re just going to go pretend that we have something to do out in the hallway,” Raven says, grabbing the Blake’s by the shoulder and dragging them out of the room. Clarke smiles at them over Lexa’s shoulder. 

“It’s the moment we’ve been waiting for,” Clarke says, nervous, as she shoves her hands into her front pockets. 

Lexa nods, “I guess it is.”

“We’re going to skype once a week, and phone calls nightly, and we both have an emergency plane ticket fund if necessary.” 

Clarke sounds so formal. Like having this plan will make it all better. The truth is they’re going to be apart. They’re going to be apart for a long time and they have no idea what that will do to them, or what the outcome will be. The only thing that is certain is that things will be different. 

“Clarke,” Lexa says, taking her hands in hers. “It’s going to be fine.” As assured as her girlfriend is acting, Lexa knows she is a mess over this. She’s practically been crying about it every day for the past week. “We’re going to get through this,” Lexa says, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her in close. 

“Yeah?” Clarke says, leaning her head against Lexa’s. 

“Yeah.” 

“You’re it for me Lexa. Nothing is going to change that,” Clarke says. “Please don’t think it will.” 

“I don’t,” Lexa says. “I know this is what you want.”

Clarke and Lexa had a serious conversation about staying together over the summer. It hadn’t been an easy one and it had resulted in a fight where they didn’t speak for two whole days. Until Raven came and banged down Lexa’s door telling her Clarke was annoying as fuck and they needed to get their shit together. 

Lexa had been unsure if it was a good idea to stay together. Not because she didn’t want to be with Clarke, but because she thought Clarke might be holding herself back by staying with her. College was supposed to be a time about individuality, about self discovery. She wasn’t sure how a person could do that with a long distance girlfriend. 

Clarke had told her she was being a martyr. That she could make her own decisions and she knew what she wanted. No discovery was going to make her stop loving Lexa. 

“I know what loss is Lexa,” Clarke had said. “And I know that I can’t lose you.”

Lexa doubted she could handle it either. 

“I love you Clarke Griffin. I love you more than anything else in this world, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you,” Lexa says, giving Clarke a watery smile. 

Their kisses are frantic and sloppy and needy, but they’re just right. 

“I have something for you,” Lexa whispers against Clarke’s lips. She breaks away from her embrace to gather the stack of stationary she has tied together with ribbon from her bag. She places it on Clarke’s desk. “One letter for every month we’re a part,” Lexa says. 

Clarke smiles at the paper. “How about one for every day?” she says. 

“Now you’re just being cocky.” 

“Write me,” Clarke says, kissing her again. “I’ll write you all the time. I love you.”

They press their foreheads together and take a deep breath. 

“Ready?” Clarke asks. 

Lexa doesn’t say anything for fear of what her voice will sound like. For fear that she might scream, “Don’t let me leave.” Instead she nods, and they walk out together. They kiss goodbye one last time before Clarke watches her heart drive away with Anya.


	5. Freshman Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...sorry? :D

_Freshman Year…_

“I love you more than you’ll ever understand,” Lexa says.

The window fogs up with her breath. She presses her hand against the glass and sinks into the feeling of cold it sends through her, reminding her she’s still alive.

It doesn’t feel like it. It hasn’t felt like it for nearly 22 hours.

//

_September…_

The air is different in Connecticut. That is the first thing Lexa notices when she moves into her dorm. The air is different; it’s colder, crisper, and it’s pungent with the smell of anticipation. Lexa loves it.

“There’s a party tonight,” Echo says, nonchalantly. “You in?” she asks, glancing over at her roommate, who is lounging on her bed, as she slips on a sweater. It’s only September and already it is getting colder than it would back home.

Lexa is of course reading. “No thank you,” she says quietly shaking her head. “I have some studying to do.” The brunette hasn’t exactly gotten around to telling her friend about her lack of interest in drinking. She finds it easier to use work as an excuse. Absolutely everyone at Yale understands that more than ‘hey I used to have a fall-down drunk foster father who really turned me off of booze.’ It’s easier, for now.

“Bullshit,” Echo says, smiling. “You’re going to facetime Clarke and whine to each other about how in love you are.”

Lexa tries to hide her smile behind her book. “Maybe.”

Echo rolls her eyes. “I am going to get you drunk one of these days. Mark my words,” she teases.

Lexa just keeps smiling. Echo smirks, then sighs. She has become more than accustomed to her and Clarke’s communication schedule. It’s not so much a schedule as it is just a constant thing. Echo thinks she is missing out, but Lexa knows better. Some things are bigger than college parties. Like girls with messy blonde hair and charcoal stained wrists.

Echo’s bright red hair is the last thing Lexa sees before she leaves the room. She had dyed it over the summer, and she now bares a striking resemblance to Ariel. Echo had told Lexa she needed a change, and Lexa had said that she certainly made one. She was never going to get lost in a crowd, that’s for sure.

Her ringtone tells her that Clarke’s trying to facetime her and Clarke’s picture is on her screen. It’s one she took over the summer. There’s a flower in her hair that Lexa had picked and placed there with a kiss to go along with it. Clarke’s just barely smiling and her eyes are directed at the ground, but it’s one of the only pictures she has that she thinks captures the girl’s spirit.

Lexa answers the video call with her nose still in her book. “Do you ever stop reading?” Clarke asks sounding more amused than annoyed. When Lexa looks up at her phone she sees that the blonde is grinning at her. Her hair is wet because she’s just showered and Lexa wants to kiss her knowing exactly how sweet she smells.

“You’ve dated me long enough to know the answer to that question.”

“Fair,” Clarke says, nodding.

Lexa puts her book down and smiles at her phone. “How was your day?” she asks.

“Long. Boring. I’ve been in class since 8AM,” Clarke groans.

Thursdays are Clarke’s long days. She has class three days a week, but Thursdays she has a biology lab that takes up most of the day. Usually after class Clarke calls her and they stay up and do homework together over the phone. It’s their new version of a study date. It’s not the same, but it’ll have to do.

“Poor baby,” Lexa teases, directing her eyes back down to her book, avoiding the mock face of shock Clarke is giving her.

“You’re so mean,” she says.

“I never said I was nice,” Lexa teases, chuckling at her own joke.

“Yale has changed you,” Clarke says, sounding over the top dramatic. Lexa looks up at her phone and they both laugh together. Lexa wishes so badly that she could reach out and touch her.

“I miss you,” Clarke says softly, and it breaks the humorous tone between them.

“Yeah,” Lexa says quietly, her face morphing to one of understanding. “I miss you too.”

“We’ll be together soon,” Clarke says.

Soon. Soon is such a relative word. Lexa knows they’ll visit soon. She also knows that four years is not soon. Not soon enough of when they’ll be together again. It’s all too much for her to think about. Her latest tactic has been to not. She knows it can’t possibly be healthy.

“So…” Clarke says, needing to escape the tension. “Met any cute girls who are going to try and whisk you away from me? I need to know if I have to start bulking up,” she says, flexing her rather firm bicep.

Lexa laughs. “No one as cute as you,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. Clarke’s smile is radiant, and slightly embarrassed judging by the pink coloring her cheeks. As if there is anyone else in the universe that could compare to Clarke Griffin. You would think this girl would have learned this by now, but some lessons must always be repeated.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Clarke says, winking. “Now, lets get to studying. I can’t have your bad influence over me affecting my grades.”

“When did I become the bad influence?” Lexa asks. “Last I remember you were the jock and I was the nerd.”

“This is college,” Clarke says. “The playing fields are even now.”

Lexa sighs. “There’s so much to learn.”

//

_Present Day…_

“She knows,” Abby whispers from behind her. She hadn’t heard the woman approach. “Honey, she knows,” she says, placing her hand on Lexa’s shoulder. It makes her want to sob.

“No she doesn’t,” Lexa says, her voice trembling. “We were fighting. We were fighting.” Her heart falls because she remembers it so vividly. Lexa suppresses the overwhelming feeling of wanting to vomit. “She told me she didn’t feel good. But I kept pushing and then we started fighting,” Lexa says, recalling it as she fights back tears. “She kept telling me she didn’t feel good Abby and I wouldn’t fucking listen. She asked me if we could talk tomorrow and I wouldn’t let her rest.”

Lexa can’t seem to breathe and tears spill from her eyes. She can’t stop because she hasn’t cried since she got to the hospital. She hasn’t eaten or slept or really breathed, and she certainly hasn’t cried, and now it is all coming out. Abby pulls her into an embrace, and she is crying too. The two women quietly sob in one another’s arms, as they look through the window at the one person their heart shares. The one life that matters most to both of them.

“She knows you love her Lexa,” Abby says again. “She does Sweetie.” Her words only make the brunette cry harder. “Lexa, you letting her rest wouldn’t have changed anything,” Abby assures, squeezing her tighter.

//

_October…_

10/5

_Clarke: What are you doing?_

**Baby <3: I’m in class. You know this…?**

_Clarke: Right.  
Clarke: What are you wearing?_

**Baby <3: It’s amazing how you can still manage to distract me even though we don’t go to the same school anymore. **

_Clarke: I’m very talented!_  
Clarke: So…  
Clarke: What are you wearing?

**Baby <3: Jeans and your hoodie.  
Baby <3: You?**

_Clarke: You’re boring.  
Clarke: Just my underwear ;)_

**Baby <3: Would you prefer I show up to class naked? What color underwear?**

_Clarke: I guess not. I would prefer you naked and in my bed though. I would genuinely prefer you naked all the time.  
Clarke: blue_

**Baby <3: If it makes up for it I’m not wearing any underwear. Does it match your eyes?**

_Clarke: You tell me_  
Clarke: downloading image  
Clarke: No underwear is definitely not boring

**Baby <3: I AM IN CLASS!!! So much for concentrating.**

_Clarke: Wait…why are you wearing no underwear???_

**Baby <3: Because I haven’t done laundry this week.**

_Clarke: Oh  
Clarke: You’ve yet to answer the question_

**Baby <3: No, they don’t match. **

_Clarke: Is that a deal breaker?_

**Baby <3: Maybe  
Baby <3: Definitely not**

_Clarke: When is class over?_

**Baby <3: Not soon enough  
Baby <3: Great now I can’t move my legs**

_Clarke: BAHAHAHA_  
Clarke: Sorry I’m not sorry  
Clarke: Call me when you get home

**Incoming call from Baby <3**

10/6

_Clarke: I love you_

**Baby <3: I love you  
Baby <3: Facetime later?**

_Clarke Griffin wants to Facetime._

10/7

**Baby <3: Only 24 more days**

_Clarke: If you don’t show up at my dorm naked I am going to be severely disappointed._

**Baby <3:Then how am I suppose to get from the airport to your dorm?**

_Clarke: Idk. You’re the smart one. Figure it out!_

**Baby <3: What if Octavia is there?**

_Clarke: She won’t be_  
Clarke: I already warned her ;)  
Clarke: Also she says hi

**Baby <3: Tell her hi back**

_Clarke: Expectation = naked_

**Baby <3: You’re a pervert**

_Clarke: A bad pervert or a good one?_

**Baby <3: I guess good? **

_Clarke: Success!  
Clarke: How are you?_

**Baby <3: Alright. Tired. Wishing you were here with me. I have way too much work and not enough time.  
Baby <3: I’m actually overwhelmed for once and have no idea how to handle it**

_Clarke: I wish I was there too  
Clarke: You can handle anything. You’re the smartest person I know. Just be your amazing self and it will all work out_

**Baby <3: I have discovered that wanting to kiss you and not being able to is one of the most frustrating things I have ever had to deal with**

_Clarke: :/  
Clarke: Just pretend like I’m there. Like I’m lying in bed with you, like you’re in my arms while I kiss your perfect lips until you can’t breathe_

**Baby <3: If only**

_Clarke: 24 days_

**Baby <3: It’s not soon enough**

10/8

_Clarke: It’s freezing here_  
Clarke: Why does Maryland always have such weird weather? It was seventy degrees yesterday and now it’s thirty…  
Clarke: I need my sweatshirt back!

**Baby <3: NEVER**

_Clarke: But it’s mine!_

**Baby <3: It likes me better**

_Clarke: LIES!_

**Baby <3: Connecticut is colder than Maryland, I assure you**

_Clarke: Not today it isn’t_

**Baby <3: I can think of a few other ways to keep you warm**

_Clarke: You just want to keep my sweatshirt_

**Baby <3: It smells like you  
Baby <3: It helps me sleep**

_Clarke: You win  
Clarke: Dear Sweatshirt, _

_Even though we must part ways please know I always loved you._

_Sincerely,_

_Clarke_

**Baby <3: *rolls eyes*  
Baby <3: When did you get so dramatic? **

_Clarke: When I started dating you_

_Three hours later…_

_Clarke: I was joking!_

**Baby <3: Whatever you say princess  
Baby <3: Sorry, I had to meet up with some people for a group project**

_Clarke: How did it go?  
Clarke: And princess? Really? _

**Baby <3: Fine beyond some guy in our group consistently hitting on me**  
Baby <3: Why are boys so annoying?  
Baby <3: You will always be my princess

_Clarke: I’ll kill him_

**Baby <3: Relax. It’s not worth it. He’s harmless. **

_Clarke: It is if he is making you uncomfortable?_

**Baby <3: He’s just annoying. I told him I have a girlfriend.**

_Clarke: Tell him you have a really big girlfriend! Who has lots of muscles and secret agent skills that will let her track him down and cause him immense amounts of pain_

**Baby <3: LOL  
Baby <3: I’ll be sure to let him know I’m dating Liam Nelson**

**Facetiming Clarke Griffin**

10/9

_Clarke: I just got off the phone with Nanny. She says hi and to tell you that she is sending you a package of her hot chocolate pre-mixed. Just add milk._

**Baby <3: Best news I’ve had all week  
Baby <3: Does this mean I’ve been accepted into the clan?**

_Clarke: I think you’re good lol_

**Baby <3: How is studying for your biology quiz?**

_Clarke: Soul sucking_

**Baby <3: You’re going to ace it, aren’t you?**

_Clarke: Well yeah…_  
_Clarke: Pretty sure O isn’t going to though. So I am spending a few extra hours studying with her._

**Baby <3: And you call me the smart one**  
**Baby <3: Tell her I’m here if she needs help**

_Clarke: Because you are!_  
_Clarke: Will do. She may take you up on it. Who knew college was so hard??_

**Baby <3: Everyone. Everyone knew Clarke.**

_Clarke Griffin wants to Facetime._

10/10

_Clarke: Good morning beautiful_

**Baby <3: Morning my love**

_Clarke: I hope you have a good day_

**Baby <3: I hope you do as well**

_Clarke: Love you_

**Baby <3: Love you too**

**Baby <3 wants to Facetime**

 

10/11

**Baby <3: I can’t sleep**

_Clarke: Did you have a nightmare?_

**Baby <3: How did you know?**

_Clarke: Because I know you._  
_Clarke: I’m here_

**Baby <3: I know**  
**Baby <3: It makes it better**

_Clarke: Do you want to talk about it?_

**Baby <3: Not really**

_Clarke: You’re my forever_  
_Clarke: You know that?_

**Baby <3: You’re mine too**

10/12

_Clarke: Is Raven behaving herself?_

**Baby <3: That is a dumb question**

_Clarke: Lol_  
_Clarke: What are you two going to do anyway?_

**Baby <3: According to her we’re going to go find the Inn from Gilmore Girls**

_Clarke: Isn’t that place made up???_

**Baby <3: Yep**  
**Baby <3: Please send help**

_Clarke: HAHAHA_

_Six hours later…_

_Clarke: You two still alive?_

**Baby <3: Barely**  
**Baby <3: We narrowly escaped prison**

_Clarke: I am not bailing you guys out_

**Baby <3: What kind of girlfriend are you?**

_Incoming call from Clarke_

10/13

**Baby <3: I am so tired. She is never visiting on a weekday again**

_Clarke: I have no sympathy for you. I live with O_

**Baby <3: God help us**

**Baby <3 wants to Facetime…**

10/14

_Clarke: I love your eyes. I love the way they switch from forest green to jade when you laugh. I love the way your glasses sit on your nose when you read in bed next to me. I love how you smile. I love how kind you are. How you let your actions speak louder than your words. I love how much you read. I love how smart you are. I love how smooth your skin feels underneath my hands. I love your body and your mind, and your spirit. I love all of you._

**Incoming call from Baby <3**

10/15

**Baby <3: You’re really going to write me a letter for every week we’re apart, aren’t you?**

_Clarke: Yep!_

**Baby <3: I really fucking love you**

_Clarke Griffin wants to facetime_

10/16

**Baby <3: You’re mother says you need to call her more**

_Clarke: You two are not allowed to gang up on me_

**Baby <3: Says who?**

_Clarke: Says me!_

**Baby <3: Since when are you the boss?**

_Clarke: Since now!_

**Baby <3: You’re cute**

_Clarke: :D_

**Baby <3: You’re also delusional**

_Clarke: Hey…_

_Outgoing call to Clarke Griffin_

10/17

_Clarke: Send me a picture. Please??_

**Baby <3: No**

_Clarke: Why?_

**Baby <3: Because I don’t want to**

_Clarke: I miss your face_

**Baby <3: Still no**

_Clarke: It’ll make me happy_

**_Baby <3: Fine_ **  
**_Baby <3: Downloading image_ **

_Clarke: You’re wearing your glasses :D_

**Baby <3: I’m studying. I thought you might like that.**

_Clarke: You know me so well._

**Baby <3: We’ve been together for nearly three years**

_Clarke: Holy shit_  
_Clarke: We have_

**Baby <3: Unless you don’t count the whole make-out period. Then it’s two, officially.**

_Clarke: Oh yeah! When we were “friends” who made out all the time? How college of us._

**Baby <3: What on Earth were we doing then?**

_Clarke: Pretending like we weren’t in love_  
_Clarke: Honestly I was scared by how much I wanted you. I didn’t want to lose you._

**Baby <3: That would have never happened. I spent most of that year just daydreaming about asking you to be my girlfriend.**

_Clarke: So why didn’t you?_  
_Clarke: I wouldn’t have said no_

**Baby <3: Is that a serious question? You were Clarke Griffin! I figured you wouldn’t want to be tied down to me.**

_Clarke: You were so wrong_  
_Clarke: For once_

**Baby <3: Well at least we got it right eventually**

_Clarke Griffin wants to Facetime_

10/18

**Baby <3: Your sweatshirt is starting to not smell like you**

_Clarke: Yeah, your pillow is too_

**Baby <3: My pillow?**

_Clarke: Lol_  
_Clarke: The pillow you always sleep on when you stay over. I have it on my bed._

**Baby <3: I did not know that.**

_Clarke: It’s no substitute_

**Baby <3 wants to facetime**

10/19

**Baby <3: Did you really express mail me another sweatshirt?**

_Clarke: I know it’s not the Yale one but I figured it might help._

**Baby <3: It does, even if it is Maryland**  
**Baby <3: I love you**

_Clarke: I love you too_

**Incoming call from Baby <3**

10/20

_Clarke: Marry me?_

**Baby <3: Is this my proposal?**

_Clarke: No. Just curious what your answer is._

**Baby <3: You already know what it’s going to be**

_Clarke: It’d be nice to hear it for sure_

**Baby <3: Not until you’re down on one knee**

_Clarke: You’re going to make me kneel? That’s archaic!_

**Baby <3: What can I say? I’m old fashioned**

_Clarke: You’re worth it_

**Baby <3: You are too**

_Clarke: I think you’re going to say yes_

**Baby <3: I think I just might**

_Clarke Griffin wants to Facetime_

10/21

_Clarke: Why are you with me?_

**Baby <3: That’s a stupid question Clarke**  
**Baby <3: What’s wrong?**

_Clarke: Nothing_

**Baby <3: You’re a horrible liar**

_Clarke: It’s a bad day. I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I sent that._

**Baby <3: At night when I’m trying to go to sleep is when I miss you the most. I always wear your sweatshirt to bed and I hold my pillow tight to my chest and try to pretend that it’s you. I lie in bed and my thoughts always circle you, and us, and everything we’ve been through. I think about how you hold me and how I’ve never felt safer in the world than when I’m in your arms. I think about that time in the bathroom when you saw my bruises and hugged me and I fell a part. There have been so many days when I just want to leave this place and go to you, but I don’t because I know you’ll kill me. Because I know we’re stronger than this. You’re all I think about. The name Clarke Griffin is scribbled in the margins of my books dating back to the third grade. You’re the most amazing, king, funny, loving person I have ever known. You are everything to me Clarke. And I wish I had more fear when I said things like that, but I don’t. I don’t because you’ve made me believe in true love even after everything I’ve been through. That’s why I’m with you. Because you’re my destiny, because you’re it for me.**

**Baby <3: Also because you look fantastic naked.**

_Clarke: I am crying and laughing._

**Incoming call from Baby <3**

10/22

**Baby <3: Is today better?**

_Clarke: Yeah. Because of you._

**Baby <3: Glad to know I can still help ☺**

_Clarke: You always help. You’re the only thing that does._

**Baby <3: You are so much more than you’ll ever know**

_Clarke: It doesn’t always feel like it_

**Baby <3: I know. That’s why it’s my job to keep reminding you.**

_Clarke: I am going to marry you so hard._

**Baby <3: lol**  
**Baby <3: We have to get through college first**

_Clarke: Why?_  
_Clarke: I want to marry you now_

**Baby <3: Society says**

_Clarke: Fuck society_

**Baby <3: I will if you will**

_Clarke: I think we could make a long distance marriage work_

**Baby <3: I think we can make anything work**

_Incoming call from Clarke_

10/23

**Baby <3: I got my first B**

_Clarke: Oh my god I’m going to frame it_

**Baby <3: You’re not funny**

_Clarke: How upset are you?_

**Baby <3: …**

_Clarke: It’s going to be okay. Everyone gets B’s._

**Baby <3: I don’t**

_Clarke: You do now!_

**Baby <3: I hate you**

_Clarke: Hahaha_  
_Clarke: Worth it_  
_Clarke: But actually, everyone gets B’s babe. It’s okay. And knowing you you’re going to come back and get a 100% on the next assignment_

**Baby <3: I’m already outlining my plan for it**

_Clarke: LOL of course you are_  
_Clarke: Show them who is boss Commander_

**Baby <3: I hate that nickname**  
**Baby <3: God, who even started that?**

_Clarke: Its origin is unknown_  
_Clarke: Lexa you’re the smartest person I know and I know Raven Reyes and she is probably going to take over the world one day. And there is a good chance that you’re one of the smartest people on the planet. Grades don’t measure your intelligence. You always say that. Don’t take this to heart. And don’t go over the edge with studying. Part of college is growing and getting a B is growing for you. Take in in stride._

**Baby <3: I love you.**  
**Baby <3: You make me a better person**  
**Baby <3: And a sane one most of the time**

_Clarke Griffin wants to Facetime_

10/24

_Clarke: Good morning. I love you beautiful._

**Baby <3: Good morning ☺ I love you too**

_Clarke: Good night my love_

**Baby <3: Good night princess**

_Clarke: Jackass_

**Baby <3: Lol**  
**Baby <3: <3**

10/25

**Baby <3: What should I wear to your formal?**

_Clarke: You know my answer…_

**Baby <3: ??**

_Clarke: Nothing. The answer is nothing._

**Baby <3: I wish you could see how hard I just rolled my eyes**  
**Baby <3: Clarke it’s less than a week away. I need to know so I can pack.**

_Clarke: I stand with my original answer_  
_Clarke: And you’re packing a week in advance?_

**Baby <3: I cannot meet your teammates for the first time naked. It would give them the wrong impression. Plus my sister is going to be there.**  
**Baby <3: And some of us like to be prepared beyond a backpack filled with stuff you scooped off your floor when traveling.**

_Clarke: I still do not see the problem with either of them_

**Baby <3: You’re infuriating, you know that?**  
**Baby <3: Fine. I’ll wear nothing and then all your teammates will see me naked and then we’ll all just have a giant orgy together.**

_Clarke: On second though you should wear a snowsuit_  
_Clarke: I’m wearing a dress. It’s black._

**Baby <3: What am I going to do with you?**

_Clarke: I have no idea lol_

**Baby <3: I can think of a few things…**  
**Baby <3: They involve weapons**

_Clarke: I no longer feel safe_

**Baby <3: Good.**

_Incoming call from Clarke Griffin_

10/26

**Baby <3: Do you still have the underwear from New Years?**

_Clarke: Yeah_  
_Clarke: Why?? ;)_

**Baby <3: I like you in them. I like you in them a lot.**

_Clarke: Do you now?_

**Baby <3: Mhm**

_Clarke: I’ll wear them when you’re here_

**Baby <3: I’m not going to be able to concentrate in history today because I’m going to have that image in my head**

_Clarke: Somebody’s sexually frustrated_

**Baby <3: This is the longest we haven’t had sex since we started having sex. I did not think it would affect me this much. I feel…unsettled.**

_Clarke: Aw baby ☹_  
_Clarke: There’s always phone sex??_

**Baby <3: I don’t know how I feel about that**  
**Baby <3: You know I don’t…**

_Clarke: …masturbate?_  
_Clarke: You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but I think it might help_

**Baby <3: Maybe**

_Clarke: We can try it and see if you like it?_

**Baby <3: Do you want to?**

_Clarke: Try?_

**Baby <3: Yeah**

_Clarke: I’m not opposed._  
_Clarke: You already know I do._  
_Clarke: Besides it’s easier to get off when I hear your voice_

**Baby <3: This is not helping anything**

_Clarke: Baby steps_

**Baby <3: That sounds like a good idea**

_Clarke: Together we can do anything_

**Baby <3: I feel like this phrase should not normally pertain to phone sex and somehow it does with us**

_Clarke: lol_  
_Clarke: Yeah, I guess we’re special_

**Baby <3: We are**

_Clarke Griffin wants to Facetime_

10/27

_Clarke: On a scale from 1 to 10 if I got your name tattooed on my body how mad would the doc be?_

**Baby <3: Not nearly as mad as I would be**  
**Baby <3: Abby would be a solid 11**

_Clarke: Guess that’s not happening_

**Baby <3: Since when do you want a tattoo? Of my name?**

_Clarke: Since Lincoln got Octavia’s name tattooed on his side_

**Baby <3: No**  
**Baby <3: Tell me you’re joking**  
**Baby <3: Did he really do that?**

_Clarke: Yep!!!!!!_  
_Clarke: Bellamy is mad_  
_Clarke: O is gaga about it_

**Baby <3: WOW**  
**Baby <3: Nothing says commitment like permanent ink I suppose**

_Clarke: LOL_  
_Clarke: Smartass_

**Baby <3: Maybe I’ll get your name tattooed on me**

_Clarke: Where??_

**Baby <3: Wouldn’t you like to know**

_Clarke: Would I be the only one that sees it?_

**Baby <3: Presumptive**

_Clarke: More like possessive_

**Baby <3: I’m yours, and only yours**

_Clarke: And I’m yours_

10/28

_Clarke: I hate college_

**Baby <3: That’s not how the song goes**  
**Baby <3: Nothing? I thought that one would at least earn me a smilie face**  
**Baby <3: Why my love?**

_Clarke: Because it’s hard and you’re not here_

**Baby <3: I wish I was. Just say the word and I will be.**

_Incoming call from Clarke Griffin_

10/29

**Baby <3: How many books do you think I can read on an hour flight?**

_Clarke: Knowing you??_  
_Clarke: 37_

**Baby <3: That’s oddly specific**

_Clarke: I bet I’ll be under_

**Baby <3: I can’t fit 37 books into my carry-on**

_Clarke: Um…_  
_Clarke: I may or may not have bought you some presents_

**Baby <3: Clarke!**  
**Baby <3: You didn’t need to do that**

_Clarke: I know. I just miss you. I see things that make me think of you and I get them. There is a growing collection._

**Baby <3: You’re ridiculous**

_Clarke: You deserve to be spoiled_

**Baby <3: You love me. That’s enough spoiling**

_Clarke: You deserve more than I can ever give you, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try really hard_

**Baby <3: You’re the only thing I will ever want**

**Outgoing call to Clarke Griffin**

10/30

**Baby <3: Are your friends going to like me?**

_Clarke: They’re going to love you_  
_Clarke: It doesn’t matter if they do or don’t_  
_Clarke: Besides me and Anya will kill them if anyone is a jerk_

**Baby <3: Anya and I***

_Clarke: I hate you_  
_Clarke: Just kidding! I love you don’t ever leave me_

**Baby <3: Never**

_Clarke: 1 day left_

**Baby <3: I know ☺**

_Clarke Griffin wants to facetime_

10/31

**Baby <3: Soon**

_Clarke: Soon_

 

//

 

There was nothing she could have done differently. Lexa knows this. The doctors told them. They told her that she had no way of knowing what was wrong. Nothing would have changed Clarke slipping into a coma. Not even a few more hours of rest.

“I can’t even tell her,” Lexa says, fighting for her voice not to break. “I can’t even touch her!” she screams at the window, anger slicing through the air. It’s the first time the doctor has ever seen Lexa lose control and it’s heart breaking.

Lexa has done her best to be solid. She’s done her best her whole life to keep sane. She was beaten, and broken, and abandoned, and she survived it all. But this, this might be the thing that breaks Alexandria Woods.

Abby doesn’t say anything. She just holds onto Lexa until her screams turn into quiet cries, and then eventually they both sink to the cold tile floor of the hospital.

//

_November…_

She is wearing jeans and her sweatshirt and Clark cannot breathe. She is holding a sign that says “NERD” on it, when she comes down the escalator. Lexa’s smile is the first thing she sees, and then she is running full speed directly into Clarke’s arms.

“You,” Clarke gasps, catching her breath as the wind is knocked out of her when Lexa’s body hits her. She doesn’t even care that she can’t breathe, she just holds her tighter because her girl is home, her girl is back in her arms and it is almost too much and not enough.

Clarke’s arms tighten around her and Lexa’s nose buries itself in the crook of the blonde’s neck. “You,” she echoes, smiling into the warm skin of her lover. She places a delicate kiss there, and then another, and another, until their lips are together again and the world falls silent around them.

“You’re not naked,” Clarke whispers, grinning against Lexa’s lips, as hers seem to refuse to part from them. “I am highly disappointed,” she teases, running her nose softly along Lexa’s jaw.

“You won’t be when you see what I’ve got on underneath of this hoodie.” Lexa’s sultry stare is what makes Clarke’s mouth go completely dry.

Nothing. Clarke learns there is nothing on underneath her jacket in the front seat of her car. A realization that has Clarke completely overtaken by lust, and she really wishes she could not act like a teenage boy in a patriarchal society while she is around her girlfriend…sometimes.

“Fuck, you can’t do this to me. We have a thirty minute drive ahead of us,” she husks in Lexa’s ear. The evil little giggle that she lets out runs up Clarke’s spine. It encourages her hand to wander up underneath the sweatshirt, cup a breast, tweak a nipple in revenge.

“Backseat,” Lexa grits, out. “Now,” she commands, yanking Clarke between the seats by her shirt collar.

When they arrive back at Clarke’s dorm nearly an hour after when they were supposed to Octavia smirks and complains about being hungry.

“We got caught in traffic,” Clarke excuses, lamely.

Octavia’s blatant retort of, “Bullshit” makes even Lexa chuckle.

The three of them meet up with Abby, Indra, and Gus at a local restaurant. Of course Abby spends a solid five minutes hugging Lexa swearing she has gotten bigger.

“Mom let her breathe,” Clarke says, despite the grin on her face. “And she went through puberty like six years ago, she’s done growing. You know this, because you literally watched it happen!”

“Can’t I just be happy she’s home?” Abby says, glaring at Clarke over Lexa’s shoulder.

“I’m happy to be home,” Lexa says, giving the doctor a smile. “Ignore her,” she whispers in the woman’s ear giving her a teasing grin that makes the doctor smirk.

Indra has never been a hugger, a smiler, or really very affectionate at all. But her Mom does gently squeeze her hand when she passes by Lexa while slipping into the booth. Gus, however, picks her up off the ground in a death grip that has Lexa’s lungs deflating.

“Dad, put me down,” Lexa says, feeling her chest concave. He obliges, but doesn’t sit down before he ruffles her hair.

“There’s my girl,” he says, giving her a grin.

Lexa rolls her eyes at him and takes her seat. Anya is the last to show up, having been detained by something she does not offer to explain. Unsurprisingly, no one asks.

“Now Lexa,” Abby starts, as she picks up a menu. “We want to hear all about Yale.”

She fights off an embarrassed grin as she proceeds to tell her family all about life in Connecticut. Life without them.

Dinner is easy. Dinner is like being swept back into her life before Yale. Before books and papers and studying overtook everything. Abby and Clarke’s laughs are frequent, as are Octavia and Anya’s snide remarks. Even Indra cracks a half-smile now and again. Clarke’s hand is intertwined with hers under the table and Lexa sits back in her seat and basks in the warm glow of her family, of being home. She’d almost forgotten what if felt like. Almost. But then again, she never had this most of her life and she is still getting used to being loved by so many people.

Anya slips a snickers bar into Lexa’s back pocket as they exit the restaurant. She winks at the brunette who gives her questioning look, before her and Octavia climb into Anya’s car together. “As if I’m sleeping in the same room as you two,” O says, rolling her eyes at them both. “I’ll expect you to do the same when Lincoln visits,” she calls from the window as they drive by.

“Damn,” Clarke says, and it’s so unexpected that Lexa’s head snaps up to regard her with curious eyes. “My neighbors are gonna hate us,” she says, turning to give Lexa a shit-eating grin that earns her a smack on the arm from the brunette.

“Cocky, aren’t you?” she quips.

“No,” Clarke says inching closer to her. “Just really, really lucky.” Right before her lips close the distance between them she whispers, “And horny,” and Lexa is laughing into Clarke’s mouth without abandon.

Her neighbors do hate them, from the time they burst through the door tearing each other’s clothes off until about three in the morning when they are so utterly spent that the act of breathing feels heavy. They can barely move and it takes all of Clarke’s energy to shift from the end of the bed to the top so that she can lye behind Lexa.

Clarke’s arms slip around her waist and Lexa turns around so that she is facing the blonde. She stares into the blue eyes that are by far her favorite color and wishes every moment of her life could be lived in these quiet moments with Clarke.

“You know some people just have sex the one time,” Clarke says, breathless.

“Really?” Lexa says, her voice mock disbelief. Her fingers roam up and down Clarke’s bare side, her nails sliding along her damp skin. “Why would they do that?” she says, feigning ignorance.

Clarke giggles and Lexa grins at her. “Always a smartass,” Clarke says, with so much affection in her voice. The blonde closes her eyes and hums as Lexa rakes her nails along her back. “I think we may have overdone it. I’m not going to be able to walk tomorrow,” Clarke says, already sounding like she could slip into sleep at any minute.

“Guess the foot long dildo I brought is out of the question.”

Clarke’s eyes burst open wide and Lexa has to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from snorting. “Clarke, you look like you just unexpectedly gave birth.”

“A foot long dildo might as well be a child!”

Lexa honest to God giggles and it feels amazing. She hasn’t felt this light, this happy, since she left nearly two months ago. She knows that Yale is important, that them doing this a part is necessary for their relationship and their future. But it is hard. Painfully hard for her, and this moment is a reminder of just how much.

Lexa’s hand sneaks out to brush Clarke’s hair behind her ear. She strokes her cheek gently and the blonde’s eyes flutter open and regard her with ferocity.

“I love you,” Clarke says, as if it will stop time and space and the universe. Her voice is low, gentle, but filled with promise. Like she’s trying to convince Lexa. Like the brunette has somehow forgotten or doubts that the girl lying next to her would likely sacrifice her life just to make her happy. But it’s not something Lexa can forget, and it’s not something she will ever understand, but she knows just like the sun rises and the tides come in and out that Clarke loves her each and every day. She can feel it passing through her every single time the girl looks at her. Every time her hands conquer her body, and her breath lingers in her ear.

Lexa nods her head and smiles earnestly. “I know,” she whispers, leaning forward to place a kiss on Clarke’s nose. “I know,” she utters quietly, wrapping her arms around the blonde’s torso. Her head falls into Lexa’s shoulders and she breathes a content, but tired sigh. “Go to sleep,” Lexa whispers into the matted blonde hair.

She feels Clarke’s lips against her collarbone and then the breathy exhale she lets out. And not too long after her body slumps fully into Lexa’s as sleep takes her. The brunette stays awake for a little while. Watching the easy rise and fall of Clarke’s breathing, and placing gentle kisses into her hair.

“You’re everything,” she whispers to the sleeping girl. “Absolutely my everything,” she confesses to the dark room.

She wonders when she became a part of another person instead of just herself. When her soul merged with Clarke’s. She wonders when she became this weak, and how on Earth she let it happen. She wonders when this started even though she can vividly remember every minute of it.

//

Clarke’s hand is in hers as they walk the few blocks to the restaurant. The air is still warm, but the impending nightfall gives hint of a chill later. It’s November in Maryland, and the weather is as unpredictable as the night.

“Just a fair warning, everyone might bombard you,” Clarke says, grinning over at her girlfriend.

“Why?” Lexa asks, face bunching up at the bizarre statement.

“Because you’re kind of all I talk about and everyone doesn’t really believe you’re real.”

Lexa scrunches up her nose. “Why would they think I’m not real?” she asks, the logical part of her making way.

“Because they’re jerks who like to harass me about not being able to get a girlfriend,” Clarke says, smiling. She shrugs her shoulders and pulls Lexa closer to her. “Plus they’re going to be super drunk.”

“Oh great,” Lexa says, rolling her eyes. She pretends like she gets it, but she has no idea why Clarke’s friends would harass her so much.

“I don’t really care. You’re here and that’s all that matters.”

Lexa leans over and places a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek. She squeezes Clarke’s hand tighter. And yeah, that is all that matters.

“Ready for me to show you off?” Clarke asks, when they reach the restaurant that Clarke’s lacrosse formal is taking place at.

Days, months, and years have passed between them, but still Lexa cannot believe that Clarke refers to her as something she is going to show off.

Lexa places a kiss on Clarke’s nose and smiles wide at her. “We should go in,” she whispers. Clarke opens the door for her and Lexa steps inside.

Octavia and Anya are waiting at the bar when the couple finally arrives. Octavia is already very drunk. Lexa knows this, because she actually hugs her. O is all tough and crunchy, but when she is wasted she suddenly becomes the most affectionate person known to man. Lexa thinks she must crave it, because alcohol tends to make people’s walls come down. She thinks that O must really want love that she is too afraid to ask for sober. Lexa can only imagine what she would be like inebriated.

“Hey Commander,” O says, with a cheesey grin as she pulls away from the embrace. “Long time, no see.”

“Hi O,” Lexa says, giving her a smile.

“Glad you could make it out. Now your girl can stop whining about you not being at these things,” she says, laughing.

Clarke punches Octavia in the arm, and she punches her right back, harder. The two glare at each other before one of them smiles and then the other returns. Lexa looks past them and sees Anya. Her sister nods her head at her, and Lexa returns the gesture. It’s all the greeting they need. Lexa loops around the bickering roommates to join her at the bar.

“Are you drinking?” Anya asks, and Lexa notices that her cup is filled with ginger ale. Lexa has never once seen or heard of her sister drinking. But that’s how most things go with Anya.

Lexa shakes her head. Anya gives her a tiny nod and sips her drink. It’s fascinating how little needs to be said between them. Anya has never questioned her policy on drinking, and Lexa has never felt the need to explain it. They both have a mutual respect between them about their choices. Lexa is not entirely sure what the foster homes Anya came from were like, but she doesn’t need to ask because she knows that they probably weren’t nice. None of them ever really are.

“They’ve been giving Clarke shit. They don’t think she actually has a girlfriend. They say it’s too convenient,” Anya says, smirking into her drink.

Lexa’s face contorts into one of puzzlement. “Clarke said something about that. I don’t understand.”

Anya shrugs. “You’ll see,” Anya says ominously.

“Why wouldn’t you just verify my existence?” Lexa asks, smirking at her big sister.

“Now where is the fun in that?” she asks. Where indeed.

“Asshole,” she mutters, and Anya nudges her with her shoulder.

Anya orders her a sprite and it’s not long after a drink is in her hand that Clarke and a few other girls come up to them. Clarke introduces her as her girlfriend and pretty soon she is surrounded by a lot of tipsy twenty-somethings in skintight dresses asking her all kinds of questions about her and Clarke.

“Oh my god, you’re real!”

“She’s gorgeous!”

“How did you and Clarke meet?”

“Are you really at Yale?”

“How long is your hair?”

“We thought Clarke was making you up!”

The insane string of questions has Lexa’s head spinning. It’s worse than when she met the Griffin’s. At least then she had Abby as back up. She looks to Clarke for help but the blonde is equally at a loss for what to do. Their hero turns out to be a drunk Octavia.

“Hey losers, we got a table!” Octavia screams from across the floor as she waves at them wildly. The perfect diversion.

“You’re in charge of making sure she doesn’t die in her sleep tonight,” Lexa whispers to Clarke, and the blonde snorts.

“Can’t be nearly as bad as Raven at prom,” Clarke retorts.

“We’ll see.”

The couple is quick to make their escape, and trail back toward the table where Anya, Octavia, and two other girls that Lexa does not recognize are sitting.

“Thank God,” Clarke says. She goes and pulls out one of the chairs for Lexa, then takes a seat next to her. The two women that still remain unknown have their mouths hanging open.

“You were not lying,” the one with red hair says, glancing over at Octavia who is grinning wide.

“Did you just pull out her chair for her?” the other says, looking disbelievingly at Clarke.

The blonde stares at them unwaveringly, and Lexa wraps an arm protectively around the back of Clarke’s chair. “Yes. Got a problem with that?” Lexa smiles at her girlfriend’s utter and complete defensiveness.

“They do tease you, don’t they?” Lexa coos, reaching up and placing her hand on Clarke’s cheek. Lexa gives her a mock sympathetic expression and she can hear Octavia snickering. “My poor baby,” she teases, giving Clarke a rueful smile.

Clarke blushes and kisses the palm of Lexa’s hand before taking it in her own and settling it on top of her thighs underneath of the table. “You’re worse than them,” she says, giving Lexa a grin.

“I am genuinely going to be sick,” the redhead says.

“I told you. Clarke is whipped!” O says, adding the sound effect. Her cheeks are red and she is grinning so wide, and Lexa knows she is going to be holding her hair back when she is throwing up later.

“Sorry!” the redhead says. “I am being rude. I am Tiffany and you MUST be Lexa? This is Emori!” She gestures over at the brunette who is still kind of in shock.

“Nice to meet you,” Lexa says, giving them a polite smile.

“So, you’re the girl that Clarke is mad about?” Tiffany says, looking ever so intrigued. “I have to say the way Clarke talks about you I thought you had to be too good to be true, but here you are.”

Anya snorts at this, and Lexa eyes her. “You’ll have to excuse my sister. She has no manners,” Lexa says, giving Anya a teasing grin.

“Sister?” Emori asks, looking very surprised by that.

“Wait, Anya is your sister?” Tiffany asks, glancing between the two of them.

Anya gives them a scary look that the two girls take as their confirmation.

“Clarke, why didn’t you tell us that your girlfriend is Anya’s sister?” Emori asks.

“It didn’t really seem important,” Clarke says, smirking at Anya. “Wouldn’t want you guys to think she favors me.”

“Anything but,” Anya quips, looking directly at Clarke. Lexa can see a look of affection pass between the two, and she knows that deep down they both love each other in their own weird and violent way.

“So have you guys have been together a long time?”

“Two years or so,” Lexa says, shrugging.

“Even though they act like they’ve been married for fifty,” Octavia says, laughing.

“Like you and Lincoln aren’t super annoying,” Clarke says, rolling her eyes. “We never sucked face in the hallway. And I mean you guys sucked face. Like your face was in his mouth.”

“I have to agree with her on that one O,” Lexa says, smiling. “It was pretty bad.”

“Fuck both of you,” she says, holding up both her middle fingers. “There is no more annoying couple than you two.”

Clarke and Lexa just smile at their friend. They both know on some level it’s probably true, but they’ll never admit it.

“I suddenly feel very single,” Tiffany says.

“I don’t,” Emori replies, glancing over to Anya. When Lexa sees her sister’s lips twitch, she knows. This girl must be the new fling Clarke told her about. Her sister makes no effort to argue for or against it. This means it’s true.

“So Lexa!” Tiffany practically shouts averting everyone’s attention. “Let me buy you a drink?”

“Oh thank you, but you don’t have to do that,” the brunette says, and she can feel her own blush creeping up her cheeks. It never ceases to become tense whenever alcohol is refused by an eighteen year old.

“Those two don’t drink,” Octavia announces. “Haven’t since they’ve been together.” Leave it to the drunk brunette to provide answers for them.

“Interesting,” Tiffany comments. “Any reason why?”

Clarke jumps in for her. “Just not our thing. But we’re more than happy to watch you dipshits get sloppy.”

“Hey!” Octavia shouts. “I am never sloppy,” she slurs and then giggles.

Lexa rolls her eyes, but smiles still.

Tiffany and Emori are nice. In fact most of Clarke’s team is really nice, especially to Clarke. It’s obvious to Lexa that probably a third of them have some kind of crush on her girlfriend, and she does her best to ignore it, because Clarke barely bats an eye at them. Still it’s an overwhelming amount of attention that Lexa does her best to not notice.

They spend a good while talking with their friends over dinner. Various teammates come and go, introducing themselves to Lexa, stopping to chat about one thing or another. Some even snap photos of her and Clarke sitting together or all of them at the table claiming they need proof. There is a buzz in the air from the copious amounts of alcohol and the party atmosphere that makes conversation easy and laughing plentiful. It’s really not a bad evening, and Lexa doesn’t feel like a stick in the mud for once.

Clarke whispers, “I told you,” in her ear at one point and really does nothing to settle her nerves, because she’s forgotten just how sexy Clarke whispering can be.

Clarke’s teammates are already half in the bag when it’s time to leave the restaurant and hit the club for dancing. Octavia is beyond drunk, and she can barely make it out the front door. Lexa and Clarke both help her outside where most of the team is huddled on the sidewalk going over their plan for taking on the night when Octavia practically sprints for the parking lot.

“Now I told you,” Lexa mutters as she chases after the brunette.

“Aren’t you coming?” several ask Clarke, when she’s left standing by them, debating on whether or not to go and help Lexa. It’s at this moment that Octavia starts vomiting, and Lexa holds back her hair and steers her in the direction of the bushes.

Clarke just shakes her head. “No, we’re going to head back,” she says, hiking her thumb back to the scene. “I think O’s done for the night.”

“You could always take her home and come back out with us,” Ali, one of her teammates, suggests.

Clarke laughs. “Sorry. The future doctor in me won’t allow it. She needs to be taken care of.”

“Such a martyr,” Ali says. “No wonder you’re taken.”

Clarke blushes and tries her best to laugh it off. Ali has been flirting with her for the better part of them knowing each other. Clarke has made it very clear that she is happily with someone, and Ali has made it very clear that she could give a fuck less. Now she just does her best to avoid her, and only really talks to her when they’re in a group, no matter how many text messages she sends her.

“Have a good night guys. Be safe,” she adds, waving as she hurries over to Octavia’s unoccupied side. Lexa gives her a grave expression as the Blake empties out most of the contents of her stomach.

“We need to get her home,” Lexa says, and Clarke nods her agreement. Octavia mutters something incoherent and then keeps retching.

They wait until it seems like Octavia is finished, and then they help her stand up right. They tag team her, each one taking a different arm and looping it around their necks as they help their friend stagger home.

“Were you going to tell me that half your team likes you or…” Lexa says, glancing over top of Octavia’s head to regard a rather red Clarke.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” she says. But Lexa can tell from her nervous look that she knows exactly what the hell she is talking about.

“Pretty hard to miss Clarke.”

“It’s nothing new,” Clarke says, and then she looks like she wants to smack herself.

“What does that mean?” Lexa asks.

“IT MEANS,” Octavia suddenly yells, her head jerking up. “We play WOMEN’S lacrosse. Women’s,” she emphasizes. ”About 80% of our team is gay. And Clarke is hot. And half gay.”

“It is not 80%,” Clarke argues.

“It’s sure a fuck ton. The first week of school I thought Clarke’s cheeks were going to be permanently pink from all the girls she had to turn down,” O says. “It was way worse than high school.”

“High school?” Lexa says, glancing over at her girlfriend who is looking pretty shameful.

“Oh please,” Octavia says, her wasted lips unable to stop moving. “Everyone always had a crush on the team captain,” she says, trying to nudge Clarke’s shoulder despite her arm being looped around the blonde’s neck. She just ends up wiggling her arm around Clarke. “She was too far up your ass to pay anyone else any attention. But fuck they could be annoying.”

“It wasn’t that bad. You make me sound like some kind of celebrity,” Clarke defends, embarrassed.

“In women’s lacrosse you are,” O snaps.

“Shut-up drunkie,” Clarke retorts.

“Make me!” Octavia challenges.

“Behave,” is Lexa simple command that both players follow all the way back to their dorm.

“It’s not 80%,” Clarke grumbles because she can just feel Lexa’s eyes on her as they lay the now sleeping Octavia onto her bed. “There are a few people who have expressed their…interest,” she says, as she takes off O’s boots as Lexa braids her hair so it stays out of her face. “I have politely explained that I was taken because they are my teammates and I have to play with them. There’s not really much more I can do about it.”

“That’s why they kept saying I wasn’t real,” Lexa says. “They thought you were making me up to turn them down.” It all makes sense now. The whole evening makes more sense.

“It doesn’t help that you don’t have any social media,” Clarke adds, shrugging her shoulders as she pulls Octavia’s pants off. “I have a hot, intelligent girlfriend who is at Yale and she doesn’t have a profile of any kind. I’d think I was bullshitting too.”

Lexa sets a trashcan and a bottle of water next to the Blake’s bedside. “We’ll be right here if you need us,” she says to their sleeping friend.

Clarke uses the restroom first and Lexa takes the chance to change in to her pajamas. They are nothing more than a pair of shorts and one of Clarke’s shirts. She slips into the bathroom and joins Clarke in brushing her teeth. They eye each other in the mirror, but nothing is said.

Not until Clarke hops into bed and pats the spot in front of her and Lexa says, “Oh me? Sure you don’t want one of the other girls dying to get into your bed,” smartly.

The blonde reaches out and snags Lexa by her arm and pulls her fully onto the bed.

“You’re my girlfriend,” she growls, climbing on top of the brunette who is struggling not to laugh. “And you’re the only girl allowed in my bed.”

Lexa can barely contain her laughter now and Clarke is smothering her face in kisses. “Sure about that? Sounds like there are plenty of options out there,” Lexa teases.

Clarke links her left hand with Lexa’s, and her fingers twirl the band that permanently resides there. “I didn’t give any of them a ring,” Clarke says, and Lexa smiles.

They lay together playing with one another’s fingers. Smirking at each other as they giggle innocently. “Are you mad?” Clarke asks, her voice not demanding or judgmental, more curious.

“About what?” Lexa asks, quirking an eyebrow.

Clarke merely raises hers in return.

Lexa shakes her head. “How can I be?” she says. “It’s not your fault that people like you. I happen to know first-hand how easy that is.”

Lexa smirks and Clarke blushes. Lexa tugs on her hand and makes the blonde look at her. “Do you like any of them?” Lexa asks, her voice tepid.

“Lexa?”

“No. I mean…I’m not accusing you of cheating.” Clarke looks downright offended. “Clarke, it’s just a question. You’re allowed to find other people attractive. That’s kind of the point of being in a relationship, right? We chose to be together.”

It pains Clarke to let out her next breath. Her eyes are sad when she looks back up at Lexa. She reaches out and cups her cheek. “When are you going to understand that it’s only you? It’s only ever going to be you Lexa,” she whispers. “I don’t see anyone else. I don’t want to see anyone else. I’m not sacrificing anything by being with you.”

Lexa is stunned speechless, and Clarke just pulls her in close. She brushes their noses together and whispers, “I’m always going to want you. I’m never going to leave you.”

Lexa exhales, feeling her body shake uncontrollably. She hates it. She hates feeling this vulnerable.

“I won’t push you, but I don’t know what else I can do to make you understand.”

Clarke links their hands together and places them over top of her chest. “It’s yours. Only yours,” she whispers, pressing Lexa’s hand to the thrumming part of her skin. “I’m not them Lexa. I’m not going to leave you.”

Her response is so quick, so quiet, so intense. “You don’t know that.”

Clarke pulls her in close so that every inch of them is touching. Her arms wrap around Lexa as if holding her will solve all of life’s problems.

“That’s it,” Clarke whispers, squeezing her tighter. “I’m getting your name tattooed on my ass.”

Laughter bubbles up so unexpectedly from Lexa’s chest she can barely do anything to lessen the sound. She doesn’t think Octavia will mind. It’s such a change from the serious moment they had just been having. But that’s Clarke. Just when she thinks she’s going to cry the blonde makes her laugh. And when she thinks she is going to fall apart Clarke reminds her that she is capable of being whole.

When they both can cease their laughter Lexa’s face turns soft. “I’ll try,” she says. “I will always try, for you.”

//

Raven finds them like this an hour later. Lexa in Abby’s arms, both asleep for the first time in two days.

The dark-haired girl looks through the window at her best friend. She watches the heart monitor as it continues to beep. “We really need you out here Clarke,” she says, looking down at the two women who will not survive if Clarke doesn’t. “You need to hurry up and get better. Stop being stubborn.”

Raven throws her coat over the two women and goes back to the waiting room. Octavia is sleeping on Lincoln’s shoulder. Bellamy is still pacing. Indra, Gus, and Anya are sitting quietly in the corner, speaking through their mutual silence. Jasper and Monty are both pretending like they’re watching the television. Everyone looks to her when she walks in.

“No change,” she says grimly, shaking her head. They all silently go back to their occupations. Raven takes the chance to sneak outside and light a cigarette.

It’s her best-kept secret. The only person who knows about her sometimes vice is Clarke, which makes it oddly poetic. The embers glow orange in the cold morning air, and the smell of smoke suffocates her lungs, but it burns so right.

“Give me.”

Raven whips around to see Anya has followed her outside. She holds out her hand expectantly and Raven hands the pack over. She thinks the girl to crush it or throw them away, but instead she lights one and takes a long drag. Smoke funnels out of her mouth. This isn’t the first time she’s done this.

“How is she?” Anya asks, and Raven knows she is not asking about Clarke.

“Sleeping.”

“Good,” she grunts.

A few moment of silence pass between them before Anya asks, “How bad was it?”

Raven’s mind flashes back to two days ago. When she got a call from Abby during her robotics class. She almost didn’t answer it.

She drove down to New Haven in under an hour because she ignored speed limits and red lights. It wasn’t asked of her. Hell, she just texted Lexa and left without waiting for a reply.

When she got there Raven found the brunette wandering around outside her dorm in her pajamas trying to call a cab. The look on Lexa’s face made a part of her soul die.

“It’s faster if we drive,” Raven had said, knowing there were no words for this, only actions that could be taken.

Lexa didn’t speak. She didn’t ask her how she knew to come or why she was there. She didn’t pack a bag. Her answer was her getting into the passenger side of the brunette’s car. They drove in relative silence for six hours, stopping for gas. The only connection they had was that Lexa had reached out and taken Raven’s hand at one point because it was shaking on the steering wheel.

Lexa’s green eyes were so empty, so scared, but she never let go of her hand until they got to the hospital. Lexa was nothing but quiet strength.

The brunette had made a mad dash inside, practically running down the hallway. Lexa wasn’t the type to make a scene, but Raven thought she might just choke the front desk attendant when she said they had to be family. She was unraveling.

Abby had found them. There were tears in her eyes when she grabbed ahold of Lexa and hugged her. That’s how Raven knew it was bad.

“Where is she?” Lexa had demanded, and Abby’s face had sunk in on itself.

“We need to talk,” she had said.

Abby was still in her scrubs. Her hair was a mess, there were deep bags under her eyes, and both girls knew that the doctor had probably been up all night with her daughter, doing whatever she could to save her. She pulled them into a waiting room and sat them both down. Lexa was surprisingly obedient, but there was an underlying storm lurking beneath her calm.

//

_December…_

“Someone spiked my eggnog,” Clarke says, and then hiccups like she’s a fifty-year-old man who just got drunk off of cooking sherry.

Lexa snickers into the phone. It’s two in the morning and she had been sleeping rather soundly until she got a call from her drunk girlfriend who was just full of slightly slurred things to say. Once Lexa explained that she was indeed not mad, and learned that Clarke was safe and sound back in her dorm room thanks to Octavia, who had ditched her to go back out to the ugly sweater party they had come from, Clarke’s babbling never seemed to stop. It was a good thing that Echo was out for the night otherwise she would have definitely kept her roommate up.

“I can tell,” Lexa says, smiling very hard at her ceiling. Clarke is incredibly cute when she is drunk it seems.

“They’re mean. All of them,” she says, sounding rather passionate about her declaration.

“Who is?” Lexa asks, enjoying this a little too much.

“My team!” Clarke squeaks. “They know I don’t drink. They said the eggnog was non-alc…alcah-lic…man, that’s a tough word to say.”

Lexa’s laugh is soft and sweet and it makes Clarke’s drunk heart ache for her.

“I guess now you’ve met her,” Clarke says, her lips making a raspberry sound.

“Met who?” Lexa asks, confused.

“Party girl Griffin,” she says. “I thought she was dead and buried, but the bitch is back.”

“Well it’s nice to meet her,” Lexa replies. “I don’t know if I would call her a bitch.”

“Oh just wait,” Clarke says, sounding ever so ominous. “It’ll happen.”

“I think I can handle her,” Lexa says, smiling.

“Yeah, well you’re not here. If you were you’d have to deal with her being on top of you.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm,” Clarke says, sounding like she is dreaming of such a thing. “I’m not good at controlling myself when I’m drunk.”

“I would argue that you’re not good at that period. Remember Thanksgiving…”

Lexa had flown home on Thanksgiving. She had gone back to Clarke’s grandparents for dinner as requested. The only problem was her girlfriend’s hands had a mind of their own.

They were nearly caught when Clarke had followed Lexa into the bathroom. Clarke’s little cousin proceeded to bang on the door while asking why they were both in there very loudly, as Lexa told her girlfriend no way in hell were they fucking in her grandmother’s bathroom. Thankfully it was Clarke’s aunt who had heard her child’s yelling, not Abby or Nanna. But the raised eyebrows they got from her were enough to make them both feel pretty shameful.

“It’s not my fault that you look that good and that you’re you,” Clarke says.

“I am me?” Lexa says, trying to figure out that puzzle.

“Yep! You, my girlfriend,” Clarke says. “It’s your fault!” she declares, sounding at least half-serious.

“It’s my fault that we’re dating and you want to have sex with me?”

“Bingo!”

“I don’t think there’s a way for me to win this argument.”

“Are we fighting?”

“Not really,” Lexa chuckles.

“Okay, good. Because I never, ever want to fight with you, ever. Because I love you. I love you more than anything else in the entire universe Lexa.”

“The universe is rather large Clarke.”

“Yes it is. I still love you more than it.”

“Okay,” she says, trying not to laugh.

“God I want to touch you,” Clarke practically moans. A very warm sensation swells in Lexa’s chest and trickles down into other parts of her body.

“Clarke,” is her sharp and stern response. She hopes it will keep her grounded, and not get carried away with the sensation.

“What? I can’t help it,” she whines. “I’m drunk, and I miss you, and I wish you were here so I could touch you. Just thinking about it makes me want to...” she cuts herself off wondering if she’s gone too far.

“…To?”

“Touch myself,” Clarke says, a little softer. She sounds like she might genuinely be embarrassed to admit it.

Lexa gulps. “Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Touching yourself.”

There’s an audible pause on the other end of the line before Clarke says, “No…should I be?”

Lexa has no idea how to handle this. “Do you want to?”

“Do you want me to?” Clarke asks, sounding like she is waiting for this to go bad at any second.

“You’re drunk,” Lexa says, trying to reason that this is a bad idea. But there are certain parts of her that never listen to reason when it comes to Clarke Griffin.

“Yes,” Clarke says. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to. Being drunk makes me like five times more turned on than usual.”

“I don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret tomorrow morning,” Lexa says, trying hard to shake herself out of this. She has no idea what she is so afraid of. Her and Clarke have had sex probably hundreds of times now. Why does this feel so different?

“Touching myself while thinking of you is something I’ve done both sober and drunk.”

“What?”

“Babe, I had a crush on your since kindergarten. Lets just say alcohol makes you face the truth?”

“How long?”

“What?”

Lexa licks her lips and inhales deeply. “How long have you been…masturbating while thinking of me?”

There isn’t even a beat for Clarke to think. “Since I was thirteen.” Alcohol makes your brutally honest.

The brunette has to stifle the noise that threatens to spill from her mouth. “How? We weren’t even together then.”

“Imagination,” is Clarke’s very serious and simple response. “That and we had gym together in eight grade. Lets just say…I peaked.”

Lexa bites her lip and decides a little truth of her own may not hurt. “Yeah, I did too.”

“Alexandria!” Clarke gasps, the alcohol fueling her usual playful dramatics a bit more.

“I was young and curious!” she defends, letting her hand smack across her face as she adjusts her phone to her ear.

“Did you like what you saw?”

“You know the answer to that,” Lexa says, not having any of Clarke’s fishing.

“No I don’t,” she says, and Lexa can only imagine the smug grin on Clarke’s face.

“Yes,” Lexa says.

Clarke giggles. “I did too. I used to love when your curls would fall out of your ponytail. Your hair would get all sweaty and you would swipe it out of your face when you would take your shirt off. Nothing turned thirteen year old me on more than that hair swipe.”

“That’s rather innocent actually.” Lexa is a little surprised by that.

“I was only thirteen,” Clarke reasons. “I didn’t have such a dirty mind back then, just a bunch of urges and thoughts about you. About what it would be like to be the one taking your shirt off or swiping the hair out of your face.” Clarke’s voice has drops lower, and Lexa can feel it in her toes.

“I always had a great view of your butt,” Lexa admits. “You used to change right at the edge of the line of locker and I could always see you while you talked to your friends.”

“My butt, huh?”

“Yeah,” Lexa says, feeling her cheeks burn red. She has no idea why she’s embarrassed. She is in her bedroom, alone, talking to her girlfriend of two years. This shouldn’t be a big deal. This shouldn’t be something she feels shame over. “Yeah, your butt. Your butt, and your thighs, and your hips. You had all of these curves and all I wanted to do was feel every inch of them.”

“Lexa…” Clarke husks. She can hear the warning clear as day in her girlfriend’s voice, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t give one fuck.

“I wanted to run my hands all over your skin. Over your belly button piercing, and your silk bras, and the freckles on your shoulders. It always felt like I was burning all over when I would watch you. I would ache between my thighs and had no idea why, or how to make it stop.”

“Do you still feel like that?” Clarke asks.

“All of the time,” Lexa says, because it is true. “Every time I see you I want to touch you. Touch all of your curves and dips. Kiss your skin, your lips. Feel your body on mine. I start to ache all over and my thighs clench together.”

“Are they now?” Clarke asks.

“Uh huh,” Lexa says, feeling her legs squirm.

“What are you wearing?”

“Honestly?” Lexa asks, wondering if this is the point when she should start making ridiculous things up.

“Yes,” Clarke says, her voice deep.

“A thong and your Arkadia High t-shirt.”

Clarke moans and an intense jolt of pleasure ripples through Lexa’s center.

“I love when you wear my clothes.”

“I thought you love when I wear no clothes?” And okay Lexa is being flirtatious as hell.

“That’s my favorite,” Clarke purrs.

“What are you wearing?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

A gasp escapes Lexa lips as an image of Clarke lying naked in bed flashes through her mind.

“Should I be?” Lexa asks.

“If you want to be,” Clarke says. “You know my preference.”

“Hold on,” Lexa says, sitting up and letting her phone fall down into her lap. She reaches down and lifts her shirt up and over her head, throwing it across the room. “Okay,” she says lying back down with her phone.

“What did you do?” Clarke asks, and Lexa can hear the desire.

“Took my shirt off.”

“Fuck.”

“I can put it back on.”

Clarke shouts, “No” so loud Lexa has to pull the phone back from her ear.

Lexa laughs, and Clarke groans. “Fuck, I want to touch you so bad.”

“Where?”

Clarke is slightly hesitant. “Are we really doing this?”

“Where do you want to touch me Clarke?” Lexa asks again, hoping Clarke will let it go. She wants to do this. She needs to do this. And she needs to not talk about it while they’re trying to do it so she won’t lose her nerve.

“Your breasts. God I love your tits,” Clarke husks.

“Really?”

“They’re perfect. Every part of you is. I want to touch you everywhere. I want my hands all over you.”

“What else do you want?”

“I want to kiss you. I want to suck on your neck, and bight your ear.”

There’s a breathy sigh and then silence.

“Clarke,” Lexa says, feeling her skin burn. “I want to try.”

“Okay Baby,” she husks. “I’ll do it with you. We’ll do it together.”

Lexa shuffles her legs around so she can remove her underwear, which really isn’t doing much to help. She lies back flat on the bed and takes a deep breath.

“Okay.”

“You’re so beautiful,” Clarke says, sounding like she is dreaming.

Lexa can feel the color coming to her cheeks. She doesn’t feel beautiful. She never really has. And she certainly doesn’t lying naked on a bed by herself. But she knows that Clarke does think she is.

“Gorgeous,” Lexa says, licking her lips. “The word I always think of when I see you is…gorgeous.” It’s true. There are so many words in the English language, and since she’s been at Yale she’s learned a lot more, but that one. That one has always been the one that pops in her mind when she sees her girlfriend.

“I love you Lexa,” Clarke says. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“Lexa?”

“Yes?”

“Are you wet?”

Lexa can feel it. She has felt it between her legs ever since her and Clarke started having this conversation. Images of her girlfriend in various positions have been going through her mind torturously.

“Yes.”

“Slide your fingers down and tell me how wet.”

Lexa obeys, letting her hand slide down her stomach and slip through her folds. “Very,” she says, resisting the urge to moan at the feeling.

Clarke sighs and when the fuck did her voice get so deep? The sound is enough to double Lexa’s arousal.

“Are you?” Lexa asks, her voice sounding unsure.

“Soaking,” Clarke says pointedly.

When Lexa doesn’t respond, Clarke giggles. “You always act so surprised,” she says.

“I just…”

“Don’t think you can cause that kind of reaction?” Clarke fills in. “I know, but you do. You do because I want you so bad right now I can hardly stand it.”

“Are you touching yourself?”

“You haven’t told me to yet.”

“Do it. Do it now.”

“Okay.”

Clarke hisses at the contact to her aching center and Lexa squirms uncontrollably.

“Babe, I’m not going to last long,” Clarke says.

“What are you doing right now?”

“I’m rubbing my clit and thinking about you. About that cute little dimple right above your bum and the way you sigh whenever you slide your fingers through me.”

“You’re always so wet,” Lexa husks.

“Mhm. That’s what you do to me. All the time.”

Lexa can hear Clarke’s erratic breathing. The way she’s sighing is a familiar music Lexa knows and it isn’t doing anything to fuel the fire burning between her legs.

“I need you,” Lexa says. “I feel like I need you so much right now Clarke. Tell me what to do.”

Clarke tells her. Clarke tells her exactly what to do and it startles Lexa how quickly she is close to coming. They just must really know each other’s bodies because the minute Lexa tells Clarke where to put her fingers the blonde is pretty much muttering incoherently until she cries out her release a few moments later.

There’s nothing but heavy breathing and sighs coming over their lines for a while. The cool night air and the heat they’ve worked up balancing each other out.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asks eventually when her mind and body have caught back up. There’s concern lacing her rather groggy voice.

“Yeah,” Lexa says. “I’m okay. That wasn’t so bad.”

Clarke laughs. “Yeah, it was a lot better than when I do it by myself.”

“I don’t know what I was so afraid of,” Lexa admits.

“It’s more than that,” Clarke says, and Lexa can tell by the sound of her voice that her girlfriend will be sleeping soon. “It’s about loving yourself, in more ways than one.”

“Are you always this profound when you drink?”

“No,” Clarke says. “I’m just always that way with you.”

They both laugh and Lexa wants nothing more in the world than to be able to curl herself around Clarke’s body.

“Stay on the phone?” the blonde asks, as if reading her thoughts.

“I will.”

Clarke falls asleep first, the sound of her breathing lulling Lexa soon after.

//

Two other doctors had joined them, colleagues of Abby’s. They said what the Mother couldn’t. That Clarke had Meningitis and the swelling in her brain and spinal cord had caused her to lapse into a coma.

They said it sometimes spread on college campuses, and Clarke being an athlete probably exposed her to it. That most people think they have the flu and don’t go to the doctor soon enough. They said she was lucky to come in when she did. That early action is one of the only things that can prevent death, because there is no single cure for the illness. They told them everything that they could, but none of it told them what they really wanted to know.

“Is she going to be okay?” Raven had asked, feeling stupid the minute the words came out of her mouth because of the grave expressions on the doctors’ faces.

They said that that the chances of her waking up were slim, and the chances of her waking up and not being disabled in some form were even slimmer. They told them that the disease can be very deadly and that they couldn’t say whether Clarke was going to make it. And even if she did she could have a long list of problems.

“There is no rhyme or reason to this disease,” Abby said, with absolute agony. “It’s all chance.”

That’s when Lexa punched the wall, several times. She stood up and quietly walked outside of the waiting room and punched the concrete that lined the hallway until her hand bled.

No one was angry. No one said anything, not even the doctors who excused themselves politely.

Lexa hand was bleeding and swollen, and maybe broken when she calmly walked back into the waiting room. But Abby didn’t hound her to get an x-ray like Raven thought she would. She didn’t even ask her if it hurt and Lexa never indicated that it did. The doctor wordlessly took her into a nursing station and bandaged her up. Raven suspected the mother had probably had a similar outburst herself.

Abby took them to Clarke. To a room that they couldn’t enter because Clarke hadn’t been on antibiotics long enough to have visitors without risking infection. Lexa nearly had a break down over that. It was the first time Raven had ever heard the brunette raise her voice. She asked to be let in. She had shouted that she didn’t care if she got infected. Abby was the only thing that had stopped her from forcing her way in.

They could see Clarke through a window. They could see her lying unconscious in a hospital bed, hooked up to all kinds of machines. Lexa hadn’t left the window since.

“It was bad,” Raven says, shaking her head back to reality. The thought of those first few hours are still fresh in her mind.

Anya nods and Raven knows, she understands even with so little explanation. No one gets Lexa quiet like Anya, not even Clarke. “Thank you for taking care of her,” she says. Raven is kind of blown away that the Anya is speaking to her, let along thanking her, but she gets it. In a weird way Anya has become both Lexa and Clarke’s big sister. She feels responsible for both of them.

“I didn’t do anything,” Raven says.

Anya’s eyes are fierce when they look up at her. Fierce and gorgeous and completely full of pain. It’s strangely pretty and terrifying at the same time. “You did,” she says, and Raven knows there is no room to argue. The older woman takes one last, long drag of her cigarette, puts it out, winks at her, and goes back inside the hospital.

Raven lights another.

//

Lexa is woken by the sound of hushed voices. Her vision is blurry and her mind hazy, but her heart is beating so fast, when she remembers where she is and why. It forces her awake.

“Cane?” she whispers, looking up from the floor to see her old guidance counselor. She must be dreaming.

He smiles warmly at her. “Hello Alexandria,” he says.

Abby is still holding her, and she shifts out of the woman’s arms and against the wall. “What are you doing here?” she asks, forgetting her manners entirely. He is holding two rather large coffees. He hands one to his old pupil and the other to Abby. She is not dreaming judging by the warmth radiating in her hands.

He nods at the doctor and Abby closes her eyes and lets out a shallow breath. She is not ready for this, clearly. Lexa looks between the two of them and it clicks into place “Oh,” she mutters, unable to stop herself. Abby winces and Lexa reaches out and takes Abby’s hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. The Mother’s eyes meet hers and Lexa has never realized before how much like Clarke’s they are.

“We were going to tell you and Clarke during spring break,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “No point in trying to hide it now.”

Lexa’s first thought is what comes out of her mouth. “Okay” she says. She wishes she cared enough to apply a filter, to say congratulations, but her mind can’t do that right now. They both seem content with that response. “Any change?” the brunette asks, looking to Abby.

The doctor shakes her head. “No,” she says. “But we will be able to see her soon.” Lexa nods. It’s what she expected.

Lexa shakes the sleep from her body and stands up. She looks through the window and sees Clarke. Nothing has changed. Her chest is still rising and falling, and her heart is still beating according to the monitor. She’s still here. That’s all Lexa needs.

Abby and Cane go to get some breakfast from the hospital cafeteria. Lexa turns down their invitation and Abby doesn’t push her to eat. The brunette sips the coffee Cane gave her. It’s the first thing she’s put in her stomach in days and it’s enough.

“I’m coming,” she whispers to the window.

Anya appears and comes to stand next to her. She is silent and Lexa is grateful. Her older sister has been giving her quiet support since she got there. She doesn’t force her to talk or ask questions. She’s just there, and it’s everything Lexa can’t ask for.

“If she dies,”

“-She won’t,” Anya says, as if it is fact.

“What if she does?” Lexa asks, feeling sick.

“She won’t.”

“You don’t know that,” Lexa bites out. “She could.”

“Don’t let guilt cloud your senses,” Anya warns.

Lexa bites her lip and closes her eyes, holding back the urge to scream. Lexa reaches out and places her palm on the window.

//

_February…_

“It’s freezing!” Clarke exclaims, her teeth chattering as they continue to walk through the fresh snowfall.

Connecticut is indeed freezing, living up to the horror stories of winter that Lexa was warned about before she started Yale. There is always a coat of snow on the ground and the air is so crisp it can make your lungs freeze. But the winter wonderland has its beauty that can be quite charming. And Lexa has found that the cold is nothing that can’t be solved with a cup of hot chocolate.

“It’s not so bad,” Lexa says, squeezing her girlfriend’s hand affectionately. She turns to look at the blonde who is bundled from head to toe. Her oversized beanie is nearly covering her eyes, and her scarf is unraveling from around her chin. She is an absolute mess and Lexa thinks she is devastatingly beautiful like this.

“Not so bad!”

Lexa giggles at Clarke’s outburst and smiles at her. It makes her eyes crinkle with warmth and Clarke decides she would freeze her ass off every day to be able to see that smile. Lexa stops them in their tracks and tugs the blonde closer to her, retying her scarf so it keeps her neck warmer. She shifts her hat above her head a little so that she can fully see her crystal blue eyes, and nods at her job well done.

“Better,” Lexa says, kissing Clarke’s nose. The blonde tries not to smile, but ends up grinning and rolling her eyes.

“I don’t know how you live like this all the time,” Clarke says, disbelievingly shaking her head. “I can’t even feel my toes.”

Lexa looks down to the pair of sneakers that her girlfriend chose to wear, and then looks back up with a knowsome face. Clarke sighs, “Okay, I didn’t pack well.”

“Don’t worry,” Lexa says, relacing their mitten-covered hands and tugging Clarke back along the sidewalk. “We’ll get you some actual boots next time.”

It’s not a long walk to the ice skating rink where they are meeting Lexa’s friends. Well, the brunette had referred to them as her study group, but Clarke can sense that they have all bonded beyond that. Her girlfriend hangs out with them from time to time, going to movies and the occasional study party (Clarke had no idea what those were and she was pretty sure she didn’t want to know). Lexa’s never been very good at understanding when people care about her. It took nearly eight years for Clarke to get through to her after all.

She’s happy that Lexa is finding her place at the university. She’s happy that her girlfriend is making friends, and participating in clubs, and getting good grades, and is really, really excited about learning so much. She’s so very happy, and yet she misses her. But Clarke knows that is selfish. And being selfish is not allowed in long-distance relationships.

“Do you know how to ice skate?” Clarke asks, when the reach the outdoor rink. It’s scenic, really. There are white Christmas lights hung everywhere, and leftover Christmas decorations that make it feel all the more cozy.

Lexa nods. “I do. Do you?” she asks, smirking.

“I do. How did we not know this about each other?”

“We’ve never been before,” Lexa answers, simply.

The brunette buys their entrance, insisting that every time she visits Clarke at school the blonde pays for everything on the same reasoning. This time it’s her turn.

They tell the gentleman at the booth their shoe sizes and they each receive a pair of figure skates, despite Clarke’s protests that she wants a hockey pair (they are out of her size).

Some of Lexa’s study group is already seated at the tiny concession shop, sipping on hot coffee and eating cookies while animatedly discussing comic book story lines.

“You two made it!” a girl cheers standing up to greet Lexa with a hug.

“Barely,” Clarke says, her tone letting the girl know she is indeed kidding.

Lexa rolls her eyes playfully. “Someone is having a hard time handling the cold.”

“This is nothing,” the girl assures, smiling at Clarke. “I’m Tabhea by the way.” She extends her hand to Clarke who eagerly shakes it.

“Clarke,” she says, giving her a smile.

Tabhea turns around to the small group and says, “Hey everybody! This is Clarke.”

There are plenty of smiling faces, and warm greetings that the blonde returns. Everybody has heard about her and they’re happy to put a face with the name. They wait patiently for two other people to arrive before they all venture out onto the ice together.

Lexa does indeed know how to skate. Clarke on the other hand is a little uneasy on the ice. She wobbles and grasps for the side after she’s barely been on for a minute. Lexa links their hands together and helps Clarke stand up on her skates while trying not to giggle.

“Clarke,” Lexa says, hiding her smile in her scarf. “Exactly how long has it been since you’ve ice skated?” she asks, trying to sound serious.

“A while,” Clarke admits, sheepishly.

“What is a while?” Lexa pries unable to hide her teasing smirk.

“Like…8 years?”

Lexa has to hold back a laugh. Clarke gives her a confused pout to which the brunette replies, “Let’s have a refresher course.”

They spend the evening ice-skating like that, Lexa tugging Clarke along as they skate round and round listening to corny Christmas songs. There’s a lot of laughter and warm smiles and easy conversation between the group of college kids.

Clarke eventually gets the hang of skating again and feels confident enough to venture out on her own a couple of times, but she always finds her way back to Lexa. There’s plenty of skating, and some hot chocolate breaks, and even a bit singing along to the well-known seasonal tunes. Nearly three hours pass before the gang calls it a night and ventures back to the dorm.

By then the temperature has dropped a little and the snowfall has only thickened. So much so, that the snowflakes stick to their eyelashes as they walk home wrapped around each other. They stop in at a local deli and grab soup and sandwiches for dinner. They’re soaked and freezing by the time they make it back.

“We should get you out of these clothes,” Clarke says when they reach Lexa’s dorm.

“I’m not the one who’s cold,” Lexa retorts, giving Clarke a grin.

“You sure about that?” Clarke asks, reaching out to tug on the hem of Lexa’s sweater. “Feels pretty wet to me.”

Lexa smiles the entire time Clarke kisses her, and it makes the blonde wrap her arms around her and lift her up into the air. “You make me very happy,” Clarke whispers against her lips.

Lexa lets out a deep breath and leans their foreheads together. “Come on,” she whispers, tugging on Clarke’s wrist. “Let’s get you changed.”

They are able to keep their hands off of each other as they swap out their wet clothes for warmer pajamas. Lexa hangs up their soaked garments to dry while Clarke sets out their food and finds a movie on TV in the common room.

Thankfully Echo is out for the weekend. She had decided to go and visit her “parents” for the second time since winter break ended. Lexa knows that the redhead is really carrying on an affair with an old high school friend that she met up with over break. She hasn’t seen much of her since, and she doubts her parents have either.

“Is that my sweatshirt?” Clarke asks, when Lexa plops down next to her on the sofa in a bright red Maryland hoddie.

“Yes,” Lexa says, without any shame.

“Are you ever going to stop stealing my clothes?”

“If I recall correctly,” Lexa says, swinging her legs up onto the couch so that they’re covering Clarke’s. “Stealing your clothes is what got us into this mess in the first place.” Lexa leans down and retrieves her soup from the coffee table where Clarke set it out. She sips daintily at the warm liquid while pretending to watch whatever action movie Clarke has found for them.

“Actually,” Clarke says, leaning back into the couch and turning to face Lexa more. “What got us into this mess was Murphy.”

Lexa scrunches up her nose at the mention of the name, and Clarke reaches out and squeezes her sock-covered foot gently. “Maybe I should thank him,” Lexa says, her sarcasm all too apparent.

“I’d rather hit him again,” Clarke retorts and Lexa chuckles.

They sit in comfortable silence for a bit. Watching the movie while eating their dinner. Lexa wiggles her toes against Clarke’s thigh and the blonde tugs a blanket down over their intertwined legs. They lay back, each on one opposite of the couch, feeling the weight of the cold day melting away.

Lexa genuinely relaxes for the first time in a while, sinking down into the couch and letting the warmth envelope her. Clarke shifts and grabs her sketchbook off the coffee table. The familiar sound of pencil hitting paper lulls Lexa into a half-sleep state.

Clarke looks up after while focusing in on Lexa who is sleeping. Clarke smiles then snuggles further down into the blanket and continues to draw.

It’s not until two hours later when Lexa somehow startles herself awake that she peeks up over the mound of fabric they’ve created between their legs to see Clarke’s tongue poking out of her mouth as she continues to scribble.

“What are you doing?” she asks sleepily. Lexa sits up a little and Clarke smiles despite her eyes still focusing on her page.

“Good morning Sleeping Beauty,” she says.

Lexa glares at her and Clarke chuckles. “I’m just doodling,” she says, shaking her head as if it’s nothing.

There are a lot of things that Lexa loves about Clarke. There are also a good deal of things about Clarke that drive Lexa crazy. One of them being how extremely humble she can be, to the point of self-deprecation.

Lexa knows Clarke. She knows that when she is really focused on a drawing she will sit for hours and continue to draw until she gets it right. It’s when her hair gets all disheveled from constantly tossing it back and forth as she sits and tries to look at it from another angle, it’s when her fingertips turn dark from holding the pencil too close for too long, it’s when her tongue pokes out in concentration, when she gets blisters on her fingers, and when her eyes turn a greenish blue color that reminds Lexa of the sea. Those drawings, that art, is the closest thing to Clarke’s soul.

It’s some of the most beautiful work Lexa has ever seen. And it’s also the stuff that Clarke likes to pretend is nothing. Like it doesn’t take a single ounce of talent or skill to accomplish. It’s always when she says she’s just ‘doodling’. Because God forbid Clarke acknowledge that she has any artistic talent.

“How long have you been at it?” Lexa asks. She sits up fully and wipes the sleep from her eyes. She glances over at the TV and sees a different movie is on.

“As long as you’ve been drooling,” Clarke says, looking up from her page to crinkle her nose at Lexa.

Lexa doesn’t drool in her sleep, but that doesn’t stop her from wiping at her mouth when she thinks Clarke isn’t looking. The blonde laughs and Lexa sticks her tongue out at her.

“Excuse you,” Clarke says, nudging Lexa’s leg with the tip of her foot. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen such bad manners from you before,” Clarke scoffs.

“You’re a bad influence,” Lexa retorts, reaching up and tying her hair back.

“Don’t do that,” Clarke says suddenly, her pencil ceasing its frantic movements.

Lexa raises an eyebrow at her in question. “Leave your hair down,” she says.

Lexa releases her hair which falls in waves across her shoulders. She needs a haircut terribly, but Clarke had said she wasn’t allowed to and Lexa had humored her. Lexa stares at Clarke until the blonde’s cheeks turn red and she mutters “What?” knowing damn well what.

“You’re drawing me,” Lexa says, and it’s not a question, but Clarke still replies with, “Maybe…”

Clarke has drawn her before. Actually she’s drawn her many times. Lexa knows this because Clarke tells her, but she won’t show her. There’s been countless mornings when she’s woken up to Clarke’s blonde hair mussed and her lips pursed as she scribbles in the book Lexa gave her three Christmases ago.

“Why do you do that?” Lexa asks.

“Because you’re beautiful,” Clarke says.

Lexa really can’t stop the blush that creeps up her face, and Clarke really can’t stop the wide smile it puts on hers.

“Are you ever going to show me one of these drawings?”

“Maybe…” Clarke replies, glancing over at the wall clock.

“Maybe when?” Lexa pushes.

“Maybe when it hits midnight.”

Lexa glances over at the clock to see that it is two minutes until midnight. Two minutes until Valentine’s Day.

“You planned this,” Lexa says, narrowing her eyes at the blonde who is still drawing.

“Maybe…”

“Clarke, say maybe one more time.”

The blonde snorts and Lexa bites her bottom lip to stop from smiling.

“Perfect,” Clarke says. Her pencil begins to scribble at a frantic pace. It’s thirty seconds of that before the blonde stop, looks down at the page, and nods her head. She sets the pencil aside and closes the book.

“Done?” Lexa asks.

“Yeah,” Clarke says. She flips the book around and hands it over to the brunette. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Lexa takes the book from Clarke, and gives her a weary look.

“I know I make you a card every year, but I thought this year I would do something a little different,” Clarke says.

Lexa’s brow knits together and Clarke laughs. “Just open the book. If you don’t like it I’ll make you a card.”

Clarke nudges her leg again and Lexa smirks at her. “What did you do?” Lexa asks, eyeing Clarke suspiciously.

The blond gives her a dopy grin and shouts, “Open it!”

Lexa sighs, shakes her head, and then flips the cover open.

Clarke has spent many moments with her girlfriend. Moments of anguish, moments of love, moments of peace, and moments of pain. There’s been tears, and smiles, and laughter, and sobs, and then…then there’s the moment that Lexa opens the book.

Lexa’s face drops and her face loses some color, and Clarke swears she stops breathing. She begins to turn the pages, and the silence makes Clarke’s chest constrict. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

“Clarke,” Lexa utters, breathless.

“I didn’t originally plan on giving it to you,” Clarke says, needing to fill the quiet. “And then it just kind of became about you and I thought you’re always asking me to see my drawings, and I’m always saying no, and I just wanted to do something special this year because we’ve been apart for so long, and-“

“Clarke,” Lexa says, unable to look up from the book. “You’re babbling.”

“Right,” the blonde says, taking a much needed breath.

Lexa flips through page after page. It’s not all drawings of her. A lot of them are. A lot of them are of her sleeping or reading or working. There are some of them. Some of her and Clarke lying underneath the tree in Clarke’s backyard, and some of them kissing at the lacrosse game. There’s sketches of her Dad, and Lexa isn’t sure if they’re from pictures or Clarke’s memories. There’s some of Abby and Jake. There are even a few sketches of O and Raven. There’s countless drawings of Lexa’s eyes. And then there’s the woods. Drawing after drawing of the woods, and the sky, and the ocean. Each one of them more beautiful than the next.

“Please say something,” Clarke utters meekly.

Lexa remembers that her girlfriend is in the room with her, and glances up to see Clarke nervously watching her.

“This is amazing Clarke.”

“You don’t have to just say that,” Clarke says, and once again the self-deprecating rears its head.

“I’ve never said anything I don’t want to say Clarke.” Those words seem to settle the blonde, but not enough for Lexa’s liking. Lexa climbs up from her spot and across the couch until she reaches the blonde. She straddles her lap and wraps her arms around her neck. “You are so talented,” she whispers and for once Clarke tries to avoid her eyes.

The brunette isn’t having any of it though. She uses her index finger to turn Clarke’s face to her. “I mean it,” Lexa says. “You are.”

Clarke wants to smile, but can’t. Lexa bumps their noses together and sighs. “If there’s one thing I know Clarke Griffin it’s what’s in here,” she says, laying her palm on the blonde’s chest. “And that’s exactly what’s in the book.”

Clarke finally looks at her. She stares her dead in the eyes and says, “Because you’re in it.”

Lexa can’t help the grin the blossoms across her lips. She leans down and kisses Clarke. It’s sweet and intense, and Lexa has no idea how they’ve been going months at a time without it.

“Don’t ever stop.”

“Don’t ever stop what?”

“Drawing. Don’t ever stop drawing,” Lexa says. “Even when you’re a doctor, even when you’re my wife, when we have kids and life seems overwhelming. Don’t stop.”

It’s the way that Clarke quietly says, “Okay,” that Lexa can tell she heard her. That it stuck. That she knows she doesn’t have to pretend with Lexa. That she can love art.

“Thank you for my present. I love it,” Lexa mutters against Clarke’s lips before placing a lingering kiss on them. “It’s almost my favorite present.”

Clarke tugs Lexa even further down into her lap, and squeezes her. “What do you mean almost?”

Lexa sits up and smiles down at Clarke. “You’re my first.”

“You’ve gotten good at sweet talking,” Clarke says. Her lips trace Lexa’s jawline and it makes the brunette shutter.

“I learned from the best.”

“I can’t wait to start our life.”

“What do you mean?” Lexa asks, sitting up to give Clarke a puzzled face.

“When you and me are done with school. When we have a place of our own and we get to do this every night.” Clarke moves quick, pouncing on Lexa and sending them both flying backwards on the couch. They land with an ‘oof’ and both laugh at Clarke’s antics “I can’t wait to start our lives together,” Clarke says, sitting up on her arms above Lexa. “For when we have a place of our own and we sit up watching bad movies, and have lazy mornings every weekend. Just you and me-“

“Us,” Lexa finishes with a shy smile that is only reserved for Clarke. She nods, and the blonde hair that is dangling in Lexa’s face tickles her cheeks.

“You’ll probably spend most Saturdays organizing something amazing until I make you sit down for once,” Clarke says rolling her eyes. “You’re going to be PTA president I can see it now.”

Lexa chuckles. “President of our non-existent children’s parent teacher association?”

“Mhm,” Clarke hums, leaning down and rubbing their noses together. “Among other things.”

“And what will you be doing while I’m running all of these things?”

Clarke leans back and smiles. “Making you dinner and rubbing your feet.”

“In between surgeries?” Lexa quips.

Clarke smirks. “I can multitask.”

Lexa laughs and it makes everything in her body feel joyous. She reaches up and brushes some of the blonde strands behind Clarke’s ear. “Will you finger paint with our kids? Teach them how to draw like you?”

This seems to hit the blonde hard. Because she looks like she might cry as she leans down and kisses Lexa. The brunette’s hands wind in Clarke’s hair, pulling her closer and letting her know just how much she is wanted.

When they come up for air Lexa can’t help but stare at the beautiful face above her. “I’m so in love with you,” Lexa says in awe of how true it is. “I don’t say it enough, but I am.”

The happiness in Clarke’s eyes shifts to something more emotional. “I know,” she says. “And I know that’s hard for you sometimes,” Clarke says. Because it is. She knows it’s always been a struggle for Lexa. The feelings she has for Clarke go against everything in her nature.

Lexa shakes her head. “No, it isn’t,” she says. Her thumb strokes gently up and down Clarke’s jawline. “It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done, and that’s what scares me. You’re the one thing in my life I don’t have to fight for. You’re my peace Clarke.”

Clarke’s forehead comes down to rest against Lexa’s. The brunette’s hands cup the blonde’s face as they stay together in that moment.

“Don’t ever leave me,” Lexa whispers. She can hardly believe she found the courage to say it, because it is weak and desperate and everything she is not, but she does.

“I promise.”

//

Present Day…

Hospitals are cold. This is something Lexa has learned. She’s never really been in a hospital before. Most of her medical care was at clinics, and none of her foster families ever took her to one. There was no reason to.

Clarke’s Yale sweatshirt is helping keep the chill off. She wishes she had thought to pack more clothes before she just hoped into Raven’s car. Then again, she’s pretty sure her brain wasn’t capable of thinking then. It’s still questionable now.

“You should eat something.”

Lexa turns to see Abby entering the room. She’s changed her scrubs and her hair looks touched up a bit. “Coffee is not a meal,” she says, placing a turkey sandwich and an apple on the table next to her where the empty coffee cup Kane had given Lexa earlier is residing.

“I’m not hungry,” Lexa replies.

“Me either, but we got to live,” she says. “No matter how impossible that may seem right now.” The doctor reaches over and runs her hand over her daughter’s cheek.

Clarke had been moved from quarantine and into her own private room. Lexa knew Abby probably pulled some strings to make that happen. The second they had been allowed in the same room as her Lexa had set up shop next to Clarke’s bed. She might as well have been glued to it.

Lexa’s slightly loud exhale is her reply.

Abby takes a seat on the couch next to Lexa’s chair. The brunette avoids eye contact, and Abby wishes she could take that pain away from her. But as a mother she knows you can’t stop your kid’s suffering, no matter how much you try.

“Lexa,” Abby says, her voice gentle. The brunette turns and looks at the woman who is probably more exhausted than she is, but is still somehow keeping it together. “I think we should talk sweetie,” she says, and she can see the fear that suddenly sparks into Lexa’s eyes. “A lot of things could happen really fast, and I want you to know.”

“Okay.”

Abby has been a doctor for a long time and there has never been an easy way to give someone bad news, no matter how much practice she has at it.

“The swelling in Clarke’s brain,” she begins, her voice cracking at the mention of her daughter’s name, “hasn’t gone down yet. And if it doesn’t go down, we’re going to have to do a cranial flap.”

“What is that?”

“It’s where we will actually open up Clarke’s skull to try and relieve some of the pressure inside of her head.”

“Will that help?”

“It might. There are other things we can do, but the most important thing is going to be relieving the pressure in her brain.”

“What if you can’t do that?”

Abby exhales and it just sounds painful. “Then more than likely Clarke won’t wake up.”

Lexa’s eyes glance back over to the blonde who is lying in bed next to them. It feels wrong talking about her like she’s not in the room, like she’s not right fucking next to them.

“The important thing is we caught it early and the chances of that happening aren’t as high as they normally would be. But Lexa you should know that Clarke’s brain has suffered a lot of trauma and there’s a good chance that when she wakes up she might…well, she might not be the same.”

Lexa’s face contorts as she turns from Clarke to Abby. “Are you trying to tell me that she might be…”

“Mentally disabled? Yes. She might be. She might not. She might lose control of her motor functions. She might not. Her speech may be slurred and she may have memory issues. There are a lot of things that could happen Lexa and I think you should be aware of that. If Clarke does wake up that might only be half the battle.”

Lexa closes her eyes and takes a giant breath that fills her lungs up until it feels like they’re going to burst. She exhales through her nose and says, “We can handle it.”

Abby looks up at her puzzled. “You, me, Clarke, we can handle it,” she says looking Abby in the eyes. “That’s what family does.”

“Yeah,” Abby says, feeling like she might cry. “That’s what family does.” Abby stands up from the couch and leans over to place a kiss on top of Lexa’s head. She leans across the bed and does the same to Clarke’s. “My girls,” she says. “I love you both.”

Abby leaves to go speak with the doctors to figure out what they’re going to do next. Despite her nap and the copious amounts of caffeine she’s consumed Lexa can feel exhaustion seeping in to her bones. She knows she’ll never be able to sleep like this.

She crawls into Clarke’s bed, which is far too small for both of them. Lexa wraps her arms around her own torso and huddles in close to Clarke. She places her forehead against the blonde’s and closes her eyes.

“You promised,” she whispers. “Don’t forget you promised.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so a lot went into this and I'm still not 100% happy. I talked with a lot of medical professionals about this, but if people see inaccuracies feel free to point it out. Also I do not have a beta so sorry for any mistakes you may see. Thanks for sticking with this story. It means the world to me.


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